NationStates Jolt Archive

Mr. Wiggles II had a great idea! He loved it! He hugged himself he was so proud of himself for thinking of this idea! For once, even one of his aids HIGHFIVED him! He was so excited, so happy, so... fat.

He quickly made his way to his Polishly-funny stick-podium so quickly it nearly collapsed when he bounded onto it. The international media watched intently, not sure what to expect this time around from the fat, blubbery, greasy Mr. Wiggles II. He straightened his tie on his otherwise casual clothing - he had realized he once again outgrew his custom-tailered suites.

I, Mr. Wiggles II, leader of the great people of Paralax, cordually -

He looks back at his aid with a "What the hell does that mean??" look on his face.

- invite Mr. Dreadfire of the nation of Automagfreek to our nation, Paralax. We will have a grand old feast, and a meeting between you and I on the future of our nations.

The international media is welcome to view this and broadcast it live the entire time, thus showing our hospitality and to reenforce that Dreadfire is one of the greatest leaders of all time!

He claps his hands, the fat on his hands bouncing around.

Mr. Dreadfire! Please! Join me for a meeting and a feast! This will be a meeting you shall never forget, and one that shall be framed and put up on the wall of fame!

With that, the happy-go-lucky Wiggles II bounced off of the podium and made his way off screen.

[OOC: Why does this concern "ALL NATIONS"?]

[OOC: Why does this concern "ALL NATIONS"?]
OOC: The international media is watching, thus why wouldn't it? :fluffle:

Ohhh...! he said outloud, turning around to go back to the podium.

He made his way back to the Polishly-funny stick-podium, climbing his way up the five steps to get to the top.

Oh, yes! Hold on! We also declare war on Kraven Corporation! Those evil-doers will die by our spears! Or, guns! Both for the hell of it!

He then turned around, lost his balance, and bounced to the ground, rolling off camera.

OOC: *Faceplants once again* Yes. Dreadfire should definately go to this feast. They can discuss uhhh strategy and uhh... yeah.

OOC: Is your leader on cocaine?

OOC: Is your leader on cocaine?
OOC: As a matter of fact, no... he's on grease... ;) See posts in the slave trade thread... or other threads by your truly.

OOC: At least he's mildly amusing... I think. Can I get a second opinion on that one please, IU'm really not sure if I'm telling the truth there or not.

OOC: *Faceplants once again* Yes. Dreadfire should definately go to this feast. They can discuss uhhh strategy and uhh... yeah.

ooc; hey there mr slave trader, of course there will be strategy talked about :), the way Mr. Wiggles II always talks strategy. just have the time its realated on how to stuff down more food... providing he doesnt get arrested :)

OOC: At least he's mildly amusing... I think. Can I get a second opinion on that one please, IU'm really not sure if I'm telling the truth there or not.

ooc: well yes, yes he is mildy amusing, but wait, hes more, He is hilarous! and you best laugh at it or He will visit your nation, as Antanjyl already knows its not a pretty site.

OOC: Whatever he's on, I want some. The poor little guy doesn't even realize that Dreadfire sticks people on stakes and wipes whole nations off the map who cross him.

But if you want knowledge on military tactics or methods of torture or execution, Dreadfire's your man. AMF has THE most barbaric and sick methods of execution you can imagine.

OOC: I just impale people who cross me, since its classic and does the torturing for you over the course of days. He currently being dislodged from the slave market as we speak. Though yeah its horrifying, and pound for pound I'm sure he matches dreadfire.

ooc: well yes, yes he is mildy amusing, but wait, hes more, He is hilarous! and you best laugh at it or He will visit your nation, as Antanjyl already knows its not a pretty site.

OOC: Visit MY nation? HAH! He'll be incarcerated for Gross Obesity, a crime in the Dominion. The Crime of Gross Obesity carries a prison term of: Until the criminal is no longer a disgusting example of the weakness of humanity.

ooc: i wish AMF would talk to me

Maybe Mr. WIggles II will go on tv and dance for all of you, maybe that would be a good punishment.

Kahanistan Mr. Wiggles II would give you some of his greasey special, but that would require you to visit the nation of paralax, (refer to my report to ask every nation to the ball.)

hint hint- the main meal of Mr. Wiggles II has to do with a walrus, but you will have to visit to learn what its all about! :D

DEMOCRATIC SOVIET REPUBLIC OF KAHANISTAN
Ministry of Foreign Affairs

The Government of Kahanistan is appalled that your leaders would even consider diplomatic relations with Automagfreek, a nation whose tortures are the most barbaric and vile that we have ever encountered. Recently, our own nation was on the receiving end of a Freekish invasion, which drained nearly all of our resources and required extensive rebuilding to make us a military power again.

To further discourage relations with such a hostile regime, the Government of Kahanistan invites Mr. Wiggles II to visit the Democratic Soviet Republic of Kahanistan. We will stuff Mr. Wiggles II until he can eat no more, being aware of his lust for gross obesity.

Unfortunately, I am unable to personally conduct diplomatic relations, writing this message from a computer deep in the mountains of Tahuantinsuyu. Hopefully these duties will be completed before Mr. Wiggles II arrives, as I doubt most other Kahanistan officials share my patience.

Signed,
Margaret Delray,
Minister of Foreign Affairs

Ohhh...! he said outloud, turning around to go back to the podium.

He made his way back to the Polishly-funny stick-podium, climbing his way up the five steps to get to the top.

Oh, yes! Hold on! We also declare war on Kraven Corporation! Those evil-doers will die by our spears! Or, guns! Both for the hell of it!

He then turned around, lost his balance, and bounced to the ground, rolling off camera.

The Totalitarian Military State of The Kraven Corporation

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v399/HorusGodEmperor/Flags.jpg

And What Per chance is your Evidence for our "Evildoing?" You make brash claims, and declare war on a Vastly Superior Foe, If We were you, We'd be watching Our tounge, Lest like your unfortunate slave girl... You loose it.

