NationStates Jolt Archive

Mortals,

I, Mark Bradley, emperor of the Grand Duchy of Bradluh, feel it my duty to report a transgression to the international communituh. Yesterday, while quietly attending to the day to day affairs of my empire, I was interrupted by my chief of police, Colonel Phillips:

"Master, your drones have captured a foreign spy!"
"What?! I assume you have dealt with him in the normal fashion?"
"Oh yes master. The guards were just inserting the cathode ray tube and standby light when I left."
"Excellent. Tune our guest to the truth channel as soon as you can. I wish to know what nation dares to pry into the affairs of Bradluh!!"

Note: In the Grand Duchy of Bradluh, the turning of spies into domestic appliances is a common practice. As far as we are aware, there is no law specifically forbidding performing DIY on foreign nationals.

Under intensive interrogation, the spy revealed his paymasters to us: the Grand Duchy of Apists! This rogue nation violates the peaceful region of These Here Isles with its very existence!
I call on the international comminutuh to condemn the actions of these filthy Apists (perhaps through embargos on essential commodities such as soft toffee and Robinsons), before they pry into the affairs of us all.

Yours,
Emperor Mark Bradluh,
(Cmdr, Vietnam)

The Grand Duke Henry is appalled by the development in the Grand Duchy of Bradluh. King Bradluh himself has mailed images of our spy which he has crudley morphed into an appliance. The appalling abuse of one of our citizens proves the need to investigate such a despicable nation.

Before our secret agent, who we can confirm was John MacReady, was "tuned in", he tuned US in to the horrors of the Bradluh regime. The citizens die of malnutrition in their thousands. The emperor is an evil man with a horrifying past; not only has he sold his own sister to pay for confectionary but has inflicted a similar punishment to his own father as he did to our operative, plumbing him so that he could be used as shower. We call for those in These Here Isles to investigate his crimes further before we consider the next course of action. At this stage, we are not ruling out military involvement.

Grand Duke Henry II of The Apists

The Kingdom of McGhoo is aware of the need for delicacy and forebearance in all internation matters. We wish to retain the stability of These Here Isles at all costs.

However, like our neighbours the Apists, we are appalled at the actions of the so called "Grand Duchy" of Bradluh. Citizens along our border report being kept awake late into the night by unexplained screams and squeals, the roaring of bears and the sound of vigorous juicing.

Until the sacrifice of brave intelligence office John MacReady, we could only guess at the horrors which were occuring on our doorstep. Now that we know the truth, we are prepared to offer our unreserved support to the Grand Duchy of Apists in whatever action they may decide to take.

As of tomorrow, all exports of Twix and/or Rolos to Bradluh from this Kingdom will cease. If we see no improvement in his rule within one week, piping of first blackcurrant, then orange squash will cease.

We hope that our warnings are taken seriously.

Dadie Green,
Foreign Minister, Kingdom of McGhoo

We thank the Kingdom of McGhoo for standing up against Emperor Bradluh's evil ways. Whilst economic measures should not be taken hastily, from what our intelligence has gathered, the emperor forces his own penchants for Twix, Rolos and Robinson's onto his people, banning any other food or drink to be consumed in the country. This of course leads to the hideous malnutrirition that featured in MacReady's report. Our intelligence has also made discoveries about some mounted troops being levvied and we believe it has something to do with their radical policies on cloning.
We are awaiting a response from Bradluh's government but should it be one which forbids foreign aid to enter the country, contains threats of violence or savagery as well as a refusal to apologise over the treatment of MacReady we will step up the military and economic pressure to overthrow the cruel dictator.

The service held for the benefit of John MacReady's family is wednesday the 3rd of May and we hope that representatives from McGhoo and Livermead will be present.

Grand Duke Henry of The Apists

If anyone needs help blasting Bradluh to heck, I can have an Imperial Fleet there in a jiffy.

The Commonwealth of Rabelias will cease all shipments of its famous toffee/caramel chocolate bunnies to the nation. We also request that a formal inquiry be made into these allegations.


