NationStates Jolt Archive

A Miliraty Base

General Lancervich, his tinted sunglasses reflecting the sun strode across the parade field. The military base was a flury of activity as the Weapon Research Division planned to test their newest weapon. Though the program was worked on by civilians, the general was in over all comand. An officer carried the general's golf clubs. He planned to t-off after the weapons test. He was fond of miniature golf and took it seriously. They entered the bunker and an elevator took them down, the elevator music was soothing.

They finally arrived at Command Center, deep within the ground where people in lab coats ran around. It was all very techinical inside.
"Status report" Lancervich called out as he lite a cigar" A man in a lab coat replied
"The prototype is ready for testing, sir"
"Good, proceed" He said and sat down in a very comfy chair. A siren went off and all sorts of gadgets were moving and making noises. "This will be a great day for Kulikovo, it is this day that we will shopw the world our newest weapon!" he called out for no real reason, Lancervich just wanted to be dramatic. The screens went up, all was clear. A field just outside the base was calm. When all of a sudden the blast doors to a huge chamber opened. The woodland creatures ran away in fear. An elevator began moving as the sunlight shinned off a huge metallic, evil device, which is more powerful and evil than anything else, ever. The skies darkened as the weapon emerged, rising from inside the ground.
"Sir, Mega-Cheney is a go" a technician replied
"Excellent"...*Cue dramatic music*

"Holy Shit..." Intel Officer Pat Hamlet said as he watched the feed he was getting from a satilite. He called up to his CO saying, "You may wanna take a look at this..."

OOC: The fact that you named it "Mega-Cheney" ruins it

Spartan KH-6 'Vagabond' series satellites observed from above as they always did. Though this time they were in for a treat seing the unveiling of a new weapon. As digital video was streamed back to HQ it was forced to go into Geo-Syncronis oribit to see what possible destructive power this thing wielded while Commanders and engineers back home watched on thier own little screens at 'Fort St. Conrad'

Lancervich used his binoculars to look at the screen "My god...I can feel the evil from here" he replied, mouth wide open.
"Sir, we're about to test the weapons."
"Very good, you may continue" he said, getting a bag of chips out.

Mega Cheney was as tall as a building and is the culmination of months or research and trials. This weapon has managed to harness the power and evil of Dick Cheney and turned it into the most awesome weaopn that it needed an rp thread to talk about it...

Mega Cheney's eyes began to glow red as it's nuclear core turned on. It began to mve and picked up a huge shotgun, especially made. The glasses on Mega Cheney served as a guidance and enhanced vision system. The metallic monster began to tromp throught the meadow, destroying everything cute and cudly.
"What's going on?" Lancervich asked
"Just a malfunction, it's the evil sir" replied the technician.

"What the?...."Said the information officer,looking from his screen"It is umm....Sir."As his commander came and saw the satfeed.

OOC: What, is it just a really, really, really big shotgun?

Spartan satellite was so bored with this bull shit super weapon that the satellite it's self developed its own A.I to combat this liberal bull shit and went back into orbit while at home HQ commanders just said. "Well fuck this..." and changed the channel back to Fox TV.

'Well, fix it. These tests need to go flawless" lancervich replied as he flicked a paper football at the technician.
"Sir, stop that" he replied "I told you from the beginning that tampering with the evil of Dick Cheney was fangerous and may be disasterous."
"Don't lecture me, dammit! Start the tests!"

Another blast door opened up. A larger version of Harry Whittington emerged. It was time for the weapons test. Upon seeing this, Mega Chene turned into combat mode as it pumped the shotgun, which had depleted uranium rounds. The shotgun leveled and Cheney took aim, with one blast he destroyed Whittington, shooting the metallic lawyer in the face.
"The first test is a success!" Lancervich shouted.
"But at what cost..." the technician replied under his breath.

