NationStates Jolt Archive

Cluichstani Private Entertainment Services Ltd. today issued the following press release:

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CPESL Looks Abroad, Seeks International Offices

In order to better serve its clients around the world, Cluichstani Private Entertainment Services Ltd. (CPESL) has decided to expand its operations into other nations.

CPESL today has begun its search for new offices abroad, starting with but not limited to locations in other nations in Antarctic Oasis. The company believes that by establishing offices in other nations it will be able to provide better service to its existing clients in those nations, as well as develop even greater business opportunities. CPESL hopes to begin discussions on possible new locations with the leaders of those communities as soon as possible.

Click here (http://s11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=21) for the full press release.

OOC hehe wow. They can come in my country anytime!

You may come to our country under the following conditions. All members of your service must come to monthly health checkups for STDs. Any funds received for services must be registered as taxable funds. Services will occur during registered hours in our Beerhall Pleasure Gardens. Members must comply with local ordinances regarding escort services. There is the presence of no minors under the age of 19 on your premises. Filming and photography in the pleasure gardens are strictly prohibited to maintain privacy of individual services. No member of your service is working in your service against their will.

Regards,

Felix Cruonis, Minister of Trade.

Dear Mr. Cruonis:

We would be happy to send one of business-development representatives to your country for negotiations at your earliest convenience. We are certain that we can come to terms that would be acceptable to both CPESL and your government.

Cordially,
Ourae
CPESL, VP of Business Development

The Emperor of The Evil Conservative Empire of the Palentine has stated that he would be very interested in establishing an office of CPESL, in the 'Burgh. I have been intructed to ensure you, that a financially benificial and decrete agrement can be made. We hope to hear from you soon.
Excelsior,
Sir L. Fine, esq.
Chancellor of the Exchequer

We accept the presence of your representative. We would ask you to consider special services offered-- massage and entertainment. It would be preferable for our cultural moral purposes that the entertainers be unmarried.

Regards,

Felix Cruonis

The Dominion of Edoniakistanbabweagua would like to give you permission to set up in our capital, La Ciudad de Azure.

Rekooh, CPESL's VP of operations, picks up the phone and dials the number of the Palentine's Mr. Fine. "Silly boy," she coos. "You know we already have several offices in the 'Burgh..."

CPESL business-development representatives will be dispatched to both Commonalitarianism and La Ciudad de Azure immediately to begin negotiations. We look forward to doing business with the people of both.

Cordially,
Ourae
CPESL, VP of Business Development

Hello,
Welcome to Liberty Arcology, our capital city, a mega (20 million people) oceanic (R. Buckmister Fuller) collection of geodesic domes. We will be meeting with you in the pleasure district, a floating glass domed garden barge attached by moving walkway to the central dome. We will meet you in the main beer garden in a small discreet hotel to discuss business. We hope you enjoyed your submarine transport trip in.

Regards,

Felix Cruonis, Trade Minister

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New Nicksyllvania would be pleased to allow a couple offices into our Nation, namely Nickograd and Neo-Osaka to add a distinguished variety to our State Brothels. However as we have a Communist Economy, our method of payment will seem unorthodox. As our citizens do not have money, they will instead pay you with Luxery Coupons, the Luxery Coupons will then be exchanged in our Bureau of Trade for international currency aquired through sale of Goods. If this arrangment is acceptable please notify us.

Also there are no age restrictions for the viewing of adult material in our country and the age of consent is 13. Certain drugs are legal and your workers will be required to attend frequent STD checks

The ICCD offshore colony Island opens up your working girls to the tourist and resort area. This all at your own cost of chourse. Taxes are voluntary there are various fees for different state functions though and there is a markup tax set at 20% essentially anything that comes from nothing is taxed 20% any profit on resale of the item is taxed 20%. The general tax rate is 90% but most everyone gets payed by the government since military service is compusary for citizens. If your not a citizen just the service fees and markup tax is applicable. The resort island is a preimier destination for those seeking sun surf and sand.

