NationStates Jolt Archive

HNN News Television Broadcast

BREAKING NEWS – We are sorry for interrupting the scheduled program but Greece has declared war on the Antarctica Republic, governed by the penguins. An Army of 1,000 Hoplites, stationed 1 year ago on the Empire’s Antarctica colony, mobilized into the open areas of Antarctica that weren’t under control of foreign powers. Apparently the reason for the invasion is because the penguins have been ignoring the established borders.

Wait we are just receiving a new update!

Apparently the war has been won! The penguins decided to peacefully be absorbed into the Empire and no casualties have been taken. We got some live feed now.

http://simonc.f2o.org/south/gallery/penguins2/04_loads.jpg

Penguins have gathered here to celebrate there land being absorbed in the Hellenistic Empire. The territory of the Empire in Antarctica will be called the Penguin-Greek Free Land of Antarctica.

(ooc: Just to let you know, one of those areas was once Elephanti, and we took lots of penguins for use in penguin farms. Penguin steak is quite a delicacy

EDIT: A peace conference would have been a great RP)

(ooc: Just to let you know, one of those areas was once Elephanti, and we took lots of penguins for use in penguin farms. Penguin steak is quite a delicacy

EDIT: A peace conference would have been a great RP)
OOC: That might be a good idea. My soldiers figured out the biggest penguin was the leader so he is on his way to Greece for a diplomatic dinner with the Emperor.

Leopard Seals Rebuke Penguin Legitimacy!

In a violent display of anti-penguinism, Leopard Seals ate an Emporer Penguin sent to negoitiate the assimilation of Antarctic territory by Hellenistic forces. The Leopard seal leader was clearly not going to negotiate on the matter. His stance, a clear slap-in-the-face to Grecian culture, can best be summed up by his public statement given just minutes ago, "arp-arp-arp, ARP, arp arp. Arp arp arp arp! ARP?! ARP ARP ARP ARP, arp arp ARP ARP-ARP-ARP-ARP!"

The main disagreement seems to be that the leopard seals, not the penguins, are the legitimate governing authority in Antarctic territory.

The leopard seals have apparently moblized off the coast, preparing for war!

ORBAT
Leopard seal x 2,123

Elephantum Prepares to Deploy Naval Peacekeepers
As both the Bjornoyan Seals and Greek Penguins are our allies, we are sending the following peacekeeping troops to monitor the situation:
25xOrca Whale

They will not attack unless provoked, or extremely hungry.

A snow mobile was speeding across the icy desert when he heard angry sounds from what appeared to be a Leopard Seal. He stepped on the brakes to bring the snowmobile to a halt and check out the situation. He grabs his armor piercing sniper rifle from the back of the mobile and lies on the snow camouflaged with his white uniform.

He looks through the scope and sees many Leopard Seals protesting and getting angry. One of them attacked a nearby Greek Emperor Penguin and ripping him apart.

“Shit! Those fat asses are going to pay for that.”

The Hoplite takes aim and marks his target right at the head and pulls the trigger.

The first shot of the Bjornoyan Seals-Greek Penguins war was fired.

Newly Established Antarctica Base #10

The armed forces began to mobilize for war against the Bjornoyan Seals. Bases across Antarctica have begun fortifying and offer shelter to civilian penguins. An order was issued to arm any able penguin and give him basic training. Officers where having trouble making the penguins hold a gun since they had no hands. One Penguin somehow managed to accidentally shoot an officer at his left knee. That must have been painful and embarrassing.

Official Government Announcement

The Hellenistic Empire declares war on the Bjornoyan Seals for rebelling against the Penguin Free Land of Antarctica.

-Emperor Nikolaos
Athens, Greece

-President Pau Emperor Penguin
Somewhere from a very cold place of Antarctica

OOC: This will be one interesting RP

A massive anti-penguin rally was held by the Bjornoyan Leopard seals yesterday. Several unfortunate, un-armed penguins were the subjects of the Leopard seal's aggression. As they ripped apart the first victim, a shot silenced the crowd. A single Leopard seal moaned, and breathed its last. The enfuriated group of Leopard seals spread out to try and find the sniper, but to no avail.

In response, the Leopard seal leader simply known as A-ARP proclaimed a holy crusade against the Grecian infidel penguins. In his latest public address, the Leopard seal leader proclaimed "Arp ARP arp arp arp, ARP ARP arp. ARP arp!" Harsh words indeed against the overly abused penguin population.

Secret IC: Members of the Exalted Leopard seal Clergy met with a renegade Bjornoyan merchant ship off the coast of Antarctica to negoitiate the purchase of an anti-Aptenodytes chemical warheads and missiles.

Orbat
Leaopard seal x 2,122

ooc: this is one of the weirdest threads I've ever participated in.

God I Love This

Bjornoyan Merchant Ship Dastardly

"You got the stuff?"

*plop*

"All 5,000 kilos... God it smells horrible, how do I know it's pure?"

The seal flipped one of the Antarctic cod into the air with his snout, and swollowed it whole. The captain just watched, and nodded his head.

"I got what you're looking for, since you've gathered what I want. 3 Scud missile launchers with missiles, and three very special warheads. If released, this chemical will rot away the Penguin's feathers and destroy the egg-shells of their unborn."

The captain heard screams from his crew outside.

"Keep it down, damnit."

He walked to the door,

"I said SHUT-, What?"

He saw his crew-mates falling, one by one to the overwhelmingly powerful Leopard seals. Shocked, he turned around.

"....aghhhhhh!...urgle"

The Leopard seal pounced on the captain, and with one swift motion punctured one of captain's carotid arteries. He grasped his throat, and fell to the ground. The seal was ordered to eliminate any non-seals who knew of this transaction. With the the goods in flipper, the seal brought his merchandise back the the Grand Leopard Seal Base. The BMS Dastardly drifted, aimlessly for fifteen minutes, before the seals set off planted explosives, sending the merchant ship to its watery grave.

The seal smiled sinisterly. This was what the Leopard seals needed to annihilate the unworthy Penguin hordes. Left for a week without feathers, the penguins would surely freeze to death. And the thought of killing the penguin's offspring...it was exhilirating!

Who could possibly stop the evil Bjornoyan Seals? (http://www.biganimals.com/images/ant_03/big/ant-29b.jpg) (is that a baby penguin...? OMG!)

The Divine Empire of Kreynoria is sending the following units to participate in the war on Bjornoyan Seals


ORBAT
Nematode x 879,958,855,377,221,076,027,112,014,774.


Prepare to be vanquished!


Nematode Soldier
Armament: One mini minigun, monofilament knife
Armor: Human skin flakes
Attitude: Bad

Recent developments were not looking good for the seals. Despite their recent acquisitions, an innumerable enemy had taken arms against them. A-ARP knew he had to find some allies.

He sent out three leaopard seals to negotiate the hiring of plankton mercenaries. In the end, the "do it or else I'll eat you," tactic worked. A vast swarm of phytoplankton mercenaries, sent down by an El Nino current, were mobilized by the Plankton High Council to assist the Bjornoyan seals:


Orbat

Plankton x 567,204,978,643,569,231,743,375,692,543,054,856,231,593

Unfortunatelly, the first wave was swallowed by a small family of blue whales. The second was able to sneek by after the whale's had quelled their appetite.

After much difficulty Greek officers managed to arm 1,230 penguins for the upcoming battle against the Seal Rebel Army and managed to bring them and keep them at a meeting place. 500 elite snipers where present accompanied by the two Penguin and Greek generals.

The Penguin general wobbled up to the podium where it began to speak.

Penguin Noises: “Greetings my furry brothers, today we gather in paying our respects to the 3 unarmed penguins that died a gruesome and painful death at the hands of the Leopard seals. Our nation has been continuously abused by the seals for years to come. But now the mighty Hellenistic Empire comes to give us shelter and help us in our fight against the seals! Rise my brothers to arms! And let us spill the blood of seals!”

After he finished he wobbled down the podium to sit near his officers. The Greek general was now at the podium speaking to the snipers.

“Well don’t ask me what he said. I have no clue. But anyways from today we will start raiding seal camps. I also have some other news but there not that bad. From what satellites show is that large amount of planktons have moved near the shores. Don’t worry there very small stuff that whales eat for a living. I don’t know what these seals are thinking. There stupider then they look.”