High Chancellor
Malcom Shepperd

The Brave Nation of Bradluh has done nothing wrong. Situation seems to be indeed the quite opposite - Bradluh and it's Emperor are victims of vigorous assault conducted not by a normal, fair and open military assault, but by sabotage and spying.
Here in Madnestan, stealthy and cowardly actions like these are considered to be quite the worst crimes nation can make itself guilty of, and The Apists have done that without even apologizing or showing any signs of feeling ashamed like they should.
About the brutal means used in executing the spy - that was nothing less but the duty of Bradluhian government! Now there is a chance that the vicious Apists and other enemies of this sympathetic nation shall think twice ebfore sending more people to meet this fate.

Madnestan hereby announces its full support to The Grand Duchy of Bradluh and the Emperor of it. Should any nation - especially a warmongering tormentor of small nations like Pythogria has proven itself to be - use violence against The Grand Duchy international community may rest assured it would come a costy case for the attacker.

Sincerely wishing that the hint is taken,

Warchief Tamujid, The Minister of Everything in
The Heavily Armed Republic of Madnestan

......Offical Comunication......
The nation of Colorado and Texas and her allies offer complete suport to the nation of Bradluh. We shall ship as many firarms and or bio-weapons as needed.
ooc:Pythogria how many blastede fleets does your nation have?

If anyone needs help blasting Bradluh to heck, I can have an Imperial Fleet there in a jiffy.

I know we're allies, but seriously, how?

Do you have a million fleets constantly patrolling the international waters?

I do wonder sometimes.......

OOC:

I see someone beat me to it already..

OOC: His military budjet is about half of that of nowadays USA. Considering the size of NS world and the higher expences in maintaining what's called "modern" equipment here compared to that of RL... Well. Not saying it's godmodding, but atleast other branches of his military should be played to be less effective/large/modern to keep things realistic.

ooc:how does one figure out ones military budget?

OOC: Not saying it's godmodding.

No, but something tells me you're thinking it :P

Anyway, Pythogria, mate, if you wanna own little countries feel free.... but just don't give your average MT navy warp engines.......

The Grand Duke of the Apists makes the following reply to Tamujid of Madnestan:

Whilst we accept that our actions were not "open" warfare, but neither were they "sabotage". We were, along with the government of McGhoo, becoming increasingly worried about the mental and physical state of refugees which had escaped his clutches and moved to our shores. Our initial inspection revealed only part of the horror and it was necessary that we investigated further without alarming the government of Bradluh who, at that time, were not openly aggressive towards The Apists or McGhoo.
We strongly object to the idea that MacReady's punishment was justified. To turn someone into a common household appliance is the act of a madman, not a just ruler.
We are presently compiling a rogue's gallery of the main players in the Bradluh Government:

Emperor Bradluh: Deranged, all powerful dictator. Bullies country and family. Adores Twix and Rolos (combined to make "Twixlos") as well as Robinson's squash. Allows no other foodstuffs into the country. Openly mocks UN. Uses gas to poison and manipulate citizens. Orders corpses to be morphed into "useful" appliances.

*More to follow*

Grand Duke of The Apists

OOC:This is a secret cominque to Bradluh.
ic: Sir we would like to know more of this tecnology you use. It will be a good method to question our guest with.

You have no right whatsoever to start telling a sovereign nation what it's allowef to do. Government OWNS its people, period. It has the right to do what ever it finds feasible, and foreigners should mind their own businesses. You sent people in his country, without his permission. That makes them worse than soldiers who cross the border with weapons in their hands, since they atleast tell it openly.
hey're equal in a way - both are attackers and the country they're being sent into is forced to defend itself - but due the difference in means chosen for this attack they do not have the rights captured soldier has. It was you who did wrong, when you sent those discusting sneakers into his nations, and it is you who is to be blamed for their unpleasant fate.

Now, about the accusations you made against Emperor Bradluh;

1.Deranged, all powerful dictator.
Very good, so am I. This is the best way of governing a nation. Even if you disagree with this, it's still none of your busines.

2.Bullies country and family.
Violence and punishments are sometimes needed in maintaining discipline, with both of those. Here in Madnestan we do that as little as possible, of course, but he knows what's the right amount for his people.

3.Adores Twix and Rolos (combined to make "Twixlos") as well as Robinson's squash. Allows no other foodstuffs into the country.
That's his desicion, if he sees it to be best for his country then that's what he should do. Doesn't affect you, what are you whining about?

