NationStates Jolt Archive

Robzor Mcginty (http://images.zap2it.com/20050718/comedy/scrubs07_kenjenkins_fallpress02_bigpic2.jpg) stared out the window of the Presidential office; it had a great view of the brown stone city below. There wasn't a cloud in sky, a little bit darker than the skies he remembered of Earth, and the strange birds were singing in the even stranger trees. His workload was enticingly small, getting smaller as Robzor worked, yes, nothing could possibly ruin --

"Sir," chirped a voice over the intercom, "Yuric Frankenstorm (http://smh.com.au/ffximage/2004/12/16/stevenberkoff_narrowweb__200x298.jpg) to see you."

Robzor groaned. Yuric had a growing reputation as an eccentric; he was constantly at Robzor's heels, always badgering him to fund his latest crackpot idea for Defence. He'd made a design for a Death Star which was completely inefficient, he'd proposed that the government sanctioned animal growth hormones to make normal soldiers "Super Soldiers", and now he undoubtedly had something even more far-fetched.

The oaken doors opened to reveal Yuric with a thick navy binder at his side, holding it as though it were the Holy Grail.

"Sir," Yuric rumbled, "I have an excellent idea!"

OOC: DUN DUN DUN!

"Whataya got for me today, Yuric?" Robzor asked, feigning interest.

"Well sir, prepare to be blown away. I have found a way to create a new kind of soldier. Do you know of the Sentinels of Automagfreek?"

"Not personally, no, but I hear they do a great chocolate mudcake."

Yuric paused slightly at this. He recovered and pulled some documents out of his binder.

"These are the training records and the vital statistics of the new cloned soldiers that my team has developed. They excel at everything, from sprinting, to hand-to-hand combat, to bomb manufacturing. They feel no pain, they feel no fear, no emotion at all; their diet is essentially super-food, but they aren't super-soldiers."

"Oh, of course not, of course not," said Robzor in total agreement.

He skimmed through a couple of pages of scientific mumbo-jumbo. What really caught his eye were the (http://www.ftn.tv/images/doublethefist/template_image.jpg) pictures. (http://www.aapn.org/images2/panda.jpg)

"Pandas?!"

OOC: Comments welcome.

"Not pandas as such, panda-men. We've taken blood from one of your elite soldiers and mixed his DNA with that of a panda, it's all lot more complicated than that of course," Yuric replied, "Come down to my laboratory, my team will fill you in."

In the lab...

Robzor had invited John McClane (http://www.filmwatchers.com/headshots/bruce_willis.jpg), because he was the Minister of Defence, and Funky Rhinestone (http://www.boxoffice.com/jpg/apr04/starsky2.jpg), the Minister of Foreign affairs, because he wasn't doing anything better, to take a look at the new cloned soldiers.

A panda-man was sitting in one of those dentist chairs that moves around, with various probes and wires strapped to his arms and chest. A red-headed woman jabbed a needle into it's arm.

"There are currently eighteen soldiers ready for combat, in time they will replace the stormtroopers and regular infantry, and, properly armed, they will prove themselves to be better than the Terminators you hold so dear." Yuric explained, a bit of venom in his voice.

"I don't know bout' dis," Funky said fearfully, "Doesn't it say in da' book o' Saint Anger that 'The Gods of Metallicus witnessed this abomination unto them and proclaimed it to be Some Kind Of Monster?' Dey'd be angry bout' clonin' and creatin' life."

"Ah, but does it not say in the book of The Master of Puppets that we should ‘Embrace The Thing That Should Not Be’?” A brown haired man in a lab coat responded.

Funky still looked uneasy.

Back in the office…

“I just don’t see any reason to fund this army. We’re well defended with the troopers we have, are you proposing we should start invading?” Robzor asked uneasily, shuffling through more paperwork.

“Exactly!” Yuric screeched, “We could be The Empire of Mars! We’d stain capital buildings with the blood of our enemies! None could stand in our way!”

"You're out of your mind! Consider yourself banished!" Robzor roared, "Security!"

Two Stormtroopers walked into the room.

"Get this bastard out of here. Take him to the outskirts, make sure I never see his face again."

The outskirts...

