NationStates Jolt Archive

Hello!

I am the Peoples Protector, John Wisher. I come to you to offer our hand in peace with the nations of this world! The Peoples Republic of Aveliot is a small, tropical nation located in the south pacific. Our claim to over 300 islands, just over 30 being large enough for a village or more, are populated by just over 5 million people.

Our military is small, but well trained, and our navy is strong, if a bit out of date. Our people are very respectable people, and crime is basically non-existant.

We are looking for nations willing to align with us and trade with us. We have much to offer, but much we need as well. And while our military may not be of an asset to larger nations, our positioning may give your nation an advantage in a war.

The Peoples Protector, John Wisher

OOC: Welcome to nationstates I.I. forums. And I hope you dont mind a little bragging...lol

Secret
IC:

From: The Agency- Black agents Assasins guild and training company HQ

TO: The Peoples Republic of Aveliot


Hello

My name is not important. What is important is you know our name. We are the Black Agents. The most renown, and the most highly respected assasins guild in N.S. Our agents are swift , and silent and are avalible for hire at anytime. If you wish to enroll some of your best men into our trainng program, I will give you the address( link ). I will not take more of your time. but if you wish to do so, be warned that not all of your men will make it. Some will die- sometime very painfully. Please think hard before enrolling.
Remember our name. We could be good allies for the right price....

The Agency.

Aveliot:
We at FedAB would love to become an ally of yours! We are a fairly small state, at roughly 9 million, but have been actively buying military wares to send our country to power. If you wish to make an alliance we would be honored to accept. I see a potentially very bright future for our two nations!

FedAB

OOC: Welcome to nationstates I.I. forums. And I hope you dont mind a little bragging...lol

Secret
IC:

From: The Agency- Black agents Assasins guild and training company HQ

TO: The Peoples Republic of Aveliot


Hello

My name is not important. What is important is you know our name. We are the Black Agents. The most renown, and the most highly respected assasins guild in N.S. Our agents are swift , and silent and are avalible for hire at anytime. If you wish to enroll some of your best men into our trainng program, I will give you the address( link ). I will not take more of your time. but if you wish to do so, be warned that not all of your men will make it. Some will die- sometime very painfully. Please think hard before enrolling.
Remember our name. We could be good allies for the right price....

The Agency.
Secret IC:
We would be very interested in sending six of our people into this program, and if we are pleased with the results, we may send in more.

The Peoples Protector, John Wisher

Aveliot:
We at FedAB would love to become an ally of yours! We are a fairly small state, at roughly 9 million, but have been actively buying military wares to send our country to power. If you wish to make an alliance we would be honored to accept. I see a potentially very bright future for our two nations!

FedAB
We would be more than interested in setting up an alliance with your nation! We small nations cannot stray, or we will likely be destroyed in this dangerous world! We would like to be able to meet with your leader if at all possible.

The Peoples Protector, John Wisher

From FedAB:

Set the time and it will be done, Aveliot. We would be honored to aquaint ourselves with your nation.

FedAB Foreign Affairs Department

This is from the leader of "a far away country" i was recomended to consider diplomacy with u guys by "Amozon Beasts". I come hear looking for an allince. Although i am in no war currently and as faras i know i have no army. But i am a biginner and i'm willing to trade and help out. Here is the skinny on my country:

The People's Republic of A far away country is a small, pleasant nation, renowned for its compulsory military service. Its compassionate, intelligent population of 9 million are known throughout the region for their efficiency and work ethic, as well as their general suspicion of leisure.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Commerce, Social Welfare, and Education. The average income tax rate is 25%, but much higher for the wealthy. A small but healthy private sector is dominated by the Uranium Mining industry.

Crime -- especially youth-related -- is relatively low. A far away country's national animal is the ligar and its currency is the all mighty dollar.

A far away country is ranked 3rd in the region and 66,973rd in the world for Largest Gambling Industries

If we incorporate numerous smaller countries into an alliance, we can form a viable group of countries with more say in the NS scale towards larger countries.

From FedAB:

Set the time and it will be done, Aveliot. We would be honored to aquaint ourselves with your nation.

FedAB Foreign Affairs Department
We have a ship which carries one of our helicopters. We are willing to send our ship out tonight and we will arrive in two days to pick you up.

