NationStates Jolt Archive

Since Tacho's recent reforms, censorship had been relaxed markedly. In fact, in some places it was so lax as to seem virtually non-existent. People could now walk around reading Das Kapital without having to worry about being persecuted. Nudie mags were wildly popular, especially on college campuses. Also popular was a highly rated Pwnage medical journal called The Scalpel, famous for its hard-hitting articles. One of these articles was bound to arouse controversy.

The Scalpel, Issue 6, Vol. 11.

Editorial:
"Did Generalissimo J.L kill his Wife? An honest analysis."
by Lena Stersson, Contributing Editor.

The death of Thiansiri Theevengul, the wife of long time Roach Busterian dictator Generalissimo J.L at the fairly young age of 48 was a shock to most of the world's residents. After all Thiansiri's glowing complexion was Priscilla Presley like; forever young and radiant. Of course, surface appearances might look good, but generally, they aren't a good indicator of health. Otherwise we would have a lot fewer people keeling over dead after a basketball game with their friends, a lot fewer people in their prime dying of unknown causes or in this case, a lot fewer beautiful, radiant looking women like Thiansiri dying suddenly.

Thiansiri was definitely suffering from one or more medical problems at the time of her death. Otherwise, she would not have died suddenly like that. And given her high ranking, it would make sense that she would have access to top notch medical care. Thiansiri could have not utilized said medical resources because she did not feel ill, or because J.L would not let her. Both are unlikely as a someone with a personality as pragmatic and domineering as J.L's would probably make sure positive PR like Thiansiri would be be healthy and stay that way, which meant constant and mostly unecessary visits to the doctor's office.

Another theory though, is that J.L himself was responsible for Thiansiri's death, either directly or indirectly. Since Thiansiri spent so much time at the doctor's office, one could surmise at at least some of the time spent at the doctor's office was spent on maintaining her good looks. Analysis Pwnage media footage shows no scares associated with plastic surgery and also a complete lack of any sign of aging all over, suggesting that Thiansiri must have had some form of systemically based treatment. Such systemically based treatments range from anywhere from stem cell and genetic therapy to simple metabolic stimulation to promote collagen regeneration. J.L was not the person to take risks with anything, so we can safely rule out genetic therapy and stem cell therapy with Thiansiri, as both have a rather long list of involved safety issues.

Metabolic stimulation usually involves one of two processes. One process is to use a laser to heat the dermis and stimulate collagen production, but the procedure is not only costly, but it takes a long time to use and doesn't actually effect any systemic changes. Topical creams (which also don't last long) can be used to promote localized collagen regeneration as can localized injections. But because Thiansiri was a busy woman whose life revolved around J.L's schedule, chances are that a long acting systetmic treatment was used to cure Thiansiri of her ills.

The most common long acting "anti-aging" injection in the nation of Roach Busters before Thiansiri's death was Composition D. Composition D promotes collagen regeneration systemically in all areas of the body, thus maintaining a youthful glow for the late First Lady. However, Composition D was recently shown in several studies done by both the Scalpel and by the Pwnage Department of Health, to cause damage to multiple organ systems in the body, namely the circulatory system and the digestive system. Of course, everybody, including myself, was shocked when Thiansiri died, because there was no evidence that she was suffering from multiple organ failure, which in retrospect, she probably was. Thiansiri looked healthy, and the Generalissimo was probably led to believe that she was healthy internally as well as externally. This leads to a few conclusions on what happened.

Conclusion A: The doctors were lying to the Generalissimo about Thiansiri's condition. But I don't blame them. If they reported any ill news on Thiansiri, J.L could have had them tortured, sodomized and shot in no specific order. So they must have faked something along the way to pull the wool over his eyes.

Conclusion B: Composition D is unsafe. It's fair enough to say that Composition D is unsafe and should be immediately removed from the general market despite the protests that any pharmaceutical company could level.

Conclusion C: Generalissimo J.L killed his wife. His selfish desire for his wife to retain her youthful looks cost her her health, and eventually her life. Everyone in the process, from the phramaceutical companies to the doctors to Thiansiri herself was too afraid to actually say anything to J.L, even thought they all knew what was coming.

So there you have it J.L. Thanks to your oppressive, fear based rule, you killed your beloved wife. You have nobody but yourself to blame.

{OOC: Thanks, MP. That was perfect!}

IC:

The story spread like wildfire. Soon, it became virtually the only topic on peoples' lips. Everyone, from adulterers in bed with their lovers, young moms picking up their kids from day-care, fat cops out for donuts, college students studying for finals, and even kindergarteners, could speak of nothing else. "Did Papa J.L. really kill Mama Thiensiri?" "Impossible!" "Absurd!" "Papa J.L. would never do such a thing!" "What if he did?" "What if it was murder?" "No, it was an accident." "No, those commie bastards in MP would never tell the truth..." Those were typical samplings of the average conversation. The majority of citizens did not believe he killed his wife, of course, but most had at least mild suspicions. At any rate, it became the hottest and most polarizing story in RB history.

Tacho was sitting in his office, reading the morning paper and having a cup of coffee. Most of the news was some old, same old. 10,000 political prisoners killed in the U.S.S.R. Anti-government protesters fire-bombed in Pacitalia. Another priest tortured and killed in Ankhmet. Damn communists, when would they ever stop? When he turned to page 2, he immediately began coughing up his coffee, nearly choking. MP medical journal accuses the Generalissimo of killing the First Lady. He immediately tore the paper to shreds, smashed his fist through his desk, and threw his chair at the window, shattering it. He knocked over vases, tore wallpaper from the walls, and began bellowing and cursing like a lunatic. When his aide stepped in to see what was wrong, Tacho knocked him out cold with a blow to the face. For ten minutes he continued his ballistic frenzy, his face soaked with tears and sweat, as he cursed, raved, cursed, and raved some more. Finally, breathless, he slowly sank to the floor, and struggled to regain control of himself. He picked up the tattered paper, and, slowly, calmly, read the story. When he was finished, the blood drained from his face, extreme nausea afflicted his stomach, and every part of his body went numb. Was it true? Had his father really killed his mother? When the numbness faded, he uneasily staggered to his feet, wobbly, uncoordinated, disorientated. In a slurred voice, he muttered to his second aide to find the coroner and bring him back at once, by any means necessary.

{OOC: Obviously, the stories regarding Pacitalia, etc. are propaganda. Just so everyone knows.}