Listeneisse
06-03-2006, 14:08
Cundrie la Sorciere, Ambassador for Listeneisse, had to review all the messages from the dispute going back a few days. It was like squabbling children. Was this supposed to be from mature, adult diplomats?
From: The Gate builders of Raroyan
To: The Armed Republic of Consivania
cc: Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 28 Feb 2006
I will not allow my greatest minds to be escorted by your barbarians i will alow a group of 5 Marines, from either side that’s fair. I have had 3 spies, operating very close to your weapons facially in the south, I am not happy I have photos and video evidence, I trust by the time I get there the problem will be solved... Are we in agreement that if weapons are not kept at a high standard then, they will all be removed and it will be a victory for the world.
"The Gate Builders need to use a spell checker," she muttered and read on.
From: The Armed Republic of Consivania
To: The Gate builders of Raroyan
cc: Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 1 Mar 2006
You do it by my rules or there is no agreement. I am not required by any law to allow your people into my nation. I am doing it because I have nothing to hide and am confident in my facilities. I will not even entertain the thought of a compromise until the representatives from Norsca Varda and Listeneisse have discussed the matter. If you decide to invade my nation prematurely not only would it be your suicide I am sure it would be in violation of some UN regulation.
At this Cundrie choked with laughter. The UN had, sadly, absolutely no resolution which prevented one member nation from invading any other member nation, nor kept them from invading non-member nations. These United Nations were a bunch of countries bound together by the least-offensive legislation possible. Not the best by any means. And certainly, there was nothing that was to promote world peace and harmony.
"Kumbaya," she smiled wryly and read on.
From: The Gate builders of Raroyan
To: The Armed Republic of Consivania
cc: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 1 Mar 2006
I am sorry but it would be a bad example for my nation my Government, if I just let, you build away with no care of what your doing weather you like it or not WOMD are a crude weapon, but are effective to the Devil, with his finger on the red button, from my position if you look very closely, you are a threat. Bragging about your attack capabilities, the fact that you have the ability to destroy most of us, strikes me with fear. I believe, I BELIVE THAT, you should not be allowed in control of these sort of weapons. It sickens me that every attempt that I have mad to stop you has been, stopped but you and your grasp your hold on all the other nations here, I think the time has come to stop these games, had over you guns put your hands in the air, and end you rain over the poor people of consivania. YOU WILL CURSE THE NAME RAROYAN.
Though it was useless since she was reading the message long after its writer sent it, and he was nowhere in the room with her, she assented to curse the name Raroyan. Probably not as envisioned, however.
"Damn you, Raroyan, use a spell-checker, and also upper-case 'B' in 'Builders' while you're at it!"
Using a large red marker, she began to make corrections to mistakes and editing poor sentence structure on the hard copy before her. It was a way to take it out in the paper long before she had to see the fellow across a negociation table. She'd be tempted to launch across the table and angrily shout at him "'your reign! -- R! E! I! G! N! -- not 'you rain,' you nincompoop!"
So long as she could take care of this beforehand in private she could get through her frustrations. "Cathartic. Cathartic. Cathartic." She kept reminding herself as she chewed the pen cap with her large yellowed teeth and made a scowl, which, had it not been hidden by her beautiful blue silk wimple and veil, would have withered marigolds.
From: The Armed Republic of Consivania
To: The Gate builders of Raroyan
cc: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 1 Mar 2006
Why you feel the need to attack a nation that has a military strictly for defense is beyond me. Your nation is the exact reason why we have the weapons we do. It is nations like yours who get involved in situations you have no right to be in. If you invade my nation I will use the weapons at my disposal, that is not a threat, it is a promise. I have been open to solving this diplomatically, and I still am, but you do not seem willing. You are one of the few nations in the world that feels threatened by an isolationist country. You have nothing to fear unless you invade.... Why you are so stubborn about the generous regulations I set with your inspectors also puzzles me. I doubt if you had weapons like this you would allow my inspectors free reign over your land. Your orbital weapons can also be considered a WMD. If you disarm your orbital weapons, I will dispose of my NBC weapons. Don't be so quick to put the lives of your people in danger. I doubt that they want to lose family members over some thing that was never a threat to them.
Cundrie checked the Web and started doing some math. Consivania at the last census was a super-continental power of 3,132,000,000 people. Raroyan? 2,061,000,000.
She pulled in more details and assembled a head-to-head matchup.