When the speech was over a first raiding party was sent. The raiding party consisted of 50 snow mobiles with two soldiers on each. One will be shooting while the other will be handling the vehicle. The 50 snow mobiles left off from the base heading toward the nearest seal base.


RAIDING PARTY
50 Snowmobiles
100 Hoplites

ARMY:
1,230 penguins
500 Hoplites

TOTAL 1,730 soldiers

The innumerable nematodes crawled into rank upon innumerable rank, covering 35 inches by 44. The microscopic worms raised their mini-miniguns and pointed them straight at the oncoming horde of phytoplankton. Fortunately for the nematodes, the plankton were adapted to a tropical climate and lacked antifreeze protein in their DNA, thus making them susceptible to the extreme cold of the Antarctic waters. Millions of plankton froze every second, although the sheer massivness of the plankton army meant that that wasn't very much.

General Click ordered his troops to open fire. Trillions of trillions of microscopic bullets screamed into the plankton horde, tearing through cell membranes, shredding nuclei, tearing open mitochondria, ripping apart chloroplasts, and piercing Golgi bodies.

Due to the sheer numbers of plankton, many were able to climb over the heaps of corpses, some as high as a gargantuan three centimeters, and engage the nematodes in horrific tentacle-to-tentacle combat.

However, immeasurably sharp monofilament knives with a blade diameter of one molecule tore through the plankton, shredding their various appendages and organelles. The skin flake armor of the nematodes was difficult to breach, but several billion nematodes have fallen. The "battle" was rapidly becoming a rout.


Total Casualties Sustained So Far
10,109,287,583 KIA
269,112,774,501 wounded
200,001 captured/missing

HNN News Television Broadcast

BREAKING NEWS – We are sorry for interrupting the scheduled program but Greece has declared war on the Antarctica Republic, governed by the penguins. An Army of 1,000 Hoplites, stationed 1 year ago on the Empire’s Antarctica colony, mobilized into the open areas of Antarctica that weren’t under control of foreign powers. Apparently the reason for the invasion is because the penguins have been ignoring the established borders.

Wait we are just receiving a new update!

Apparently the war has been won! The penguins decided to peacefully be absorbed into the Empire and no casualties have been taken. We got some live feed now.

http://simonc.f2o.org/south/gallery/penguins2/04_loads.jpg

Penguins have gathered here to celebrate there land being absorbed in the Hellenistic Empire. The territory of the Empire in Antarctica will be called the Penguin-Greek Free Land of Antarctica.

OOC:LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

That is funny :)

Unaware of the titanic battle between the nematodes and plankton, an ignorant passerby stepped all over the battlefield unwittingly. Virtually all the plankton and nematodes are dead, give or take a couple billion on each side.

OOC: ZOMG! So funny! Keep it up! :D

Antarctic Puddle

The plankton army advanced with the mentality of a Soviet horde. The tremendous nematodian army was well prepared, and fired upon the plankton horde. Some better apadted plankton were able to phagoctyose the projectiles, but most got torn to pieces. The elite diatoms, however, scoffed at the attempts. Drifting at a remarkable .85 meters/second, they sliced the cell membranes of their multi-cellular adversaries.

The normal plankton were not faring so well. The casualties were horrific, and it was clear the nematodes were better armed and more well trained. The plankton general gave the order to retreat so that they may come up with a better plan.

But as fate had designed them, the plankton were entirelly unable to control their horizontal movement. The current sent a large portion of the horde to a frigid death within the antarctic waters

.................................................................................................... .

Seal Base

Meanwhile, back on land the seals were readying their new weapons. Unfortunatelly, the lack of opposable thumbs made the set-up rather difficult for the seals. But they were persistent, they would do it. The missile launch would be prepared within 3 hours. 3 hours, and the doom of every penguin within the continent of Anatarctica.

Prepared for holy war, the Exalted Leopard seal Clergy had readied over 300 seals with explosives. Their task was to meet the enemy and demolish the enemy and themselves in a brilliant display of Darwinism.

The rest of the seals were armed with light explosives, grenades and such, that would be lobbed at the enemy using their noses and tails. The first wave of the enemy forces was approaching fast.

As the Greek snowmobiles came within range, the seals lay in ambush. When the first one made its way, a suicide seal dove from nowhere and ignited his payload, splattering disgusting chunks of seal blubber and death. The Hoplites would learn quickly what kind of enemy they were up against. Other snowmobiles were met with grenades lobbed like mortars from unseen seal positions. As two forces skirmished outside the seal leader A-ARP rested deep within the ice caves, preparing the missiles.

ORBAT
Plankton x 48,356,553,118,396 (all diatoms due to recent disaster)
Suicide seal x 308 (-1)
Seal grenadiers x 1814

ooc: hey Nikolaos, wanna get some more Antarctic land out of this? I fear my holdings might restrict my nations expansion in upcoming weeks. If you want it, you got it.

With the remains of General Click along with trillions of trillions of nematodes and phytoplankton stuck to the soles of a scientific explorer's boots, the remaining nematodes rallied around Brigadier General C-Crick. They had sustained heavy casualties from this stranger, and only about 3 billion were left, a tiny fraction of the original number. Nevertheless, the plankton had also suffered near-total casualties from the scientist. Fewer than 10 billion were left, a managable number.

General C-Crick sought out the leader of the mercenary plankton company to engage in personal combat. After shredding his guards with mini minigun fire, he then drew his knife and slashed at the mercenary leader.

Slice! Slice!

Two of the plankton general's tentacles fell to the ground. Then, the nematode stabbed the plankton's single cell, piercing its cell wall and membrane and puncturing the nucleus. Cytoplasm gushed out through the whole, and the plankton general collapsed to the ground. Upon seeing their leader's death and sustaining further casualties, the morale of the plankton hit rock bottom. Many began deserting the icy battlefield. All the while, more plankton continued to freeze, and those that didn't retreat were mercilessly cut down.

OOC: Sorry if my post conflicts with your's I was writing it when you posted.

OOC: Sorry if my post conflicts with your's I was writing it when you posted.

OOC: I'll never forgive you for daring to contradict my post, especially in a thread as solemn and serious as this! For shame...
:D

Last night, the Andromedan frigate Kellyclarkson, has been sunk by unknown assailants. We believe that the enemies were 67 sperm (LOL) whales sent by the Penguin Republic. This is a declaration of war on these goddamn penguins!!!

DEFcON 1!!!

All military personel, to their SU-47's.
"Time for a barbeque boys!!"
"Hoorah!!"

I personally think this is the funniest RP to date. Keep it up guys. If you need any bacteria from the EOL or maybe some dogs or cats or rats (NYC has some nice ones), I can help you out. But we're doing that on a cash & carry program. I don't want to transport those vermin.

At this time, only the elite diatoms remained of the enemy force, and the nematodes had just gotten a trillion much-needed reinforcements. Now the only problem was killing the diatoms, which was aparently impossible. Besides not freezing, they could also absorb bullets. This meant that the nematodes had to go close and personal with their monofilament blades. Furious tentacle-to-tentacle combat ensued. Brigadier General C-Crick was unexpectedly struck by a fast-moving diatom and wounded. Other nematodes rallied around him and carried him away. Meanwhile, detachments of nematodes went above and below the the plankton forces, which were unable to control their movement. The plankton suddenly found their flanks under unexpected, heavy attack!

OOC - I agree with Layarteb.

The rather impenetrable but non-motile diatom horde was faring well. Diatom tribal leader Warlord Symmetry, had taken command after the demise the the weak normal plankton leader. The nematodes had undertaken sophisticated flanking maneuvers, but she would not be out-done. Although the diatoms could not regulate their horizontal movement, a few hundred million of the diatoms had evolved enough to regulate their vertical movement through bouyancy. As the nematodes attacked the flanks, these diatoms which lay waiting dove from above and rose from below with amazing grace, screaming "We (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/31/Diatoms_through_the_microscope.jpg) are prettier than You (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/fb/Roundworm.jpg)!" severely hurting the nematodes' pride and moral.
Warlord Symmetry (http://www.microscopy-uk.org.uk/mag/imgjun03/diatom_small.jpg) shined in her beautiful armor, and as she slaughtered a few nematodes looked for the nematodian general that she might have the pleasure of evicerating his pseudocoelom.

