NationStates Jolt Archive

Rogue Nation of Bradluh, Grand Duke Henry of The Apists has been forced to deliver the following ultimatum to Bradluh; You must:

-Apologise for the treatment of MacReady
-Cease the morphing of human beings into handy tools, including fireplaces, power-showers, spice-racks, etc.
-Disband the grotesque half-human-half-bear legion
-Allow your people to feed on something other than Kia Ora, velvety chocolate and sweet toffee
-Cease the worrying practice of cloning the emperor
-Reform suspect legal system comprising of corrupt clone jurors and Murray judge
-Cease the use of human heads as weaponry
-Allow foreign aid workers enter the country

Failure to comply will result in a complete embargo of goods from all supporting nations, who you will hear from within the next 24 hours supporting the notion. Further threats of your "Dad-Bears" being used in a strike on any of the supporting nation's lands will result in a declaration of war. You have 48 hours to respond to the charges.

The Constitutional Monarchy of Neo-Great-Britannia is in full agreement with the Apist Ultimatum and is fully prepared to follow all the procedures outlined should Bradluh fail to comply.

The Commonwealth of McGhoo offers its full support to our friends and neighbours the Apists. For too long has Bradluh plagued the once fair land of These Here Isles with his exact clones of himself. It is the opinion of the McGhoo government that, coupled with all the unforgiveable crimes listed by the Apists, Bradluh must address the following rumours:

1. That hot and cold running water has been replaced in every home by blackcurrant and orange running squash.
2. That he has replaced the basic legal right of double-jeapordy (which guarantees that no man can be tried twice for the same offence) with a similar resolution known as "double-caramel", which guarantees that no man shall go a single day without sweet, sweet Twixlos.
3. That he selects members of his cabinet on the basis of how much of a "wildcard" they are.
4. That he continues to purchase amusement parks at a rate well beyond his nation's means, before ultimately selling them off for a pittance.

Until these grave concerns (along with those highlighted by the Apist government) are addressed, all trade with Bradluh from this Commonwealth will cease. Failure to respond by the given deadline (which we will code name for convenience Date: Apist) will result in more serious reprisals.

Dadie Green
Foreign Minister of McGhoo

Oh mighty people of Bowlsburg, hear now the wise words of your Minister for War.

On behalf of the men of Bowlsburg and the world we, the goverment of the aformentioned Bowlsburg, pledge our support to the righteous cause of the Apists, and endorse the demands made by said nations goverment with regaurd to the thourouly unwholsome actions of the rouge nation of Bradluh.

We further demand that Bradluh representatives cease there mail bombardment of the governers of our mightly empire. We repeat, yet agian and without pause for thought, that we are unable to "let yuh people go" as a result of the fact that we do not have your people, and have no idea to whom such requests for release refer. We further object to being refered to as "Pharoah" and having our wives, daughters and mothers refered to colllectivly as "Spynix".

An end to Bradluh tyrrany is now in sight, and we thank out brothers the Apists for bringing the actions of this vile nation to our attention. We re-itterate our pledge of unconditional support.

Ha-ba-ba-blight
Minister for war/agriculture
Bowlsburg

The Prince That Will Come, Lord Defiler, and Father of Suicide Bombers fully backs the proposals put forward by the nation of Apists.

Bradluh once again has been plaguing our nations with hordes of Dad-bears and Sick-haired clones. His tricksy trains drive our police states into confusion and The Hellspawn is sick and tired of having to wrench that damned sharpened penis out of his anus. The screwdiver, eavesdropped to be called "Phiiilllliiiipsss", is also romoured to have scrawled death threats to both Jesus and Mohammed who are currently enjoying a gay weekend away.
The Rape Spawn asks that such activities cease immediately to prevent further atrocities to appliances and families in These Here Isles.

Best wishes
God, current secretary (doing a favour) for His Unholyness

The government of Bradluh hereby expresses its completely uniform condemnation of the immense cheekiness of our neighbours. Here is our official response to each of the allegations made against us:

1. MacReady suffered a fitting and just punishment for his espionage crimes. We are even making attempts to rehabilitate him as a law abiding citizen by keeping him permanently tuned to programmes such as "CSI: Miami" and "Spooks".

2. All criminals will, until further notice, continue to be turned into useful objects. Many go on to lead fulfilling lives: my own father for example now runs a successful car wash.

3. The Ursine Legion is a legitimate deterrent to invasion. Occasional raids on neighbouring provinces are simply a product of the finely balanced bloodlust of the pacifist-bears.

4. Bradluh considers it irresponsible of any government not to maximise consumption of the Ultimate Experience. We will not betray our subjects by giving in to foreign demand for carbs and fibre.

5. What you call "clones", I call "muh peeps". They are integral to this nation and will continue to multiply until they can finally throw off the shackles of oppressive Pharoes and the like.

6. There is nothing "corrupt" about my legal system. The 100% conviction rate and abnormally high ceiling repair costs are simply products of the zealous justice dished out by Supreme Judge Murrah and his underlings.

7. Human heads are well-documented as highly effective weapons against weakling foreign troops. We also reserve the right to use them to impersonate the living, thereby tricking our way into bunkers and other strongholds.

8. Aid workers are not required. There is AIDS enough in Bradluh's kingdom.

9. Muh Peeps campaigned long and hard for their squash privelages. Would yuh have us throw them away so lightly. Well would yuh??

10. Double Caramel will continue to form the delicious, melt-in-the-mouth centre of my legal system.

11. The diversity of my cabinet will be maintained by the selection of those candidates with a flair for the outrageous.

12. My amusement park industry is thriving. I'm just working up the courage to ride the rides, is all.

So there you have it. I, Bradluh, reject all of your false complaints. Cease your protests or face the might of my Daddy-Back-Riders!!!

Sincerely yours,
Uh-Bradluh

The time for words is over. Whilst The Apists do not agree with war, it is times such as these, where brutal dictators fail to see the error of their daddy-morphing, twixlo guzzlin' ways that we must invade to help the millions of people you have neglected. From this moment, a state of war shall exist between our two nations and we call upon our neighbours, friends and allies in These Here Isles to support the cause and bring down Emperor Bradluh.

this thread is good, i agree with the ultimatum,

The time for words is over. Whilst The Apists do not agree with war, it is times such as these, where brutal dictators fail to see the error of their daddy-morphing, twixlo guzzlin' ways that we must invade to help the millions of people you have neglected. From this moment, a state of war shall exist between our two nations and we call upon our neighbours, friends and allies in These Here Isles to support the cause and bring down Emperor Bradluh.

I support you with 20'250 Units from the NMAG

The Lord hears the impassioned cry of the Apists, and sends his best wishes to their humble nation. However, the Holy Empire of Oppressed Minorities is unable to lend its hand in the embargo of all goods, for our already floundering economy depends on the income from Caramel and Biscuit, and without this our nation would be crippled. We do however, request that when our barges return from Bradluh, the entire crew returns, rather than one sailor huddled in a corner shaking, and the corpses of the rest of the crew strung about the deck, obviously the result of a maniacal crusade, with the words "O why won't you yield your delicious secrets to me O merciless Biscuit Lords! Whyyyyyyyyyyy!" written across the walls in human blood and chocolate.