Put down your petty threats of war, and Pray We do not Change our minds, I'm Sure your people would find life under the Banner of the Corporation... Quite Pleasant.

The High Command.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v399/HorusGodEmperor/KC-OBEY.jpg

Mr. Wiggles II wants to visit the new nation

*a letter to Kahanistan from Mr. Wiggles II*

Hello! :)

i will vist your nation, it sounds nice, however, i require a few things to comfort me as i visit--

1- i require contant shade, any where else is to hot for me under -40 degrees F
2- i require constant attention
3- i love hugs
4- i am looking for a secritary, (you seem friendly, would you like the job?)
5- you must allow me to bring a walrus
6- i just bought a new dog, he is the smallest dog i have had yet, only 300 pounds i require your men to carry him with me.
7- slave girls are pretty
8- i require that you come to my country
and 9- i would like a sponge bath from you, and your five closet friends every night until i leave, along with my dog, (his name is Wigglesbottom VIII) who will be pampered and loved by your most beautiful women.

mr. wiggles is loved by Kraven as well a resounding 'awwwww' can be heard in the background

A new friend!

i, mr. wiggles II would like to talk to you in person, i will offer jelly rolls and walrus anus. please send a message back to me for when you would be willing to start our peace talks, our nations have been through so much, we would like to end our war and become allies.

Please no hurt me, but if you must try, i would love to put on a televisied dance and makeout party with you. :)

Eyeyayay! What a FRUITCAKE! exclaimed The Peoples Protector, John Wisher. Tell me again why we allied with this fat-ass maniac? he demanded from his aids.

You didn't want him coming to OUR country, sir... so you decided to appease him. one aid responded.

Ahh... Damnit! What to do, what to do? We need to claim neutrality! he said.

If you do that, he will surely come to our country to make us become allies. Lets just keep the jolly blob of jello happy and call it a day, sir. he the aid.

The Peoples Protector took a deep sigh, Fine. Just make sure that flabby thing doesn't come our way. And if he does... send a ship full of cake to his country to keep him over there!

DEMOCRATIC SOVIET REPUBLIC OF KAHANISTAN
Ministry of Foreign Affairs

With regard to your most recent letter, almost all buildings in Kahanistan are air-conditioned, as we live in a desert. As for -40 degrees Fahrenheit, we would have to host the meeting in a cryonics lab or similar facility. Constant attention would be provided by the men and women of the Kahanistan Republic Guards who provide security for government officials and foreign dignitaries should you visit, we would provide extra security.

I am not presently interested in a career change, I am 42 years old, quite happy in my current cabinet-level position, and as I said in my last letter, I am currently away (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=456599) in the mountains of Tahuantinsuyu, writing from a laptop from a message I was given by a lower-level Ministry of Foreign Affairs official. As for your request to bring a walrus, that is acceptable, as is your dog, which is extremely large by Kahanistan standards (our current record-holder is a 93 kg Great Dane called Ahmed).

Slavery is illegal in Kahanistan and has been for as long as I can remember. While I would love to visit your nation at some point, I am afraid that a sponge bath would be too intimate for this level of discussion.

Signed,
Margaret Delray,
Minister of Foreign Affairs

Suprainister Denteth Tolion would simply sit in his high backed chair surrounded by a throng of aides, they all shared the same gobsmacked expression, Deneth was the first to express a sentiment shared by the entire room, he burst out laughing, "that...thing...oh I don't beleive it" He continues laughing leaning back in his chair smacking the desk with a hand as the Aide's clutch at the desk for support, the transmission had been preposterous, and rediculous to put it bluntly.

"Anyway to buisness, despite the amusing broadcast I don't want him anywhere near Novacom Territory, what are our options?" Denteth turns his gaze from the asecnding monitor, which folds back into the high celining and fixes Jessie Talas in a serious stare.

"Well Suprainister, we could request Foreign Minister Sarestus to issue an appropriate statement, frankly though I'd suggest we shoot down his transport if he decides to, "grace" us with a visit. Jessie tugs at her pony tail before staring out of the wide windows into the crystal sky, a beautiful day wasted on a crackpot tub of goo.

Nodding Denteth scrawls out a note and hands it to another aide, "take this to Hugoro, quickly at that" the Aide would rush out of the office to fufil the task, "Now we have a report from Novacom Manufacturing to deal with next?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v619/DK_Viceroy/NovacomFlag.png

Novacom Diplomatic Directive

From: Novacom Foreign Affairs Ministry
To:Mr. Wiggles II, Paralax

We Advise you to be wary, the world is filled full of dangerous things, and you yourself do not endear yourself to them, in future keep your prattling and humour to Stand up Comedy not International Politics.

The Message is signed in an indecipherable language, propably Novan

mr. wiggles II wants to visit Kahanistan, however he demands to know about his walrus and dog

a letter back-

good sir, thank you for offering what you havem but i must know about my dog. he wants to be pampered, and he like pretty ladys, he always happy aftr he visits them. and for the walrus, i have two specimens, i have the chunky walrus, and a very smooth walrus.

the intestines of the chunky walrus are tasier, but the smooth walrus, has better bowl movments for a dessert. i would like reply on that.

and- could we set a date for a visit?

mr. wiggles II invite novacom for dinner

hello, thank you for your opinions of AMF, so i insist that you come to my nation for a feast, we have lots of food, and dancing, lots of pretty ladies will be there, and dogs are allowed, but no small children, Wigglesbottom VIIII will eat them.

bring some nice shoes, and i can show you my tap dancing, and maybe you can dance with me. i am a good dancer :)

i would like to hear your reply

thank you,
Mr. Wiggles II

Foreign Affairs Minister Andrew Chambers had sat in horror as he ad heard of the monstrosity Mr. Wiggles II. The broadcast had been amusing and absolutely terrifying at the same time as the blob of incoherent matter had bounced around the set. Oh God let him never set foot in the FedAB thought Chambers. He hailed his aide, Eli Corse

"Eli...Oh God make sure that thing never sets foot on our lands. He could toxicate them or something...you've heard the reports from Antanjyl!!!"
"I have indeed Mr. Chambers...though you do know he will probaly eventually take notice of our nation."
"Well if he does find a way to keep the fatasstic blob of crap off of our soil...it'd kill our hazmat teams!"
"Would you like me to send a message to this "Mr. Wiggles" sir?"
"NONONO!! Then he'll surely come! Just infrom President Graham of this...entity...and warn him of his danger. We'll have to produce some kind of weapon or lure to combat him. And we have to keep our eyes open!!"
"It will be done, sir."