This was unexpected. The diatoms had counter-ambushed the ambush forces, and were next to impossible to kill. Worse, their general was now pressing an attack on the newly-promoted General Ik's guards. The guards were slowly but surely being hacked to pieces. It was time for a change in tactics. The nematodes at the back of the force began wildly reproducing and creating reinforcements. Meanwhile, the nematodes bought forth mortars from their back lines and opened fire. The shells pierced the membranes of the colourful diatoms and infected them with toxins and viruses. Meanwhile, with the last of General Ik's guards dead, the general drew twin monofilament swords and challenged General Symmetry to personal combat.

OOC: Let's make this a duel that lasts a while.

OOC: aw its Earth II overwise i would play the humpback whales

excellent work, keep it up

or krill for that matter

The Norwegians had some territories in Antartica, and now they heard of the massive conflict that was going on there. The leader for the Norwegian mission in Antartica, Governor Lokestein send a message to the Greek leader for the Antartica garrison.

We've heard of your recent war on the penguins. Because of our not-so-great past, we've decided to ask for your permission before we send what we have to offer. Which is roughly five hundred Norwegian Polar Bears (http://www.mikelevin.com/PolarBearCloseup1024.jpg) and twenty Norwegian Cougars (http://www.uit.no/tromsoflaket/2002.10/Gaupe-bilde.jpg). If you accept, the animal... eh, warriors, will be delivered to you via C-17A Globemaster III immediately. They will have sharpened teeth and claws.

We await your response, which we hope will be positive.

OOC:

Cotland: I am on the penguins side.

Bjornoya: Thanks, I will accept your part of Antarctica.

IC:

One of the snowmobiles in front of the of the raiding party all of sudden blew up and the officer leading the raid saw the seal explode with the snowmobile up ahead and at the last minute dodged the blast. He took the radio on the snow mobile and sent a message to the rest of the soldiers.

“Everybody watch out there are suicide bombers all over the place so don’t let any seal come within range.”

The snowmobiles continued to speed to the base while gunning down seals that approached. Some soldiers had a tough time driving there snowmobiles since there penguin partners kept randomly shooting at places, sometimes almost shooting the drivers.

A new recruit kept yelling at his penguin for shooting at the wrong places.

“Start shooting right or no more fish or squid for you!”

It almost looked like the penguin understood him and began to actually take the time to try and aim. Even the threat of no fish did not help the little penguin’s aiming.

Over the snowy hills snipers took position, camouflaged with the snow, and begun sniping out seals assisting the snowmobile raiders.

CASUALTIES
2x Snowmobiles
1x Hoplite
1x Penguin

RAIDING PARTY
49x Snowmobiles
49x Hoplites
50x Hoplite Snipers
49x Penguins

TOTAL
148x soldiers
48x vehicles

TRANSLATED FROM PENGUIN (not the best translation)

To: Empire of Layarteb
From: Pau

We would like to buy many rats! Kill seals! Woooo!!! FISH!!!!! How many you have? Heard NYC has lots of rats.

-Pau, Emperor Penguin
Antarctica Republic of Penguins

Antarctic Puddle

The Diatoms were somewhat surprised by the nematodian move, but soon followed suit. In a war of reproduction, the asexual diatoms could out-reproduce the nematodes anyday.

The battle ensued, and in fierce close-combat fighting some nematodes had attempted to digest the diatoms. This unfortunate bunch had their digestive track torn to shreds. They watched, horrified, as the silicon coated diatoms tore through their soft bodies, ripping them apart from the inside out.

But a new threat had the potential to destroy the entire diatom army, a virus. The diatoms were being infected, and the virus bred within them until they burst. Some were able to shield themselves from the virus within their outer silicon shell. Others were capable of engulfing the virus before infection, but the majority were entirelly susptable to it. Complicating matters was wither or not the virus would infect the nematodes' cells as well.

Meanwhile, Warlord Symmetry and her elite Diatomaceous Guards finally found their way to the nematodian leader General Ik. Her guards attempted to rush the general, but were thrown back mercilessly by Warlord Symmetry. "Stay out of my way," she growled, "This is my fight."

The warlord floated opposite her multi-cellular adversary. The sunlight shown brilliantly off of her, casting a dazling display of colors across the battlefield. At her most blinding moment, she lunged at the general, lashing him with one of her pseudopods that oozed out from her nearly impenetrable armor. The nimble Ik dodged the attack, but Symmetry quickly reversed by expelling water from one of her many vacuoles. She was far more mobile than the others, being capable of using not only pseudopods but a complex pumping system to give full three dimensional movement in water. In her backward motion, she suprised the general by tearing off a non-essential part of her armor with a pseudopod, and attempted to strike with it at the general.

Seal Base

The seals were getting torn to bits by the Grecian Hoplite snipers. There was little they could do, and to worsen matters the weakling penguins were actually shooting at them. The sight of a mighty seal being put down by a lowly penguin angered the seals. But A-ARP had a plan, if they could get rid of the penguins first, the seals would outnumber the hoplites, and might have a chance. As the penguins waddled about the battlefield, A-ARP ordered some of the seals horde of Antarctic cod to be stuffed with cyanide capsules, and catapulted using the seals' powerful tails towards the penguins. During the set-up, a few evolutionally deprived seals ate some of the poisoned cod, and died a swift death. The other seals laughed, and knew it would mean a similar fate for many penguins. Amongst the flying grenades, seals, and bullets, the battlefield was soon being rained upon by large, decievingly delicious fish.

In the chaos of the battle, the seals were still preparing to launch there glorious attack that would wipe the penguins off the face of the planet once and for all. From underneath their cavern, they rolled the first scud launcher out. With luck, they would get the missile off before anyone could do anything about it.

Meanwhile, some more suicide seals jumped amongst a disorganized gorup of penguins, and set off their explosives. The sight was incredible, random chunks of seal meat flew through the air along with a giant puff of penguin feathers. The seals stared, and started barking in that mocking and annoying tone that only a seal could produce.

ORBAT:
Diatoms x 43,557,358,118,396 (but growing through asexual reproduction)
Suicide seal x 308 (-25)
Seal grenadiers x 1814 (-135)

Nobody excepted this kind of counter attack from the seals. It was brilliant and they deserved credit. This was probably one of the great military counter attacks in history. The battlefield was shadowed as hundreds of cod fish were catapulted into the air. The greatest weakness of the Penguin Army was finally exploited.

Penguins begun dropping there assault rifles while jumping off the snowmobiles ignoring angry threats from the Hoplites. They ran towards any cod they can see and begun gulping it down like crazy. There bodies instantly became stiffed as they moaned painful cries they dropped dead.

The last penguin alive was being hold on by the officer from the neck trying to keep him from eating any of the fish.

“Damn it! You idiot can’t you see they wiped out half of our forces with fish! With FISH! If you want the fish then go ahead and eat them.”

He threw the penguin off the snowmobile and the penguin ran wobbled after the fish. The officer meanwhile to his radio again and started talking again.

“Everybody all that remains is us and the snipers. Its time to pull out our hand guns and get some kills. Shoot between the eyes and nowhere else for instant kill.”

The Hoplites enraged by there comrade’s stupidity and death they began firing on the seals like mad men trying to avenge there fellow penguins’ deaths.

CASUALTIES
49x Penguins

RAIDING PARTY
49x Hoplites
50x Hoplite Snipers
49x Snowmobiles

TOTAL
99x soldiers
49x Vehicles

OOC: My bad. Sorry. Is this better?

IC:

We've heard of your recent war alongside the penguins. Because of our not-so-great past, we've decided to ask for your permission before we send what we have to offer. Which is roughly five hundred Norwegian Polar Bears (http://www.mikelevin.com/PolarBearCloseup1024.jpg) and twenty Norwegian Cougars (http://www.uit.no/tromsoflaket/2002.10/Gaupe-bilde.jpg). If you accept, the animal... eh, warriors, will be delivered to you via C-17A Globemaster III immediately. They will have sharpened teeth and claws, perfect for killing Leopard Seals and Plankton!

We await your response, which we hope will be positive.

