NationStates Jolt Archive

Unarmed Battle of Wits [Closed, FUT, ATTN Fat Kirby]

Sentient Turnips
11-02-2006, 20:45
The Sentient Turnips had had enough. War with Fat Kirbies was now inevitable..

The Mighty Turnip War Machineā„¢ was beginning to...roll... into motion. Turnips rolled down the streets to their jobs in a frenzy, although how they moved was a mystery since the Turnips had no arms, legs, or limbs at all for that matter. They would be ready for the Fat Kirbies..

President's Office

A heavyset turnip rolled through the open doors of the President's office. There was a bead of sweat on his brow, which was another miracle, since Turnips have no sweat glands or brows.

"Mr. President, Mr. President!" the heavyset turnip said.

The President remained silent. He had been elected to the office of President one year ago, although how he won nobody knew. He was a non-sentient turnip.

"Yes, Mr. President. I'll get on it, anything else?" the first turnip asked.

The President remained silent.

"Yes, sir." The turnip rolled out of the office.

All throughout the nation, plans were being constructed on infiltrating the Fat Kirby's starship, the Halberd..

Several turnips loaded into boxes, bound for countries which shipped food to Fat Kirby. They were to infiltrate the Halberd, and take it over..
Fat Kirby
11-02-2006, 21:49
The Emperor of Fat Kirby had given the war cry, and it was eventually heard after everyone had finished waking up from their after-lunch feast nap. The Sentient Turnip was "a bunch of jerks" quoted the exalted Superior Being Dan Kirby. Their leader also made fun of his weight, and said things about his mother which were just plane bad. For this very reason the race known as Sentient Turnips needed to be wiped out...


And to do this, they would use none other than the Halberd! Their first target would be the large Turnip City of Turniper, and after being informed that Sentient Turnips was, in fact, not located in Greenland at all, they quickly returned and prepared to make the actual flight there, this time remembering to properly load all of the soldiers. They'd teach those filthy vegetables a thing or two about the food chain.

By that of course I mean they will eat them.

MetaKnight Halberd Launching Base; 1400 HOURS

Admiral MetaKnight slowly walked through the hustle and bustle of the facility, as the flight's original takeoff was postponed for the ceremonial After-Nap Secondary Lunch-Feast. Now that it was finally over with, and the last of the food shipments from Kirby's neighbors was finally loaded, they could begin the two-day flight to those damned Turnips. As MetaKnight finally came to the Halberd itself, making his way up the large staircase into the ship's underside, he turned back to his base and nodded assuredly, watching as two kirbies ran headfirst into eachother...

"I hate this place." He said simply, continuing to nod as the ship's exit closed behind him, "Its just so..."

"Stupid?" A familiar voice said, filling the air as his uniform presented itself.

"Yep. Pretty much Captain. So is the ship prepared for the flight?"

"Yeah, those vegetables will never know whats coming... Wahahahaha!!!" The Captain ( said, finishing with an extremely evil laugh. The kind of evil laugh which took months of practice to get down right.

"MWAH HAH HAH HAH HAHAHAH!!!" MetaKnight added, sending everyone back a few feet from the pure evil seeping off of it, nearly forcing those walking by to run off screaming. In fact a few did, which really sends home the fact that using children as crew members was a bad idea.

"Good one MetaKnight. I see someone's been practicing." The Captain ( nodded with a smirk.

"What can I say? I love being evil... Ah-hem, well anyways lets get this giant chunk of metal over to Turniper and invite them to our picnic..."

"A picnic of death?" MetaAxe, one of his underlings asked.


With that, the massive Halberd took off... But would our brave antiheroes manage to triumph over their vegetative foes?
Hmm... Eh, I'd say the chances are pretty good!
11-02-2006, 22:07
The President of Sentient Turnips gave this statement back to the Emperor of Fat Kirby:

In the cities, the war effort was being prepared, as people on the streets marched, carrying anti-Fat Kirby signs. Sadly, however, as Turnips have no arms, they could not carry the signs, so they just marched instead.
Since it was a Sunday morning, the winos in Sentient Turnips were rolling around on their sides, and the jolly F. Turnip III rolled in the middle of the street.

They knew the Fat Kirbies were superior to them militarily, but every Sentient Turnip [and non-sentient turnips for that matter] would contribute to the defense of their nation.