Oh God. This can not be happening. What would they do if this thing tried to be friendly with them? Never mind the hazmat teams, how would he cleanse himself?

OOC: :) im glad you guys RP this thread, but for today, i must log off, i will repost when i get back on the computer. have a nice day :)

OOC: This is great

Regarding Wiggles the 2nd's... appearence on international TV this morning, Sergei Putnov has sent a videomail to Mr. Wiggles.

From the desk of the Supreme Soviet of the Stukavian Confederacy
Comerade Wiggles II, is this really the way to behave on national TV? Yet for now, that is the least of our troubles. Your sudden wish to visit various random countries has... disgusted the international community. Now, our usual responce to such actions would be to send an assassination squad from the Black Riders, but since you've made me laugh i'd like to propose some form of alliance, yes? You make me laugh, and I won't send sleeper agents into your country!
"Comerade Putnov!"
"Not now, Sokolov, i'm buisy!"
"Sir, that alliance offer is preposterous!"
*Sergei had then pulled out a baseball bat.*
"SHUT (whack) UP (whack) SOKOLOV!"
So as i was saying, perhaps we could discuss this over a game of battleship?
*from the floor* "Don't play with him! he cheated and sunk my castle!"
"SHUT UP SOKOLOV! (whack whack whack)

(I don't think any of you other guys need to worry, Mr. Wiggles will be going to Kahanistan as soon as the Minister of Foreign Affairs gets back from her unexpectedly long trip to the Andes.)

DEMOCRATIC SOVIET REPUBLIC OF KAHANISTAN
Ministry of Foreign Affairs

Do not in future address me as 'good sir,' rumor has it that a Xirniumite border guard once made that mistake with a female convoy commander and ended up losing his head. In case you did not notice the name at the end of the document, you are speaking with a woman.

Your dog will not like me, I'm not that pretty. But one of my aides can pamper him for you. As for the walrus, I strongly advise against eating its bowel movements, coprophagy has been linked to various unpleasant diseases and is disgusting. I personally do not eat walrus intestines either, but I might test the recipe on an aide, but not tell him what it is, let him think it's jerky before I make a judgment.

We can indeed set a date for a visit as soon as I return to Kahanistan.

Signed,
Margaret Delray,
Minister of Foreign Affairs

Mr. Wiggles II wants walrus bowls for desert

a letter to Kahanistan*

dear good sir,

I am sure my dog will think that you are pretty.
Even though you think that walrus bowls are bad for you, you would find that are very tasty.

it is very delightful after a long day of feeding walrus old moldy tunafish, and the bowls are very stinky. this makes them taste much better, boiled poo is a great desert.

Mr. Wiggles II

ooc: tired, its not funny, i know

Do you have MSN Paralax?

ooc: i wish AMF would talk to me

OOC: Declaring war on AMF is a good way to catch his attention. There won't be much talk, but it'll get his attention.

OOC: Actually, he's more likely to mistake you for a n00b and just ignore you. If you're still willing to commit national suicide, go piss off Kraven. Kraven and Kahanistan have been hostile almost as long as we've both been on the forums.

Just don't godmode and you should be fine, unfortunately too many nations these days have a pretty liberal idea of what constitutes godmoding and I have a more conservative view on it.

IC: Minister Delray was reading her messages on her laptop, shivering in the cold in a llama pelt. She was freezing as she read the Paralaxian message.

DEMOCRATIC SOVIET REPUBLIC OF KAHANISTAN
Ministry of Foreign Affairs

Mr. Wiggles II, I have told you before I'm not a "sir."

Not only is eating walrus bowel movement, or any other kind of excrement, disgusting, but feeding it old moldy tunafish is cruel. It smells and looks horrible and causes the most frightful diarrhea.

While boiled excrement might have most of the harmful micro-organisms killed, I cannot say that it would be very good for you, as it would be like mud or dirty water.

Signed,
Margaret Delray,
Minister of Foreign Affairs

The Minister's letter included an attachment composed of a photograph of a woman in her early 40's, with shoulder-length light red hair, blue eyes, a somewhat freckled face and the hint of a smile, but no other overt display of emotion. She had a roughly average frame, about 5'4" (163 cm) and 130 pounds (59 kg), not too fat, not too skinny. In all, she appeared to be just another ordinary Kahanistan woman, except that she was the Minister of Foreign Affairs.

ooc: i wish AMF would talk to me

OOC: I've been at band practice all day.

**************

Once Dreadfire was able to return to his forward command post, he received word of the transmission. He had been leading his troops from the very front against The Kraven Corporation, and as a result very few opportunities arose for him to check the news from the mainland.

Damien watched the flamboyant leader request his presence for a feast and for diplomatic talks, scoffing as the video concluded. He hastily drafted a response and sent it moments after, his attentions still on the war with Kraven.

~From the desk of Lord Damien the Destroyer, Supreme Warlord of the Excessively Armed Empire of Automagfreek~

Is this some kind of joke? I do not have the time nor interest to attend your banquet. The mere notion of attending an event with someone named.....Mr. Wiggles, makes me vomit in my mouth.