Consivania
Population: 3.132 billion
GDP Per Capita: $27,642.25
GDP: $86.575 trillion
Tax Rate: 55%
Gov't Budget: $43.774 trillion
Military Budget: $16.778 trillion
Law/Order Budget: $13.003 trillion
Transportation Budget: $838.9 billion
National Loyalty: 33%
Worker Enthusiasm: 70%
Government Efficiency: 80%
Consumer Confidence: 76%
Raroyan
Population: 2.061 billion
GDP Per Capita: $23,846.16
GDP: $49.146 trillion
Tax Rate: 70%
Gov't Budget: $37.491 trillion
Military Budget: $12.417 trillion
Law/Order Budget: $6.208 trillion
Transportation Budget: $1.034 trillion
National Loyalty: 56%
Worker Enthusiasm: 83%
Government Efficiency: 92%
Consumer Confidence: 88%
Already Cundrie saw problems on both sides here.
Raroyan, a nation recently added to the Warzone of the Defenders regional structure, was picking a fight with the very nation that had unilateral control of their membership. Warzone of the Defenders was not a democracy. Raroyan's acceptance was utterly dependent upon the will of Consivania to even permit them to darken the halls of government.
Not only that, but Raroyan had two people for every three that Consivania had. They had a smaller government budget. They had a smaller military budget.
They seemed to be the aggressor, so they would have problems with power projection, and Consivania had significantly better domestic law enforcement which would bring in paramilitary support to any war effort. Neither nation was renowned for its transportation sector, yet they each had at or near enough to a trillion dollars worth of transportation budget annually. In per capita spending Raroyan had an advantage. The Raroyan government spent $502 per capita per year on its transportation budget whereas the Consivania government spent $267 per person. Which meant that Raroyan would have better total infrastructural investment and a better per capita transportation logistical support for whatever offensive action they wished to take.
Consivania's better GDP per capita meant that they had higher-end military and technical equipment. Some systems were significantly better.
Did Raroyan think that they could use "blitzkrieg" to sieze continents-worth of territory and people? Any protracted war between these powers could last years or more than a decade easily. In any protracted war, Consivania's superior population would make the crucial difference.
National loyalty was a problem for both nations. Consivania's 33% loyalty rating cut it's effectively "loyal" population from 3 billion to about 1 billion. 1,033,560,000 to be exact.
Multiplying Raroyan's population by 56% made their effectively loyal population 1,154,160,000.
In other words, both of these nations were going to be about equivalently effective in terms of national will and people willing to fight and die for the sake of national pride. Another way to look at it was that they were on the brink of having major political shifts in their domestic governments.
This was a war that could help galvanize each of these nations. Or it could cause each of them to fall into social disorder, civil war, and revolution.
The next message caused Cundrie to wince.
From: The Home of the Norsemen of Norsca varda
To: The Armed Republic of Consivania, The Gate builders of Raroyan
cc: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 1 Mar 2006
children calm down,i would be happy for my people to help you resolve your problomatic situation...
Lord olafson
It is never good to tell those who have their fingers not far from the big red button that they are children. Even when they are acting that way and even if they were 13 years old. Especially when you spell "problematic" wrong.
Cundrie realized that this was going to take a good diplomatic touch. To get everyone to realize they are acting childish without making a direct accusation. She saw Consivania was being more upstanding. Also she recognized that what Raroyan supposedly wanted—disarmament—was not a terrible thing to ask for. But trying to spy and bully and chastize was not the way to make friends with the regional leader.
What was Raroyan up to? Why were they being so unreasonable?
From: The Republic of Carentan_dm
To: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 1 Mar 2006
FIGHT!
"Oh for the sake of love!"
Cundrie wondered why the Republic of Carentan was even in the region of Warzone of the DEFENDERS with an attitude like that. She sent off a recommendation to get them tossed out of the regional government simply because of their belligerent attitude. Nukes are not something to taunt your neighbors into using. This was a schoolyard confrontation. There were five billions lives at stake, not just a bloody nose and some embarrassment when the teacher broke it up and wrote notes home to a parent or guardian.
From: The Armed Republic of Consivania
To: The Home of the Norsemen of Norsca varda, The Gate builders of Raroyan
cc: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 1 Mar 2006
I would be more than happy allowing inspectors from Norsca Varda to inspect my NBC facilities... At least he is a neutral and trusted party in this fiasco.
-Carentan, Sir you do realize that any military operation in this region would put your country in a very dangerous position. Your nation would be subject to possible NBC fallout, and definitely economic problems. Two very hard things for an established nation to fight let allow a new one. You are very much like Raroyan, quick to fight but very foolish.
That seemed sensible to Cundrie. Quite kind in fact to help calm down the zealous attitudes of the overly-eager newcomers to the region. However, because there were more messages, she was sure that common sense was not sufficient to halt the inanity to come.
