NationStates Jolt Archive

"... and that's how the piggies broke free. I'm Rock Hudson bringing you a news update. The Cassiopeian Ministry of Defence has decided to recall all battleships, cruisers, frigates, carriers, and gunships for an upgrade of their weaponry. The reason is stated as an incident that took place over Rosanica where a massive ship wouldn't leave even though it was outnumbered. Due to this incident the Senate has decided to upgrade the Star Navy. Now in conference is the Minister of Defence, Frederick von Hoot"

The Minister stood in a Naval uniform in front of the Cassiopeian flag and behind a podium. "Ladies and gentlemen of the Commonwealth. The Navy has decided to upgrade every ship. Included in these upgrades are the installment of hypervelocity thermonuclear missiles."

The reporters went into a frenzy asking multiple questions but Federick picked off a female to ask. "Sir! Didn't the Senate ban nuclear weaponry two centuries ago?"

The Minister cleared his throat. "Yes, but in this day and age we must be ready for anything. But if it pleases the people in this room nuclear weapons are still banned for use inland."

Frederick picked out another reporter, a male. "Sir, how many megatons are the missiles?"

The Minister paused. "On average they are 50 megatons." The reporters gasped. "But due to their use in space, they should not wipe out the entire fleets of our Navy nor should they destroy the environment of our planets. Any more questions? Okay, to continue. The other part of our plan are to replace our turbolaser and turbocannons with point defence systems. For those who don't know what they are, they are turrets designed to take out fighters and even other missiles automatically, unlike our turbolasers they fire in one continous stream and they are not projectiles. But like them they can still cause damage. Here is demostration."

He pointed to a holocron to his left where it showed a frigate (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/54/Lancer_Frigate.jpg) installed with the new systems. All of a sudden a starfighter drone flew by fast, but the frigate's point defence systems were automatically able to blow it up. Then a missile was launched, going even faster. But the frigate was able to blow that up too. With that the demonstration ended.

The reporters applauded the impressive display.

The Minister continued. "A minor addition are tractor beams for our larger ships. They are to be installed in the front to push out any asteroids that block our fleets' way since as you know the Belt is important for our way of living. Any more questions?"

A reporter raised his hand. "Sir, how many salvos and how many missiles can these new... things fire?"

The Minister raised his brow. "That is in the Ministry of Defence's website. The amount of salvos are classified (since I'm too lazy to count missiles) but the amount of missile tubes are open for public consumption. Anything else?"

Then it went back to Rock Hudson. "In other news, I have no pants on. More at 11."

"... and the court proved that he did not have sexual relations with that monkey. In other news, a wargame recently occured between the Cassiopeian Commonwealth and the Sephrion Empire occured. Leading the Cassiopeian force was Grand Admiral Harrison Ford, but the Sephrion Empire's Admiral is classified. The results, as told by multiple Ensigns is usually the new modern term, pwned. We were able to grab an interview with one of them at their home."

The Ensign, dressed in normal clothes, started speaking. "Well errm, see I'm no big military expert or nothing. But they... I don't know, they fired once and then after that they just never fired after that. Ask a Captain."

A pause. "This just in, we strangely out nowhere have a Captain to which we can speak to."

The Captain, in full uniform and inside his ship, a Cruiser, started speaking. "Well errm. To be honest it was quite laughable. First the enemy fired a proton barrage. After that we fired back. Now after that they maneuvered their frigates, I guess so they didn't lose their ships. But Harrison apparently saw a hole in their defenses. I saw it but I didn't know how open it was."

He smiled. "Anyway we fired a huge barrage of missiles at what the Ministry of Defense calls Star Destroyers. We call them Doom Daggers.. though they don't cause much doom. Anyway that salvo took down nine out of the ten Star Destroyers. I think. Anyway before that they lost twenty frigates. Anyway, the enemy got the great idea of sending what looked like flying robot things."

The reporter interrupted. "Flying robot things?"