I am too busy leading my Sentinels from the front lines against The Kraven Corporation to continue discussions with you, nor do I want to. One such as yourself is not worthy to sit in my presence.

http://img418.imageshack.us/img418/3269/dreadfireclose7ue.jpg
---Damien the Destroyer---
-Supreme Warlord of AMF-

OOC: to the island of rose, yes, ye si do have a MSN thingie, i am rarley on it however, but ill get on sometime, urm,, TG me to get it

Mr. Wiggles And Dog Love Kahanistan Leader

Holding the picture in the air Mr. Wiggles II was weazing, look wigglesbottom, she is beautiful, we shall ask her to marry us.

later- in scrawled out writing a letter was written to the leader of kahanistan

Dear Sir,

You are the most beautiful person i have laid eyes on, my dog pants with delight at the sight of your picture, and, me and my dog have talked it over, and we have came to a conclusion,

Will you Marry me?


along the paper there are smudges and a stain of strawberry pudding. Mr. Wiggles II who loved musk cologne had sprayed two bottles on the paper.

*folded behind the letter was a picture of a musclebound man in the hot sun of california

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr. Wiggles II, begin to wiggle with joy at the letter from AMF

ooc: i am not a noob, this is the way i choose to play and write, to strick is boring, to anyone, if you do not wish to roleplay with me that is alright, and PS, i do nmot godmod, if anything i like undermod, or whatever, i seem to lose to much\, but anyways....


ic: jiggling in joy mr. wiggles II read the letter from the destroyer "he sounds nice" though mr. wiggles II. "maybe he like walrus anus like me..."

setting up his movie camera Mr. Wiggles II and his dog wigglesbottom sat down on the couch to begin his speech to AMF.

"Hello ma'am
you sounded sweet on your letter, i didnt understand alot of the jokes you said about me, like puking in your mouth and stuff, but thats ok.
i want you to come to my nation so we can have peace talks. you seem like a friendly nation, and we have decided it would be great to be allies. "

with that his dog barked, and jumped up on mr. wiggles II fat lap and the dog began to lick his face, mr. wiggles II being friendly, licked the dog back..

"so anyways" he bagan " i invite you and your friends to come to our nation, maybe you would like some fried bowl movements, its a delicasy here in Paralax you know."

bzzzzzzt*
the camera began to buzz and the battery light beagan to flash.

"oh damn, well this will have to do for now, i will send another movie later, maybe tomorrow after the night"

ooc: i am not a noob, this is the way i choose to play and write, to strick is boring, to anyone, if you do not wish to roleplay with me that is alright, and PS, i do nmot godmod, if anything i like undermod, or whatever, i seem to lose to much\, but anyways....


OOC: Erm...of course, I understand the difference between OOC and IC. And no, I'm not too interested in interacting with a nation such as yours. Thanks though.

(She's the Minister of Foreign Affairs, not the leader. She can be a bit sarcastic, too, as you'll find out.)

Minister Delray was somewhat irritated, but being bored at night in the Andes, she had little else to do. She absolutely hated the smell of musk, or strawberry pudding, but she did like muscle. Not that her career gave her much time to seek out a mate...

DEMOCRATIC SOVIET REPUBLIC OF KAHANISTAN
Ministry of Foreign Affairs

If I am the most beautiful person you have ever seen, I feel sorry for your mother. My personal advice is for you to see an eye doctor and find out if they do eyeball transplants in your country.

If they don't, you want to take a sharp stick, put it in the walrus crap you seem to like, and thrust it through your eyeball as hard as you can so it gets infected. By the way, I prefer to actually meet someone before I consider marrying him.

And for the third time, quit calling me sir.

Signed,
Margaret Delray,
Minister of Foreign Affairs

OOC: haha, man, this is getting interesting I see... lol

OOC: Erm...of course, I understand the difference between OOC and IC. And no, I'm not too interested in interacting with a nation such as yours. Thanks though.


OOC:

I bet you would talk to me though! I KNOW YOU WOULD! I KNOW IT! I AM WORTHY! I AM!

*cries*

WHY?!??!?!

wiggles begins peace talks with kahanistan

from mr. wiggles II to the fair sir minister of Kahanistan*

Hello, however the idea of shoving of poo infested stick my my eye sounds exciting i must pass, i would not be able to see your venetian beauty. i am happy you like the accurate picture of me that i have sent you.

*snickers from aids in the backround*

i would like to meet you, you must come visit me in paralax. for you a feast will be made, walrus cooked anyway that you like, and rats are delicous, i discovered them in the waiting room in antijyl. they are good..

sincerly,
Mr. wiggles II
------

again the letter smelled of musk, and food spatted all over the page. along with the letter was a box, inside of the box was a toasted rat head. scorlled along in the box was a small letter...

my second favorite food, second only to walrus genitals, which you can try when to come and visit me here in paralax.

OOC:
I saw a man go to a restaurant in Hong Kong on TV where he ate walrus penis (it had a bone in it) and testes. It is not a common food but it is believed to have some heath benefit (sort of a traditional medicine). You can find similar items on the menus of some Chinese restaurants (such as the menu for one located Ho Chi Minh City).

If you ever want to RP a visit to Potty 5 (or have someone from Potty 5 visit) I would be interested. I also have to say that this is one of the best reads I have seen on NS.

Edit: As the post just below this mentioned urine. That is also consumed by some people in some parts of the world without ill effect (though it may increase the chance of baldness and some other issues relating to the hormones). And some people think it is good for their health.

OCC: OMG, Fave food is Walrus balls, oh GoD, that is to funny, a 500 pound man stuffing balls in his mouth! I suppose he washes it down with Urine?

Denteth relaxes gently back in his chair, gazing up into the sky above, through the ceiling of the crystaline Tower of Destiny sighing placidly, all was well with the world, at least until an Aide came in with a letter, one encrusted in unimaginable grime and filth, obvious attempts to purify it had been made but still the vomit and slime pervaded.

pincing the thing in index finger and thumb he dismisses the aide before hesitantly slicing the letter open and hurling the envelope into a large fireplace in which it bursts into a lagre fireball and emits a vile odour.