The Peoples Protector, John Wisher

This is from the leader of "a far away country" i was recomended to consider diplomacy with u guys by "Amozon Beasts". I come hear looking for an allince. Although i am in no war currently and as faras i know i have no army. But i am a biginner and i'm willing to trade and help out. Here is the skinny on my country:

The People's Republic of A far away country is a small, pleasant nation, renowned for its compulsory military service. Its compassionate, intelligent population of 9 million are known throughout the region for their efficiency and work ethic, as well as their general suspicion of leisure.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Commerce, Social Welfare, and Education. The average income tax rate is 25%, but much higher for the wealthy. A small but healthy private sector is dominated by the Uranium Mining industry.

Crime -- especially youth-related -- is relatively low. A far away country's national animal is the ligar and its currency is the all mighty dollar.

A far away country is ranked 3rd in the region and 66,973rd in the world for Largest Gambling Industries
We would be pleased to become an ally of your nation and trade. We small nations need to stick together! Would it be possible to set up a meeting with your leader?

The Peoples Protector, John Wisher

We will be glad to recieve you.

If we incorporate numerous smaller countries into an alliance, we can form a viable group of countries with more say in the NS scale towards larger countries.
I must agree with you! We should begin the Federating of Nations or Federate Nations alliance consisting of young nations like ours!

The Peoples Protector, John Wisher

We would be pleased to become an ally of your nation and trade. We small nations need to stick together! Would it be possible to set up a meeting with your leader?

The Peoples Protector, John Wisher

Yes I am the leader of my country. Just let me know when and how you would like to meet

Good, i am glad to see we have similar views on our futures!

-FedAB

Yes I am the leader of my country. Just let me know when and how you would like to meet
We will be meeting with the leader of Amazon Beasts in two days. We would be very pleased if you would join us, should Amazon Beasts permit this. That we the three of our nations can work together.

The People Protector, John Wisher

Good, i am glad to see we have similar views on our futures!

-FedAB
I, too, am glad we have similar views! We will speak more of this at our meeting.

The People Protector, John Wisher

To: The Peoples Republic of Aveliot
From: Empire of Antanjyl

The great nation of Antanjyl has taken notice of your sudden opening towards diplomacy and trade. Though many things in Antanjyl seem to be rather contrasted by those of Aveliot we are positive that there are many things our two nations can offer eachother. Though not our first encounter with you, this seems to be a relatively good place to begin talks of an alliance and trade. Our chief exports currently are Aluminum, Artillery, Coal, Diamonds, Gold, Mercenaries, Silver, and Steel. Perhaps in exchange for some of the above you can supply us with agricultural goods or the like?


Signed,
Foreign Minister,
Daemon Farwell

------------------

Secret IC:

Judging by our past meetings, I feel that I can openly tell you our other exports. Chemical Weapons, Human resources, sometimes known as slaves, and Uranium. If any of these things interest you please respond.

Signed,
Emperor Galf

in meeting ou guys just tell me where to go and how to get their and i will attend. also let me know the time of the meeting in two days. I would be honored to join you two. I am sure that Amazonion beast will permitt it, after all i've known him for quite some time.

To: The Peoples Republic of Aveliot
From: Empire of Antanjyl

The great nation of Antanjyl has taken notice of your sudden opening towards diplomacy and trade. Though many things in Antanjyl seem to be rather contrasted by those of Aveliot we are positive that there are many things our two nations can offer eachother. Though not our first encounter with you, this seems to be a relatively good place to begin talks of an alliance and trade. Our chief exports currently are Aluminum, Artillery, Coal, Diamonds, Gold, Mercenaries, Silver, and Steel. Perhaps in exchange for some of the above you can supply us with agricultural goods or the like?


Signed,
Foreign Minister,
Daemon Farwell

------------------

Secret IC:

Judging by our past meetings, I feel that I can openly tell you our other exports. Chemical Weapons, Human resources, sometimes known as slaves, and Uranium. If any of these things interest you please respond.

Signed,
Emperor Galf
We would be very pleased in working on setting up an alliance with your nation! This is a very good move that we feel will better both of our nations in the future!

I would like to personally meet with Emperor Galf when possible, thus we can discuss alliances, trades, and so forth!

The Peoples Protector, John Wisher

in meeting ou guys just tell me where to go and how to get their and i will attend. also let me know the time of the meeting in two days. I would be honored to join you two. I am sure that Amazonion beast will permitt it, after all i've known him for quite some time.
We can send out a ship to pick up your leader and bring him with us to Amazon Beasts. There, the three of our nations can work together on our future!

