NationStates Jolt Archive


Shooban Humanity Act becomes law!

Kahanistan
27-09-2006, 02:03
NAJASTER, Kahanistan (AP) - The controversial Communist-backed bill to formally declare Shoobans to be a race of humans has passed the Supreme Soviet on Friday, September 22.

With President Marcellus Valens out of the country, attending a conference on the future of the Adamantine Alliance, the job of signing the bill into law falls to Vice President Khalid bin Abdullah al-Omari.

"Today is a great day for democracy. Today we thumb our noses at the evil CAD powers who treat Shoobans as sub-human livestock or pests to be exterminated, the vile beings who sadistically derive Satanic pleasure from torturing and mutilating Shooban women and children," said the Vice President after signing the controversial law.

An estimated 11 million Shoobans live in Kahanistan, where until passage of the Act, they were protected under animal cruelty laws and hunting them was strictly regulated. Many are believed to be wild Shoobans imported to neighboring Parthia, Transylvania, and MassPwnage for hunting, who escaped across land borders or were smuggled into the country by the Communist Party of Kahanistan. The CPK is known to be involved in a Shooban smuggling operation, though little is known of its activities as of late.

Dr. Derek Shaltzer, the Minister of Education, has unveiled a plan to educate the 2.5 million Shoobans expected to enter Kahanistan's primary school system in the 2007-08 school year.

"Now, as we all know, they are not the most intelligent of crea..., I mean, people. However, I believe that with a program based on our protocols for educating the learning-disabled, a Shooban student after several years of education may perform on a level roughly equivalent to those of his or her Jewish, black, Arab, European, etc., peers."

No comment could be reached from the Foreign Ministry on how relations with Shooban-abusing nations will be handled in the future.

Michelle Norris,
Kahanistan People's Choice