NationStates Jolt Archive

Captain Howdy of Marmora2, located in:PIRATES OF THE REGION 2 today declaired his intention to form an international co-op of privateers. This co-op is willing to negotiate privateering contracts with any NationState.

In order to avoid euthanasia legislation, Cap'n Howdy offers the following service:

For a mere 500 sawbucks (Marmora2's currency)...

Cap'n Howdy will take folk wishing euthanasia out on the open sea
(beyond your statutory limits) and let them walk the plank
or assist them in ending their life in whatever way they choose!
Group rates available!

This service will avoid legislative entanglements and keep the vermin
population to a minimum!

Although Cap'n Howdy will gladly bring anybody back who changes their mind --
the fee is non-refundable should the customer change his/her mind after
we set sail.

Message from the nation of SWBN:

I'm Beverly Hill, and I want you to euthanize me. I'm not able to walk the plank, so I want you to tie me to an anchor and throw me overboard. I can't talk very well, so my friend, Viky Grant, is coming with me, and if you have any questions, you can ask her.

Viky hit the "send" button and looked over at the older woman. "I'm finally going to be rid of you, Beverly". She glanced at the will that she'd tricked Beverly into signing. "And I'll get the Hill fortune too!".

Beverly mumbled something. "I'm sorry, Bev, I can't understand a word you're saying. You really should have had a dentist who wasn't so easy to distract. Don't worry about being unable to talk to the euthanasia people. I'm happy to explain things for you".

I'm Beverly Hill, and I want you to euthanize me. I'm not able to
walk the plank, so I want you to tie me to an anchor and throw me
overboard. I can't talk very well, so my friend, Viky Grant, is coming with
me, and if you have any questions, you can ask her.
Ahoy Beverly Hill!

Our standard contract policy does not allow companions or agents.

If this Vicky bird wants to come along she will also have to sign papers
indicating her intention of having euthanization and pay her 500 sawbucks
boarding fee!

Cap'n Howdy

Anchor's be expensive!
We'll keep the anchor chained and after she be dead we can retrieve it
and tie her to a ballast stone!


Arrrr...
Methinks I smell a rat!

But...
If this Vicky be on the up and square I will get myself in trouble!

How do I get the word out that I be willin' dispose of old farts for a
fee as long as the paperwork is all ship shape and Bristol fashion?

After all... I am a pirate!

Viky read the pirate's message. "Dammit!" she exclaimed. "Mmm?" Beverly tried to ask. "The bleeping pirate won't let me on his boat unless I agree to be euthanized!". Beverly smiled at that. Luckily, Viky wasn't paying attention. She wondered if this would still work. If Viky couldn't go, she wouldn't be able to prevent the pirate from talking to Bev. Of course, the way Bev's mouth was swollen, she could say whatever she wanted to the pirate and he wouldn't understand a word. Viky looked at the request for euthanasia. It was fine, and Bev had signed it, thinking it was a permission slip for her granddaughter's school. The papers were in order, and Viky was just a short anchor-toss away from the Hill fortune. She sent another message.

Okay, Viky will accompany me to your ship, but won't get on. As I said before, I really do want to be euthanized, and I won't change my mind. I'll bring my 500 sawbucks.

Beverly Hill

Ahoy Beverly!

Right-o...

I will have the standard contract ready and we can sign it when you come aboard!

Don't forget -- payment must be in cash, jewels, gold or money order.

Cap'n Howdy

Arrrr...

For a second there I thought that I had a two-fer or that I would make a bit more
money on this cruise...

Looking at Captain Howdy's last message, Viky realized she had a problem. Apparently the pirate wanted Beverly to sign his standard contract on board his ship. How was she going to con Bev into doing that? She couldn't claim THAT was a permission slip for her granddaughter, especially if she wasn't there. If she could come aboard with Bev, she could "help" her sign the contract, but the pirate would probably realize that things weren't on the up and square, as a pirate might say, and he might call the whole thing off, or worse, raise his prices!

Also, she'd have to sign his contract too, and she certainly wasn't ready to follow the old woman into the next world. And worst of all, it would cost her another 500 sawbucks!

She wondered if she should call it off herself, but then she thought about the Hill fortune, sighed, and collected another 500 sawbucks. The pirate HAD said that he'd let his "clients" change their minds, so she wouldn't actually get euthanized. And Viky understood the criminal mind and figured she could convince the pirate to finish off Beverly, even if he did smell a rat.

"Well, Bev", Viky said, "We're off to meet a pirate".

Hmmm...

Methinks there's a lot of money to be made in this here trade!
Maybe I should think of getting people to take out big, fat, double indemnity
for accidental death, insurance policies on anybody they want knocked off.

Then if I take half of the double indemnity up front, a person could just "dissappear"
or have an accidental death in the bathtub or sumthin' like that!