Secret IC: Bjornoyan seals have signed a military alliance with the native Giant Petrels in a combined effort to eliminate the disgusting penguin from Antarctica once and for all

ORBAT:
Giant Petrel x 468

Translated from Diatomaceous

To: EOL
From: Diatoms
Re: Anti-bodies

Our adversaries have stooped so low as to attack us with biological weapons (ooc: whole new meaning after this thread). We wish to purchase a small quantity of anti-bodies for this anti-diatom virus.

Respectfully,
Warlord Symmetry

General Ik quickly ducked the attack. A fraction of a second too late. A good portion of her flank was torn off. Making a sound as close to a snarl as a nematode can get, General Ik tried to stab her opponent. But the sword made only a small chip in her opponent's armor. General Symmetry lashed out with several more pseudopods. The nematode general just barely avoided them, and slashed at the last pseudopod.


On the rest of the battlefield, nematodes tried vainly to stab through diatomaceous armor, but with almost no success. But suddenly, diatoms began randomly bursting from viral infection. Their bioweapons had worked, and were significantly thinning the number of diatoms. The tiny mortars continued firing, some of them now shooting explosive shells at the nematodes in hopes of penetrating their armor. But the explosive shells were in very short supply, and the nematodes could not shoot them for long.

Translated from Diatomaceous

To: EOL
From: Diatoms
Re: Anti-bodies

Our adversaries have stooped so low as to attack us with biological weapons (ooc: whole new meaning after this thread). We wish to purchase a small quantity of anti-bodies for this anti-diatom virus.

Respectfully,
Warlord Symmetry

The Empire, regrettably, does not have any vaccine of such virus nor does it have any knowledge of said virus.

The Empire

OOC: Ha ha



IC: Now it was time to reveal the ultimate showcase of nematodian technological superiorty. A microscopic centrifuge was brought forth. Soon spinning at incredible speed, it began flingng tiny chips of titanium, steel, tungsten, and silicon. These projectiles would hopefully be able to penetrate the siliconic armor of their diatomaceous foe. Billions of nematodian soldiers rallied around the centrifuge turret, prepared to defend it at all costs.


PS: Don't ask me where they got this.

Antarctic Puddle:

The diatoms were very fortunate, and at the moment had a higher growth rate than decay rate due to a sticky candy wrapper falling behind their lines. Quickly metabolizing the sugars, the diatoms bubbled as they reproduced.

The nematodes had mobilized a new weapon that was shooting strange bits of metal at the diatoms. The first and second waves of diatoms shattered and burst. But the clever diatoms started to not only dodge the tiny bits of metal being thrown at them, but incorporate them into their shells! As the diatoms quickly adapted to this new environment, the centrifuge was beginning to back-fire on the nematodes.

Meanwhile, the virus started turning the infected diatoms into single-celled berserkers. As they were infected, they lost all control, attacking friend and ally equally. In the finally moments, the virus would burst from the diatom, scattering deadly bits of diatom shell throughout the region. Dozens of nematodes and hundred of diatoms perished with each death.

Behind the lines, some diatoms who were infected were mysteriously immune to the virus. It was entirelly possible that within such a large population a few would be. These diatoms began to reconstruct the virus within them, so that the virus would more attracted to the nematodes!

Meanwhile, the Diatomaceous Guards cheered on their leader as she fought the mightiest battle against General Ik. As Warlord Symmetry lashed out at her, General Ik got a lucky slice on one of Warlord Symmetry's pseudopods. The entire pseudopods was cut off, and floated lifelessly away from the warlord. The Diatomaceous Guards fell silent, not knowing what to think, but General Symmetry just laughed. Another of her pseudopods jutted out at the missing piece, and assimilated the cell membrane and cytoplasm right back into her.

"Look at how marvelously beautiful I am! Even if I were cut in two, the other half of me would be so attracted to the other we would re-merge! But you...you are many. You are reliant on your parts to function. Me, I am One, I am perfectly whole, you are constructed of imperfect fractions of yourself. You..are ugly! You are simply ugly!"

The Warlord mocked General Ik as she caught a bit of titanium, cleaned it with a pseudopod, and began swinging it like a club at the nematode general.

Seal Base:

The hoplites took only light casualties for every ten or so seals. A-ARP had underestimated his enemy. The hoplites worked their way through the seal ranks. Their weaponry was far too sophisticated for the seal to try and retaliate against. Knowing he was fighting a losing battle, A-ARP ordered a full retreat into the Seal Base. As the last of the survivors made their way into the cave, the seals set off the missile, aimed to one of the penguin's primary gatherings. After the missile went, the seals smashed the enterance, caving the tunnel in so the hoplites could not follow.

The next morning...

A small detachment of Bjornoyan scientists stumbled upon the battleground. Scattered about were chunks of seal, penguin, and...a destroyed Grecian snowmobile. The scientist were horrified, and reported the incident to the Bjornoyan authorities:

Grecian Hoplites Murder Hundreds of Seals and Penguins in Antarctica
(Presented by an independent news source)

Bjornoyan researcher came upon what appears to be a massively sadistic expression by Greece against harmless animals. Thousands of animal rights activists from around the world are protesting against Greece.

The Hellenistic empire has yet to make an official statement concerning the incident. Bjornoyan animal rights activist Billy Beumont was outraged, "I demanded a complete explanation from the Hellenistic Empire! What kind of people are you, what did these animals do to warrant this? Is this how you train your soldiers? Do the mighty Greeks need to slaughter innocent animals to affirm the illusion of strength in their eyes?"

Billy held up a photographs taken by the Bjornoyan researchers. One was of a baby seal, prodding the exploded remains of his father. The other was of a pile of twenty penguins, piled up with glazed looks on their dead faces. Teary eyed, Billy got even angrier,

"Look at this! Look at him! Look at what these monsters have done! Or are the Greeks going to deny any involvement in this!? They would like us to believe that these seals blew themselves up! Or that the penguins were poisoned by these 'evil' seals!"

Billy finally broke-down entirelly, and was escorted off the podium.

Orbat:
Leopard seal x 1867
Giant Petrel x 468
Diatoms x 51,943,563,985,086 (and growing)

Official Government Reply

No comments on the accusations of animal rights abuse. Even if I where to tell you what happened you would just laugh at us. By the way any foreign hippy or animal rights activist dares enter Greece and its territories to protest will BE SHOT ON SIGHT and questions will be asked later. That is if you survive.

Yeoryios Papandreou, Minister of Foreign Affairs
Athens, Greece

Secret Government Reply to Cotland

(A better translation from Penguin, the last translator was fired.)

We will gladly accept your aid. Please send your forces as soon as possible. We have surrounded the seals and are preparing for a final assault on the base. If we do not attack soon more penguins will die as Ghost agents report the seals possessing a stockpile of Anti-Penguin WMDs. A missile has already been fired.

-Pau, Emperor Penguin
Antarctica

Seal Base

The Hoplites where putting up a good fight. Even outnumbered they managed to strike a daring blow to the seal forces. Groups of snowmobiles can be seen circling fleeing seals while blowing there brains out. The snipers began taking down seals that managed to escape the circles.

Even with all this firepower against them the seals managed to barricade themselves into there cave. A few minutes later a rocking sound was produce as a missile was blasted out of the cave.

The officer in charge of the raid looked at the missile and knew exactly where it was heading. He knew in a few minutes thousands of innocent penguins will die a very gruesome death. The officer ordered the Hoplites to regroup and join the snipers at the hill. They will make camp there and call in for reinforcements. There was no escape for the seals now.

After a few hours Bjornoyan researcher came to battleground and was taking pictures. Unfortunately he had already sent them to a news group. 2 Hoplites, each on there own snowmobile, approached him.

“You are under the custody of the Hellenic Army. Fail to cooperate will result in your death.”

One got off his snowmobile and approached the researcher with a pair of hand cuffs while the other Hoplite kept his gun pointed at the head of the researcher. Since the two where new recruits they forgot to search the prisoner for any communication device like a cell phone.

Penguin Refugee Camp #2

The Hoplite in the tower was standing guard half asleep. They where in the middle of Antarctica and there was no seal base within a thousand kilometers. But he heard a sound coming from far away. It sounded like an approaching missile at a very high speed. He woke instantly. His fears turned out to be true. He smashed the alarm and the sirens went turned on but it was already too late. The missile obliterated the camp. Nobody survived its impact.

