NationStates Jolt Archive

ooc: This is for all nations to post news. Be it probaganda or anti-goverment. Have fun
ic: DAdada(imagine dramatic music)This is FOX news the only news you can trust, my name is Token Hispaniceus, my old friend Token Blackus is no longer with us. Today is a great day. Our lord and master Ragnar DeVill may his rule last forever has decided to do away with canning except in dire cases. He also has let all parents dreams come true, our schools will be able to disapline the kids in the schools. No longer will the kids run wild. Also as of now everyhouse hold must have at least ten fire arms with ammo. Mandatory classes on firearms will start next week. Each town willset up a day to teach.We also have found that we have no enamys. It is a wonderfull day. Now we send you to My Fair Demon staring Jessca Simpson as victim number 6.

*on a less populer news network*
"Hello this is Tom Tucker and you are watching CNN. Here is the news.Ex-Colo. Officer Arrested for Sex Assault
AP
CORONA, Colorado. (AP) - A former law enforcement official was arrested after allegedly posing as a police officer and abducting and sexually assaulting a monkey in Dallas, police said Sunday.


Shawn Shelton, 39, of Moorpark, was arrested Friday evening in Corona by officers acting on a tip from Dallas police, said police Lt. Tom Weeks.


Police said Shelton flashed his old police badge at a 14-year-old monkey at a Dallas Zoo last Sunday and ordered the victim into his sport utility vehicle.


The suspect then allegedly drove to a nearby parking lot, handcuffed the animal and sexually assaulted him, Weeks said. The monkey was released two hours later and contacted authorities.


Shelton, who was jailed without bail in Corona, was expected to be extradited to Dallas, Weeks said.


Shelton was a Jefferson County sheriff's deputy for five years before becoming a Alamo Beach police officer in 1994, authorities said. He was promoted to sergeant in 1999 before taking an extended medical leave and then retiring from the force. As for sports The Denver Raiders beat the Huston Maulers 23-15 in the Demo-Death Rally*

MSNBC International
May 30, 2006

Breaking News Bulletin

VORENCIA, MARAQUE (5/30/06) - MSNBC International has just recieved word that the mass evacuation in Super City was due to a Level 10 terrorist threat against the city involving biochemical weaponry. The claim comes from an anonymous source inside the Vice Presidents office who wasn't authorized to release the information in an effort to stop a panic from occuring. We'll now bring you back to the Oprah Show.

Maraquean International News (MIN)
June 17, 2006

Energy Crisis Still Not Over

MARAQUE CITY, MARAQUE (6/18/06) - The government today announced that although the country has successfully reduced oil consumption by 50% it still needs to drop even further.

Oil production for the month of May was at 3.2 billion barrels, while the nation consumed 5.8 billion barrels. The government says the average price of gasoline nationwide stood at $6.07USD/gallon, while a year ago it was $11.86USD/gallon.

The government says the drop in demand is because more people are opting for public transportation and other means of tranport, plus the introduction of E85 and the restriction on two SUVs per household the Emperor imposed during the begining of the year.

The government currently imports 9.9 billion barrels of oil a year from foreign nations.

OOC: You guys want to make a poor political statement, the forum is called 'General', this ain't it.

OOC: What the hell are you talking about? :confused:

I'm not attempting to make any political statements. I'm writing short things about my damn nation.

Maraquean Broadcasting Corp.
June 18, 2006

Government introduces New Rebate Plan

KINGDOM CITY, MARAQUE (6/18/06) - The government today announced it's plan to offer massive rebate checks to anyone who purchases specific fuel efficient vehicles.

The Emperor said in a statement today that in order to end the oil crisis and reduce it's depency on oil the Maraquean people must drive more fuel efficient vehicles.

The government has introduced many different ideas to end the oil crisis such as the introduction of E85, converting all public transport vehicles to hydrogen, and raising funding for suburban area public transport systems so more people didn't have to depend on their car to get to work. This reduced oil consumption by 50%.

The government rebates are only on select makes and models, which are all Asian-brands. European cars didn't make the cut because none currently on sale in the empire get 30mpg or greater. The government will send the buyer a check worth 1/4 the sticker price of the vehicle.



The list of eligible vehicles for the rebates are:

*All prices in Maraquean currency
Lexus RX 400H
MSRP: $22,947
Rebate: $5,738
Lexus GS 450H
MSRP: $27,286
Rebate: $6,821
Toyota Camry CE
MSRP: $8,966
Rebate: $2,241
Toyota Camry LE
MSRP: $9,546
Rebate: $2,286
Toyota Camry SE
MSRP: $10,203
Rebate: $2,550
Toyota Camry XLE
MSRP: $11,987
Rebate: $2,999
Toyota Camry Hybrid
MSRP: $12,711
Rebate: $3,177
Toyota Highlander Hybrid
MSRP: $16,211
Rebate: $4,052
Toyota Highlander Hybrid Limited
MSRP: $18,596
Rebate: $4,646
Toyota Prius
MSRP: $10,662
Rebate: $2,665
Toyota Yaris Liftback
MSRP: $5,374
Rebate: $1,343
Toyota Yaris Sedan
MSRP: $5,803
Rebate: $1,450
Toyota Yaris S Sedan
MSRP: $6,539
Rebate: $1,634
Toyota Corolla CE
MSRP: $7,069
Rebate: $1,767
Toyota Corolla S
MSRP: $7,436
Rebate: $1,859
Toyota Corolla LE
MSRP: $7,516
Rebate: $1,879
Toyota Corolla XRS
MSRP: $8,775
Rebate: $2,193
Toyota Matrix
MSRP: $7,489
Rebate: $1,872
Toyota Matirx XR
MSRP: $8,215
Rebate: $2,053
Toyota Matrix XRS
MSRP: $9,447
Rebate: $2,361
Nissan Sentra 1.8
MSRP: $6,478
Rebate: $1,619
Nissan Sentra 1.8 S
MSPR: $7,460
Rebate: $1,865

Jason Mokachi's Controversial Book The Only Ones Who Care is announced to become a documentry, examining every acpect his book examined.