From: The Gate builders of Raroyan
To: The Armed Republic of Consivania
cc: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 2 Mar 2006
The people of Raroyan have promised any action taken against the Republic of Carentan_Dm will be seen as and act of war against Raroyan, Consivania this may only be the frist person to relise what a fool YOU are, but there will be more, more guns , more people, more money , more defence and more say. Norsca varda i would appericate any intellence you can give me, i belive the warhouses in the south, are poorly manged.
"Relise?" She realized now the sort of intellect she was dealing with.
"Intellence?" Now that was irony.
"Belive?" She could scarcely believe that a country's leader who could not spell "believe" wanted to accuse some other nation of being a fool.
Poorly "manged?" How was this mangy dog of a leader able to manage staying in power over 2 billion people? Were they all of equivalent or lesser intelligence, or had they purposefully and knowingly appointed one of the world's least-literate persons to threaten others with weapons of mass destruction? ("WMD, not "WOMD" she chided under her breath, blowing out her veil almost enough to reveal her bluish-blackened chin.)
Cundrie surmized this confrontation was both bluff and bluster and self-delusional lunacy. If both Carentan and Raroyan were tossed out of the Warzone that would be that. It would be over immediately.
For some reason Consivania was being very patient and nice to them. Possibly because they had two billion people and lots of nasty weapons. However, this could politically be solved by simply minimizing the exposure of the Warzone by simply tossing them out of the regional government. One vote and the rest of the Warzone, and its extensive and widespread group of allied nations, would simply pre-emptively scuttle any threats made against them.
The blustering and bluff of Raroyan were arrogant false threats. Especially since Carentan_dm was still a small nation of 16 million souls. Cundrie appreciated helping out small nations. They had done the same for other establishing nations themselves through UN missions. Yet who was this nation, and why was Carentan so in need of "defense" when it's diplomatic arsenal consisted of one word: all capital letter instigations such as "FIGHT!"
These people didn't even deserve to have 16 million followers under such a government. It was unsurprising the government of Carentan_dm was described as "Father Knows Best." However, she was wondering when this governmental leader's father was going to put his spoiled brat over his knee.
Still, any direct accusation of that in front of the Carentan or Raroyan governments, such as what Norsa varda did, might only entrench such feelings. Nuclear disaster should, ideally, be avoided.
From: The Armed Republic of Consivania
To: The Gate builders of Raroyan
cc: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 3 Mar 2006
You seem to jump to conclusions. I never did threaten Carentan, I did tell him not to get involved. I understand that we will both get more weapons and more money and train more soldiers and fortify our borders. I also know that it will not simply clear its self up. My nation is open to diplomacy but you don't seem to want to make exceptions. That’s your choice though not mine. I might have more weapons then sin and a military to back it up but it will never be used against you, unless you attack me of course. I thought I made that clear.
Again, this made sense to Cundrie. Of course, when dealing with substandard intellects, very small words usually still would not penetrate the thickest of low-sloping foreheads.
Actually Cundrie hated such descriptions of stupidity which inferred terrible looks such as low-sloping foreheads were signs of intelligence or stupidity. After all, she was the Loathly Lady. The Hag. The Messenger of the Grail. She was brilliant, fluent in many languages, knowledgeable in many sciences and arts, and a great rhetorician. That was why, in this modern age, she had been chosen as the Ambassador of the Grail King. She just kept her wimple and veil on when she was in public.
She wrinkled her own craggy forehead and knitted her hairy eyebrows together and wondered what she might say when faced with these leaders. How would she keep from excoriating them so harshly that they all ranted and railed at feigned and imagine injustices, stomped away from the bargaining table in a huff, and started throwing around megatonnage?
She had been working on a new style she dubbed, "Harpy Lite™." It's purpose was to make the target implicitly aware of just what sort of a pinhead they were acting like, except with such syrupy sweet ichor they apologized for their stupidity.
Hopefully she would not need to pull out that level of tone and tenor. It was probably far easier to keep things light and upbeat and positive. She wondered if she'd need to pay royalties to Disney and get them all singing, "It's a small world after all."
It wasn't her style, but some people wanted that sort of Pollyannaish Hollywood faux peace just for domestic public relations. It looks good on camera, she had to admit.
From: The Republic of Carentan_dm
To: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 4 Mar 2006
I SAID WHAT I SAID
"Oh, sweet Jesus!"
Cundrie calmed herself and said a prayer for the intercession of the Divine Creator on behalf of the people of the Republic of Carentan. Because no one short of Him might be listened to by these self-appointed assassins of joy.