"Let's see, what on earth this is"

mr. wiggles II invite novacom for dinner

hello, thank you for your opinions of AMF, so i insist that you come to my nation for a feast, we have lots of food, and dancing, lots of pretty ladies will be there, and dogs are allowed, but no small children, Wigglesbottom VIIII will eat them.

bring some nice shoes, and i can show you my tap dancing, and maybe you can dance with me. i am a good dancer

i would like to hear your reply

thank you,
Mr. Wiggles II

"What!? Our Opinions of Automagfreek? children eating dogs? Rampaging Whores and poisoned feasts?"

Bashing his skull with his right hand while frantically searching his desk for the statement Hugoro had sent out with his left, his hand roving and clutching at documents, finally his desperate hands locates the sheet of paper, eying it suspiciously he bewails,

"This man is a lunatic, he has all but made an enemy of Automagfreek, The Kraven Corporation and a whole host of other nations, and now he is courting war with Kahanistan, now I know WHY my father favoured Isolation, if he is typical of the greater citizenry of the world then we may as well leave this world for the moon, goodness knows it's a possibility."

Picking up a phone with a clatter and pressing a button on a control panel he begins clattering down the phone in Novan, Several hours later another statement would be winging it's way onto the detestable wiggles.

Novacom Diplomatic Directive

From: Novacom Foreign Affairs Ministry
To:Mr. Wiggles II, Paralax

We take it that you are referring to an imaginary friend, as there is no such number as VIIII, Also due to important issues, such as dealing with the Rampant Admiral Kukonois and numerous other events we must decline your invitation to what would surely be our own funeral.

Underneath is a small sinister looking passage in Novan

The Message is signed in an indecipherable language, propably Novan

ooc: sorry guys i am tired right now, maybe later tonoght i will get back on, pooty 5 it would be greeat to start and RP with you, urm, you gotta start something, or maybe tomorrow i will, im out of idea ATM.

novocom- i am aware VIIII doesnt excist. :) VIV, but mr. wiggles II os gross and dumb :)

---------

ps, anyon know if T/W still plays... and if he/she does. there is a message from the great nation of quintero- there are still in the bunkers, the radiation has not left yet, but here is the message: T/W :upyours: : :upyours: :upyours: :upyours: :upyours: :upyours: and :fluffle:

ok :)

cya

Lord Cardinal George Vorian relaxed in his office, leafing through his broadsheet newspaper with a large mug of tea near at hand on the desk at which he sat. The Cardinal had just come from a gruelling four-hour session of question time in the High Ecclesiarchy, where he and other Parliamentary Members not part of the Xirniumite Progressive Democracy Party (which held the majority of seats in Holy Xirnium’s supreme legislature) had done their best to hold the Government to account. It was one of the grand pillars of the Eternal Republic's democratic governmental system, the doctrine of Responsible Government – that the Executive be part of and therefore accountable to the legislature.

‘My Lord, you must see this,’ explained the Cardinal’s aid, failing to suppress a humorous smile as she quickly entered the office, closing the large wooden door behind her.

‘What’s so funny?’ asked Lord Vorian. It had been a long, hard day, and the Cardinal was mildly interested to see what the bureaucrat found so amusing.

‘Just watch, George, you’ll see,’ she promised, playing the message on the plasma television on the opposite wall. The two watched in amazement at the bizarre antics of the grotesque Mr Wiggles.

Lord Vorian was speechless. ‘This is a joke, right Miranda?’ he asked, after it had finished.

‘Nope, he’s a real Head of State,’ assured the Cardinal’s secretary, her lips breaking into a cruel grin.

The two looked at each other for a moment before breaking out into hysterical laughter.

‘Well, I’m going to respond,’ explained the Cardinal, taking his fountain pen to begin drafting up an official response.

‘George, how can you respond? You aren’t even a member of the current party in power, much less a member of the Foreign Ministry,’ asked the secretary, nonetheless coming beside the Cardinal to watch as he rapidly drafted the letter.

‘True, but I am a member of the High Ecclesiarchy. Anyway, I can’t resist, this is just too absurd, and its not as if the Foreign Ministry is going to bother with this fool.’

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a25/Dennis134/flag1.gif

Personal Ecclesiastical Message
From: His Most Worthy High Ecclesiarchy of the Eternal Republic of Holy Xirnium
To: Mr Wiggles II of the Holy Republic of Paralax

The High Ecclesiarchy is both amused and disturbed at the fact that someone so grossly unsound for the position of high office could have become (no doubt by some morbid twist of fate) the leader of an entire nation.

I’d like to caution you that, if continued, your foolish antics (though providing comic relief and a vast reservoir of inspiration for cruel jokes at your expense,) might lead to detrimental effects to your nation. This is, of course, providing that your inept leadership has not done so already (which, I suspect, is likely the case).

In any case, thank you for providing some humour to an otherwise dreary day.

[Signed]
Lord George Vorian
Cardinal of the High Ecclesiarchy of the Eternal Republic of Holy Xirnium

DEMOCRATIC SOVIET REPUBLIC OF KAHANISTAN
Ministry of Foreign Affairs

That picture is of you? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but even out here in the Andes my aides send me information regularly, and their information says that you are not of that body type. In fact, the term they used to describe you was... indescribably horrid fat-ass.

This man is likely some model or famous athlete from your territory. But walruses do not naturally live in such climates. Are you stealing them from the zoo?

Signed,
Margaret Delray,
Minister of Foreign Affairs

Bonfaaz Burntfur sat in his quarters in the main council building, overlooking the city of Lion's Arch. The outer wall of the room was lined with windows, and a door which led onto a balcony. Outside it was late night, with only a few lights visible in the distance. The rest of the walls were simple, rough wood, probably taken from a unique tree in the nearby Maguuma jungle. The floor was made from similar rough wood, although centuries of use had seen it worn away and smoothed slightly. The wall opposite the windows had a large hearth, which provided most of the light in the room. The rest of the light was provided by a series of lit flame torches which lined the walls.