OOC: What, is it just a really, really, really big shotgun?
It's a device designed to keep away lawyers. What else? ;) :/_:

There was a conference called against the developement of Mega Weapons. For they are viewed as the most devastating weapons ever to be created by human hands. More powerful than the atomic bomb. But, someone forgot to tell these guys who developed and finished the weapon. This Mega Weapon is powered by the pure evil of Dick Cheney. Making it the most powerful weapon in the world...God help the enemies of Kulikovo.

ooc:Even if it is liberal bs it is bloody funny.

OCC: This is just a light-hearted rp, a trip from the norm.

There was a conference called against the developement of Mega Weapons. For they are viewed as the most devastating weapons ever to be created by human hands. More powerful than the atomic bomb. This Mega Weapon is powered by the pure evil of Dick Cheney. Making it the most powerful weapon in the world...God help the enemies of Kulikovo.

Pythogria watched this from orbit. The sattelite operators?

They were laughing so hard they nearly died of choking.

To Kulikovo

Sorry, but I'm afraid this is a completely radom citizen of Pythogria typing, as the whole government is laughing so hard they can't. Hey, they did pay me ten bucks to type this.

Anyway, we advise you to stop with this mega-weapons nonsense immediately.

---Secret---

*laughter*

"John... set up our... Ignore Cannon... to combat this... "threat"."

"Yes, sir!"

*laughter*

Meanwhile as the same happened at Spartan fort 'St. Conrad' they did almost the exact same thing.

Engineers almost die'ing from laughter from this level of retardism. Fearing loss of thier own IQ and luaghing in the process not only did they ready and fire the Ignore cannon but they also lost a man that day. Cause of death; Asphixiation from uncontrollable laughter.

Mega Cheney's evil metallic legs began moving, shaking the ground. His head began to scan in all directions. A group of picnickers were out having lunch, they didn't see all the signs telling people to stay away. He crashed throught the forest, trampling a hippie who was living in a tree.
"Look honey, it's Dick Cheney..." the man said before they were crushed.

"Wow, that was cool" lancervich exclaimed

Carpathia Ziemowit and the Joint Chiefs of Staff sat stunned, unsure of what to do.

"Uh, he's the vice president to bush, right?"
"Yes sir"
"I think I know how to deal with this... commence operation "salty pretzel"

Lancervich stood up, drapped in the Kulikovian flag

"Comrades, today is a great day for our nation. For too long we have been behind in the arms race, but now we have taken a great leap forward and have won that race. With mega Cheney we will prove to the nations of the world that Kulikovo is one of the top dogs"

Official Statement

Ha ha ha! Your Mega Cheney cannot stand up to our UBER CHUCK NORRIS!!!

*roundhouse kick to the face*
~ Random Czardaian

"Sir, we've just gotten word of another Mega Weapon!" shouted a random guy.
"What?! That can't be!" Lancervich shouted, spilling his soda.
"It is, the mega weapon is reported to be a giant Chuck Norris."
"Excellent, we will be able to test the full power of Mega Cheney, have him engage"
"Sir, he already has"

Mega Cheney raised his shotgun and shot at Chuck Norris.

Lancervich stood up, drapped in the Kulikovian flag

"Comrades, today is a great day for our nation. For too long we have been behind in the arms race, but now we have taken a great leap forward and have won that race. With mega Cheney we will prove to the nations of the world that Kulikovo is one of the top dogs"

"Initiate the *laughter* N00B RAMPAGE!"

Trillions of N00bs, some 300km tall, rushed over the hills towards Mega Cheney, firing N00ks and Ul>3l- 1@z3r3.

"Sir, we've just gotten word of another Mega Weapon!" shouted a random guy.
"What?! That can't be!" Lancervich shouted, spilling his soda.
"It is, the mega weapon is reported to be a giant Chuck Norris."
"Excellent, we will be able to test the full power of Mega Cheney, have him engage"
"Sir, he already has"

Mega Cheney raised his shotgun and shot at Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris deflected the bullet with his skin, rumored to be made out of steel, and then roundhouse kicked Mega Cheney in the face.

Lolz a Ion Cannon hovered overhead and unleased a mega-uber-super-duper-1337-sir-kill-a-lot laser which means Sparta wins.