At this rate, Carentan was not going to be invited to any Reindeer Games this year. Either they learned to play nice, or they could be invited to leave the region. While their statement was, she had to admit, a bit of a pithy existentialist quip, it was also implicitly rather belligerent. It referred back to the only thing they said, which was "FIGHT!" (All caps, exclamation point.)
Now, girded with knowledge, Cundrie was ready to set the rules. This was going to be a win-win solution, she had already decided. If Raroyan and Carentan_dm wanted to stay in the region, that was great, but from now on, they would play by the rules of the game.
She typed them out:
To: The Warzone of the Defenders
From: Cundrie la Sorciere, The Kingdom of Listeneisse
Date: 6 March 2006
Gentlemen,
If I might be so bold, let us focus on the solution. We need to be assured that none of us will be attacking the others. Any such thoughts as these border on the paranoid and delusional. We should seek to minimize such thinking and instead focus on the security and peace we have enjoyed so far in the region.
Our model for peace and stability need not be challenged, because they have already stood the test of time. What we need to do is to further support our way of progress so that it is maintained long into the coming century.
Therefore, I propose the following as a basis of rules that we will all follow. Your assent to them will ensure your mutual protection from aggression. However, know this: we are all brilliant leaders of our respective nations. Any deception, any lies, any underhandedness, any manipulation, any instigation can and will be found out in due time. And any hostilities conducted against any of our regional members by one of the others will result in the community of nations confronting and disarming the aggressor by any and all means necessary and at our disposal.
We would not likely take away your nation. For your nation is formed by the will of your people. That we can never take away. Yet we might need to 'declaw' certain polecats in our party so that we can all sit and enjoy our tea without getting our pant legs and fine dresses scratched. Any polecat who cannot behave and refuses to stop gnawing on the rest of us will be put out in the alley where they belong and summarily expulsed from the region.
We still love you, but you have to go outside. Simple, I should think.
How to Get Along in the Warzone of the Defenders
Draft v.0.1
1. There is peace and never war between member nations of the Warzone of the Defenders.
2. If any nation in the Warzone of the Defenders is attacked, by internal or external enemies, all other nations in the Warzone are obligated to come to their immediate martial defense and material support.
3. Any member nation that wishes to declare offensive war upon another member of the region, or to conduct clandestine secret war or undeclared war is to withdraw from the region. If a nation conducts such acts in secret, or is found to be preparing such acts, and is discovered to be doing so, they will be expelled from the region.
4. If member nations come into conflict and wish to conduct military operations and hostilities against each other, other nations in the region have the ability to intercede as negociators, arbiters, providers of humanitarian aida and relief, and also act as peacekeepers or even defensive military forces. They can apply embargoes to one, all, or any combination of parties in a conflict to facilitate the return to peace and harmony. Such acts may be, but do not necessarily need to be, conducted through the auspices of the United Nations.
5. If two member nations wish to fight between each other, and cannot or will not reconcile with each other they should both withdraw from the region and fight as a separate conflict. If they refuse to withdraw, the founder of the region (or the authorized UN delegate) is empowered to throw them out. However, the regional controller might not do so if there are extenuating circumstances in the war.
6. If two nations in the Warzone of the Defenders wish to fight, the rest of the nations in the region may vote to support either one in order to bring the swiftest victory to the one that is supported. Otherwise, all the nations of the region must avoid all fighting and leave the fight to the two combatants. However, each nation can still provide humanitarian and peacekeeping aid. What the region should avoid is a general split into factions, for then the entire defensive alliance purpose of the region would be sundered. So we either support one party, or the other party, or neither party. However, the vote to support one party over the other need not be unanimous. It might require a majority to fight a conditional defensive war or a two-thirds majority to fight an unconditional defensive war to make the will of the region clear.
7. If any nation wishes to be an offensive ally against another nation of the Warzone of the Defenders, they must depart the regional government. For they will have proven that they wish to make war unilaterally against another member state. If they refuse to leave, and refuse to make peace after the initiation of hostilities, the regional controller, either the founder or the UN delegate, can and should expulse them from the region. However, the regional controller might not do so if there are extenuating circumstances in the war.
8. The needs of regional stability and peace for the greatest good outweigh the perogatives of an individual nation. National sovereignty needs to be compromised only insofar as it leads to greater peace and prosperity for the region as a whole.
9. It is the goal of the Warzone of the Defenders to manage to produce as much peace as possible for as many people in our region as possible, and to help promote and keep the peace in other regions as much as we can. Therefore we must be leaders, ethically strong, friendly, working in service to each other, working in goodwill, for the public weal.
