NationStates Jolt Archive

CUTEY CATS!

http://taint.org/xfer/2004/kittens.jpg

SUP CAT-LOVERS!

Yes, indeed, you read that right, we’re giving away KITTENS! YES, FREE KITTENS! This filthy lil’ bleeders have been overflowing our beautiful sand dunes for months now and our dragons and hobos are sick to death of eating them, so we have literally thousands of the flea-ridden maggots to give away. Only $5 a ton! *

Pay by Cheque, Mastercrap, Visor, Deata, your Monarch’s incredibly attractive eighteen year old daughter (or son, we swing both ways and from behind they’re pretty much the same), cheese, small monkeys named Bobo and Russians.

WE DELIVER FREE!**
By Airlift!
http://www.wasp-wwii.org/wasp/images/c47_1.jpg
By Truckload of illegal immigrants!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1480000/images/_1484325_lorry300.jpg
By Ridiculously unworthy oil tanker!
http://hollandsentinel.com/images/112102/oldtanker.jpg
By Enema!
http://bootyfull.net/store/images/flirty%20nurse.jpg

*May or may not be 1 ton. Product 59% likely to contain a member of the genus Feline.
**May or may not be to address specified. Company not responsible for physical damage and/or decelerations of war due to accidental delivery to non-recipient or recipient.
Cutey Cats © is a registered subdivision of General Defence Systems and Toxic Waste Solutions Inc.

"We'll have five tons. We need more cats for further research into their potential as part of an AG engine."

~ someone at the Iluvauromeni Diplomatic Corps who refuses to sign their name

* * *

Kitten Cost Tumbles Amidst Freethinker Supply Boom

ILUVAUROMEN, TUESDAY - Kitten prices fell drastically on the TCP Market Tuesday, with breeders casting the blame on Freethinkers. Freethinkers - where kittens appear to be a food source rather than cute, cuddly pets - recently announced a 'sale' of kittens... by the ton. In response, many Iluvauromeni are answering the call to ease the plight of these poor felines.

Freethinkers is expected to make an ironic killing.

~ excerpt from an article in the Nenya Today electronic broadsheet

You should TG Kazecistan, he'd make you very rich.

IC: We would like to think that our friends in The Freethinkers have learned their lesson: spay and neuter.

OOC: You bastard... My dorm doesn't let me keep pets. WHY, GOD, WHY?!?!

IC: All orders confirmed!

OOC: Yay! and Bump!

If anybody mistreats cats, you will have the whole nation of Eyster after you, for cats are our national animal they they are considered royalty to us.

If anybody mistreats cats, you will have the whole nation of Eyster after you, for cats are our national animal they they are considered royalty to us.

OOC: SOMEONE must not understand the concept for satire. :rolleyes:

The Ascendancy would like the equivilant numbers for one hundred million of your currency cedits. (Dollars from looks of it.. =oo= ) for said numbers of feline 'entities'.

We have six fully stocked starships ready to transport the cats, in total spoiled comfort. From the transport site, they will most likely find happy homes in the angelic realms, since celestials like furry creatures alot that act like themselves. (Actually cats act alot like mortals in a lot of ways, which amuses the celestials. =^^= )

The feline comfort adjusted, and crew enslaved vessels will arrive as soon as the monetary exchange is completed. We'd send a couple of our Advisors as part of the payment, but Ryoko and Washu didn't like that idea very much. =xX=;;;

Regards,

The Gaian Ascendancy
A Feline friendly realm =^^=

We'll be taking 5000 tons of Cats, our Wild(Stray) cat population has been down due to lack of breeding, cats are also our nations animal and are always well fed.
We also need them to help in creating a Neko Ninja squad for our army.

We'd like to request 1,000 tonnes of cats be delivered by enema into the rectum of Opposition Leader Maxwell Powers. Prefered payment option is virgin blood.

[signed]
Definately not anyone in the government
Ministry of Plauable Deniabliity

AMF has already put Cutey Cats to good use.

http://dongato.bitacoras.com/imagenes/sniper%20cat.jpg

Now now, there's no need for such overt methods of use for these balls of fur. Rather, just genetically reengineer them to have an I.Q. triple that of most other spieces and let them rule the universe.

Other than nations that prefer canines, they'd find few obstacles to mass rule by fur really. =^^= Plus cat's have several natural torture methods available to get their way anyway, so they only need willing slaves to take care of the dirty parts of business.