Mega Cheney flew back and crashed through the ground, leveling trees, bunnies, and a few hikers. His eyes grew red and stood back to his feet.
"Chuck...Norris" it coldly replied with a metallic tone.

Chuck Norris deflected the bullet with his skin, rumored to be made out of steel, and then roundhouse kicked Mega Cheney in the face.OOC:THE REAL Chuck Norris is 10 feet tall, weights 2 tons, eats hammers for breakfast, and could take 2 shot gun blasts standing!

In response to the arms race between Kulikovo and Czardas, the Chevrokian Armed Forces have commissioned the construction of a giant Mr. T, built with titanium alloys and HY-100 steel, and armored with depleted uranium. Details are sketchy at the moment, but it's rumored the primary offensive weapon will be a three-stage thermonuclear "Fool Pity."

The N00bs continued to rampage through Kulikovo, spamming the nation up. Any person they touched would scream, and morph into a N00b.

Pythogria would />\/\/n them.

Mega Cheney flew back and crashed through the ground, leveling trees, bunnies, and a few hikers. His eyes grew red and stood back to his feet.
"Chuck...Norris" it coldly replied with a metallic tone.
The Czardaian megaweapon responded with a callous smile and firing its eye lasers at Mega Cheney while approaching for another cool martial arts move.

Mega Cheney's evil outer coating rebutted the lasers. He then charged forward, but not too fast, his nuclear core (heart) had been giving some troubles during testing.

Chuck Norris responded by leaping 300 feet in the air in a mega version of Flying Sidekick, the DU spikes on his foot hitting Cheney as Chuck Norris proceeded to land upright on top of Cheney, saying, "DIE, VILE ABOMINATION OF NATURE!!!" or some such thing.

Mega Cheney stumbled back a bit but was too awesome to take much damage. He swung his hand around and grabbed Chuck Norris, his metallic hands engulfing Chuck Norris.

I don't have a mega weapon, I just have....

Wilford Brimley

Bow down!

Chuck Norris warded off Mega Cheney's power by delivering an electric shock to his nuclear core (heart) simply by looking too hard at it, then roundhouse kicked him in the face twice at Mach 3.5.

Debates were raging in ChevyRocks as to which armed service should be responsible for the new super Mr. T.

The Army and Marines agreed it should be theirs, to be introduced into service as the "M1340A1 Mr. T," under the class of all-purpose ground vehicles with air-defense and surface attack abilities.

The Air Force believed it should be theirs, designated as the "F/B-57A Mr. T," as it possesses both fighter and bomber capabilities.

The Navy believed it should be theirs, under the new commission "CCS Mr. T BBCVN-1," believing it has much the same characteristics as a battleship, with the additional ability to act as an aircraft carrier.

In the end, the Johanson administration decided it should go under an inter-service commission, with the designation "Mark 1 ISAPAD," short for "Inter-Service All Purpose Attack Device."

Mega cheney aimed his evil shotgun at Wilford Brimley and fired twice, hiting him both times in the abdomen. However, this just pissed Wilford Brimley off more.

Mega cheney aimed his evil shotgun at Wilford Brimley and fired twice, hiting him both times in the abdomen. However, this just pissed Wilford Brimley off more.

OOC: You can't RP what Mega Cheney does, that's Kulikovo's job.

allright, even if mega cheney didn't shoot wilford, the very fact that he didn't would piss wilford brimley off.

After the last Outbreak of Mega Weapons, Mondoth had been secretly working on a Mega-Weapon of its own to ensure that in anyfuture Mega-Weapon war, it would have supreme dominance.
As soon as sattelites confirmed that a Mega Cheney and a Mega Chuck had been created and deployed, they had no choice but to deploy their new Mega Weapon, identified as the M1313666 UMW Bruce Lee, the new Mega Bruce was soon flying towards the growing Mega Weapon melee using its uber Martial Arts skillz to propel it through the air at a speed faster than fear.

OCC: Dare I Bump this?