NationStates Jolt Archive

OOC:Hee. TIoR's idea.
International Message
In honour of the death of Steve Irwin, the beloved Crocodile Hunter, the Imperial Democracy will be holding an international stingray hunt. The winning nation, individual, corporation, or group will recieve a prize of one trillion Whyatican credits, or approximately 1.7 trillion USD. The contestants will be judged in three categories: 1) Number of stingrays killed. Bring back corpses or at least some form of proof of the dead stingray. 2) Creativity. We want creativity. Don't use a harpoon, use a torpedo. No nuclear weapons, biological, or chemical weapons permitted. 3) Coyllateral damage. Try not to destroy too much of the ecosystem. Please?

The Imperial Democracy will choose a panel of judges to decide the winner. Even governments hostile to the Empire may join, provided that they come to the Whyatican ports under a flag of neutrality.

All contestants must send a message confirming their entrance, pay a fee of 500 million USD, and dock at the Mianan Dockyards in the city of Miana, Whyatica.

Imperial Democracy of Whyatica

Emperor Kazatmiru turned off the television, that had just run reports of beloved Steve Irwin's death.

"Today the stingray pays its debt to humanity.."

-------

Official Imperial Statement

The Empire, in response to the cruel murder of Steve Irwin, hereby announces its intention to join the International Stingray hunt, calling it an international War on Stingrays. The Empire hopes that the hunt will see these vile creatures getting their just desserts.

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c381/crave22/Cravan/cravanflagnew.png
Imperial Department of Foreign Affairs
The Democratic Empire will of course be taking part in this Stingray Hunt. The tragic loss of beloved Steve Irwin has brought tears to the eyes of the Imperial Armed Forces, and filled their hearts with a thirst for vengeance. As a result, we will be deploying the INS Imperial Honor Conqueror-class Hypercarrier to dock in the Mianan Dockyards.

May Steve finally find peace in the afterlife, and may we honor him in the most fitting of ways.

Signed,

Louis McHenry
Louis McHenry
Director of Foreign Affairs

[THE NONAGON, NEW SARIS, SARIS CONTROL ZONE, ARALONIA]

The Archon dropped his spoon.

"You've got to be bloody kidding me." He read over the cause of death and slammed a fist on the table.

"Those bloody stingrays." The oceans around Aralonia were infested with them. They proved to be good target practice for battleship guns and the like.

He noticed a tournament for killing as many of the bastards as possible and grinned. "This might be fun. Dispatch Captain Colin Fleckner to Whyatica in his battlecruiser." He nodded and grinned. "Oh, I seem to have dropped my spoon."

In the spirit of inter-temporal cooperation, the Harmonia Mortus College of Mages has begun researching a spell to teleport massive amounts of stingrays into a large pot of boiling water.
Other, less cooperative mages are presently attempting to boil a large ocean by hurling fireballs into it.

International Message
Mages don't exist, stupid. This isn't Dungeons and Dragons. All entrants have been accepted, and are cleared to dock in Docks I-III in Miana Dockyards.

Imperial Democracy of Whyatica

Official Message from the WSOGMMC

In response to the unjust and evil murder of a great man and television celebrity by dastardly stingrays, the Greater Czardaian Landmass will give the responsible stingrays twenty-four hours to issue a full apology to Mr. Irwin's family, pay reparations of whatever sum they demand, and back down from attacking humans at any point in the future. If these demands are not met, we shall declare Total War against the infidels, er stingrays, and Total War is better than regular war because it's in bold! TAKE THAT! BWA-HA-HA-HA!!!

~ Kari Alhoun, Czardaian Foreign Minister

A minutes silence rang through the LifeWyze facilities across the globe as work stopped in memory of the care free, cheerful Australian who had warmed the hearts of many and lead them into the field of biological research.

Sir James himself slammed his fist upon the mahogany desk before him. Pressing a well concealed button, he called his secretary into the room.

"Sarah, inform R&D that I want them to breed something very large and very fast with a taste for stringray. I want it done quickly and I want alot of whatever it is. In the mean time, send a message to Whyatica telling their representative that LifeWyze shall be participating in this hunt."