"You'll never get away with this!" Yuric screamed.

He picked up a large stone and threw it at a stormtrooper. It bounced off his armour. He turned around and looked at Yuric.

"Oh dear." Yuric whispered.

The stormtrooper gave chase, Yuric ran as though the Dark Gods Greenday were after him.

Later that night screams were heard, and two Martian soldiers were reported dead the next day.

OOC: DUN DUN DUN...again. Comments welcome.

OOC: A few comments of my own, mostly to clear up some age old misconceptions.

There's nothing 'super' about the Sentinels, save for their training and tactics on the battlefield. They are not genewanked in any way, aside from having genetic defects removed from the master DNA copy. They eat normal military grub, can still feel pain and have limited emotions, but their lifelong training helps to suppress any feelings they may have, save for anger, rage, and so on.

OOC: Sorry AMF, couldn't resist.

Yuric slumped down on the cold metal ground. He was so tired, he hadn't eaten in two days. He couldn't sleep, though, he was too angry.

For the past two days he had been living in an unused Terminator warehouse, the large buildings where the Terminator droids were kept. He had nowhere else to go. Robzor most likely had his house destroyed, everything he owned probably burned to ash, bar his coffee mug at the lab.

The lab!

His equipment! His research! That was probably still all there! Robzor wouldn't even realise that he'd forgotten it! And Parliament was too wishy-washy to decide what to do with the Panda-men, they'd be kept in a stockade until the Government ordered their destruction. Everything was coming up Yuric!

His hand shot into his pocket in a frantic search for small change; he struck gold. He took a quick look outside -- no guards! -- and ran to the nearest payphone.

Meanwhile...

This is what I live for! This is my purpose!
The Soldier fired shots wildly into the air as I pushed him to the ground, I did not let him surrender, I did not let him escape. I fought him to the death, just as I'd fought his comrades. He fell upon his commander. I lunged for his neck, and sank my teeth deep into his neck, savouring the sweet juices that flowed forth, his screams subsiding. To think, McGinty thought these men my betters!

Yuric hastily slid the coin into the slot and dialled the number of his most trusted comrade.

Warty Shott picked up the phone and rubbed his eyes. Who could be calling at 3am?

"H-h-hello?" he said, stifling a vicious yawn.

"Warty, it's me! Look, I need you to bring all the research and equipment to the ... fifty-first Terminator warehouse, bring the rest of the team that's loyal to me! Quickly!"

"Yuric? I thought you were dead, what hap-"

"No time for questions, just do it!"

With that the phone went dead.

There was another one, talking frantically on the phone. I had a blaster rifle and a clean shot, but I think I'd let him see me. Besides, I liked hand-to-hand better. He turned around, wait, Father!

"Father!"

Yuric was taken by surprise as something big and furry crushed him in a bear-hug.

"Wait-wai-One?!" Yuric gasped.

It was. One the Panda-man, the first successfully born Panda-man, and generally considered the best by the rest of the team. His chin and chest were stained with sticky blood.

"The blood?" One asked. "I was eliminating some of my ... competition, I was killing the soldiers who stood in the way of our appointment as footmen of the glorious empire."

"Yes, well, good job then. Do you think you could find your way back to the stockade?"

"Yes Father, but ...you don't want me to go back, do you?" One asked fearfully.

"No, One, you shall free your brothers," Yuric said, patting One's broad shoulders.

One grinned a horrible grin and turned, focusing on nothing but his latest objective.

"Okay Yuric, we've brought the stuff you need. Is that all?" Warty asked breathlessly; the heavy documents coupled with the long walk had taken their toll on such an slothful man.

"For the moment," Yuric replied, keeping a watchful eye on the doors, should One or the army arrive. "Keep the rest of the team here though, I have plans for them."

---

Meanwhile, at the stockade.

One took in his surroundings. Eight armed guards were patrolling the walls of the small complex. Add them to the high stone walls, barbed wire, and searchlights, and One had a difficult task ahead of him.

He smudged mud across the white patches of his fur, making him harder to spot. His furred feet muffled his approach much better than hard boots.

Soundlessly he scaled the walls of the complex. He took the pliers he had in his mouth and snipped at the barbed wire, cutting off a large chunk.