The Peoples Protector, John Wisher

how will i know when the ship has picked me up?

how will i know when the ship has picked me up?
I will make a post in here telling you that it has arrived and is ready to pick you up.

Emperor Galf would be pleased to visit you, but unfortunately his place is here, especially at a time of possible war such as this. Perhaps at some later date when things have changed he will go to Aveliot. However at this time we can make no promises on his attendance.

Daemon Farwell,
Foreign Minister

If possible, perhaps the FedAB, though small, could also begin trade with the nations here, if you are interested please contact our Foreign Economy Department.

it has been three days now...did i miss my ship?

The Imperial Nicksyllvanian Federation is pleased to offer Aveliot military aid consiting of of 20,000 AN-22 Assault Rifles, 100 MBTs, and 20 Jet Fighters. We also are will provide 500 Civil Engineers to help develope your country.

I dont know.

OOC: Sorry guys, quite busy w/ week, being first week in my new classes and a couple other things goin on... I'll be posting a bunch tomorrow though! Until then! Hava good night/day!

We have no army to support you in your times of need nor do we have many resources, but we do have a lagre amount of money do to out one export, gold. We can provide you with the currency, in exchange for some goods.
If we do establish a realtionship I would like to send a small number of missionaries into your country also.

The Imperial Nicksyllvanian Federation is pleased to offer Aveliot military aid consiting of of 20,000 AN-22 Assault Rifles, 100 MBTs, and 20 Jet Fighters. We also are will provide 500 Civil Engineers to help develope your country.
We graciously accept this! However, we have no airstrip. Would you aid us in building an airforce airstrip?

Salaam aleikum Aveliot

Aveliot we understand your position.

We, Jesuits are more in others countries than in our.
A bit like Irish or Jews, even Lebanese.

That make us stronger and more discreet than these aliens.
We have the same roots.
Aveliot you should pray and then will never feel alone on your swampy island, pray and the light will shine upon your paradisiac island.

God bless us

We have no army to support you in your times of need nor do we have many resources, but we do have a lagre amount of money do to out one export, gold. We can provide you with the currency, in exchange for some goods.
If we do establish a realtionship I would like to send a small number of missionaries into your country also.
We would be pleased to align with your nation, and we may work together towards a better future!

We graciously accept this! However, we have no airstrip. Would you aid us in building an airforce airstrip?

If you need support in the construction of an airstrip, Aveliot, the FedAB would be willing to send supplies and construction crews over by ship or helo to assist.

If you need support in the construction of an airstrip, Aveliot, the FedAB would be willing to send supplies and construction crews over by ship or helo to assist.
This would be great! It'll need to be an airstrip alone, hidden in the dense rainforests on one of our outset islands. Just an airstrip, nothing fancy... keeping it hidden.

It can be done, if you wish there can be an adjacent hanger so planes can park and refuel safely, possibly AA or radar for defense.

It can be done, if you wish there can be an adjacent hanger so planes can park and refuel safely, possibly AA or radar for defense.
Would we be able to either have the hanger built underground or above ground, but have it so that from about it looks like a little bit of a hill?

It can be done.

1300, Novaya Air Base, Klatoon, FedAB

Loadmaster Aaron Pruett watched the CH-92 Pelican helo transports loading up with supplies. Several transport ships had already been dispatched to Aveliot a day ago, and the helos would be the last to go. As the last of the cargo for the airstrip supplies were being loaded, Pruett stepped back, letting the strip managers clear the helos for lift. He watched as the copters departed through the sky, headed to the FedAB's new allied, Aveliot, with supplies.

I have but one question....will we every strike an allince? I have been waiting pationtly and appreciate and up date once and a while...I would also like to meet with you. Plz, I realize that u r busy but try to give an update.

Sined,
Someone

mr. wiggles gets an ally

A letter and a giftbasket are sent to aveliot.

the letter reads:

Hello Mr Protector the people.

I, the great leader of Paralax wish to join in your allegance. you seem like a great nation, and we both live on islands!

However my alliance may create some gaps with realations with nations like AMF. i feel that my company would be much better than theres.

inside the basket i have send you are raw walrus intestins, and my mothers, famous walrus dish. sorry for the lack of genitals, currently i have givcen the last of the harvest out today, but tomoorrow i will send you some juicy, fresh walrus genitals.

