NationStates Jolt Archive

HOLY CITY CLONE INSURANCE STOREFRONT

Because everybody else is dangerously underqualified

At Holy City Clones, we produce only the most exact genetic copies of our clients, and have them blessed by clerics of the clients choice at no extra cost! We provide the ultimate insurance policy. Why pay for transplants that might not even work? With Holy City Clone you're guaranteed a correct match, or your next clone is free!

All our clones mature within twelve months, meaning you shouldn't be left high and dry when you need that organ!


Policies:

Lifetime
A clone of the client is grown and kept in storage for the lifetime of the client, and thawed out when a replacement organ is required.
Charge: $5,000,000

Ten Year Plan
A clone of the client is created and placed in storage for ten years, and thawed out when a replacement organ is required. If no organ is required within those ten years, the client can renew the storage lease or the clone will be destroyed.
Charge: $1,000,000

One Year Plan
A clone of the client is created and placed in storage for one year, and thawed out when a replacement organ is required. If no organ is required within that year, the client can renew the storage lease or the clone will be destroyed.
Charge: $100,000

Clone Only
A clone of the client is created and and handed over to the client, who arranges storage his/herself.
Charge: $80,000

Holy City Clones accepts all customers, regardless of political or religious beliefs. Everybody's money is worth the same to us.

Research Clone Pack
Want to test chemicals or weapons on humans, but don't have enough citizens, or don't want to go to jail? Buy a pack of research clones! These are 'blank' clones based off an artificial template worked out in the Holy City Genetics Labs. Guaranteed 100% unrelated to any human!
Contains 1-100 clones.
Charge: $15,000 per clone. Purchases can be no more than 100 clones per purchase. No more than 10 research pack purchases per year without contract negotiation with HCC Ltd.

Customised Clone
At Holy City Clones, we like to bring joy into people's lives. The custom clone is an example of this wish made real. Would you like a clone created? Big breasts? Well hung? Genius IQ? We can engineer a one-off clone, with the patent for the genetic coding going to the client! Everything down to personality can be engineered, thanks to recent advances in behavioural psychology and 'medical interogation'.
Charge:$15,000,000

Need a service not mentioned here? HCC will be happy to look into any cloning or genetic engineering service not mentioned here. Just ask.

We at the Church of Human Uplift find joy in your offering. We have acquired through various means the remains of several major religious, scientific, and political figures throughout history. We cannot disclose how we acquired the genetic material. We want exact copies of Muhammed, Einstein, Newton, Eisenhower, Saint Paul, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Musashi, Napoleon, and Julius Caesar. We want absolute privacy in producing cloned babies from their genetic material. We are handing over $200 million dollars for this operation. It must be produced in absolute secrecy.

The sound of gunfire can be heard in the background. The camera goes off after a few moments.

Several days later you receive a wire transfer from an offshore bank account of $200 million dollars in 10 installments.

HCC Ltd Response

At HCC we take your privacy very seriously. Your products will be ready in twelve months, as per the company promise. All your clones will be at a point of development that approximates to that of a 30 year-old. We believe (and hope you agree) that nobody does clones better than us. If you are not completely satisfied with these clones, we will alter them until you are.

Johan Weishaupt,
CEO of Holy City Clones Ltd

We would like to have these as newborns. We have a special program for optimum training for these superior people. They will reach their glorious full human potential.

The transmission is abruptly cut off. Static runs then the line goes dead.

A man in a Commonalitarianism senior judgement uniform appears. Please do not deliver these children. The genetic material you are using is stolen from different locations around the world. You are dealing with a criminal organization involved in illegal activities.

In context:
A quantum satellite encrypted message is sent. Please deliver the children to a specified location in the Pacific.

Heavily Encrypted HCC Communique

Because you want them as newborns, they will be ready in five months. They will be delivered at the specific location in cold-storage, in specially marked diplomatic cases.

Church of Human Uplift. The glorious path has been lighted. We have picked up the children. Because you have proven to be so generous with your delivery, we are making an additional request. We have the dna of Chairman Mao, Galileo, Shih Huang Ti, Darwin, Antoine Laurent Lavoisier, Michael Faraday, Temujin, Thomas Edison, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Voltaire, Queen Elizabeth I, and Marie Curie. Another $230 million dollars is being wired as we speak. Our glorious program can go forward.

