NationStates Jolt Archive

ANN News Channel

“And in other news today, the Allanean News Network is starting a new children's show, known as Captain Freedom and the Minutemen, and scheduled to air tomorrow, on 10:AM. Those unable to receive our program can tune in at www.ann.all and watch the show there. I am told it will be quite exciting, even though some public figures in Allanea – including Congresman Xiajen (AM-Hash) have already expressed condemnation. Of course, for our domestic viewers, that could even prove as an entircement in and of itself...”

Fox News Channel

“It is unclear what the effect of the new children's show will be on the already plunging ratings of our competitor, though a momentary respite is possible, of course. We really don't even have an idea who will watch their show – or who watches their stuff anyhow...”

ANN the day after

”Oy vaavoy!” - screamed Moshe Hefetz, pointing his finger as Comrade Derranged's aircraft tore through the sky over the crowd of villagers that were lead by the Minutemen to oppose his evil communist regime. “He is escaping! He is escaping!” The villagers waved their deer rifles in anger, feeling that the man that has oppressed them for so many year would again escape punishment. Fessas threw his hair back from his slighlty pointed ears and looked sadly at the plane. “You are right, Moshe! The bastard is escaping! What can we do?”

“Don't worry!” - spoke Niven, the leader of the team - “There is a way!” He raised his ring finger into the air, screaming one word:

“Life!”

The ring shone in a brilliant blue light.

Moshe Heifetz raised his ring as well, burning like a torch in the evening air.

“Liberty!”

Fessas joined in, bright yellow flame shinin against the villager's angry faces.

“Property!”

“Resistance!” - responded Nomingard, raising a green-shining ring.

And finally, Abdullah's ring was added to the mix, glowing in pink. “Hope!”

The ground shook. Lightning flashed. And then, a young man appeared, his skin shining like made of steel, wearing a camouflage outfit, multiple weapons and tools. He waved to the villagers and screamed:

With your powers combined, I am Captain Freedom!

He looked at the Villagers. “Do you want to defeat Comrade Derranged?”

“YEAH!” - shouted the locals.

“Good!” -replied Captain Freedom. “But I need your help. I want each of you that supports liberty to give me a small coin.”

Coins were assembled, and Captain Freedom put them in a small sack, then beginning to spin1 it over his head, tossing it at the aircraft. The sack, having been tossed by a superhero, catches up with the aircraft and totally tears an engine off it, the plane plunging towards the ground. As Comrae Derranged's plane plummets to the ground, red stars burning on its wings, he screams with hatred:

“I'll get you yet, CAPTAIN FREEDOM!!!”


OOC:
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Captain_Freedom_and_the_Minutemen
Information about the show can be found here as well.

Post here with your nation's reaction to the show or whateversuch.

Queen Mariah's young son Prince Arthur was all smiles after watching the ANN cartoon Captain Freedom. The young heir to the Jeruselem throne was only a young boy but like any other boy of his age, he liked his cartoons. Mum heard is giggling and looked what her son was watching.

"What were you watching Arthur?" she asked. He smiled "Captain Freedom! He destroyed a badie plane with a sack of coins." She looked puzzled "Is that a new cartoon son?" and he giggled again "Yes, Mum. It's new, my friends told me about it. Captain Freedom is cool."

OOC
Someone's been watching too much Captain Planet :D

The Asene Radiju ji Televisije rejistaniha releases the following press statement:

This show is yet another one programme mainly centered on selling action figures and other material. Due to this and violence in artistic form, the target age can not be lower than 12 years, which means if ever dubbed for the rejistanian market it is a category 2 programme with all limitations.

We will allow this show. However, because it is a foreign television show it will only be available via cable at 2 a.m. because of the time differential between our countries.

DEMOCRATIC SOVIET REPUBLIC OF KAHANISTAN
Office of the President

While we are a socialist nation, we do not generally like extremist communists in the mold of Stalin, Mao, or Pol Pot. I myself have not seen this show, but my grandchildren watch it regularly. This show has high ratings in areas of Kahanistan with heavy right-wing populations.

However, I do have a question. Does this show depict all left-wing individuals as evil, or merely the extreme left fringe?

Signed,
General Marcellus Q. Valens,
President of Kahanistan

Official Response from the Allanean New Network

"While certainly nearly all political leanings to get ridiculed by the show, the moderate left have a much lower chance of being laughed at then the facsicst right. For example, the episodes The Power of Iesus, Shariat, Shmariat, and The Most Evil of Cults all deal with the issue of religious intolerance - in easy, simple ways children can understand."