He paused.

"Then arrange the deployment of PsyCorps. I want these vile fish to know the meaning of terror."

He turned back to the news broadcast and shook his head.

Would you like large fries with that stingray?

Official Imperial Response

The entire nation of the Constitutional Democratic Monarchy of the Secular Empire of Maraque is deeply saddened by the death of the world-wide beloved Steve Irwin, the crocodile hunter. In honour of his memory, everyone in the Secular Empire has the day off of work and today will be declared Steve Irwin Day, in honour of such a couragous and great person who is know resting in peace in the heavens above the Earth.

Signed,
Emperor Jovan Norris, Constitutional Democratic Monarchy of the Secular Empire of Maraque (OOC: damn that's long...)

p.s. I would like to be a part of this hunt.

http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n220/Neo-Erusea/Neucom.gif

"The death of Steve Irwin is a horrible tradegy. Neucom Incorporated will participate in the stingray hunt." Of course, the CEO Jonathon Keryan looked at the competition and thought, An excellent way to avenge Irwin and make a lot of cash. I'm in!

The entire Republic was to put it frank, pissed.

All over the Island, people got on anything that could go on water, they armed themselves with anything that could kill, and got any useful technology. Blasting from the streets were songs such as Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song and Pink Floyd's Run Like Hell because indeed, there would be alot of running, and lot of hell to pay.

"I see 'em!" A man armed with an Enfield rifle shouted. "I see those motherfunkers! Start shootin' son!"

It was a family affair this particular case. The dad was driving with his rifle on hand and his 10 year old son was shooting at the darned things with a .22. "Daddy! Look, I'm shooting!" He was shooting indeed, shooting at the whores that killed Steve. The Island was already doing this before Whyatica's announcement, Steve was a sort of icon. The Island doesn't have much any wildlife (except fish) so any programs about the thing were highly valued. And Steve, he entertained the masses. Made everybody cry with laughter, and gave everyone a good time really.

Though while the citizens of the Island were passionate, the Armed Forces was doing it with precision. The Air Corps launched its fighters and helicopters, firing at anything looking remotely like a stingray. The Army was providing logistics, handling the whole thing. But the Navy... oh the Navy was doing many things.

RNS Valhalla

The RNS Valhalla was a Rosian battleship, part of one of the many fleets patrolling the world. The Captain was a Mr. Stephen Taylor and well, he was angry.

"I am angry!" See, he's angry. "All right, you heard Naval Command's orders. Fire all missiles, there's a large group of them up front. I'll make sure they never hurt another genius like that again."

The fleet opened its large missile bays, missiles filling the sky as they landed on the stingrays. Blood filled the ocean, and bodies flew up high, and the Captain's eyes shed a tear for each one that died, knowing that Irwin would enjoy this. Well, in his opinion anyway. Of course, while events like this happened all over the globe because of the Rosian response, one response was really quite more dramatic.

In Space

See, there was one small arm of the Rosian Armed Forces that was rarely used. In specific, the Rosian Extraterristrial Defense Force. Its major weapons being a defense grid containing missiles inside a station and small capsule fighters. But, there was one weapon that could kill many without causing irridiation.

The solar powered laser beam... of doom.

"This is Station XI. We are preparing to attacking Area 5512, we spot a large group of stingrays, permission to engage."

A dramatic pause. "... engage." The voice was that of a Russian.

The satellite aimed its solar wings at the sun, gaining power every second. A minute later it was fully ready, the heat of an entire sun to be unleashed upon the group of those stingray whores.

"Fire."

A large blue ray came from space, crashing upon the group, killing them off. And this would continue until somebody stopped them, and that didn't look very likely.

Sergei looked at the news depressingly reporting Steve's death. "Why Steve?!" He shouted. "Why did you leave us early?! We'll avenge you, don't worry, we'll kill off every stingray and anything that starts with ray. The whores."

Then, there was news of the Great Stingray Hunt on IBC.