Thanks

Wiggles II

-------

a new scent rises from the basket

OOC: sorry...
IC:
The ship was nearing A far away country's territorial waters.

This is ANT Burming, requesting permission to enter your waters to transport your leader to the peace confrence.

mr. wiggles gets an ally

A letter and a giftbasket are sent to aveliot.

the letter reads:

Hello Mr Protector the people.

I, the great leader of Paralax wish to join in your allegance. you seem like a great nation, and we both live on islands!

However my alliance may create some gaps with realations with nations like AMF. i feel that my company would be much better than theres.

inside the basket i have send you are raw walrus intestins, and my mothers, famous walrus dish. sorry for the lack of genitals, currently i have givcen the last of the harvest out today, but tomoorrow i will send you some juicy, fresh walrus genitals.

Thanks

Wiggles II

-------

a new scent rises from the basket
The Peoples Protector, John Wisher, was notified of a smelling basket containing something and an unopened letter coming from Paralax.

"Damn. Ship it back to them, and do not let it come back to us!" he demanded without ever reading the letting or smelling the stench from the basket.

mr. wiggles crys

ooc: i must get off after this

ic:

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

my gift basket! (that can somehow reach aveliot (south pacifc) and come back to paralax (East of Greenland) in about 1 hour)

i cant believe that he would do that to me!

i must go and visit. get my plane ready. we are heading out.

Aveliot, 1330

President Graham was touring Aveliot to greet his new-found allies when he heard unsustained reports that the infamous Mr Wiggles was coming.

"It can't be...please tell me those reports lie, Gracen."
"I'm sorry sir, but it seems that he will be here soon...and we can not get a transport out here within three days, considering we have looming war approaching."

Graham stared into the dirt for a minute before raising his arms and looking into the sky.

"Why me, Lord?!?"

"This is the national guard of a far away country, u have permission to enter the port".

Attn: John Wisher

As a fellow island nation in the Pacific Ocean, on the behalf of His Majesty King Andrew I, I would like to take this opportunity to express the interest of His Majesty’s Government in opening and developing both diplomatic and economic ties with one of our neighbours. Although small at the moment, your nation promises to bear witness to a great degree of growth and as your neighbour, though the Azazian Archipelago is found in the North Pacific, we should like to begin investing in not just your future, but our common shared future.

The information brought to His Majesty’s Government indicates that your nation lacks any serviceable civilian airstrip. If you would find it acceptable to enter into a free-trade agreement with the United Kingdom, there are several transportation companies that would certainly be interested in purchasing land for use as an airport, one that would start with services between the UK and Aveliot and in time other destinations in the Pacific and then perhaps the world community. There are of course, many other opportunities for Azazian investment in your nation’s infrastructure, investments that would serve the interests of both our nations.

If any of this potential offer appeals to you, I would surely welcome your continued dialogue and perhaps it would be feasible to establish diplomatic relations to better facilitate bilateral trade between our two nations.

I eagerly await your reply.

Roberta Kline
Interim Minister of Foreign Affairs

Annette Sharpe
Interim Minister of Trade and Industry

Unfortunately for The Peoples Protector, he was still at his home, planning to leave with the President of Amazon Beasts for the meeting. The rumors were now spreading rapidly across the nation of Aveliot, as worry and panick began to strike.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The ship ANT Burming locked at A far away country's capital. The top government officials on the ship prepared to get into their vehicles on the ship to be off-loaded, as they planned to pick up the leader of A far away country.

Attn: John Wisher

As a fellow island nation in the Pacific Ocean, on the behalf of His Majesty King Andrew I, I would like to take this opportunity to express the interest of His Majesty’s Government in opening and developing both diplomatic and economic ties with one of our neighbours. Although small at the moment, your nation promises to bear witness to a great degree of growth and as your neighbour, though the Azazian Archipelago is found in the North Pacific, we should like to begin investing in not just your future, but our common shared future.

The information brought to His Majesty’s Government indicates that your nation lacks any serviceable civilian airstrip. If you would find it acceptable to enter into a free-trade agreement with the United Kingdom, there are several transportation companies that would certainly be interested in purchasing land for use as an airport, one that would start with services between the UK and Aveliot and in time other destinations in the Pacific and then perhaps the world community. There are of course, many other opportunities for Azazian investment in your nation’s infrastructure, investments that would serve the interests of both our nations.