10. If any nation does not like these rules, they are always free to leave the region.
Cundrie la Sorciere
Ambassador of the Kingdom of Listeneisse
From: The Gate builders of Raroyan
To: The Armed Republic of Consivania
cc: Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 28 Feb 2006
I will not allow my greatest minds to be escorted by your barbarians i will alow a group of 5 Marines, from either side that’s fair. I have had 3 spies, operating very close to your weapons facially in the south, I am not happy I have photos and video evidence, I trust by the time I get there the problem will be solved... Are we in agreement that if weapons are not kept at a high standard then, they will all be removed and it will be a victory for the world.
"The Gate Builders need to use a spell checker," she muttered and read on.
From: The Armed Republic of Consivania
To: The Gate builders of Raroyan
cc: Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 1 Mar 2006
You do it by my rules or there is no agreement. I am not required by any law to allow your people into my nation. I am doing it because I have nothing to hide and am confident in my facilities. I will not even entertain the thought of a compromise until the representatives from Norsca Varda and Listeneisse have discussed the matter. If you decide to invade my nation prematurely not only would it be your suicide I am sure it would be in violation of some UN regulation.
At this Cundrie choked with laughter. The UN had, sadly, absolutely no resolution which prevented one member nation from invading any other member nation, nor kept them from invading non-member nations. These United Nations were a bunch of countries bound together by the least-offensive legislation possible. Not the best by any means. And certainly, there was nothing that was to promote world peace and harmony.
"Kumbaya," she smiled wryly and read on.
From: The Gate builders of Raroyan
To: The Armed Republic of Consivania
cc: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 1 Mar 2006
I am sorry but it would be a bad example for my nation my Government, if I just let, you build away with no care of what your doing weather you like it or not WOMD are a crude weapon, but are effective to the Devil, with his finger on the red button, from my position if you look very closely, you are a threat. Bragging about your attack capabilities, the fact that you have the ability to destroy most of us, strikes me with fear. I believe, I BELIVE THAT, you should not be allowed in control of these sort of weapons. It sickens me that every attempt that I have mad to stop you has been, stopped but you and your grasp your hold on all the other nations here, I think the time has come to stop these games, had over you guns put your hands in the air, and end you rain over the poor people of consivania. YOU WILL CURSE THE NAME RAROYAN.
Though it was useless since she was reading the message long after its writer sent it, and he was nowhere in the room with her, she assented to curse the name Raroyan. Probably not as envisioned, however.
"Damn you, Raroyan, use a spell-checker, and also upper-case 'B' in 'Builders' while you're at it!"
Using a large red marker, she began to make corrections to mistakes and editing poor sentence structure on the hard copy before her. It was a way to take it out in the paper long before she had to see the fellow across a negociation table. She'd be tempted to launch across the table and angrily shout at him "'your reign! -- R! E! I! G! N! -- not 'you rain,' you nincompoop!"
So long as she could take care of this beforehand in private she could get through her frustrations. "Cathartic. Cathartic. Cathartic." She kept reminding herself as she chewed the pen cap with her large yellowed teeth and made a scowl, which, had it not been hidden by her beautiful blue silk wimple and veil, would have withered marigolds.
From: The Armed Republic of Consivania
To: The Gate builders of Raroyan
cc: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 1 Mar 2006
Why you feel the need to attack a nation that has a military strictly for defense is beyond me. Your nation is the exact reason why we have the weapons we do. It is nations like yours who get involved in situations you have no right to be in. If you invade my nation I will use the weapons at my disposal, that is not a threat, it is a promise. I have been open to solving this diplomatically, and I still am, but you do not seem willing. You are one of the few nations in the world that feels threatened by an isolationist country. You have nothing to fear unless you invade.... Why you are so stubborn about the generous regulations I set with your inspectors also puzzles me. I doubt if you had weapons like this you would allow my inspectors free reign over your land. Your orbital weapons can also be considered a WMD. If you disarm your orbital weapons, I will dispose of my NBC weapons. Don't be so quick to put the lives of your people in danger. I doubt that they want to lose family members over some thing that was never a threat to them.
Cundrie checked the Web and started doing some math. Consivania at the last census was a super-continental power of 3,132,000,000 people. Raroyan? 2,061,000,000.
She pulled in more details and assembled a head-to-head matchup.