...following the death of Steve Irwin, a Coalition of 1st World nations have been hunting down Stingray. The leader of this Coalition, Whyatica, has offered prize money to the nation who hunts the most Stingray. The Republic has yet to issue a statement...

Sergei raised his brow. "Fah! We'll do it for free, but we need money anyway. Lots of money, for pants... I like pants."

Official Statement of The Island of Rose

The Island is distraught over this great man's death. As such we have been taking measures to wipe out stingray all over the world since the last 24 hours as approved by the Assembly. We applaud Whyatica's efforts and we hope to have eliminated the species in a month, but scientists predict earlier then that. Good luck to everybody and may we avenge the death of a great man known as Steve Irwin.

Those bas****s are going down.

Sergei Ilyanov
Minister of Foreign Affairs

Lucian caught sight of the tank full of bloody water, a blur floated past the screen and he went in closer, "What is this?" He asked the scientist on duty who walked over.

"Oh, that's a side project we've been working on, it's similar to the Earthquake remote Rats but it's waterproof." Lucian still looked deep into the glass, "It's the same computing system controlling the mind of a creature but in this case it's a Shark." Lucian's interest was suddenly peaked.

"And would you mind if I.... Borrowed this Shark?" He asked, the blur moved past the screen again and the scientist stroked his chin.

"Of course, how many do you need, just the one or all 100?" Lucians mouth dropped open, 100 Sharks at his fingertips, just the thing he needed to take out those damned stingray.

"Row faster, chums! These cartilaginous cretins aren't going to catch themselves! Tally-ho!"

Oars slapped the surface of the water, propelling the tiny rowing boat forwards at a not particularly impressive speed. A passing sea turtle stared at it with a bemused expression, then vanished once again into the watery depths as an empty beer can bounced off its tough shell.

"Yeah, you want some more? Come back and fight, you bottom feeding... stupid head!"

The bedraggled and obviously drunken man stepped to the side of the boat to shake his fist at where the creature had dived. The boat wobbled alarmingly, water splashing in over the side. He collapsed backwards into the lap of the rower, bringing forth a bilingual torrent of curses.

"Get off me, you crazy son of a bitch! Its already hard enough rowing with that thing on board, and you two aren't helping at all!"


Of course, it is not every day that two very drunk Taldaani engineering students and one British stereotype row out into the Pacific Ocean, and even on those days it is rare for them to be carrying a vast, Heath Robinson-esque contraption heavy enough to cause to sides of the boat to stay a bare two inches above the water, but today was no ordinary day. And while this merry band hadn't particularly cared about stingrays before, or in one case had thought that they lived in ray guns, whatever dark god had created them had decided that it was about time for some cartilaginous carnage on the high seas. Well, ours not to reason why.

"Stingray ahoy! Start up the machine! We'll catch the blighter!"

The rowing boat turned with all the speed and grace of a glacier piloted by someone who had never rowed before in their life. The sprightly young Englishman adjusted his spectacles, waxed his sideburns, and then sprung heroically to the front of the boat. It wobbled again, soaking his feet. The morris-dancing bells around his angles jangled damply. Undaunted, he seized the mysterious pipe attached to the gigantic box dominating the boat, and thrust the end into the water. His companion, meanwhile, pulled the lever on the back.

With a roar, water began to rush into the pipe as what seemed to be a gigantic vacuum cleaner dragged the helpless stingray towards the mouth of the tube. It frantically tried to escape the mighty forces dragging it backwards, but it was useless to resist. It entered the pipe tail-first, compressing as it was dragged upwards. Then, with a series of thuds and splatters, it hit the fan.

"Haha! That'll teach you, you dastard! Come on lads, theres more where that one came from!"

(lol toopoxia)

"Come on, quick." In the dead of night, a team of scientists captured another stingray.

"You know, we're going to take a lot of flak for this if anyone finds out."

"Look, if a Catholic killed Steve Irwin they wouldn't be calling for the deaths of all Catholics, would they?"

"Well..."