If any of this potential offer appeals to you, I would surely welcome your continued dialogue and perhaps it would be feasible to establish diplomatic relations to better facilitate bilateral trade between our two nations.

I eagerly await your reply.

Roberta Kline
Interim Minister of Foreign Affairs

Annette Sharpe
Interim Minister of Trade and Industry

We would be very pleased to work with your nation on both the economic and political landscape. Yes, you are correct that we have no airstripe for civilian use, and are working on getting a military airstripe built. However, at this time we would much prefer aid not in a civilian airstripe, but rather improving our buildings in our capital, as well as a cleaner water supply. This would be greatly appreciated, and we are extremely interested in your offers.

Thank you!

The Peoples Protector, John Wisher

Attn: John Wisher, the Peoples Protector

Depending upon the sources of fresh water for use by the civilian population already in use, ADT Ltd. would be willing to explore several possible avenues for water purification and desalinization. If your islands lack any significant freshwater sources from either underground aquifers or fresh water lakes or rivers there is the distinct possibility of a desalinization plant that would be connected to urban communities by pipeline. One caveat of such a system is the power requirements, which are quite enormous. Most economical in terms of large scale operations would be a nuclear-powered desalinization plant; of course your nation’s policies regarding nuclear power plants are unknown to the United Kingdom and as such this is merely one proposal. If there are available freshwater resources, ADT could invest in water treatment facilities that would filter and purify waste water before sending it back into Aveliot’s available water supplies.

Unfortunately, neither proposal comes cheaply – however, with proper financing given available loans it would be possible for your government to afford these necessary services. Necessary because in order to attract wealthy individuals and their capital one must be able to provide not just the necessities of life, but the luxuries of life – and in a South Pacific nation there is no more of a luxury than fresh water. ADT Limited stands firmly behind its water treatment facilities operating in Artega and Port Hamptonshire, both in the United Kingdom, where we provide clean water for dozens of millions of individuals. Of course a great deal of what we would provide to Aveliot depends upon the details of your existing water supply systems and so we here at ADT look forward to your response.

Daniel Richter
CEO ADT Ltd.

***

Improving buildings in a city requires a better understanding of the purpose and function of the buildings within the city, and a better understanding of the purpose and function of the city itself. The Urban Planning Consortium provides detailed analyses of existing urban sites, including possible modifications that would improve efficiency in both safety, productivity, public health, and many other areas. For a nominal fee, the UPC would be willing to travel to Aveliot’s main urban sites and investigate the needs of your nation’s larger buildings and how to better their efficiency, whether through extensive reconstruction/modification or by sheer demolition and rebuilding.

A lot of these plans will of course depend upon the site specific conditions of Aveliot and so we would appreciate any further detailed information that could be provided in order to assist us in making any preliminary evaluations.

Elysse Collins
CEO Urban Planning Consortium

looking down from his planew he saw the island of aveliot.

wiggling and jiggling and farting with the fear of the long flight he told his poilet to land.

"but sir?! thats a forest! we will crash!"

I dont care! I wanna land! Now!, Take Us Down!

as the plane crashed i9nto the trees, poor mr. wiggles II cryed.
when the plane come to a stop he rolled out, onto his enourmous belly, and looked to his piolet who had a huge gash atop his head, and by the looks of it, was dead.

so mr. wiggles II began to make a fire, ...

he was hungry ;)

Jonathan Vilma and D.J. Williams, two Amazonian engineers hard at work on the Aveliot airbase, had taken a break to go hunt for something to eat. They walked through the surrounding forests, guns layed lazily in their hands as they joked around. Vilma looked up suddenly, sniffing the air.

"You smell somethin', D.J?
"Yeah...it smells like BBQ."
"Someone havin' a cookout in these parts...let's go have some too!"

Vilma and Williams trotted towards where the smell was generating from. In the distance between the trees they could see a fire, sure that some camper had shot an animal and was roasting it. They came across an opening in the trees and first saw the downed Paralax plane. The two sighed, figuring that they should return to work. Vilma turned around suddenly, and saw the backside of Mr. Wiggles.

"Umm...strange creatures they got in these parts, D.J."
"Yeah...how bout we just start walking away from here."