CASUALTIES
30x Hoplites
3,200 civilian Penguins

RADING PARTY
49x Hoplites
50x Hoplite Snipers
49x Snowmobiles

OOC: El oh el. This is the funniest RP I've seen in my 6 or so months here... *falls off chair*

OOC: El oh el. This is the funniest RP I've seen in my 6 or so months here... *falls off chair*

We need an Academy Awards for RP. I nominate this for Best Comedy.

In the skies over the battlefield, suddenly several aircraft could be seen. They were of the type C-17A Globemaster III, painted in the markings of the Royal Norwegian Air Force. Anyway, the ramps on the backs of the planes opened, and hundreds of large white shapes appeared...

[Inside the plane]

"Come on, get out!" the men with the electric cattleprods said, while forcing the polar bears and cougars out of the hatch. The leader, the polar bear General Rawr didn't really want to. However, an electric prod up his behind made him move forward with the rest of the army. 'One more time, and I'll kill him', Rawr thought. Then the man did it again. 'OK, that's it!'

He turned suddenly, got up on two legs and brandished his claws, specially sharpened for the occation. Then, he let his body mass of 600 kilos fall down on hte man while he slashed open the guts and bit off the head. Rawr wasn't anyone you could mess with and thik you'd get away with it with!

"Oh shit, he's going postal!" another man said, then three more prodded the polarbears toward the exit. Rawr managed to bit the head of two more before he suddenly felt himself falling....

The Norwegians had fitted the army of polar bears and cougars with parachutes. It was quite a sight, watching five hundred polar bears and a hundred cougars fall from the skies, in orange parachutes!

As they came to the ground, Rawr gathered the troops and started wandering over the field. Then he smelled something nice. What was it? Oh yeah, seal guts! Yummy! There were some penguin too, but seal was better. Then he spotted live seals! Even better! With a rawr, GEN Rawr was leading the assault towards the Leopard Seals, followed by roughly four hundred other hungry polar bears, each weighing more than 500 kilos, minimum! Time for lunch!


Polar Bears: 500
Cougars: 100

Skies Above Seal Base

The Giant Petrals glared with their tiny, black eyes at the most preposterous sight they had ever seen; giant furry creatures were falling from the sky! Giant non-winged furry creatures were trying to fly! Such blasphemy would not be tolerated, only the majestic Petral was worthy of flying the Antarctic skies! In defense of their seal comrades, the Giant Petrals took flight. A group of about 150 Petrals began snipping the chords on the polar bear and cougar parachutes as they descended. The creatures tried to swipe at the birds, but most were unsuccesful. The victims watched in disbelief as the last few chords of their parachutes got snipped by the petrals' strong beaks. Dozens of polar bears and cougars dropped from the sky. They flung their limbs around helplessly as they free-fell hundreds of meters. Then, at the last moment, they saw the ground rushing at them, very, very quickly. They gave soft moans as they hit the ground and their bodies exploded across the battlefield.

But the cougars did not meet such a fate. The ptral cut a few of the cougar's parachutes. The clever cats fell from the sky, but they landed on their feet light as a feather. They licked their paws non-chalantly, and then began their hunt, pouncing in the air at some of the lower flying petrals.

Meanwhile, the the other petrals began diving raids in pairs against the adversaries that had landed successfully. The first petral would fly just out of reach of the polar bears and attempt to crap in its face. If successful, the second petral would swoop down and peck out the polar bear's eyes when he was distracted.

Subterranean Seal Base

The Hoplites and Penguins were making their way through the collapsed tunnel. A token force consisting of 75 suicide seals waited, as the rest of the seals crawled through the vast labyrinth to their new headquarters, where the other two missiles were being prepared to launch. The seals would celebrate the recent destruction of over 3,000 penguins once they reached their new headquarters, dubbed 'The Citadel.' It would take weeks for the Hoplites and penguins to find their way through the tunnels. It would be impossible for them to find the seals in time to stop the next launch. They would need the help of a man who could not only conquer the impossible, but made such a concept non-existent. A man with inhuman tact, charm, and intelligence. A man full of style, grace, and mystery. A man with invaluable training and experience in dealing with seal terrorists.

And that man was a penguin...

Orbat (last defenders of the seal base, the rest have retreated into the depths)
Suicide seal x 75 (fight to the death)

Giant Petral x 468 (will retreat if they survive)
*154- Snipping parachutes
*157-shitting in polar bear's face
*157-gouging eyes of shit-faced polar bears

Tag, has anybody sent in gangs of biker elves yet?

TRANSLATED FROM PENGUIN (not the best translation)

To: Empire of Layarteb
From: Pau

We would like to buy many rats! Kill seals! Woooo!!! FISH!!!!! How many you have? Heard NYC has lots of rats.

-Pau, Emperor Penguin
Antarctica Republic of Penguins

The Empire can provide in excess of 10,000 sewer rats. They are very vicscious and they can chew through steel pipes. Your transportation of them is required, they are way too dangerous for us to move.

General Ik cried out in disbelief. Warlord Symmetry had simply regenerated. It was beyond impossible. The nematode general then found herself under fierce attack. Warlord Symmetry had caught a piece of titanium, and was now using it as a club, knocking away one of General Ik's swords. The nearby diatoms laughed and jeered. Snarling, she tried to stab at Warlord Symmetry. But her sword broke in half. She stared at the shard of metal in her hand, then at the diatom warlord, and then at the remains of her sword. Suddenly she had an appointment somewhere else, anywhere else.

It was unbelievable. The centrifuge had turned against them. The diatoms were now absorbing the projectiles, making them stronger. And viral casualties were running low. Worse, a few of the nematodes were being infected as well. They were facing an invincible enemy. Even General Ik had been defeated. The nematode officers gave the retreat order. A few billion nematodes stayed behind as rear guard, trying to keep the victorious diatoms from killing all the nematodes.

Marshal Caw of Arctic Tern Migratory Group 557 stared at the strangest thing he'd seen in his 17-month life. Giant white blobs with claws and flaps of cloth fluttering above them, under attack by giant petrels. While the blobs looked simultaneously terrifying and comical, and the marshal's first instinct was to turn his formation to avoid the battle, he could not help feel a sense of pity for the helpless blobs. Full speed forward! Execute attack plan Four-Two-Two Six!

The Arctic terns split into groups. 1,432 of the terns flew straight at the petels in an arrowhead formation. Two subgroups of 372 terns split off and flew below and to the sides of the petrels. The last group of 614 terns dived at exteme speed from above.

Baghad Daily News 11/13/05

Pro-Greek Movements Congest Cities
AQABA, JORDAN-In a protest against Bjornoyan seals, described by a defense official as "cold hearted terrorists," over 1,000 animals marched in front of the Bjornoyan naval facility here. Camels, sheep, and horses, raised by herders, had made their way into the city the night before. When they arrived, they were joined by birds and local pets.

At the Aqaba Aquarium, all of the seals were found eaten. The culprits have not been found, although police said they had several suspects.

Similar protests occured in cities throughout the nation. Bangalore had some of the biggest, when upwards of 300 cows staged a sit-in protest, refusing to move until Elephantum takes serious action. All planned attempts to move the cows have been halted by Hindu leaders, and the city is completely shut down.

Official Bjornoyan Federal Government Reply:

We do not understand what these animals are saying, nor do we take responsibility for the actions of animals against other animals within our territories. Such processes are entirelly natural. The death of one creature means life to another. Such is the way of the world.

Secret IC unofficial message to the animal in charge of rally: I swear if you so much as set a hoof on our military base we will slaughter you like the worthless beasts you are. Then we will tear off your skins and sell them as luxury items in any of our many mega-malls. We will rip out your inner organs, feed them to our dogs, and cook the rest of you and eat it ourselves! We will place your empty skulls on our walls as trophies, we will stuff your dead corpses as fancy centerpieces. We will shatter the shells of your un-born and make delicious omelettes.