If nothing else, just chuck them onto the face of an enemy and wait for the results. (And anyone that thinks a cat scratch doesn't hurt, is a flat out liar. =<>=;;; )

Again Regards,

The Gaian Ascendancy
A Feline friendly (and respecting) realm =oO=;;;

The Supreme Chancellor would like 2 tons of cats for his palace, preferably airdrop, because acording to the Chancellor... oh for the love of... "cats with parachutes are cwooot"

-Senate Chambers-

Senator Hikara: All those who beleive the Chancellor is crazy, Say I.

Entire Senate: I.

Supreme Chancellor: And those who think that if I send Senator Hikara to a peace confrence she will likely castrate the foreign dignitaries with a sharpened spoon, say I.

Entire Senate: I.

Would it be at all possible to buy them by the can?

IC: "All orders confirmed. And yes, we shall now deliver by whatever means you wish, so long as you foot the bill. Original free delivery options remain."

OOC: Bump. *cough*

The Imperium is curious as to whether Amazon.com Gift Certificates would be an acceptable form of payment for the Cutey Cats. Because the only source of disposable income our citizens have is the Mechanical Turk and its mind-numbing, monotonous copy-paste-click cycles.

The Holy Otaku Church of the Eternal Kawaii insists on knowing whether any of these feline "exports" are sanrio kittens, or just common-or-garden variety neko. Will the government of Freethinkers permit a delegation of our otaku to inspect them?

The Ato-Saran Nav... er Cutsey Animal Society would like to purchase a very specific cat. Only this cat will do, here is a picture of it:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v671/lazyjim/CuteyCat.png

This 'Cat' will bring joy and love to the children of Ato-Sara for years to come and in view of this we are prepared to pay any price to get it.

Thank you

Admiral Jia Long, Comander in chief of the Ato-Saran Nav... Cutsey Animal Society

The Ato-Saran Nav... er Cutsey Animal Society would like to purchase a very specific cat. Only this cat will do, here is a picture of it:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v671/lazyjim/CuteyCat.png

This 'Cat' will bring joy and love to the children of Ato-Sara for years to come and in view of this we are prepared to pay any price to get it.

Thank you

Admiral Jia Long, Comander in chief of the Ato-Saran Nav... Cutsey Animal Society

OOC: Absolutly Magnifique. At only $5 a ton this will only cost you $15,000,000. :D

The Holy Otaku Church of the Eternal Kawaii insists on knowing whether any of these feline "exports" are sanrio kittens, or just common-or-garden variety neko. Will the government of Freethinkers permit a delegation of our otaku to inspect them?

IC: "Indeed, come for the kittens! Stay for the prostitutes! Leave with several unpronouncable infections!"

(c) The Freethinkers Tourist Board. "Don't blame us, we warned you"

Official Response from Admiral Hailey, Highest Admiral of the Candrian Empire:

"We'll take 2 of what Ato-Sara took. Them's... them's cutesy cats if I eva' saw one.

And did you say something about prostitutes?

PS Set up a keg. Thiss'l take a while."

Seeing as AMF is training them as snipers, I shall be obliged to place an order for 696 very cutey cats to serve in His Majesty's Lulling-Them-into-a-False-Sense-of-Security Regiment. All will be provided with the blankets, regularly cleaned litter boxes, scratching posts, deboned sushi-quality fish and properly prepared fowl, and catnip they could possibly want. His Majesty's Attack-and-Lick-to-Death (Canine) Regiment will be posted at sufficient distance to avoid unnecessary tree climbing by said cats.

I would say by enema, but since I wish the cats to survive, by airlift.

IC: "Indeed, come for the kittens! Stay for the prostitutes! Leave with several unpronouncable infections!"

The HOCEK delegation of otaku declines the offer, though they will take a gross or two of the kittens for testing and evaluation.

OOC: Satire it is, AMF. :D

OOC: Absolutly Magnifique. At only $5 a ton this will only cost you $15,000,000. :D

'Tis a deal :D

From the desk of the Prime Minister of the Senate

Seeing as Automagfreek has already started training a cat snipers, we feel that we can not afford to loose any more ground in this radical new millitary field.

The Democratic Republic of Axinon would like to purchase 5 tons of cats in order to replace the current Special Operations wing of the Axinonian millitary.

We will send a tanker over to pick up the cats upon confirmation, as well as the 25 dollars owed to General Defence Systems and Toxic Waste Solutions Inc.

I would like to buy 17.5 tons of kittens ALL MINX, but I must tell you, I will use 0.3% for testing... I will pay you $1,500,000,000,000 out of my millitary budget. Most of them will be given to my board of fluffy animals, so they can be loved... with the others, like declawed bears, hamsters, dogs, mice, and tiny apes ect...