Official Press Release of the ANN

Due to the fact that no action figures or similar material has yet been made to sell with Captain Freedom and the Minutemen, the Allanean News Network is considering filing a libel suite againist the Asene Radiju ji Televisije rejistaniha, though the venue has not yet been determined.

Reply of the Asene Radiju ji Televisije rejistaniha:

We had only the material and the history of comparable shows, which first pretended to be of no commercial interst to gain the important 1 rating and then start selling merchandise which means the series had to be reclassified. Therefore, we determined the ability to develop merchandise on it, not the fact that it yet exists. If the 1 rating is desired, an agreement needs to be met which forbids official merchandise to be marketed in Rejistania for a period of at least 3 years.

Official Response of the ANN

The level to which the Rejistanian government can descend to avoid spreading of the Captain Freedom meme amazes us. It is quite likely that forcing us to sign this agreement is merely another way that the Rejistanian welfare/police state abuses it’s regulatory power to prevent unwanted memes from spreading into its nation. That said, we would like to notify that our main foreign distribution is via broadcast TV – does your regulation in fact apply to that?

* * * *

In the meanwhile, a small amount of Captain Freedom fans, aged 12 to 14, and some of the more adult anime watchers of Allanea, had staged a protest in front of the Rejistani embassy that lasted for approximately three hours, after which the protestors pelted the embassy with raw eggs and left.

Deltara has just opened, with extra police funding (crime is unknown here), an international court of law, with a section for both civil and criminal cases. Should this libel case reach court, we would be glad to have it here. An impartial judge is always available, just give us the word.

Justice Lord P. Repal

Reply of the Asene Radiju ji Televisije rejistaniha:

As you have seen, we are no government agency but an Asene. Basically we were founded by the radio staions to keep the government from controlling the media and an Allanean state of affairs in the competing media. We do not censor or regulate the TV programme, just set "target ages" (which as you see are not "legal for people over", but "best viewed in the age of") and define the timeslots for the ages, we also regulate the split between commercials and real programme, but only so that the age-logo is still visible, the station logo however isn't. We do neither censor nor regulate beyond that. We take into account commercial content in children television due to the high amount of people who want us to do so.

OOC: LOL! :D

Hamilay Broadcasting Corp. Evening News, 18:00

The controversial Allanean children's television show Captain Freedom and the Minutemen was yesterday released in Hamilay to a very favourable reception. Sources show that over 30% of viewers were watching the ANN channel, previously a relatively obscure station within Hamilay. Some left-wing groups have condemned the show as "subversive facsist propaganda" but the majority of the right-wing and staunchly capitalist Hamilayan population show no signs of paying heed, the show already gaining a considerable adult fan base.

Les Échos, English Addition
No Takers for Captain Freedom
By Jacques Larbaud

Page F7

In rare unanimity Amestria’s many broadcast companies have chosen not to translate and air the new Allanean show Captain Freedom and the Minutemen on Amestrian television, calling it quote “stupid” and “completely uninteresting.” The animation has been panned by as low quality, overly simplistic, and garish. According to television critic Denis Fanon the dialogue “sounds as if it where written by trained monkeys…and it probably was.”

Network Executives say that the Ministry of Culture’s classification of the cartoon series as political propaganda (and thus restricting it to late hours on adult networks with educational disclaimers) due to the shows “blatant and gratuitous preaching of pro-Allanean, pro-Libertarian, anti-Statist ideology,” did not effect their decision, Tristan Eliade speaking for many when remarking that quote “there are better things on at 3 am then Captain Freedom.”

Denis Fanon summed up the unamous rejection to how “amazing” the cartoon was in that it lacked “even one redeeming feature.” He added, “It stinks and does not even entertain on the so bad its good level, unlike say the bizarre one season Mckagan show Snakes on an Ocean Liner.”

Captain Freedom and the Minutemen will thus be regulated to the television sets of those few who have elite cable or satellite that includes the Allanean News Network.

* * * * *

Le Ardenne, English Addition
“Things Are Against Us!” Two of Pierre-Marie Ventre’s critically acclaimed Plays Come to the Big Screen
By Catherine Valéry

Page 6

ARDENNE- Two of famed Resistentialist Philosopher Pierre-Marie Ventre’s famed theatrical works, the Closed Well, and The Things that are Caesar, have been adapted to motion picture format and will be showing in select theaters later this month as one full length feature film. The film, titled The Caesar of the Well, is made up of three distinct stand alone chapters. The first chapter, which is of course Ventre’s first work the Close Well, features three old Poussés (Pushed Arounds), who hate each other, trapped ceaselessly at the bottom of a well, the universal Resistentialist symbol, with several bricks, representing Things, which they also hate. Humanities inability to escape the agony of each other or Things is brilliantly depicted as the old Poussés attempt without success to climb out from the well or throw the bricks out, only to fall back down or have the bricks fall back upon them.