Skies Above Seal Base

The Giant Petrals glared with their tiny, black eyes at the most preposterous sight they had ever seen; giant furry creatures were falling from the sky! Giant non-winged furry creatures were trying to fly! Such blasphemy would not be tolerated, only the majestic Petral was worthy of flying the Antarctic skies! In defense of their seal comrades, the Giant Petrals took flight. A group of about 150 Petrals began snipping the chords on the polar bear and cougar parachutes as they descended. The creatures tried to swipe at the birds, but most were unsuccesful. The victims watched in disbelief as the last few chords of their parachutes got snipped by the petrals' strong beaks. Dozens of polar bears and cougars dropped from the sky. They flung their limbs around helplessly as they free-fell hundreds of meters. Then, at the last moment, they saw the ground rushing at them, very, very quickly. They gave soft moans as they hit the ground and their bodies exploded across the battlefield.

But the cougars did not meet such a fate. The ptral cut a few of the cougar's parachutes. The clever cats fell from the sky, but they landed on their feet light as a feather. They licked their paws non-chalantly, and then began their hunt, pouncing in the air at some of the lower flying petrals.

Meanwhile, the the other petrals began diving raids in pairs against the adversaries that had landed successfully. The first petral would fly just out of reach of the polar bears and attempt to crap in its face. If successful, the second petral would swoop down and peck out the polar bear's eyes when he was distracted.

Subterranean Seal Base

The Hoplites and Penguins were making their way through the collapsed tunnel. A token force consisting of 75 suicide seals waited, as the rest of the seals crawled through the vast labyrinth to their new headquarters, where the other two missiles were being prepared to launch. The seals would celebrate the recent destruction of over 3,000 penguins once they reached their new headquarters, dubbed 'The Citadel.' It would take weeks for the Hoplites and penguins to find their way through the tunnels. It would be impossible for them to find the seals in time to stop the next launch. They would need the help of a man who could not only conquer the impossible, but made such a concept non-existent. A man with inhuman tact, charm, and intelligence. A man full of style, grace, and mystery. A man with invaluable training and experience in dealing with seal terrorists.

And that man was a penguin...
OOC: I am going to fast forward the purchase of the rats from Layarteb.

And yes there was that penguin. Armed with a colt .45 and an assault rifle and his Penguin charm he dashed into the cave with backpack, which nobody knew what it contained. He began wobbling down the tunnels following the scent of fat seals with his trusty penguin nose!

While outside…

When the delivery of the rats arrived the Penguin Army with assistance from the Hoplites got ready to push there final assault. They where going infest these cave tunnels the seals where hiding in. The Layartebians said these nasty little creatures breed very fast.

The containers carrying the rats where opened facing the direction of the entrance of the cave. Thousands of rats where running crazily out of the containers trying to escape the cold. They all fled into the cave. After this war the Penguins where going to have to exterminate the rats the officer in charge though to himself.

Official Bjornoyan Federal Government Reply:

We do not understand what these animals are saying, nor do we take responsibility for the actions of animals against other animals within our territories. Such processes are entirelly natural. The death of one creature means life to another. Such is the way of the world.

Secret IC unofficial message to the animal in charge of rally: I swear if you so much as set a hoof on our military base we will slaughter you like the worthless beasts you are. Then we will tear off your skins and sell them as luxury items in any of our many mega-malls. We will rip out your inner organs, feed them to our dogs, and cook the rest of you and eat it ourselves! We will place your empty skulls on our walls as trophies, we will stuff your dead corpses as fancy centerpieces. We will shatter the shells of your un-born and make delicious omelettes.

The camel in leading the Aqaba protest gave a speech before members of various Elephanti newspapers and television stations, where he informed them of the threatening comments made by the Bjornoyans.

This added fuel to the fire, and zoological chaos beset Elephantum. In Dubai, by far the most liberal city in the nation, substantial numbers of humans joined in the protests. Most vegetarian, environmentalist, and animal rights groups are based in the city, and the streets were filled with protestors, livestock, and more exotic animals. A pair of elephants used by the police had gone AWOL, and were found in Dubai War Memorial Park, covered with posters decrying Bjornoya, meat eating, and other "crimes against animality."

In India, where almost every major highway now had at least one cow in it, Jains joined the animals. The cows and Jains had been peaceful, but some other locals, frustrated by the traffic and terrified of the plague, wanted the government to meet the animals' demands and go to war with Bjornoya.

Running out of options, the Elephanti government released a statement. They would give free transportation to Antarctica to any independent citizen, or wild animal. Any privately owned animals would need written permission from their owners, and no publicly owned animals (zoo animals, police camels/horses/elephants) would be allowed to go.

With this news, airports were mobbed by literal herds of animals trying to get on the planes. Stores were completely cleared of winter gear, as people readied themselves for a trip to the bottom of the world.

1,506xHalf-Starved Vegetarian Partisans
2,000 (approx.)xVarious animals (including, but not limited to: cats, dogs, sheep, camels, cows, horses)

ooc: my government has no connections whatsoever with the seal, I'm just RPing them as a rogue faction within Antarctica.

ooc:teh threatening reply came from the bjornoyans, not the seals. however, my "forces" are going to fight the seals. Most people who care about the situation have allied you and the seals in thier minds, so it doesnt matter what your governments position is anymore.

The petrals were now defecating on and pecking the faces of the surviving polar bears and cougars. No animal deserved this fate. Go for the eyes. Stay out of reach of those talons. Use your superior speed to your advantage.

Attack Group A, flying directly at the petrels, began fiercing slashing and stabbing with talons and beak. They hurled themselves in swarms against the larger petrels.

Attack Group B, diving from above, unleashed a devastating barrage of feces upon the unfornate petrels, then dived at full speed, ramming their beaks through their adversaries' skulls.

Attack Groups C and D attacked the petrels that were harrying the bears and cougars. They encircled their numerically inferior enemy, forcing them into a tight circle. They began closing their circle until they were upon the petrels, attacking from all sides, supported by the ground forces.

Skies Above Leopard Seal Base

The terns took down dozens of the Petrals, who had no clue why their winged brethern would attack them. As soon as they hit the ground, both the petrals and terns attacking them fell prey to the battle-hungry (or perhaps just hungry) cougars and polar bears who wanted a snack before munching on some delicious seal. The petrals broke off their attack on the polar bears and cougars, and swiped away the annoying terns with their powerful wings. The petrals gained altitude, and flew away from the battle. They had more important issues at hand.

Fur Seal Base #2461

The fur seal population cautiously watched the conflict fold out. They had a blood oath with their Leopard seal cousins, but did not share in the fanaticism of the Leopard seals. Wiping out the entire penguin population would doom all seals in Antarctica, the penguins needed to live, they were the seal's food. This more rational group of seals was shocked by the way the stupid, moronic, and superficial humans who knew of the incident had grouped all the seals as being of one mind, one will. Because a few seals went and blew up an entire penguin population, did that mean all the seals were evil?

But as the situation was, they were stuck with fighting an enemy that was as fanatic as their leopard seal cousins. If war was to come, they would be prepared. Being the largest seal population in Antarctica, their army numbered in the millions. The closest fur seal base lay 100 kilometers south of the original Leopard seal base.

A large flock of Petrals, being hounded by annoying little terns, made land-fall at the fur-seal base. The Fur seal in charge of the base, Colonel Fluef, interrogated the Petrals. Some new adversaries were approaching, and fast. The Colonel Fluef had heavily fortified his base, and booby-trapped the surrounding area with many bear-traps and covered holes in the ice. He knew the enemy would probably target him and his colony next, they wanted blood for the deaths of thousands of innocent penguins caused by that intolerably arrogant A-ARP.

The Colonel sent two neutral Albatrosses, one to the Penguins wishing to discuss peace-terms, and the other to the Fur seal capital, that they might send re-enforcements if neccessary.

The Citadel (New Leopard Seal Base)

Deep within the labyrinth surviving Leopard seals made their way to The Citadel, passing through an endlessly complicated maze to reach the last two missiles. A-ARP gave a toast to the 'valient' seals that gave their lives today, and assured the Leopard seals those who died for the Holy seal beliefs would be met in heaven by 41 beautiful leopard seal virgin cows. A-ARP's mid drifted to his own cow, Samothe.

Samothe was one of the most gorgeous Leopard seals ever to exist. Her coat shown brilliantly with tones impossible for normal leopard seals. And her tail, God her tail, it was soft, smooth, and ran for miles. She was the envy of all male Leopard seals. But she, she was not happy. The overly jealous A-ARP kept her on a short leash, and she hated this. How she longed to get rid of this bulbous pig that she was forced to mate with. If only some charming, intelligent, free-loving creature would come and sweep her away, she would do anything!