To: Holy City Clones

We of the Royal Apothecary Society of Necropatria have determined that your clones could potentialy serve as an invaluable asset to our current research. We would therefore be pleased to purchase 10 Research Clone Packs of 100 clones each from you, and would ask that the specimens be delivered as soon as possible. Furthermore, we are interested in negotiating a contract with your organization by strength of which we would be recieving a steady supply of these specimens from you, in the quantity of several score Research Clone Packs annually.

We would also like to inquire if you have had any experience with cloning specimens from DNA samples provided from cellular tissue taken from an Undead source. If not, would you perhaps be interested in the opportunity to do so? Concrete results in this field could truly prove invaluable to the RAS, and therefore quite lucrative for your organization.

I await your input regarding these matters.

Master Apothecary Streicher
Royal Apothecary Society
Necropatria

http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/83/streicher0ag.png

Sir,

The ARZ Genetic Engineering Research Department requests a batch of 100 Research Clones for the price of 3,764,250 zhabs or, $1,500,000 only.

I request that they be of the 20-30 age group in terms of physical development and in a comatose state on arrival. Once this order has been confirmed, I will elaborate on exact transport specifications.

Kind Regards,
Ellya Renyn
Chief Officer, ARZGERD

ooc: Well now! how delightfully ammoral?!
ic:
We of the isles are most concerned by your stated mission of your company.
We are most confused. These clones are sentient being? Will they think and feel? And you propose to cut them up like mutton? Animals to be slaughtered for the living? Have you lost your Humanity? Are you posessed by Daemons? Do you require assistance?

We hope we are mistaken. No we hope you are mistaken and see the Path. To be so wasteful of Human life! How inelegant and macabre. And we hope the clones will one day rise up and consume you and your company.

If you restrict yourself to peaceful research perhaps you can save yourself from destroying yourself.

Regards,

Dominion of Me li

Me Li:

Holy City Clones are kept in a persistent vegetative state unless sentience is required by the client. The board is quite delighted by youir suggestion that there is some kind of 'daemonic' posession involved, and would like to direct you to the fact that daemons do not exist.

Zhaskev:

Your order is confirmed, and will be ready in ten to eleven months. They will be comatose as requested.

Necropatria:

Your order is confirmed, and adds up to $15,000,000.

The possibility of cloning a body from 'undead' genetic material has never presented itself to HCC, as the company has never had posession of a genetic sample from an undead source. If we could acquire one, we will certainly conduct extensive experimentation and testing.

As for contract negotiation, Holy City Clones will provide you with unlimited clone research packs for a mere $5 increase per clone, with a 10% discount on the next purchase. Is this acceptable?

Commonalitarianism:

Thank you for another extensive purchase. We hope you were satisfied by the previous products constructed for you, and will once more have your products ready in five months. I assume transfer of the products will occur in the same fashion?

The Galactic Empire of Mationbuds would like to congratulate you on the opening on such a business and would like to purchase the following :
1)10 Lifetime Policies - 50,000,000
2)10 Research Clone Pack - 150,000
3)2 Customized Clone Packs - 30,000,000

Total of : 80,150,000

HCC Customer Support

Your purchases will be ready in ten to eleven months. The details for your custom clones will be required in two months time.

We hope you enjoy renewed peace of mind knowing that there are defintely replacement body parts for you should (god forbid) the worst happen.

Holy City Clones Ltd wishes to state that there is probably no truth in the rumour that research clones can be combat conditioned, and that if you want them to be you shouldn't ask us.

[:D]

HCC Customer Support

Your purchases will be ready in ten to eleven months. The details for your custom clones will be required in two months time.

We hope you enjoy renewed peace of mind knowing that there are defintely replacement body parts for you should (god forbid) the worst happen.

Excellent . The details would be provided when needed . Just contact any Imperial Ministry and the details will be provided .

Response to: Holy City Clones

The money owing for our first purchase of specimens has been duly transfered to the account you have provided in your response communique. We shall assume that the specimens are of satisfactional quality, and shall proceed with further arrangements between our two entities based on this assumption. Should any of the specimens prove faulty or damaged upon arrival you shall surely be informed, and I trust that a suitable recompensation will be arranged. Please let us know when we may expect the arrival of our merchandise, so that we may properly prepare for storage and processing.