Williams and Vilma slowly started to creep away, but Williams tripped on a log and fell noisely into a large patch of leaves. Both stared in terror, then turned to see what Mr. Wiggles would do.

Bump.

OOC: forums were down, sorry

IC: mr. wiggles II heard the man fall.

turning his head he crouched down and hid the roaasting body of his once pilot.

grabbing a rock the size of a child head he heaved it at the man who fell once he saw him. with all his might he threw it....

and it flew! it flew so far!, and plod the rock landed. Mr. Wiggles II then looked down, and saw that it had landed on his foot.

"ARGGGHGHGHGHHGHGHG!"
screaming in pain he picked up the rock, set it down, and stumbled overto the fallen man.

I'm on the ship now, The convoy arrived with out a hitch, let us begin the negotiations when ready.

Vilma looked in fear as Mr. Wiggles approached them. He felt these may be his last acts in life. After exchanging fearful glances with Williams, he squeaked out some words to Mr. Wiggles.

"Um, can we help you...whatev-I mean, whoever you are?

mr. wiggles meets two nie men

"hello" he said rubbing his tummy, and burping something that looked very much like a human finger and it flew into the mans eyes who was laying on the ground.

he sat there rubbing his enourmous belly for at least 15 minuetes and said...

"you diddnt see me eat that... urm walrus did you?"

and he bagan to rub his gut once more, and then scratched his butt, sniffed his fingers, and sat on the ground

"Sir, we've got a report that the aircraft carrying Mr. Wiggles II has crashed on Acrose Island (island adjacent to our main island, just off to the left about 15 miles). We've also heard from our people that Mr. Wiggles II has survived. He's been spotted by about three or four people. Very close to the airstrip where the Amazonian Beasts' workers are."

"Damnit. This could be bad! Very bad! Do whatever you can to keep him from seeing the airstrip! Lure (sp?) him away with food if you must!" The Peoples Protector demanded.

Within 25 minutes, 30 of Aveliots infantry were due east of Mr. Wiggles II, who was within a half mile east of the airstrip. They began setting up a camp fire with all sorts of meats cooking, and before long, the fire was roaring, the meats cooking, and the soldiers gone, leaving behind only a letter -

Dear Mr. Wiggles II,

You have been ordered by the Government of Aveliot to leave at once! You may feast here, and soon you will see a small ship, loaded to the brim with walrus meat, including eighteen walrus balls, to help easy your trip back!

looks to the fallen man

after 3 hours (RL) of waiting for the amazonian guy to reply (lol) he began to make a fire next to the man.

Mr. Wiggles II finds the Feast!

looking in disgust Mr. Wiggles II looked at the So called feast. "thats not a feast, 18 Walrus balls? that couldnt feed my dog!" So he bagan to eat, whispering about his father coming back. talking in mutterances about nations picking on poor poor mr. wiggles II, and how he would be avenged.

but then- he saw the ship hopped on and cracked the boat

"damn"

then the boat began to sink.

oh- all wet he hobbled back to the island, and began walking to the right (lol)

"He did WHAT?! screamed The Peoples Protector. "He SUNK the SHIP? You're JOKING, right? Let this be a gaw'damn JOKE! Errr, he's gonna pay for that ship. Have him locked up where he is. Don't let him move. Feed him, and even when he's so full food is backed up through his throat and into his mouth, keep shooving it down! Make him so fat he can't move even if he wants to! That is, if you can't get him out of the country first... if we have to do that, we're gonna have to seal off that island and it's gonna be less inhabitable than a nuclear wasteland!"

By this time, Vilma and Williams had run back to base to alert their superiors. President Graham paced in agitation.

"Oh God, what are we going to do about this? He wants walrus balls..."
"Sir, I predict that you'll just have to be welcome to him."
"It's barely even a him...more like a bulbous blob of fat."
"Not a good way to approach someone, sir."
"I suppose you're right...I can't do this alone..."

By this time, Vilma and Williams had run back to base to alert their superiors. President Graham paced in agitation.

"Oh God, what are we going to do about this? He wants walrus balls..."
"Sir, I predict that you'll just have to be welcome to him."
"It's barely even a him...more like a bulbous blob of fat."
"Not a good way to approach someone, sir."
"I suppose you're right...I can't do this alone..."

Do you guys need me to help? I can send a special ops squad to ex-stract the problem.