With his belly to the brickwork, he crept over the wall.

Thriftily picking up the discarded wire, he approached a guard from behind and wrapped it around the man's neck. The guard struggled for a few minutes and went limp. One frowned; his last victim had flailed a lot more.

He picked up the man's blaster rifle, and hung it over his back by the strap, with the six other guns from his earlier victims.

The seventeen other Panda-men were standing in a straight line in the middle of the compound, a guard ushered them into a dormitory. One jumped from the wall and quickly knocked him out with a karate chop to the head.

One turned to his comrades.

"Come my brethren, Father lives! He is in need of aid!"

---

"He's not coming." Warty said, drawing attention to the lack of Panda-men.

"He is definitely coming; you've seen his test results. He's the best one in the squad," Yuric replied. "However, he is later than I expected. I shall inform you of my plan now."

He picked up a crudely drawn map.

"This is the old airfield; it housed the fleet before we bought the star destroyers. It contains the fighters, transport ships and, previously, the only capitol ship we brought from Earth. We are going to make a direct assault on the main enterance, and steal an Otterman class transport. We shall find a suitable location, and from there we shall forge the Empire of Mars, and carve our rightful place in history!"

Warty looked doubtful.

---

Robzor McGinty had just finished his paperwork. He savored the feeling of having nothing to do.

"Sir," Chirped the intercom. "Honky Jitters to see you."

A pajama-clad man burst through the double doors.

"Sir! I was just called by Warty Shott. Yuric Frankenstorm is doing something insane!"

---

Yuric had the team and the Panda-men assemble near the airfield.

"Okay team, make your way to that transport when the Panda-men clear the way. Keep in groups of two, avoid any and all combat."

Fourteen of the eighteen Panda-men were armed, seven with E-11 blaster rifles, seven with a standard Martian sidearm pistol. The other four had picked up heavy branches or stones.

"Alright men, run forth! Do not fear pain or death! Kill them all!" One screamed at his warriors.

The Panda-men roared with furious delight at his words, and ran full pelt at the main gates, blasting the Terminators in their way. There were only about fifteen or so of them at the gate, so after a few minutes the team’s path was clear.

"Board the transport!" Yuric ordered the team. "Panda-men, wait until the last human is aboard before you enter the ship!"

The scientists climbed aboard the ship, Yuric getting behind the controls, he used to pilot a garbage freighter to afford his university fees.

"Freeze!"

Many Stormtroopers and Terminators were sprinting across the airfield, the Panda-men firing a couple of shots to slow them, and boarded the transport.

"Bye bye, slavers and oppressors!" Said Seven the Panda-man, firing his blaster out of the hatch.

---

"It's too late! They've gone into hyperspace! Cease fire and return to base." The Stormtrooper ordered his men. "Get those Terminators back to storage."

OOC: Yeah, comments welcome, tell me what y'all think.

The transport had been airborne for days. The rest of the team was unable to find a suitable location for The Empire of Mars to be forged upon. Yuric was half hoping that they'd come across that alien structure from "Total Recall".

"Sir, we're coming up on something," Eleven the Panda-man said.

Yuric strained his eyes towards the horizon. Something, definitely metal, was lying there on the ground; it was huge.

"The object is about five kilometres long, made of an off-world alloy. The shape suggests a Covenant Assault Carrier," the Panda-man reported.

A Covenant Assault Carrier? Here? It must have been from the old battles between the UNSC and the Covenant.

"Take us down. Let's set up shop," Yuric ordered.

Inside the Carrier...

"What've we got, soldier?" Yuric asked one of the Panda-men.

"Okay sir, we've been taking inventory for a couple of hours. We've found," the Panda-man consulted a sheet of paper, "five hundred plasma rifles, four hundred and fifty b-"

"Thank you, soldier."

Yuric smiled to himself. The cloning facilities were set up, the ship had many weapons aboard, and Robzor would probably assume that Yuric and his team were off-world. In time, nothing would stop the rise of the Empire, they would spread like a plague, a pandemic. No, wait, Pandamic. Martian Colony 43 was going to be destroyed; eventually Yuric would control everything, everywhere.