Burntfur sat at an enormous desk near the back of the room. Despite the old-fashioned look of the room, a plasma screen sat on the corner of the desk and was hooked up to a brown computer case. Burntfur was more interested in the various sheets of paper he held in his hands. He dug his claws through his fur and scratched his neck in confusion as he looked over them. They contained transcribed accounts of the dealings between this 'Mr. Wiggles' and various other nations, including AMF. So far as Burntfur was concerned, ALL human names were a little on the strange side, but for some reason this 'Mr. Wiggles' went to the top of his list. As he continued to flip through the pages he came across a photograph of him, and almost fell over backwards.

"Disgusting..." he growled, tossing it aside. "This is the most bizarre baldy I have ever seen."

The large wooden doors at the far side of his office opened, disturbing the candles and causing the light to flicker in an irritating fashion. Klarr Viletooth stomped through them, walking briskly across the room till he reached Burntfur.

"I have news of the front," Viletooth growled in Charrian.

"It can wait," Burntfur said, looking up at him. "Read this."

Viletooth frowned at him for a moment, and took the papers. He spend a few minutes reading through them, and jumped back in a similar way to Burntfur when he came across the photograph. He finally looked up from the papers at Burntfur in disbelief.

"This... Mr. Wiggles... is the leader of a clan?" Viletooth asked.

"Not just a clan, but all of the clans of his nation," Burntfur nodded.

"But he is the most bizarre baldy I have ever seen!" Viletooth exclaimed.

"Yes," Burntfur nodded. "That is what I said. Presumably his nation is just as bizarre as he is. Having read all of that, I would very much enjoy to see his ideas for education reform in particular. Within twenty cycles, everybody in his nation could be like him."

"His nation should be made into a theme park..." Viletooth said thoughtfully.

"That seems to be a common idea around here of late," Burntfur said, recalling the last nation which he personally thought should become a theme park. Gyrobot, was it?

"What are you going to do about this?" Viletooth asked.

"Me? Nothing," Burntfur shook his head. "This is not even addressed to us. And the baldy Dreadfire has already informed Mr. Wiggles exactly what he thinks of him, in no uncertain terms..."

"You must at least send him a message," Viletooth protested, shifting his enormous frame to one side slightly like a sulking youngling. "It is too amusing to ignore!"

"I will do no such thing," Burntfur snorted, snatching the papers back from Viletooth and dumping them down on the desk. "It is hard enough to keep the baldies from corrupting our ways of life. The taint left by this enormous walking lard commercial would be too vast to contain! There shall be no contact with 'it', and none from him shall be acknowledged."

"Fine..." Viletooth sighed. "Can you at least give me a copy of all those papers, for my own personal amusement?"

"If you wish it," Burntfur shrugged. "What do you intend to do with them?"

"I am thinking of submitting them to a moving picture network," Viletooth said. "I have an idea which I am going to call a 'situation comedy'... an inept, enormous baldy president in control of a bizarre country should make for an excellent starting point."

"Erm... good luck?" Burntfur shrugged. "Anyway, you said you had a report from the front... please, bring some semblance of sanity back to this office..."

What is up my brotha?

Yo' Dogg, Mr.Wiggles, Martian Col'ny fowty-tree been feelin' ya', I n' my Martian homies been chillin', and we tink' yo' is perfik fo' a new reality show that be called "The Bulbous an the Braindead", yo' be a prime can'd'date.

Giv' us yo' rhyme.

Funky Rhinestone,
Martian Colony 43 Foreign affairs Minister

OOC: Is anyone else dissapointed that AMF turned this down? Wiggles and Dreadfire really would have hit it off. They'd talk over Cream Soda mixed with the blood of thier enemies, Wiggles would have showed Dreadfire how to roast a lamb, Dreadfire would have showed Wiggles how to roast a Man...It'd be a great RP to read.

OOC: Totally. Then they could go for a walk on the beach, and AMF could try to bench press Mr.Wiggles and end up with a hernia.

OOC: Totally. Then they could go for a walk on the beach, and AMF could try to bench press Mr.Wiggles and end up with a hernia.
OOC: I am too... and God damn I am annoying everyone in the area where these computers are, laughing my ass off at practically every post...

C'mon, think of it... Dreadfire and Mr. Wiggles II... Goddamn, that'd go down in history as maybe the greatest meeting of all time!

Ooc: ty people for Rping with me

Ooc: to bad he wont talk to me, hes busy, but maybe my ded nation can come alive again...

The history of mr. wiggles II before he learned to Jiggle

It began in the great nation of Quintero...

one year ago, RL time, (i dont know how that translates to NS time)

Mr. Wiggles I (Mr. Wiggles II's father, for those that dont get that) was at war with the infamous T/W " :upyours: ". and people were disgusted with Mr. Wiggles. The poeple began to riot, and poor Mr. Wiggles II, and Wigglesbottom the first (Mr. Wiggles Pet Pig at a mere 700 Pounds) where afraid of the people outside of the capitol building. all of a sudden there was a crash! and 5 men in ninja outfits came out of the walls :mp5: :mp5: :mp5: :mp5: :gundge: and began to attack Mr. Wiggles. Wigglesbottom was shot, but Mr. Wiggles II (i.e Paralax leader) ran off into the secret door to his potty room. Mr. Wiggles began to bounce down the hallway as the nujas began to shoot at him. Bullets peiced his hide and got lost in tha mass. and Mr. wiggles began roll down the stairs. and the ninjas jumped out of the building and began to cheer, the masses began to woot and holler. the pig (wigglesbottom) was not quite dead yet, and with a final grunt he rolled onto the windowsil the ninja were standing on and broke the wall down, all five ninjas fell down. along with the poor pig. so then Mr. Wiggles II helpful aid came and rescued him, got on the boat and took him to a nearby country, (but for the safty of them do not feel like i should tell)

20 years later-

Mr. Wiggles II began to take over the ice nation of paralax. the people there lived fine, but Mr. Wiggles II fgot a taste of the walrus they had, so he decided he must own the ice island. so he took over the island, however the island people dont know they are ruled by the fat man, but he has declared himself "the big cheese"