New Nicksyllvania would be pleased to allow a couple offices into our Nation, namely Nickograd and Neo-Osaka to add a distinguished variety to our State Brothels. However as we have a Communist Economy, our method of payment will seem unorthodox. As our citizens do not have money, they will instead pay you with Luxery Coupons, the Luxery Coupons will then be exchanged in our Bureau of Trade for international currency aquired through sale of Goods. If this arrangment is acceptable please notify us.

Also there are no age restrictions for the viewing of adult material in our country and the age of consent is 13. Certain drugs are legal and your workers will be required to attend frequent STD checks

This payment arrangement is acceptable to us, as is the requirement that our employees receive regular health checks. We will send company representatives immediately to establish offices in both Nickograd and Neo-Osaka. We look forward to serving the people of New Nicksyllvania.

Cordially,
Ourae
CPESL, VP of Business Development

The ICCD offshore colony Island opens up your working girls to the tourist and resort area. This all at your own cost of chourse. Taxes are voluntary there are various fees for different state functions though and there is a markup tax set at 20% essentially anything that comes from nothing is taxed 20% any profit on resale of the item is taxed 20%. The general tax rate is 90% but most everyone gets payed by the government since military service is compusary for citizens. If your not a citizen just the service fees and markup tax is applicable. The resort island is a preimier destination for those seeking sun surf and sand.

I am sorry, but I must admit that your tax system has me a bit confused.

Cordially,
Ourae
CPESL, VP of Business Development

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I am sorry, but I must admit that your tax system has me a bit confused.

Cordially,
Ourae
CPESL, VP of Business Development

If you have citizenship it is 20% for all 'services' which do note take materials
the cost of materials may be subtracted from the cost of service

For instance if you are a consultant and just speak face to face with a person and charge 100$, 20$ is taxed.
If you speak to them over a phone then the cost of your phone service related to the ammount of business you do may be deducted
100$ - 4$ for phone = 96$ so 19$ is taxed or something like that.

If you are selling material the price you pay for the material originally is subtracted from the resale and you are taxed 20% on any profit.

You buy computer components for 10$ and then sell them for 50$
you would then be taxed for the 50$ - 10$ or taxed on the 40$ profit 20% or 8$ meaning your profit after tax is 32$ and the Tresury Department gets 8$.

All costs from 'nowhere' services liscences etc.. are 'tax deductible' off your total quarterly income. So if you pay 100$ for a liscence and make a profit of 400$ off that 100$ liscence you will only be taxed on 400$-100$ or 300$ or 60$. Capital is only taxed during 'exchange'. So if you make stuff for yourself or give it away with no profit .. you are not taxed.

So an exotic dancer would be taxed 20% - their costume music stage operation costs.. bringing in business or say buying drinks for customers they can deduct all those costs in full. If she sells say condoms if she sells them for 1$ but they only cost 50 cents then she is taxed 20% on 50 cents
10 condoms are sold for 10$ that is a 5$ profit and 5$ expense. 5$ profit is taxed 20% or 1$ goes to the tresury department.

Citizens can 'buy' programs for option tax increase. say you would like full dental or medical you can opt in at a preprescribe percentage say 1% of annual income regardless of what your annual income is.. or pay a flat fee like say 1000$/year. It is slanted in favour of the 'disadvantaged or lower income indivuduals as at a point the percentage system results especially for the ultrarich in paying a drastically higher ammount then someone who made less.

The 'greed' tax is a baseline fee, no one gets taxed more or less, and no one pays taxes by default. Only those that make a profit through sale of free items for profit are taxed. Individuals who sell at no gain or a loss are not obligated to pay any form of taxes, unless they prescribe to programs. For that matter indivuals that have no profit may subscribe to programs for virtually nothing meaning the poor have virutally free access to medical and dental and housing etc.. univeral welfare, as long as they fullfill the requirements of those programs. Which may include optional acceptance of terms such as organ donation or housing construction projects etc... for free housing.