(hint-hint)

ORBAT:
Old Leopard seal base:
Suicide seals x 75

Fur Seal Base #2461
Fur seal soldier x 4,756
Giant Petral x 435

The Citadel
Leopard seal x 2,432 (with new re-enforcments)

James the Penguin continued to wobble down the icy and cold tunnels of the Seal base until his nose picked up the scent of some seals. He stopped and peaked around the corner to see two Leopard seals standing guards. He pulled out his…fresh cod fish from his backpack! It’s time for some fun. He threw across the tunnel the cod fish. These seals looked very hungry.

James got his colt .45 ready and waited for the perfect opportunity to kill them.

The two somewhat drunk Leopard seal guards, who were in the middle of a game of tic-tac-toe smelled the fresh fish instantly. The seal farthest from the cod smashed through the smaller seal, greedly getting to the fish first. The smaller seal quickly recovered, and charged flippers flapping at the fullest to feed on the fish. James watched the two wrestling around. The smaller one got onto the bigger one's back. James took aim with his silenced pistol, and picked the smaller seal off with a clean shot to the head. The bigger seal, thinking he had one, arouse again to eat the fish, but his eyes fell upon the most dangerous penguin to ever exist. The seal tried to say something to alarm the other seal, but was finished by two shots to the chest.

James reloaded his .45, and looked around. The seals bodies' contained no keys, and the door they were guarding was locked. Above, there was a small vent. He could either wait for more seals to open the door, take them out, and get in; or he could try to break in but loose his cover, or he could try to ventalation shaft to see where it led.

Marshal Caw had the terns regroup into formation and quickly counted off casualties. The petrels had killed 29 of them, and their polar bear and cougar "allies" had also killed another 16. Several dozen more were wounded, but considering the circumstances these casualties were surprisingly light. Marshal Caw than had the formation circle over the surviving bears and cougars. Thanks to a distant relation in their evolutionary past, the mammals were just barely able to understand this message:

We you friend. Us fight seal. We you helps. Not eat us.

There where too many choices for James to choose from. Should he break in? Who knows how many seals are in there or what’s in there. Should he wait for someone to come out? Maybe it was a storeroom and nobody was going to come out so time will just be wasted. Or should go into the ventilation shaft? Who knows where that can lead?

A solution quickly came to his head! He will spin himself around and the direction he stops he will go chose which option he will chose. If he stops in front of the door he will break in. If he will stops facing left he will wait and if he stops facing right he will climb the ventilation shaft. He sat down and spun himself around and after a few minutes of a fun ride he stops facing his right. I guess its time to climb the ventilation shaft. He dragged the body of the big seal after much difficulty under the ventilation shaft. He climbed onto the body and opened the shaft and with one great jump he managed to get in.

He begun crawling straight ahead through ventilation tunnel guessing it will lead him above the room. The deeper he got the louder he heard seals talking to each other. There was another shaft opening and he peered through it.

Amazing! Below him was ARP-P, the leader of the Leopard seals surrounded by his guards. But there was something shocking! Two missiles where being readied for launch! Those two will surely destroy the Penguin population! He had to do something immediately. He began formulating a plan in his Penguin brain.

Penguin Capital

Pau, an Emperor Penguin, greeted the Albatross that came to discuss peace terms. He was very excited at putting an end to this war. He had a table of freshly caught fish ready to feed the Albatross and begin the peace talks immediately.

Penguin Capital

The Albatross swiped up the fish, threw it into the air, and swallowed it whole. After taking a moment to clean his feather's the albatross spoke,

"The fur seals, representing the single largest population and having the most predominant say in the happenings of seals, wish to speak of peace terms. The way the fur seals see it, this whole mess occurred when the Leopard seals forget their place in the natural order. The seals do not wish to destroy the penguin population, in fact, they are dependent on them! With that in mind, the fur seals seek peace on these terms:

1) The re-establishment of the natural order within Antarctic territories (i.e. removal of all non-natural elements)

2) Either acknowledgement as a semi-autonomic state within the Hellinistic Empire as the Hellinistic-Seal republic, or the merger of all creatures living in Antarctic territory to form Hellinistic-Animal Farm Free Republic of Antarctica.

3) Elimination of all hippies that dare enter the new-founded republic.

The albatross waited for the Emporer's reply.

The Citadel

A-ARP stood proud amongst his guards. The two missiles were set to fire, one upon the Penguin Capital and the other upon one of the largest civilian penguin camps in Antarctica. James glared angirly at the pompous A-ARP from the ventilation shaft. Suddenly, the ice under him cracked. He tried to catch himself, but he fell through. He heard a seal grunt and fall as he landed on top of him. The guard was out cold. He quckly regained his composure, wiping ice fragments out of his perfect coat. He heard movement, and drew his pistol. Suddenly, a voice behind him spoke,

"Don't move!"

The voice was weak. He rolled, aimed his pistol, and saw the figure drop the gun.

"Please, don't shoot!"

A female Leopard seal was staring at him with begging eyes. Without a word, James walked over and picked up the seal's gun. She was shaking,

"Look, uhhh, I'll help you stop the missiles, I'll show you how to get to thme from here, I'll give you the access codes to get passed security, just please don't kill me!"

James wobbled over to the seal. He was not sure if he could trust her, but did not have too many alternatives at the moment.

"Well, where are they?"

"The missiles are being moved down this corridor beyond that door to the left. This key-card will bet you through the security door. There will be maybe thirty guards beyond that door on patrol. But I have an idea."

The seal got out an old seal-skin, used by the seal Clergy for sacred rituals.

"If you dress in this, they'll never tell the difference."

James took the skin. He felt some-what creeped out. As he was about to leave the seal spoke again,

"Wait! Promise you'll come back for me! I know when the Penguin forces find this place they'll kill everyone of these fanatical seals, but I'm not like them! I don't want to die here! Please, come back."

James said, "What is your name?"

The seal said, "My name is Samothe, what is your name?"

So far, Rawr had lost two hundred and fifty-nine polar bears and two cougars to the winged bastards as they clipped them out of the skies, and another thirty bears to the crap-and-blind tactic. Anyway, he had more than enough to kill something. The only problem was that the polar bears didn't really care for what they killed, as they had all been roaming around in Norway when they had been shot with tranqualizers, gotten a dental job and stuck on a plane with a parachute strapped to their backs. Anyway, Rawr wasn't stupid, and he understood the message the friendly birds sent. Barely.

"RAWR!" he called out, calling to his soldiers to stop fighting. A cougar, busy with jumping up and taking out birds looked at him with a evil look.

"Mjau! Rawr! Mjaaaaaaaaau!" it called back, only to be scared into submission from a "Raaaaaaaaaawrrr!" from Rawr. The cat stopped jumping up and down, instead sitting down to lick its paw, which was bloody from slashing seals and birds alike. Satisfied, Rawr took a quick count of his remaining forces.

Polar bears: 211
Cougars: 98

Then he rallied them together and started a dash towards the remaining seals, mouth open! The cougar stormtroopers, which were quicker than their polar bear counterparts, moved forward quicker and jumped the remaining seal carcasses, eating with delight. They also argued with the polar bears over who would get the carcasses, then when no diplomatic sollution could be found, claws and teeth were brought to bear. Normally, it would take three cougars to take down a single polar bear, but since the cougars were smarter than the bears, they started running around in circles, with the polar bears following suit.

Rawr saw this, and shook his head. Idiots! Then he entered the labyrinth, accompanied by four cougars and seven polar bears who hadn't started fighting. The cougars, who could see in the dark, moved first, followed by Rawr and the other bears, who bit on to each others tails to know where to go. If the Leopard seals had CCTV, they would see something worth sending into the Planets Funniest Animals.

“My name is James the Penguin, agent of the Secret Penguin Agency. I will promise to come and get you back as a reward for your services towards the Penguin nation” replied James

“But now I have to go and stop those missiles.”

At the door the typed in the access codes and the security door slid open. He went down the corridor and was face to face with the guards, Samothe mentioned before.