For thoes who don't know, the book was published last year, after a series of editorials we're extended. It criticizes most of the international community, the United Nations, and the League of Small Regions, for it's lack of help during the Kuronan Storm Crises, and how only three countries responded to the call for help.
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Kuronan_Storm_Crises

"It's ultimatley a bashing film" says U.N. Delgate Anna Pasquin. "That's all there is too it."

Former Prime Minister Steven Koolridge disagrees "The way Kurona was ignored was shameful, and the world needs to know that it was shameful."

The film is undergoing production and is expected to be released later this summer

Maraquean Broadcasting Corp.
June 20, 2006

Correction: Energy Crisis Still Not Over

RI'KANI'YA, MARAQUE (6/20/2006) - Maraquean Broadcasting Corp. accidentally used dated information when reporting on the empires massive oil shortage. The statistics below are correct and up to date:

The nation produced 3.2 billion barrels of oil in the month of May, and consumed 27.2 billion. The nation imported 780 million barrels of oil in the month of May.

The cost of a barrel of oil in Maraque is $287.28, and the average cost per gallon is $7.09.

Maraquean Broadcasting Corporation
June 22, 2006

The government rebate program proved to be a huge success in the last 14 momths. Sales of Toyota vehicles rose 66% for the year, while their luxury brand Lexus saw an increase of 42%, and Nissan saw 21%.

According to government statistics 25% of the cars on the road today get 45mpg or better, while 60% get in the range of 25-30mpg, and 15% run on E85. This brings yearly consumption down 129.7 billion barrels, or 51.55%. The government has wrote out $179.2 billion in checks so far.

Production For the month of June stood at 6.4 billion barrels, while consumption stood at 17.9 billion with 789.6 million barrels imported.

Oil prices may be going down because of the lower demand, but prices are still high at an average of $2.729/gallon in a country where seven years ago consumers were paying an average of $0.609/gallon. The cost of light, sweet crude closed at $114.61 a barrel on Thursday at the Vorencia Merchantile Exchange, a decrease of $0.67.

Maraquean International News Association
June 27, 2006

3 Billionth Citizen Born Today


ADDEISIAN CITY, MARAQUE (06/27/06) - Today the Maraquean Census Ministry announced the birth of the 3 billionth citizen.

Marquez Rian was born at 16:11am MST (OOC: In Maraque a day is 32 hours, so 16 would be our 12), weighing in at 7 1/2 ounces and completely healthy.

As a special welcome into the world, the government has set up a special account in his name in which they will deposit $30,000 a day into up until the day he turns 21. This means by the time he's old enough to claim the savings he will have $324,576,000.

The government is also giving the parents of the child an initial $300,000, then $625/day up until he turns 21.

A similar concept was done just 5 years earlier when the 2 billionth citizen was born. That child is recieving $20,000 a day and her parents recieved $200,000 and are continuing to recieve $440 per day.

FOX news special report, this is Distur Bingneocon reporting. Rabid nationalism is on the rise in Free Shepmagans, according to recent polls 18% of the population now believe that non-citizens are non-people and the numbers look to be increasing.

This trend is made all the more disturbing by the fact that if the ratio of people rises to 51 percent, nothing will be able to stop them from making foreigners legal non-entities and thusly not afforded basic human rights. Taking this into account, several economic authorities have predicted a massive upswing due to an expected outsource-market for torture. Now to sports, Linda?

Maraquean Broadcasting Corporation
June 29, 2006

Empress Siv Pregnant With Septuplets

Broadcast Globally

Hello I'm Henrik Sanders filling in for Lyndia Smith...

The Maraquean government announced today that Empress Siv Norris is pregnant with septuplets. Empress Siv is said to have checked herself into Super City International Hospital to keep a close eye on the seven bundles of joy that are due on March 29, 2007.

While Empress Siv is in the hospital, her brother Prince Jovan will take power.

Imperial News Agency
June 29, 2006

Emperor Stephen Norris Comes Out of Coma - BREAKING NEWS

KINGDOM CITY, MARAQUE (06/29/2006) - Reports are coming in that Emperor Stephen Norris has awaken from a 28 month coma that many doctors across the empire thought he'd never come out of. The Emperors doctor said the recovery had a lot to do with the volunteered doctors from the Blackhelm Confederacy.

The Emperor is said to be responding well to his family and friends, but doctors don't believe he'll be able to run the country any longer as his mind is very bleak at the moment, but only time will tell. Reports also indicate he's extremely excited over the news that his only daughter, Siv, is having septuplets.