Consivania
Population: 3.132 billion
GDP Per Capita: $27,642.25
GDP: $86.575 trillion
Tax Rate: 55%
Gov't Budget: $43.774 trillion
Military Budget: $16.778 trillion
Law/Order Budget: $13.003 trillion
Transportation Budget: $838.9 billion
National Loyalty: 33%
Worker Enthusiasm: 70%
Government Efficiency: 80%
Consumer Confidence: 76%
Raroyan
Population: 2.061 billion
GDP Per Capita: $23,846.16
GDP: $49.146 trillion
Tax Rate: 70%
Gov't Budget: $37.491 trillion
Military Budget: $12.417 trillion
Law/Order Budget: $6.208 trillion
Transportation Budget: $1.034 trillion
National Loyalty: 56%
Worker Enthusiasm: 83%
Government Efficiency: 92%
Consumer Confidence: 88%
Already Cundrie saw problems on both sides here.
Raroyan, a nation recently added to the Warzone of the Defenders regional structure, was picking a fight with the very nation that had unilateral control of their membership. Warzone of the Defenders was not a democracy. Raroyan's acceptance was utterly dependent upon the will of Consivania to even permit them to darken the halls of government.
Not only that, but Raroyan had two people for every three that Consivania had. They had a smaller government budget. They had a smaller military budget.
They seemed to be the aggressor, so they would have problems with power projection, and Consivania had significantly better domestic law enforcement which would bring in paramilitary support to any war effort. Neither nation was renowned for its transportation sector, yet they each had at or near enough to a trillion dollars worth of transportation budget annually. In per capita spending Raroyan had an advantage. The Raroyan government spent $502 per capita per year on its transportation budget whereas the Consivania government spent $267 per person. Which meant that Raroyan would have better total infrastructural investment and a better per capita transportation logistical support for whatever offensive action they wished to take.
Consivania's better GDP per capita meant that they had higher-end military and technical equipment. Some systems were significantly better.
Did Raroyan think that they could use "blitzkrieg" to sieze continents-worth of territory and people? Any protracted war between these powers could last years or more than a decade easily. In any protracted war, Consivania's superior population would make the crucial difference.
National loyalty was a problem for both nations. Consivania's 33% loyalty rating cut it's effectively "loyal" population from 3 billion to about 1 billion. 1,033,560,000 to be exact.
Multiplying Raroyan's population by 56% made their effectively loyal population 1,154,160,000.
In other words, both of these nations were going to be about equivalently effective in terms of national will and people willing to fight and die for the sake of national pride. Another way to look at it was that they were on the brink of having major political shifts in their domestic governments.
This was a war that could help galvanize each of these nations. Or it could cause each of them to fall into social disorder, civil war, and revolution.
The next message caused Cundrie to wince.
From: The Home of the Norsemen of Norsca varda
To: The Armed Republic of Consivania, The Gate builders of Raroyan
cc: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 1 Mar 2006
children calm down,i would be happy for my people to help you resolve your problomatic situation...
Lord olafson
It is never good to tell those who have their fingers not far from the big red button that they are children. Even when they are acting that way and even if they were 13 years old. Especially when you spell "problematic" wrong.
Cundrie realized that this was going to take a good diplomatic touch. To get everyone to realize they are acting childish without making a direct accusation. She saw Consivania was being more upstanding. Also she recognized that what Raroyan supposedly wanted—disarmament—was not a terrible thing to ask for. But trying to spy and bully and chastize was not the way to make friends with the regional leader.
What was Raroyan up to? Why were they being so unreasonable?
From: The Republic of Carentan_dm
To: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 1 Mar 2006
FIGHT!
"Oh for the sake of love!"
Cundrie wondered why the Republic of Carentan was even in the region of Warzone of the DEFENDERS with an attitude like that. She sent off a recommendation to get them tossed out of the regional government simply because of their belligerent attitude. Nukes are not something to taunt your neighbors into using. This was a schoolyard confrontation. There were five billions lives at stake, not just a bloody nose and some embarrassment when the teacher broke it up and wrote notes home to a parent or guardian.
From: The Armed Republic of Consivania
To: The Home of the Norsemen of Norsca varda, The Gate builders of Raroyan
cc: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 1 Mar 2006
I would be more than happy allowing inspectors from Norsca Varda to inspect my NBC facilities... At least he is a neutral and trusted party in this fiasco.
-Carentan, Sir you do realize that any military operation in this region would put your country in a very dangerous position. Your nation would be subject to possible NBC fallout, and definitely economic problems. Two very hard things for an established nation to fight let allow a new one. You are very much like Raroyan, quick to fight but very foolish.
That seemed sensible to Cundrie. Quite kind in fact to help calm down the zealous attitudes of the overly-eager newcomers to the region. However, because there were more messages, she was sure that common sense was not sufficient to halt the inanity to come.
