Mer des Ennuis
02-08-2006, 04:12
“Like all the locals here I've had to sell my home
Too proud to leave I worked my fingers to the bone
I've got bills to pay and children who need clothes
I know there's fish out there but where God only knows
They say these waters aren't what they used to be
But I've got people back on land who count on me…
Now I drive my Downeaster "Alexa"
More and more miles from shore every year
Since they told me I can't sell no stripers
And there's no luck in swordfishing here
I was a bayman like my father was before
Can't make a living as a bayman anymore
There ain't much future for a man who works the sea
But there ain't no island left for islanders like me”
Billy Joel, The “Downeaster” Alexia (Abridged)
It was with this song in mind that The Arch Arsonist, Carpathia Ziemowit himself, yelled the following before the Republican Senate. Standing upon the podium of the senate,
“My fellow citizens. Too long have we turned a blind eye towards the problems of our fisheries. Our nation was founded by fishermen, and has a proud maritime tradition. However, over recent years, this noble spirit has all but left our beloved shores. Our fisheries are depleted, our coral reefs are becoming bleached, mercury and other harmful heavy metals are contaminating fish that many of us enjoy eating, and is especially affecting the quality of meat in tuna and striped bass. I myself, an avid angler, am disturbed by this trend, and it is with this in mind that I announce the following changes to domestic and foreign policy.”
The Arch Arsonist paused, and took a deep drink of water, before slamming the glass on the podium, shattering it.
“As of the end of this speech, environmental laws will become more stringent to bring down the amount of pollutants that can be dumped into our nation’s waters. I believe that this will result in bringing more higher-tech industry to Mer des Ennuis, while reducing undesirable dirty and heavy polluting industries. Agricultural concerns found responsible for contributing to so-called “dead zones” will be punished by imprisonment. Barring contrary results from a senatorial panel to the contrary, these regulations will be put in effect in one years time, and will apply to all foreign industries operating within our country.”
Taking another glass, which was thrown halfway across the speaking floor, he continued.
“Finally, I am declaring that, to support our native fisheries, I am ordering the expansion of the Exclusive Economic Zone of Mer des Ennuis to be increased to 600 nautical miles. This is not an issue that I have taken lightly, and is a number derived from a joint panel of scientists, foreign relations analysts, and politicians. This expansion, which does not infringe into other nation’s territorial waters or EEZs, and is not expected to cause major controversy, is necessary to replenish depleted fish populations of commercially lucrative fish. Again, I cannot stress this enough. The expansion does not infringe upon national waters or exclusive economic areas of other nations. Until the population of fish in these waters is fully and totally replenished, these waters will be completely closed off to foreign fishing trawlers. Any foreign trawler found within the waters of the newly expanded EEZ will be subject to boarding and seizure by either the Mer des Ennuis Coast Guard, the Mer des Ennuis Maritime Guard, or the Mer des Ennuis Navy, and its crew will be prosecuted and imprisoned until an extradition agreement can be reached, or sunk. These regulations will go into effect in two days time. Mer Des Ennusian trawlers will be further required to use excluder devices to prevent unwanted harm to bycatch. That is all.”
Too proud to leave I worked my fingers to the bone
I've got bills to pay and children who need clothes
I know there's fish out there but where God only knows
They say these waters aren't what they used to be
But I've got people back on land who count on me…
Now I drive my Downeaster "Alexa"
More and more miles from shore every year
Since they told me I can't sell no stripers
And there's no luck in swordfishing here
I was a bayman like my father was before
Can't make a living as a bayman anymore
There ain't much future for a man who works the sea
But there ain't no island left for islanders like me”
Billy Joel, The “Downeaster” Alexia (Abridged)
It was with this song in mind that The Arch Arsonist, Carpathia Ziemowit himself, yelled the following before the Republican Senate. Standing upon the podium of the senate,
“My fellow citizens. Too long have we turned a blind eye towards the problems of our fisheries. Our nation was founded by fishermen, and has a proud maritime tradition. However, over recent years, this noble spirit has all but left our beloved shores. Our fisheries are depleted, our coral reefs are becoming bleached, mercury and other harmful heavy metals are contaminating fish that many of us enjoy eating, and is especially affecting the quality of meat in tuna and striped bass. I myself, an avid angler, am disturbed by this trend, and it is with this in mind that I announce the following changes to domestic and foreign policy.”
The Arch Arsonist paused, and took a deep drink of water, before slamming the glass on the podium, shattering it.
“As of the end of this speech, environmental laws will become more stringent to bring down the amount of pollutants that can be dumped into our nation’s waters. I believe that this will result in bringing more higher-tech industry to Mer des Ennuis, while reducing undesirable dirty and heavy polluting industries. Agricultural concerns found responsible for contributing to so-called “dead zones” will be punished by imprisonment. Barring contrary results from a senatorial panel to the contrary, these regulations will be put in effect in one years time, and will apply to all foreign industries operating within our country.”
Taking another glass, which was thrown halfway across the speaking floor, he continued.
“Finally, I am declaring that, to support our native fisheries, I am ordering the expansion of the Exclusive Economic Zone of Mer des Ennuis to be increased to 600 nautical miles. This is not an issue that I have taken lightly, and is a number derived from a joint panel of scientists, foreign relations analysts, and politicians. This expansion, which does not infringe into other nation’s territorial waters or EEZs, and is not expected to cause major controversy, is necessary to replenish depleted fish populations of commercially lucrative fish. Again, I cannot stress this enough. The expansion does not infringe upon national waters or exclusive economic areas of other nations. Until the population of fish in these waters is fully and totally replenished, these waters will be completely closed off to foreign fishing trawlers. Any foreign trawler found within the waters of the newly expanded EEZ will be subject to boarding and seizure by either the Mer des Ennuis Coast Guard, the Mer des Ennuis Maritime Guard, or the Mer des Ennuis Navy, and its crew will be prosecuted and imprisoned until an extradition agreement can be reached, or sunk. These regulations will go into effect in two days time. Mer Des Ennusian trawlers will be further required to use excluder devices to prevent unwanted harm to bycatch. That is all.”