So foreign girls would pay 20% of whatever 'profit' they make resulting from no where. Business costs are deducted from profit. Time is not deductable as an expense.

Citizens may pay a higher ammount of tax but would be able to sign on to social programs that are generally very high valued among Dians.

Essentially they come they work they keep 80% of whatever they make.
THe offshore colony is a great resort area.
The state will even provide your business with an office, free of charge subfloor 3 of the porta rosi hotel on the coastal resort area.

Note there are no drug laws in ICCD and self defence that does not constitute treason is a personal issue.

I forgot one other detail, any materials leaving Dian Territory may be inspected and taxed as applicable based upon Tresury Department Guidelines, there may be movement restrictions on some items leaving or entering Dian Territory, as well as quotas in some cases, personal exemption levels etc.. duty free which vary on a case by case basis.

Federal Republic rocked by (yet another) Fernanda sex scandal

PARADISE CITY (Town Crier) -- Eliciting yawns throughout the Federal Republic, President Fernanda has been caught once again with his pants down.

The furor stems this time from a highly classified memo (dutifully leaked to the press by Federal Assemblywoman Shirley Jackson) including the minutes of a secret meeting the president held with top intelligence officials. According to the memo, Fernanda disclosed during the meeting that he had recently been contacted by shakedown artists seeking back payments for services rendered by Cluichstani Private Entertainment Services Ltd. (CPESL) agents.

"They told me that unless I paid up, and paid up soon, they would start leaking state secrets that I shouted out during sex with their agents," the memo quotes Fernanda as saying.

Weeks after the memo was dated, a report (http://s15.invisionfree.com/UN_DEFCON/index.php?showtopic=36&view=findpost&p=2153244) (from the usual source) surfaced that Cluichstan's ambassador to OMGTKK had sold a state secret to a representative from Tzorsland.

"This memo exposes the dangerous nature of the relationship the Federal Republic maintains with the Misbehaving Sultanante of Cluichstan," the conspiracy-mongering crackpot Jackson told a (completely unbiased) reporter for the Town Crier. "And it reveals just how recklessly President Fernanda imperils our national security by continuing to consort with foreign sex-industry agents with questionable motives."

Asked whether she thought she herself was threatening national security by leaking classified information, Jackson replied, "Yo' mama!"

"On an unrelated note, I am suing that bastard Sheik Nadnerb for sexual harassment (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10841604&postcount=234)," she added.

An administration official, speaking on condition of anonymity (but whose name and title spelled backward is "Inarhet Xela Etats fo Yraterces"), defended the president. "Ever since those perverted sheiks moved in next door, the president has been bombarded with nothing but billboards featuring photos of very sexy CPESL agents in alluring poses," he said. "The guy's only human! It's only a matter of time after being so persistently pressured for sex that a man of his relentlessly horny disposition would crack under pressure!"

As to Jackson's alleged compromising of national security, the official said: "Any leak of classified information constitutes a breach of national security, and must be fully investigated. ... Unless, of course, administration officials are leak the names of covert operatives for criticizing the president. Because they just had it coming."

"This is almost as embarrassing as the tabloid report accusing me of having a bird fetish, but unlike that bullshit story, this is completely true," the president said off-the-record to MSNBC's totally (pardon our editorial snort) trustworthy Connie Chung, during a live interview on that awful weekend show she does with her husband, talk-show host Phil Donahue (or Maury Povich or whoever).

Luckily for the president, however, no one saw it. (It's MSNBC, for Christ's sake!)

As for Jackson, the State Department swiftly responded to her offense, immediately exiling her to a place that Kennyites hold in the lowest possible regard: the United Nations. She will serve Amb. Jack Riley as acting assistant deputy assistant under-ambassador-pro-tempore, according to a State spokesman. Her duties mainly include accusing random UN officials of racism, sexism and harassment.