From: The Gate builders of Raroyan
To: The Armed Republic of Consivania
cc: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 2 Mar 2006
The people of Raroyan have promised any action taken against the Republic of Carentan_Dm will be seen as and act of war against Raroyan, Consivania this may only be the frist person to relise what a fool YOU are, but there will be more, more guns , more people, more money , more defence and more say. Norsca varda i would appericate any intellence you can give me, i belive the warhouses in the south, are poorly manged.
"Relise?" She realized now the sort of intellect she was dealing with.
"Intellence?" Now that was irony.
"Belive?" She could scarcely believe that a country's leader who could not spell "believe" wanted to accuse some other nation of being a fool.
Poorly "manged?" How was this mangy dog of a leader able to manage staying in power over 2 billion people? Were they all of equivalent or lesser intelligence, or had they purposefully and knowingly appointed one of the world's least-literate persons to threaten others with weapons of mass destruction? ("WMD, not "WOMD" she chided under her breath, blowing out her veil almost enough to reveal her bluish-blackened chin.)
Cundrie surmized this confrontation was both bluff and bluster and self-delusional lunacy. If both Carentan and Raroyan were tossed out of the Warzone that would be that. It would be over immediately.
For some reason Consivania was being very patient and nice to them. Possibly because they had two billion people and lots of nasty weapons. However, this could politically be solved by simply minimizing the exposure of the Warzone by simply tossing them out of the regional government. One vote and the rest of the Warzone, and its extensive and widespread group of allied nations, would simply pre-emptively scuttle any threats made against them.
The blustering and bluff of Raroyan were arrogant false threats. Especially since Carentan_dm was still a small nation of 16 million souls. Cundrie appreciated helping out small nations. They had done the same for other establishing nations themselves through UN missions. Yet who was this nation, and why was Carentan so in need of "defense" when it's diplomatic arsenal consisted of one word: all capital letter instigations such as "FIGHT!"
These people didn't even deserve to have 16 million followers under such a government. It was unsurprising the government of Carentan_dm was described as "Father Knows Best." However, she was wondering when this governmental leader's father was going to put his spoiled brat over his knee.
Still, any direct accusation of that in front of the Carentan or Raroyan governments, such as what Norsa varda did, might only entrench such feelings. Nuclear disaster should, ideally, be avoided.
From: The Armed Republic of Consivania
To: The Gate builders of Raroyan
cc: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 3 Mar 2006
You seem to jump to conclusions. I never did threaten Carentan, I did tell him not to get involved. I understand that we will both get more weapons and more money and train more soldiers and fortify our borders. I also know that it will not simply clear its self up. My nation is open to diplomacy but you don't seem to want to make exceptions. That’s your choice though not mine. I might have more weapons then sin and a military to back it up but it will never be used against you, unless you attack me of course. I thought I made that clear.
Again, this made sense to Cundrie. Of course, when dealing with substandard intellects, very small words usually still would not penetrate the thickest of low-sloping foreheads.
Actually Cundrie hated such descriptions of stupidity which inferred terrible looks such as low-sloping foreheads were signs of intelligence or stupidity. After all, she was the Loathly Lady. The Hag. The Messenger of the Grail. She was brilliant, fluent in many languages, knowledgeable in many sciences and arts, and a great rhetorician. That was why, in this modern age, she had been chosen as the Ambassador of the Grail King. She just kept her wimple and veil on when she was in public.
She wrinkled her own craggy forehead and knitted her hairy eyebrows together and wondered what she might say when faced with these leaders. How would she keep from excoriating them so harshly that they all ranted and railed at feigned and imagine injustices, stomped away from the bargaining table in a huff, and started throwing around megatonnage?
She had been working on a new style she dubbed, "Harpy Lite™." It's purpose was to make the target implicitly aware of just what sort of a pinhead they were acting like, except with such syrupy sweet ichor they apologized for their stupidity.
Hopefully she would not need to pull out that level of tone and tenor. It was probably far easier to keep things light and upbeat and positive. She wondered if she'd need to pay royalties to Disney and get them all singing, "It's a small world after all."
It wasn't her style, but some people wanted that sort of Pollyannaish Hollywood faux peace just for domestic public relations. It looks good on camera, she had to admit.
From: The Republic of Carentan_dm
To: The Warzone of the Defenders
Date: 4 Mar 2006
I SAID WHAT I SAID
"Oh, sweet Jesus!"
Cundrie calmed herself and said a prayer for the intercession of the Divine Creator on behalf of the people of the Republic of Carentan. Because no one short of Him might be listened to by these self-appointed assassins of joy.