Inside a cargo ship bound for Fat Kirbies, twelve turnips sat inside a box labelled "Turnips" with a large stamp saying "NON-SENTIENT" on it. They waited until the cargo ship docked, and the huge dock crane hauled the box with the Turnips in them out, and put it on a truck, where it headed off..
Fat Kirby
12-02-2006, 07:20
The Emperor, after hearing the President's statement, responded almost immediately with his own...

Imperial Message from the Supreme Being
Hahahaha! Thats rich, but unfortunately that won't be happening, vegetable. Once the Kirby War Machine has begun, it will not stop until I make a salad out of each and every one of your people, eating them all right in front of you! Then your people can see the folly of following behind such a renegade as yourself!

I have a very special place for you...
In my stomach!

The Supreme Being,
Emperor Dan Kirby

The Halberd Control Room; 0600 HOURS

Everything was going according to plan, and after a small stop to bring aboard the last amount of food supplies from the nearest ally to their target, they were once again headed for Sentient Turnips. As MetaKnight looked out the expanding ocean, he thought of the irony that a completely limbless vegetable would be able to attain sentience... But then again there were many things about this planet Earth which surprised him, few of them which he actually liked... Though that would all change, once the Emperor realised what he realised.

"Captain, how many hours now?" MetaKnight said quietly, scratching his mask with what was probably called his hand, but only if one went by extremely general terms, "Stupid Turnips, why'd they have to choose to be on the other side of the ocean?"

"No idea, but then again they are turnips. Gah hah hah! Well we should be within distance of Turniper once we cross the rest of this damn ocean!" He cawed, looking at the rest of the crew. They'd been working hard to bring the engines to maximum output over the last few hours, "Most of you can probably get some rest until then! The Turnips don't really have much in the way of a naval fleet that I know of!"

"Alright... Well Give another look throughout the ship. This seems too easy..."

"They're turnips MetaKnight. They don't even have hands..." The Captain informed him, looking around slyly, "Though that brings up numerous conundrums on how they ever managed to get a city."

"Hmm... You're probably right. Well I'm going to take a bubble bath then catch some Z's. What about our reinforcements?"

"The Emperor didn't think you needed any, but he has a few thousand Kirbies prepared on warpstars, along with six warships and three troop carriers! We also have a small group of biosparks and Wheelies aboard, along with your Meta Troops just to be on the safe side... Wait did you say bubble bath?"

"Excellent. Though I'd have liked to have a bit more soldiers, I guess it can't be helped when we're only fighting turnips. Well I'd better be going, that bubble bath isn't going to make itself. Wouldn't want to look all grimey when I'm mercilessly slaughtering the turnips."

"Goodnight Master MetaKnight."; Secondary Kitchen

The Secondary Kitchen was bustling as always as they quickly prepared nonstop meals for the crew, namely the kirbies among them. In fact, without the kirbies aboard they probably would have been able to have gotten there by now, though the weight from the massive quanitity of food aboard weighed the massive ship down. The Kitchen itself was massive, capable of feeding hundreds of troops if it needed to, and there were three of them. However, the fact that the crew was primarily made up of the horrific race of kirbies made feeding them all rather hard.

"Gah! Zis vil not do!" The Master Chef ( shouted angrily, tossing an enormous pot into one of his attendants, crushing them, "These are ze radishes! I sed the TURNIPS! You bafoon! How do I make Chef Zeke's Turnip Soup without the main ingrediant?! Somebody had betta get ite'!"

"I'll get it Chef!" One of the attendants shouted, signaling for two burley guards to escort him to the hold to bring up the non-sentient turnips.

The Chef shouted something incomprehensible as they rushed off, on a course crossed with the destiny of a race... And a meal...
15-02-2006, 02:58
Halberd, Storage
The burly guards, making idle chatter as they walked down the halls of the Halberd, opened up the cargo hold, wandering past the guard in front of it.
They shoved boxes aside, bored out of their wits, until they found a box labelled "Non-Sentient Turnips."

They opened it, and in a puff of smoke, a dozen Sentient Turnips jumped out, along with four Non-Sentient Turnips for good measure.

In a cloud of dust, a comedic fight scene ensued.

From the cloud of dust, the upper body of a guard emerged, along with a floating turnip. The guard sent his fist flying into the floating turnip, and they both re-entered the dust cloud.

The dust cloud dispersed, and a pair of dead kirbies laid on the ground.

However, the battle was not without losses for the Turnips. Two non-sentient turnips were dead, and one Sentient Turnip had fatal peeling damage.

They prepared to infiltrate the ship..