Depkazia
25-11-2005, 08:16
The People's Republic of Depkazia downed tools, today, as Premier for Life President Edmund Wolfgang Tokareff ordered the 487,000 citizens of the supposedly semi-autonomous republic to rejoice with him at the completion of a grand programme.
After arriving from abroad under the clearly false Tokareff name and royally screwing his mercenary and investor co-conspirators to sieze power for himself in what had been originally a private plot between friends and business associates to gain acces to the remote and under-developed land's mineral prospecting rights, the boy Edmund had made his first act as internationally unrecognised President that of aquiring a large hippopotamus. It is widely believed that said hippo is the very same one as recently vanished from a zoo in the capital of a foreign state amidst a maelstrom of corruption and bribary allegations there, during the period of which three members of zoo staff were eaten by resident animals as diverse as two baboons and a walrus and a fourth somehow drowned in a tank of the zoo's whippy icecream.
Tokareff's second act, the one most significant today, was to commission the design and manufacture of a large wardrobe for the benefit of his beloved three-tonne amphibious darling, Lucy. This had been paid for by a special levy known popularly as the knock-knock tax, so-called because it was collected personally by the premier who toured the nation astride his then poorly dressed hippopotamus and knocked on doors and brandished a big stick.
The end result was a treasure trove of formal and casual apparel in fine silks and native weaves, jewel-encrusted gowns, and several suits of armour, one being of solid gold plates and another of ceramics and fibres supposed to proof Lucy against rifle-fire and shell fragments. Lucy has been seen enjoying her splendour in the muddy surrounds of Lake Mum, a body named for the premier's mother, and product of a glacial melt in the Depkazi mountains. As well she is said to have eaten about forty thousand dollars worth of fabrics and finery.
The President has ordered, again at tax-payers' expense, a swimming-pool and watered gardens to be built for his pet, the designated national animal of the PRD, so that she need not swim in the wilds and endure the difficult mud there in.
Ultimately, Lucy has acquired so many clothes that they can no longer be kept in Tokareff's garage, and a further project is on the drawing board: a palace dedicated to the hippo's wardrobe space. It is believed that between eight and twelve percent of Depkazi gross national product is accounted for in essential hippo care and (Lucy-specific), "conservation of national wildlife" while several further percent goes to keeping the President in cars and intoxicated.
Both Lucy and Edmund are thought to be single and looking, though the former may be fugitive from the law of one nation from which she is thought to have been stolen, and Tokareff has declared himself sovereigen leader of a land that is actually the self-governing possession of an unnamed larger empire.
After arriving from abroad under the clearly false Tokareff name and royally screwing his mercenary and investor co-conspirators to sieze power for himself in what had been originally a private plot between friends and business associates to gain acces to the remote and under-developed land's mineral prospecting rights, the boy Edmund had made his first act as internationally unrecognised President that of aquiring a large hippopotamus. It is widely believed that said hippo is the very same one as recently vanished from a zoo in the capital of a foreign state amidst a maelstrom of corruption and bribary allegations there, during the period of which three members of zoo staff were eaten by resident animals as diverse as two baboons and a walrus and a fourth somehow drowned in a tank of the zoo's whippy icecream.
Tokareff's second act, the one most significant today, was to commission the design and manufacture of a large wardrobe for the benefit of his beloved three-tonne amphibious darling, Lucy. This had been paid for by a special levy known popularly as the knock-knock tax, so-called because it was collected personally by the premier who toured the nation astride his then poorly dressed hippopotamus and knocked on doors and brandished a big stick.
The end result was a treasure trove of formal and casual apparel in fine silks and native weaves, jewel-encrusted gowns, and several suits of armour, one being of solid gold plates and another of ceramics and fibres supposed to proof Lucy against rifle-fire and shell fragments. Lucy has been seen enjoying her splendour in the muddy surrounds of Lake Mum, a body named for the premier's mother, and product of a glacial melt in the Depkazi mountains. As well she is said to have eaten about forty thousand dollars worth of fabrics and finery.
The President has ordered, again at tax-payers' expense, a swimming-pool and watered gardens to be built for his pet, the designated national animal of the PRD, so that she need not swim in the wilds and endure the difficult mud there in.
Ultimately, Lucy has acquired so many clothes that they can no longer be kept in Tokareff's garage, and a further project is on the drawing board: a palace dedicated to the hippo's wardrobe space. It is believed that between eight and twelve percent of Depkazi gross national product is accounted for in essential hippo care and (Lucy-specific), "conservation of national wildlife" while several further percent goes to keeping the President in cars and intoxicated.
Both Lucy and Edmund are thought to be single and looking, though the former may be fugitive from the law of one nation from which she is thought to have been stolen, and Tokareff has declared himself sovereigen leader of a land that is actually the self-governing possession of an unnamed larger empire.