"Right. International community has a whole lot of idiots. Don't answer that question. Anyways, we just won't be caught. The lab's undergound, no one out side of the center knows what goes on there. It'll be fine."

"Yeah, all right."

OOC: Because I have a feeling this will end in stingrays becoming, at the very least, heavily endangered.

"Those damn stingrays..I bet they're behind every damn famous persons death!" Screeched Lucuis Tednona , the conspiracy theorist

"AND I BET THOSE FUCKERS WERE AT THE GRASSY KNOLL AS WELL.... NUKE THE SONS OF BIATCHES!"

OOC: RIP steve irwin, me and my friends used him as a bassi for our short films when we were 14, man nearly 6 years ago now, we'll miss the crocodile hunter big time

(OOC: I made a comic...

http://img428.imageshack.us/img428/1663/ripmrirwinom2.png

and now... LET'S ROLL!!!)

The docile Stingray slowly wafted through its natural habitat, a glint of sinlight hit the glossy skin and blasted past an object, the Stingray saw only a quick glimpse before the object vanished, it wafted along a little more but still paranoid from the repeated glances of a large shadow in the water, curiosity got the better of the creature and it swam towards the shape in the water, it got down to the reef and began to look for whatever it was that was alarming it, a few bubbles floated up out of a small reef cave and the Stingray was startled for a second, it poked a little at the rock and a sudden blur of fish swam out, the Stingray was pushed back in fear but relieved that it was just seeing things, it turned to swim away and found itself suddenly being crushed by the strong jaws of the Poxican Shark, it whrithed for a few seconds before falling limp.

"Got the bastard! Did you see that? Did you get that?" The cameraman nodded, "Good, chuck me another beer!"

Notes:
1) The increased intrusions upon and destruction of our habitat by humans
2) The role of documentaries in intruding upon our privacy & ruining our mysterious image.
3) The disorganised nature of global Stingray society
4) The need for greater cohesion in Stingray Foreign policy
5) Most humans are land-based
6)The importance of television in human society

Believes:
1) Human beings should be persuaded not to venture into our territories
2) A co-operative & combined front will be needed to counter the human threat
3) Co-operative behaviour can be encouraged through rewards
4) Extreme action may be required to deter human incursion
5) Maximum exposure/effect may be achieved through a policy of selective targeting of TV “Celebrities”.

Resolves:
1) To set a bounty of 50million squid on every TV Celebrity

Steve Irwin wouldn't kill it...but I would. But I'm smart enough to not avenge his death by killing something he loved.

Steve Irwin wouldn't kill it...but I would. But I'm smart enough to not avenge his death by killing something he loved.

(Hush you, we're having fun =/)

Notes:
1) The increased intrusions upon and destruction of our habitat by humans
2) The role of documentaries in intruding upon our privacy & ruining our mysterious image.
3) The disorganised nature of global Stingray society
4) The need for greater cohesion in Stingray Foreign policy
5) Most humans are land-based
6)The importance of television in human society

Believes:
1) Human beings should be persuaded not to venture into our territories
2) A co-operative & combined front will be needed to counter the human threat
3) Co-operative behaviour can be encouraged through rewards
4) Extreme action may be required to deter human incursion
5) Maximum exposure/effect may be achieved through a policy of selective targeting of TV “Celebrities”.

Resolves:
1) To set a bounty of 50million squid on every TV Celebrity

http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n220/Neo-Erusea/Neucom.gif
http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n220/Neo-Erusea/neucarrier.jpg

The mass extermination of the stingrays is inevitable. The prototype aircraft carrier seen above is one of many vessels deployed to the seas to destroy stingrays. It has finally made it to the Mianan Port. Every last one of the damned creatures will perish. And you all will be no different. Mwa-ha-ha-ha...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/anderson/stingray/gallery/02stingray.shtml

"Don't worry Phones they'll never catch us"

"But Troy the sensors indicate there are hundreds of ships looking for us"


OOC: For those of you too young to remember or not fortunate enough to live somewhere this was broadcast see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stingray_%28TV_series%29