At this rate, Carentan was not going to be invited to any Reindeer Games this year. Either they learned to play nice, or they could be invited to leave the region. While their statement was, she had to admit, a bit of a pithy existentialist quip, it was also implicitly rather belligerent. It referred back to the only thing they said, which was "FIGHT!" (All caps, exclamation point.)
Now, girded with knowledge, Cundrie was ready to set the rules. This was going to be a win-win solution, she had already decided. If Raroyan and Carentan_dm wanted to stay in the region, that was great, but from now on, they would play by the rules of the game.
She typed them out:
To: The Warzone of the Defenders
From: Cundrie la Sorciere, The Kingdom of Listeneisse
Date: 6 March 2006
Gentlemen,
If I might be so bold, let us focus on the solution. We need to be assured that none of us will be attacking the others. Any such thoughts as these border on the paranoid and delusional. We should seek to minimize such thinking and instead focus on the security and peace we have enjoyed so far in the region.
Our model for peace and stability need not be challenged, because they have already stood the test of time. What we need to do is to further support our way of progress so that it is maintained long into the coming century.
Therefore, I propose the following as a basis of rules that we will all follow. Your assent to them will ensure your mutual protection from aggression. However, know this: we are all brilliant leaders of our respective nations. Any deception, any lies, any underhandedness, any manipulation, any instigation can and will be found out in due time. And any hostilities conducted against any of our regional members by one of the others will result in the community of nations confronting and disarming the aggressor by any and all means necessary and at our disposal.
We would not likely take away your nation. For your nation is formed by the will of your people. That we can never take away. Yet we might need to 'declaw' certain polecats in our party so that we can all sit and enjoy our tea without getting our pant legs and fine dresses scratched. Any polecat who cannot behave and refuses to stop gnawing on the rest of us will be put out in the alley where they belong and summarily expulsed from the region.
We still love you, but you have to go outside. Simple, I should think.
How to Get Along in the Warzone of the Defenders
Draft v.0.1
1. There is peace and never war between member nations of the Warzone of the Defenders.
2. If any nation in the Warzone of the Defenders is attacked, by internal or external enemies, all other nations in the Warzone are obligated to come to their immediate martial defense and material support.
3. Any member nation that wishes to declare offensive war upon another member of the region, or to conduct clandestine secret war or undeclared war is to withdraw from the region. If a nation conducts such acts in secret, or is found to be preparing such acts, and is discovered to be doing so, they will be expelled from the region.
4. If member nations come into conflict and wish to conduct military operations and hostilities against each other, other nations in the region have the ability to intercede as negociators, arbiters, providers of humanitarian aida and relief, and also act as peacekeepers or even defensive military forces. They can apply embargoes to one, all, or any combination of parties in a conflict to facilitate the return to peace and harmony. Such acts may be, but do not necessarily need to be, conducted through the auspices of the United Nations.
5. If two member nations wish to fight between each other, and cannot or will not reconcile with each other they should both withdraw from the region and fight as a separate conflict. If they refuse to withdraw, the founder of the region (or the authorized UN delegate) is empowered to throw them out. However, the regional controller might not do so if there are extenuating circumstances in the war.
6. If two nations in the Warzone of the Defenders wish to fight, the rest of the nations in the region may vote to support either one in order to bring the swiftest victory to the one that is supported. Otherwise, all the nations of the region must avoid all fighting and leave the fight to the two combatants. However, each nation can still provide humanitarian and peacekeeping aid. What the region should avoid is a general split into factions, for then the entire defensive alliance purpose of the region would be sundered. So we either support one party, or the other party, or neither party. However, the vote to support one party over the other need not be unanimous. It might require a majority to fight a conditional defensive war or a two-thirds majority to fight an unconditional defensive war to make the will of the region clear.
7. If any nation wishes to be an offensive ally against another nation of the Warzone of the Defenders, they must depart the regional government. For they will have proven that they wish to make war unilaterally against another member state. If they refuse to leave, and refuse to make peace after the initiation of hostilities, the regional controller, either the founder or the UN delegate, can and should expulse them from the region. However, the regional controller might not do so if there are extenuating circumstances in the war.
8. The needs of regional stability and peace for the greatest good outweigh the perogatives of an individual nation. National sovereignty needs to be compromised only insofar as it leads to greater peace and prosperity for the region as a whole.
9. It is the goal of the Warzone of the Defenders to manage to produce as much peace as possible for as many people in our region as possible, and to help promote and keep the peace in other regions as much as we can. Therefore we must be leaders, ethically strong, friendly, working in service to each other, working in goodwill, for the public weal.
10. If any nation does not like these rules, they are always free to leave the region.
Cundrie la Sorciere
Ambassador of the Kingdom of Listeneisse