4.Openly mocks UN.
Very good, so do I. UN is an obsolete, unneeded annoyance. Nothing wrong in saying that aloud.

5.Uses gas to poison and manipulate citizens.
See the answer number 2.

6.Orders corpses to be morphed into "useful" appliances.
Very good, so do we. There's no point in wasting good resources, like dead human bodies.


There's nothing wrong with that nation, atleast much less than with that of yours. Cut the bullshit and get over it.


Warchief Tamujid, The Minister of Everything in
The Heavily Armed Republic of Madnestan

I, Bradluh, am pleased to accept the overwhelming support of my fellow dictators. As you all know, privacy is so very important when conducting delicate experiments on your drones. Constant do-gooder cries of "sadism!" and "Geneva!" can be all too distracting.

The Grand Duchy of Bradluh would like to make clear right now that all those who support the great Brad in any future quarrel with its neighbours shall receive the secrets of DIY interrogation. Pledge help to me, and soon your enemies' spies will be converted into human TVs, fridges and spice racks! (Note: The latter opens up excellent traitor taunting puns, including: "Thyme do die, spy!" and "Let the In-Tarragon-ation begin!")

To "McGhoo", and most of all the Apists, I say this: restart my supplies of Twix and Rolos. My people will surely starve without the Ultimate Experience of Twixlos to provide them with vital caramel and biscuit. May it be on your head when my innocent peeps begin to die from the violent toffee withdrawal symptoms.

And if you will not listen to reason, perhaps you will listen to the roar of DadBears? Yes, it is true! I, Bradluh, have created an Ursine Legion, composed entirely of bears and the fathers of traitors sewn together to make sick cavalry. Bullets only slow 'em down, but a steady supply of Twixlos will keep them in their pens...

Emperor Bradluh

The Grand Duchy of The Apists condemns these threats. We will continue to ban Nestle from delivering their caramel delights to your isle. Not untill you apologise for MacReady's treatment and disband your DadBears will you ever feel the velvet sensation of luxurious Rolo on your lips. Your armament has not been overlooked either, Bradluh. The Grand Duchy of The Apists hereby announces a planned 25% increase to its 100000 strong army. This does not constitute a declaration of war and we will be willing to negotiate once you have apologised for MacReady's mutilation, disband your hideous "DadBears", allow vital nutrition to be given to your starving populace and discontinue your practice of plumbing in, tuning in, plugging in, or defrosting of human beings as household objects.

Rogue's gallery update:

Lieutenant Murray: The "Goebbels" of the outfit, Murray is a 4 ft tall mutated sperm who has mastered the ability to walk on his 2 tails. He has been arrested on previous occasions by our police force on various counts of fraud and sabotage. However, his rogue skill aloud him to stage a successful prison break and he is now in Bradluh's cabinet. It is likely that as a sperm, he is probably the result of Bradluh's cloning programme, which the emperor takes a keen interest in himself...

*more to follow*

Grand Duke Henry of The Apists

As the Emperor has admitted to the allegations and seeing as he controls a sovereign nation, we of the Commonwealth of Rabelias find we have no choice but to begin shipping of our chocolate bunnies once more. Afterall, my intelligence reports that the claims of misconduct might be exaggerated. However, as the region seems to be in an unstable state of affairs we will be sending a military force to assist in stabilizing the region. My forces will do nothing until peace is attained by the parties involved or one group has defeated another. At that point they will assist the governing bodies in maintaining a level of civility.

Malcom Shepperd
High Chancellor of Rabelias

Madnestan has quite large sector of government-owned chocolate production, and we are more than willing to supply you with these essential basic goods. What is your weekly need, and how much are you ready to pay for it?

Warchief Tamujid

ooc:how does one figure out ones military budget?

ThirdGeek is what people usually use;
http://nseconomy.thirdgeek.com/nseconomy.php?nation=Madnestan
but this NS-Tracker (that uses same stats) is somewhat nicer to read, IMO.
http://nstracker.retrogade.com/index.php?nation=pythogria&nation2=Madnestan&nation3=&nation4=&nation5=&nation6=