NationStates Jolt Archive


Kenny under siege, calls for peace

Omigodtheykilledkenny
28-12-2005, 18:23
[Re: this dispatch (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10168399#post10168399) from the Kitten Revolution (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=458061) thread.]

MYSTERIOUS OBJECTS RAIN ON NATION

PARADISE CITY (Town Crier) --- Dozens of mysterious objects fell on the Kenny nation yesterday, destroying several military targets and major government and corporate buildings in the Kenny Memorial District and surrounding areas. Eyewitness accounts described flaming objects like meteors falling from the sky and plunging into their targets.

Large, smoking craters now dot the landscape where proud buildings and military facilities once stood.

"They were meteors," claimed Interior Department geologist Greg Dredson. "It was a meteor shower." When reporters with him began to ask questions about the odd shape and size of these "meteors," Dredson insisted, angrily, "They were meteors! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a plane to catch ... well, I would have a plane to catch if there were still an airport."

The meteors' fall through the atmosphere seems also to have disrupted cable-transmission signals as well. Millions of Kennyite residents reported outages yesterday ...The expression on the president's face grew graver as Tehrani listed the targets the tungsten rods and Falling Stars had destroyed: "Several airbases, a Marine barracks, the Paradise City International Airport, the Verizon Building in Basin City, Blast! Cola headquarters ..."

Fernanda looked up with concern. Blast! Cola was his main corporate sponsor.

"... MAD Magazine headquarters, the IRS building and T-Mobile headquarters. Human casualties haven't been assessed yet, but we will know soon. We do believe that Catherine Zeta-Jones perished in the T-Mobile strike; we're still trying to determine whether that is a bad thing. Same with the IRS building.

"The Red Tideans seem also to have turned their rage on our cable-transmission satellites. Service is out for the Home Shopping Network, HBO, Discovery Channel, HGTV, Disney Channel, the Food Network and ..." Tehrani hesitated.

"What?"

"... The Playboy Channel," Tehrani added with dread.

The Destructor's face filled with rage. "I'll fucking kill him!" he yelled as he jumped from his chair and bounded for the office door. "I'm gonna fucking kill him!!" It took five Secret Service agents to hold him back. "Get off me! I'm gonna fucking kill that guy!!" he bellowed as he violently struggled against them.

"Calm down, Mr. President; I'll handle this," Tehrani said as he turned toward the office door.

"I want my fucking Playboy!!" Fernanda screamed, still struggling with the agents as the secretary left.

*____*____*

Minutes later, the vice president was in the secretary's office for a briefing.

"Thank you for coming in," said Tehrani.

The vice president rolled her eyes as she stared into her makeup mirror. "So is the Gruenberger sultan going to be looking down my dress?" she demanded.

"Actually, Madame Vice President, we'd like to hold off on the Gruenberger mission for a few days. We have a new assignment for you: a peace mission to Ariga, Red Tide, in the Imperial Confederacy region."

"Is the Red Tidean leader gonna look down my dress?" Morgan asked into her mirror as she freshened her lipstick.

"We hope so. We want you to make sure that we don't end up giving these people any concessions. You've got to be as alluring and flirtatious as possible, and if the Supreme Commander doesn't respond to you, we'll be sending a few of our finest officers in our Exotic Elite Forces to accompany you."

"I want my male dancers and penguin trumpetists, too."

"Fine." He handed her a folder with briefing documents on the Red Tidean situation. "Have a safe flight."

Department of State
The Federal Republic of OmigodtheykilledkennyAttn: Supreme Commander Gregori McKenna, Red Tide

We are disappointed that your government has ignored our president's earlier offer of diplomacy, but we remain committed to resolving this situation peacefully. As such we wish to dispatch a peace mission to your nation; it will be headed up by the vice president of the Federal Republic, Ms. Antigone Morgan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Antigone_Morgan), who will be accompanied by some of the finest protocol officers our diplomatic corps has to offer. We trust you will afford her all respect and hospitality due to any diplomat or foreign leader, as she approaches your government with naught but peaceful and non-hostile intentions. We pray you will respond positively to this petition.Sincerely,
Alex Tehrani
Secretary of StateTehrani glared at the dispatch his secretary had written up for him. Sure, Morgan was hot, but she was a total bitch. But he took solace in the fact that the Stripper Commandos posing as diplomats could sway the Supreme Commander. They were well-endowed and specially trained to force concessions from any man.

"I sure hope he's not gay," he said to no one in particular, shuddering at the thought of having to seduce the commander with Morgan's dancers.

[Top Secret message to the Palentine Emperor:]

Captain Spaulding:

We kindly ask that you stand down from your intended attacks on Red Tide as we strive to resolve this conflict peacefully. We can discuss this later over Primanti Bros.™ and Iron Citys™ if you like. Thanks man.

~Alex
Red Tide2
29-12-2005, 21:14
OOC:Okay... first, The Plaentine... I never said I had a problem in you using Kamikaze Penguins. Quite the contrary... what I DID have a problem with is you claiming MY losses!

Now, OMGYKK, may I ask who these other players are? My nation(ICly) didnt know that Eternal Kawaii had accepted(to an extent) negotiations with you. Now, if you want to try and take out my Tungsten Rod Sattelites, go right ahead... I am not stopping you from trying, and I certainly wont accuse you of godmodding for attempting to. But remember this, your nations sattelite network was mostly destroyed(according to your original post) minutes before my Tungsten Rod Sattelites changed their orbit. That is gonna hamper your attempt at destroying my sattelites quite a bit. That, and my missile defense network.

And I DID have this entire post planned where my nations head-honcho conferred with his advisors over your proposed peace meeting and accepted it(I already tried but damn Jolt logged me out because I took so long). However, I will wait for your OOC response to see whether I should post it or not.
Omigodtheykilledkenny
29-12-2005, 21:49
OOC:Okay... first, The Plaentine... I never said I had a problem in you using Kamikaze Penguins. Quite the contrary... what I DID have a problem with is you claiming MY losses![Doesn't matter in a silly RP.

Now, OMGYKK, may I ask who these other players are?[No.

My nation(ICly) didnt know that Eternal Kawaii had accepted(to an extent) negotiations with you.[Really? They publicly announced that they were surrendering and suing for peace. Their Nuncio and Riley discussed it during a televised session of the UN. The post you were responding to was Riley's counter-offer to the Nuncio, who'd already spoken. If your nation was aware of Riley's speech to the UN, he must have been aware of the Nuncio's that immediately preceded it.

Now, if you want to try and take out my Tungsten Rod Sattelites, go right ahead... I am not stopping you from trying, and I certainly wont accuse you of godmodding for attempting to.[I won't try. Particularly, if I ignore you, it never happened.

And I DID have this entire post planned where my nations head-honcho conferred with his advisors over your proposed peace meeting and accepted it(I already tried but damn Jolt logged me out because I took so long). However, I will wait for your OOC response to see whether I should post it or not.[I know, Jolt sucks. But I am curious to see your reply. Especially if it's funny. :p].