OoC: thats basically the history

------------------------------------

Mr. Wiggles Is Confused

as Mr. Wiggles II lsitend to the message from Martian colony 43 he looked to his aids with fear in his eyes. with a shivering voice Mr. Wiggles II asked his aid, "What-- what did he just say to me? i didnt understand a word he said!, i think he called me a dog, but no matter, i must send a letter to him:

Dear Martian colony 43,
*in very big and dark letters*
We herer on paralax speak ENGLISH, we do not understand your language. please send an interperator to teach us your crazy language.

thank you
Mr. Wiggles II

--------------------------------------
Mr. Wiggles II wants a kitty Cat

After listening to what The Charr had said, and realizing that they where furry critters Mr. Wiggles II, asked his aid if he could buy one.

his aid did not know, so in question Mr. Wiggles II wrote a letter to the kitty cat nation:

Dear Kittys,

you sounds adorable, i would like to buy you, Bonfaaz, i would like to stroke you and pet you, how much would you be willing to be bought for? or what about your friend. is he tasty? i would lkike to buy him too. or all of your whole cat nation.
thank you, and i await your reply.
Mr. Wiggles II


-----------------------------------
Mr. Wiggles is shocked

she doesnt belive that the picture is me?! what an outrage!

however, the walruss live in my country fair sir, and i must tell you that they are delicous, shall i mail you some more walrus genitals?

when are you oging to visit my country?

Mr. Wiggles II,

(attached to the box where two, 3 pounds wild walrus oysters.)

--------------------------------------------------------

antanjyl and ViZion declare war with Mr. Wiggles II?

"are-- are they calling me FAT!?!?!?"

"i cant belive it, i am only 100 more pounds than my father!"

a letter to both, tear smudges and vanmilla icecream all around the paper

you- you think i am fat? you think that i would crush Dreadfire? *smudge* i-i ive tried to lose wieght! i really have, *ice cream smudge*. i dont understand why people *icecream* must make fun of my wieght! *walrus juice*. i wish to have a formal apology.

thank you, *smudge*
Mr. Wiggles *smudge* II

OoC: everyone who is interested in this thread, TG your friends and get them involved, i need some new ideas, :)

:fluffle: , luv y'all :fluffle:

besides you T/W :upyours:

OOC: huh? When did I declare war on you? And I couldn't even though Villian thinks you need to be cut open like a shark... because of our civil war... lol

Ooc; i understand no war- mr. wiggles was offended :)

Dear Sirs or Misses.

Funky Rhinestone was simply making a request that, if you should feel it suitable, that perhaps you may think about appearing on Martian colony 43's latest reality show "The bulbous and the braindead". It would be a jolly corking thing for you to do, your amusement could make peace with us for generations to come. Please ponder our request, and contact us, should you reach a decision.

Chalky Razorback
Assistant to Funky Rhinestone

jiggles with joy at the martians

I WOULD LOVE TO COME!

just realze that i require many things ot keep me comfortable

1. fresh walrus anus
2. Pretty girls
3. Slaves pampering my dog (they must be beautiful women)
4. and finally fresh walrus anus

thank you, and maybe we can snuggle after the show

:fluffle:

OOC: Ok, I honestly expected the mods to lock this long ago, about the time he started using the words walrus anus. Sinbce they apparently haven't been notified, I am going to tell them, and direct them to your other threads as well.

OOC: Ok, I honestly expected the mods to lock this long ago, about the time he started using the words walrus anus. Sinbce they apparently haven't been notified, I am going to tell them, and direct them to your other threads as well.
OOC: I really don't see what the problem is? He's having some fun, he's not godmodding, and it's giving people some comical relief. Sure, he can be a little sick, but so are many other RP's I've been in, and far worse than this at that. Plus, while a bit odd, it's funny.

Robzor Mcginty, President of Martian colony 43, was playing with his newly acquired Covenant Carbine rifle. He fired a shot, just as his secretary walked into the room, a yellow beam missed his head by inches.

"Sir, we have confirmation from Mr. Wiggles, he'll do the show!" He said.

"Damn good!" Robzor replied hastily as he shoved the rifle under his desk.

"But," the Secretary began, taking a small note out of his pocket, "He does require some things."

Robzor read the note. Now, if faces were emoticons, he'd have a giant :eek:.

"Where are we gonna get Walrus anus from?"

"Uh, sir," the Secretary stammered, "I, uh, happen to know a place...friend of a friend...don't see much of him..."

His voice faltered at the look Robzor gave him.

"Yes, um, there is a place that sells synthetic Moose anus, perhaps we could dress it up, get him drunk, etcetera."

"Pretty Girls?" Robzor asked.

"There is a strip club a few blocks from here. The 'Raunchy Title', I believe it's called."

"Slave girls for his dog?"

"Ah, Sir, there's bound to be a few attractive vetinary students who'd do it for the money."

"And more Walrus anus, well, that's all that wrapped up. Get on the holo-phone and tell him we'll come get him."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr Wiggles,

Martian colony 43 has found ways to supply your demands. Please wait for a transport ship with a fighter escort, we are coming to take you to our planet. We request an immediate stand down of arms.

Robzor Mcginty
President of Martian colony 43

OOC: I really don't see what the problem is? He's having some fun, he's not godmodding, and it's giving people some comical relief. Sure, he can be a little sick, but so are many other RP's I've been in, and far worse than this at that. Plus, while a bit odd, it's funny.

OOC: I certainly agree...this is absolutely hilarious. My compliments to Paralax.