Chapter Two is a short animated work featuring four Esclaves De Chose (Thing Slaves), dressed in ridicules fanboy outfits, chained to a towering giant of kitsch (the Thing Giant). The Esclaves De Chose worship the towering Thing Giant, bowing and scraping before it, thanking it for their freedom before they are all promptly slaughtered by a rampaging Gewehr Chose Wielder (Gun Thing Wielder). The Esclaves De Chose and the Gewehr Chose Wielder obviously represent Allaneans while the Thing Giant satirizes Allanean culture. Ventre has gone out of his way to offer criticism of Allanea ever since an unfortunate visit to the United States seven years ago, where on route to a speaking engagement an “unlicensed idiot cap driver, who later was found to be high on crystal met, somehow crashed into a lamp post three times and then tried to shoot [Ventre] with a semi-automatic when [Ventre had] asked for [his] money back.” The animation in the version shown to critics, despite the grim subject, was exceptionally beautiful, reminding everyone why Ardenne remains the animation capital of Western Europe.

The Third and Final Chapter is a condensed version of the renowned play The Things that are Caesar, minus the much reviled intermission/lecture of the second act were the action was briefly put on hold in order to criticize the sexuality of the audience. The chief characters, the piano and the medicine cabinet, are well rendered by computer animation (although the purist fans of Ventre’s work have made clear their wish that live actors had played those two leading roles). The two Poussés, who act out humanities futile attempts to completely master Things, are well portrayed by actors Charles Blier and Bernard Gabin. Particularly amusing is Poussé Number Ones (much to the joy of purists the humans remain nameless) attempt to seduce Poussé Number Twos wife, Poussée (a radiant Irène Duperey), who is distressed by her husbands woeful ineptitude in being unable to dominate Things even to the extent of fixing the medicine cabinet (and more importantly his inability to make love to her properly), by playing the piano. Poussé Number One of course cannot play well but Poussée is not cultured enough to tell the difference, and so it looks like the two are destined to sleep together until the piano gleefully punishes Poussé Number One for his arrogance. The scene where Poussée discovers her husband bleeding to death, cut by glass from the broken medicine cabinet, and tearfully reflects on how she knew how to fix it all along, is exceptionally well preformed. If there is a flaw it is in the unbelievably downer ending, in which Poussée, whose final fate was left ambiguous in the original play, is shown burning to death with Poussé Number One as a raging inferno consumes both their apartments, caused by Poussé Number Ones futile attempt to punish the piano by burning it with buckets and buckets of lighter fluid (this critic needless to say prefers the theater versions ending).

Truly The Caesar of the Well is the movie of the year to see for all Resistentialists or fans of the Théatre Jambon des Somnambules

The Kingdom of Bryn Shander condemns this travesty as a crime against humanity and revokes all Allanean broadcasting rights within the Kingdom.

-Lone Alliance Government response-
We feel that this is a silly nonsense ridden show and really isn't worth watching, besides the Minutemen made extremely shallow characters.

-LAN, Lone Alliance News-
Gloria: I'm Gloria for tonights news.
Tom: And I'm Tom.
Gloria: Tonight we cover the newest show from Allanean, Captain Freedom and the Minutemen
Tom: After looking it over Experts say that the show is too preachy and that the storyline is sketchy at best. As one quoted:
It's 90% Propraganda, 5% Special Graphics, 5% Story, 100% dull.
Gloria: Harsh
Tom: Very harsh, but a belief agreed to by many. The ratings were low and the show many soon be blocked and replaced with another dull show.

Captain Freedom Pwnd By Comrade Duff!


CSHR [Kurora] - Captain Freedom, the icon of all that is right in the backwards Allanean culture, finally met his match in McKagan last week. Everyone knows that the McKagan Communications Commission puts a delay on foreign made shows (minus news) for their first trial run. The first episode aired on CSHR's sister channel, CSHR Toons, three days ago.

Everyone knows that Hair Grunge icon Duff Tratain is no fan of Allanea. Well, for the second time this year he has defeated them.

"I mean, like, dude, this is just capitalist redneck fucking bullshit. It teaches intolerance and lies. If the Allaneans want to brainwash their kids, then let them, but by the time I'm done with the world their capitalist ideology won't be worth the price they paid for it," Duff Tratain said in a interview.

Just hours after that interview was published angry letters and emails flooded the office of CSHR Toons. Threats of violence were made, and a few cars were blown up in true CBBC Insurgency fashion. Within hours, the decision to pull the cartoon from the summer schedule was made despite no real outrage from the estimated 500 fans the show has in McKagan.

No reports of snipers have been reported.