As for contract negotiation, Holy City Clones will provide you with unlimited clone research packs for a mere $5 increase per clone, with a 10% discount on the next purchase. Is this acceptable?

I find this arrangement more than acceptable. Our orders will fluctuate depending on need, but I'm sure your Order Desk is more than capable of coping with such details. I trust that as a regular customer of yours, the RAS will recieve some kind of prefered customer status, and perhaps priority shipping? Also, please do provide us with an estimate on how many clones you are currently capable of producing on an annual basis. Surely your resources are not unlimited, though our needs at times seem to be just so. It would be benefitial if we knew what kind of cap we are subject to.

It is my opinion that experimentation with DNA from reanimated matter has a high potential of providing both our entities with invaluable insight, and perhaps even an eventually lucrative new source of income. It seems to me that we both have something to offer one another in this field: you have the expertise and facilities which we lack, and we have the aforementioned reanimated matter. If you are interested in discussing an eventual joint project in this matter, we would be happy to recieve a representative corps from your organization here in Necropatria for the purpose of prelimenary deliberations. I await your input on the matters here addressed.

Master Apothecary Streicher
Royal Apothecary Society
Necropatria

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Holy City Clones Customer Support

As such a valued recurring customer, your needs for production and shipping come first. Once the clones have matured (ten to eleven months) they will be sent by super-tanker to your state.

Currently the Holy City facilities are capable of producing around 13,000 clones per year if kept at full production, but this creates massive wear-and-tear effects on some of the more sensitive equipment in our labs. Perhaps it would be useful for both of us if HCC was allowed to open up a lab in your nation?

Holy City Clones is very interested in the potential of reanimated matter. We have repared a group of scientists and our CEO, and would very much like to organise a visit to discuss th potential of reanimated cells.

We are satisfied with the arrangement. It was the reconstitution process we had a problem with. This will allow the Church of Human Uplift to conduct new business for the benefit of human kind.

Signed,

Ursula Majestic,
Evolved Leader
Church of Human Uplift

Response to: Holy City Clones

We have made all necessary arrangements for your party's journey to Undercity. We are prepared for your arrival, and do look forward to meeting with you and discussing at length our potential joint venture. We wish you a safe and pleasant journey.

Master Apothecary Streicher
Royal Apothecary Society
Necropatria

http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/83/streicher0ag.png

Zhaskev:

Your order is confirmed, and will be ready in ten to eleven months. They will be comatose as requested.

Excellent, funds will be wired within the next few days. It would be preferable if they were airlifted to the city of Muskorj's military airport. Your aircraft will be given priority clearance for the space of several hours on the day of the delivery. We will take over from there on, and if the clones are satisfactory we will buy exclusively from you in the future.

Kind Regards,
Ellya Renyn
Chief Officer, ARZGERD

Holy City Clones are kept in a persistent vegetative state unless sentience is required by the client. The board is quite delighted by youir suggestion that there is some kind of 'daemonic' posession involved, and would like to direct you to the fact that daemons do not exist.

You speak strangely...have thou'st a forked tongue? How is it that you are delighted to be possesed? Daemons are not restricted to one's feeble imaginations...it is a figurative metaphysical concept...You Foriegn Devils Have been consumed by this particular Daemon. This Golem if you prefer. It will consume you.

We are pleased that they know not life? That these "clones" as you call them are indeed sheep to be hung and butchered? An interesting Idea that is. Very well you have chosen your path. We have warned you of the dangers. Your Life's journey your own mistakes, We wash our hands of this.

May you Dance with the Nonexistant Gods...Savages

The Lost One's Blade
Dominion of Me Li

ooc: <Grins>

I wsih for you to clone the late Dictator who will bring 1010102 back peace and order. the funds will be wired. he is to be aged to 34 years old.

Holy City Clones Customer Support

The product will be ready in 11 months.

We hope you are satisfied with the clone of your leader.

OCC: Your Company will be noted in the thread where I anounce his return to the FT world.

Thank you. If you have a stargate send him through to the Dictator a Lemuria class battle station.(Gate address sent)

From the Desk of Emperor A. Commodus Disius

Greetings,

I am not as young as I once was, thus I would like to purchase a lifetime clone insurance policy. Additionally, I wish to purchase a test clone package to use at our newly contructed research facility.

A. Commodus Disius
Imperator of Disius
Pinceps Senatus
Bishop of Disius
Servant of God