To: Mr. Wiggles II, leader of the great people of Paralax; Paralax
From: Emperor Fat Monkey 13 the former great archmage, the master strategist, the great general, the brilliant, the genius, the demon monkey, the reincarnated from hell, the future galactic warlord, and Benevolent Dictator from the future; Imperial City, Monkey 13 City, Potty 5


Dear Mr. Wiggles II

It has come to my attention that you have, through the international media, asked to speak to the world leader Dreadfire of Automagfreek. According to my sources the world leader Dreadfire was unable to visit your Holy Republic. I also my sources have come to the conclusion that you currently have diplomatic travels on the horizon. As a large number of people in my nation, who witnessed your message via the international media, have wonder why they have never heard of any relations at all between our two nations, I would like to speculate if it would be possible that during your diplomatic travels you would come and visit the Socialcapitalistic Empire of Potty 5. My sources have informed me that you like fresh walrus anus, pretty girls, and beautiful women. If this is true I am confident that a restaurant and company that would suit your tastes could be prepared for your arrival, in addition we would like to provide you with a great verity of the foods our nation has to offer. A man who can appreciate as exotic foods as walrus anus may find some of Potty 5’s more exotic foods to be of his liking. As you said 'Join me for a meeting and a feast'.

[Official Stamp of Emperor Fat Monkey 13 the former great archmage, the master strategist, the great general, the brilliant, the genius, the demon monkey, the reincarnated from hell, the future galactic warlord, and Benevolent Dictator from the future]

OOc: i have a delema, Currently, MR. Wiggles II is crash landed in Aveliot ready to eat his once pilot, and also in Antanjyl, getting ready to mee the emporor, or be killed or something i dont know...

righ tnow ill just say he is a clone...



anyways... first things first

Mr. Wiggles says WTF

mr. wiggles II (not me) says: "WTF, all i said was Walrus Anus!!! dont read it if you see Mr. Wiggles II in the title then..."

OOC: sorry for what Mr. Wiggles II said, i dont control him.. i am sorry

Mr. Wiggles gets ready to visit the martians

Wiggling and smaking his belly mr. wiggles II said : "WEEEE! i get to be on a TV station! "

Dear Martian Colony,

walrus anus, walrus intestines, and walrus nostrol with boogers running is very delicisous. please make extra for me. and my dog needs his comforts, which however i am tired of writing, and i am sur ethat you know of them :)

thank you,
Mr. Wiggles II

Mr. Wiggles II must go Potty 5

my fourth clone would love to come to your fair country potty 5! By the way i love your stamp! hehe. ANyways, i am sure you know of my needs, but for you i must add one more,

anus, genitailia, and bowls movements from your national animal, i am sorry for asking this but i must require it. and also i like saying naughty words *cough*

if you do not want to kill your national animals that would be fine, but you must double the pretty women for my dog, wigglebottom VIIII.

sincerly i would love to visit your country.
Mr. Wiggles II

OOC:Eh... IC or not, I don't think it's wise to stir the pot like that.

OOC :Glad to see he fixed his 'issues' in his post... lol

i see my post has been edited

:)

thankx- probly gte banned if not-

***Imperial City, Monkey 13 City, Potty 5***
“He said what?” the Emperor says in an early calm and monotonous voice with as he stops walking and turns to face Sun Yaoting. Sun Yaoting, the oldest of all the servants in the Imperial City at the age of 122, covered with wrinkles, skinny, and with a usually high voice for a male of any profession other then his own, stops and repeats the line he read.

“You’re Imperial Majesty, he said and I quote ‘but for you I must add one more,
anus, genitailia, and bowls movements from your national animal’”

The emperor cut him off “He wishes to have the anus, genitailia, and fecal matter of a Fat Monkey?”

The eunuch, void of hare, and showing of sufficient age to make the emperor look young hesitated at the question before he turned his eyes down and said softly “that is what the letter says”

“Servant Sun Yaoting, do you know what the offense of is for mutilating a Fat Monkey, deceased or living, is punishable as?”

“You’re Imperial Majesty, yes I am aware of the punishment.” The aged servant said as politely and humbly as he could.

“Tell me” the emperor said.

“It is a capital offense of the highest order, punishable by death through the most painful and slowest means deemed. Just as you are aware it is such you’re Imperial Majesty.” (Sun Yaoting)

“Do you think he intend to instigate a war?” (Fat Monkey 13)

“You’re Imperial Majesty; I believe that he had no ill intent as he provided an alternative in the letter.” (Sun Yaoting)

“Well what is the alternative?” (Fat Monkey 13)

“You’re Imperial Majesty; He wishes for twice the number of female attendants for his dog.” (Sun Yaoting)

“He desires twice an unknown number?” (Fat Monkey 13)

“Why yes, you’re Imperial Majesty” (Sun Yaoting)

“Does he not realize that there is no way to tell if the number is double or not?” (Fat Monkey 13)

“I assume he wished to leave an alternative that would not have either party needing to concede on the issue. You’re Imperial Majesty” (Sun Yaoting)

“I shall assume that he did not know the misjudgment that he made, and grant him another chance. Write to him a letter just as follows: ‘Double the double the pretty women then.’” (Fat Monkey 13)

“Yes. You’re Imperial Majesty” (Sun Yaoting)

“I expect to see it on my desk in my office in the Shih Fen, Wan-shih Chun building after my bath.” (Fat Monkey 13)

“Yes. You’re Imperial Majesty.” (Sun Yaoting)

“Your presence is no longer required; you may attend to your duties” (Fat Monkey 13)

“I thank you my lord.” (Sun Yaoting)

***Letter from Potty 5***
To: Mr. Wiggles II, leader of the great people of Paralax; Paralax
From: Emperor Fat Monkey 13 the former great archmage, the master strategist equaling heaven, the great general, the brilliant, the genius, the demon monkey, the reincarnated from hell, the future galactic warlord, and Benevolent Dictator from the future; Imperial City, Monkey 13 City, Potty 5


Dear Mr. Wiggles II

Double the double the pretty women then.

[Official Stamp of Emperor Fat Monkey 13 the former great archmage, the master strategist equaling heaven, the great general, the brilliant, the genius, the demon monkey, the reincarnated from hell, the future galactic warlord, and Benevolent Dictator from the future]

OOC: Are you aware this is 14 months old?

OOC: Are you aware this is 14 months old?

OOC: No, I wasn't...I found it through a link on Jolt's "Who's Online" page. Then again I haven't slept in almost 48 hrs either :eek:

Mods plz don't kill me...