The Captain nodded. "Yes."

The reporter pondered for a minute. "Continue."

The Captain sighed. "Yah. Anyway the Captain destroyed about fifty of the things. So the enemy decided to send a diversion. While all this was happening the frigates was forming up a small sphere around the fleet. But yah, while those flying robot things came the Admiral, God bless his soul, just fired at all those things. Apparently he picked up a high energy reading from one of them. I guess it was gonna fire some sort of super laser. So yah they got destroyed. Every single one of them."

The reporter raised his brow. "What happened next?"

The Captain shrugged. "They retreated. I don't get it, they still had plenty of ships. I guess we destroyed something they needed. I'm guessing the robot thing."

The reporter nodded. "I see, any losses on your side?"

The Captain shook his head. "Nope. Just a frigate, and it got disabled."

"... and that was a Captain. In other news, the Ministry of Defense has decided to raise the missile's yields from fifty megatons to one hundred and fifty. The reason being, that it can be afforded and that it would be an upgrade. There has not been much opposition to this, due to the fact that the public has gotten used to have weapons of mass destructions in their front yard. Also, I got crabs from a hooker. Film at 11... if the Government approves."

qoute from imperial press ofice the empire shall block out the holonet for the time being and the empire has began a rapid update of the fleet has comenced


signed
karl dreadfire head of imperial p.r

"... and thus he found his lack of pants disturbing. In other news, the Cassiopeian Commonwealth recently aquired the production rights to the Techi class shuttle from the Kirisubo. It's expected to replace the outdated Lambda shuttles that has been in the Navy's inventory for fifty years. Its specs-"

All of a sudden you could see the shuttle (http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a354/nihongaz/cricketclass.jpg) floating around Holographically and whatnot.

"Its specs are five meters long and seven meters wide. It can officially hold six people and one pilot. It can be armed with four weapons, its speed can be compared to that of the old Lambda shuttles, but it is as heavily shielded (an upgrade from the old shuttles) as an X-Wing and its hull can be compared to that of an X-Wing. Also, due to its jet design it is also quite agile. But its disadvangtes are clear, it is small. Also it comes equipped with no warp drive, but they're usually carried on frigates and other small ships in the first place. They are being built as I speak, in may different factories across the Commonwealth. In fact, the first two are being flown overhead right now."

A camera is shown in space, showing two of the shuttles flying over Rosanica's atmosphere.

"Hmm, yes. In other news the search for a new flagship as races on as the Commonwealth cannot find one suitable design. Insert clever witty ending line here, more at 11."

"... in his vagina. In other news, the Cassiopeian Ministry of Defense has decided yet again to update the weaponry of the Navy. A new missile, with the ability to outrange a Star Destroyer, is currently being installed into every ship. Its yieldage is also twice as much as the old missiles. Also, a massive deal between the Commonwealth and the Zhang-Sakura Corporate Alliance
has occured. For a price they designed a new flagship to be used by the Navy. It is called the Sergei Ilyanov Class, and the first one has just been built."

The camera transfers to a picture of the flagship flying majestically and whatnot.

"Two more are to be built, the CNS Aralonia and the CNS Whyatica. The ship is also special for being the only one that has a particle beam cannon, which described by the Ministry of Defense is a huge f***ing laser beam of doom. Also part of this massive upgrade, retrograde rockets, i.e. little engines that allow the ships to move backwards. In other minor news, the Tenchi shuttles bought not so long ago are being upgraded. They will be able to hold 20 people and will have a small hyperdrive engine installed."

The reporter cleared his throat. "In political news, the Royal Mining Corporation is fighting the Senate to let them have their own fighters and capital ships. The reason the RMC want these ships they state is for defense against pirates and other hostiles but the Senate, specifically President George Huntingsworth has stated that the Navy is good enough."

The reported nodded. "In lighter news, Geronimo jumped over the dust bowl bound for glory. Film at 11."