He continued to walk calmly down the corridor hoping the disguise will let him pass. If not his pistol was always ready. The Seal guards looked at him with a questioning look. He looked out of the ordinary but they dismissed there suspicious thoughts and continue on to carry out there guard duty.

Penguin Capital

Pau looked at the albatross with a happy face. He was glad these seals had common sense.

“I agree with all of your terms. I will also recognize the Hellenistic-Seal Republic.”

OOC: Apologies, the god of the Bjornoyan seals is having finals in two weeks, and if he fails he will die a miserable death alone in an abandoned alley-way. Therefore his posts will be few and far between for awhile. Sorry.

Are we going to go on with this RP? It has been very amusing, and the people I showed it to at my school were practically rolling over laughing.

I am going to wait until Bjornoya is not busy anymore and then continue with the RP.

Penguin Capital
The Albatross was happy, the main terms had been accepted. However, the seals had a gift and one last minor request.

"We thnk you for this. Since we have made peace, the fur seals wish to give you the location of the Leopard seal base known as "The Citadel." They have two more of those dreadful missiles, and we hope your forces can reach it in time to stop the launch, and finish of this group of fanatics.
Also, your allies, the hairless two-legged apes have suspended another hairless-ape; a scientist I believe. He feeds us fish every once in a while, real nice guy. We'd appreciate it if he were released. He's a bit looney, and no-one will believe him if he starts blabbing about what happened here."

The Citadel

James walked passed the last two guards. No seals had even noticed, and the ones that did James threw a few fish to, and they were satisfied. Past the last few doors, James was looked, and before him were the two missiles. A-ARP stood, laughing. A little timer showed the countdown, 1 minute, 13 seconds...

Polar Bear Landing Zone

The suicide seals were getting torn to pieces and eaten, just like they wanted. A few seconds after the polar bears had eaten them, their deadly explosives went off inside the enormous beasts, splattering their guts across the icy battlefield. RAWR ate through two suicide seal, and belched a giant fireball. "MMM, spicy..." he thought to himself.

Those of lesser metabolism met a gruesome fate, getting torn to shreds from the inside out.

The Citadel

Time was running out fast! He had to do something. He quickly took of his disguise and caught everybody by surprise. Just what he needed. He took out his Colt .45 and began shooting at guards that will pose a threat to him while moving around hoping to dodge any bullets aimed at him.

After he killed a good amount of seals he charged at A-ARP and attempted to tackle him down. Something no Penguin ever dared to do.

Penguin Capital

Pau was also pleased that the negotiations where going great.

“Thank you for providing the location of the Citadel. We already have soldiers surrounding the base and one of our best agents is in there to disarm the weapons and kill A-ARP. A message will also be sent to our human allies to release the prisoner and escort him back to the closest fur seals. After the missiles have been disarmed and A-ARP killed we can discuss the borders for every species on Hellenistic controlled Antarctica.”

To thank the Albatross for his cooperation he invited him to dine with him tonight on fresh fish and rest the night at the Capital.

The Citadel

A-ARP was startled; he had just been assaulted by a penguin spy! The mighty Leopard seal leader was tackled to the ground. James recovered, and got to his feet, but was felled when A-ARP smashed his tail against the ice, shattering the ground and making James lose his balance. He laughed, and stood triumphantly over the little penguin.

"Fool, did you really think you could defeat me!?"

James just glared angrily at A-ARP. He looked around. Directly behind A-ARP was one of the missiles, almost ready to launch. He dove at the seal, beak first and sliding on his belly. The seal leader brought his flippers up, and tried to smash James' head before he could make contact, but the penguin was too quick. His sharp beak penetrated the mighty seals' blubber, and blood gushed from the beastly seal. Reeling back in pain, A-ARP did not notice how close he was to the missile. His enormous body crashed into the missile, and the entire room seemed to be engulfed in flames. There was no way A-ARP could have survived the blast. Seals flopped around, trying to escape the inferno. James was thrown back quite a ways, but found himself slightly bruised, and very luckily near the exit. He got on his belly and slid down the hall. As he was about to pass, he remembered,

"Samothe..."

He made a quick turn into her room. She was absolutely helpless, cowering in the corner. James picked up the relatively light female seal, and put her on his back. He headed to the hallway again, and slid on his belly down the long passageway.

Three Leopard seals were fast on his trail, riding down the slide-like icy slope that led to the exit. James drew his pistol, and with amazing ease took shots at the seals with the weakling seal still balanced on his back. A clean shot took out one of the seals, and his limp body slid aimlessly down the slope. A smaller Leopard seal had managed to catch up with James, and was attempting to knock him into the wall. The two clashed three times, and then the seal's face suddenly met a large icicle that James noticed in the middle of the passageway. The seal's body snapped in two, made a few flips, and slowly disappeared from view. One more.

The cave opened up to an icy cliff. James, being a bit ahead of the last seal saw the exit, and the danger ahead. If he could not stop, he would be thrown off, and be eaten by a group of hungry Killer Whales waiting below. He turned his little penguin body around, and tried desperately to stop his fall, slapping his wings against the ice and scratching with his feet to try and stop himself. The leopard seal sped right past him, not even noticing the danger ahead. By the time he knew, it was too late. He flew through the air, and was caught in the mighty jaws of a Killer Whale who promptly snapped him into pieces, sharing random chunks with a few baby whales. James brought his beak to the ground, and came to a quick stop just in time. He breathed a sigh of relief, and then noticed he felt a bit lighter. He heard a scream, then looked over the side of the cliff. Poor Samothe could not hold on, and she was thrown into the icy waters below. Two Killer Whales played with their prey for a moment, before getting bored and eating the defenseless seal. James looked down, and shook his head. O well, it never would have worked, she was a seal!

Behind him, the Citadel erupted in flames. The two rockets had blown up entirely inside the base, another job well done.

Esthar, Capital of Bjornoya

"What!!!"

"Sedaht, just think about it for a second."

"Lucy, Absolutely not! I will not disgrace our nation by surrendering, surrendering to some god-damned penguins!"

"But, they will be so happy, and what do we have to lose down there anyway? There's nothing of value."

"Except for all the research we've been up to! Do you want that all to go to waste?"

"How about this, we ask them if we can continue our experiments within their territory, and we give them that chunk of land. It seems the fur-seals living in our region seem quite prone to the deal."

Sedaht looked at the ground, cursing to himself. Lucy spoke again,

"Please big brother, do this small favor for me? Remember back in High School, that time you crashed mom's car, and I helped you fix it up before she could notice? You still owe me..."

Sedaht looked at his sister, he sighed.

"Fine... my God the things I do for you. Contact these penguins, tell them they can have the damned land so long as we can continue our experiments."

"Thank you Sedaht!"

OOC: This is like that Star Wars Christmas Special, it happened, but no-one remembers it because no-one wants to. This is an official surrender of Bjornoyan Antarctica to... penguins. Let's never speak of this incident again, ja?

Polar Bear Landing Zone

The last suicide seal was slowly being surrounded by the rest of the polar bears and cougars. It was his last duty, his sacred duty to rid Antarctica of this impurity. These foreigners would ruin the entire ecosystem if they were allowed to stay. He had to get rid of them all, and he would give himself up in doing so. Luckily, he carried with him the one weapon capable of destroying all creatures on the field.

The seal raised his head, and yelled,

"I TAP FOUR PLAINS AND PLAY.... WRATH OF GOD!!!!! (http://www.kragstad.com/wallpapers/Wrath_of_God.jpg)

A blinding flash consumed the battlefield, then nothing.


OOC: Show me something that makes sense here and I'll take it back, but I wanna finish this and considering how ridiculous this is it seems entirely appropriate. Hehehe, god-modding...



...Earth II, September 27, 3,502,406 BC

The last of the non-diatom strongholds, an archae-bacteria colony, fell to the diatoms. Nothing survived, no-one. It was merely a matter of time; life had finally come full circle, returning to the beautiful single celled organisms from whence it came. General Symmetry, or the 4*10^1563rd exact duplicate of her floated triumphantly over the battlefield. The plan was perfect, as soon as the ice-caps melted they made their move, hogging all the incoming sun-light for themselves. Their impenetrable shells made them entirely inconsumable by the rest of the organisms. Within centuries, the multi-cellular organisms perished. It was so simple, and merely a matter of time before the diatoms destroyed the non-diatom unicellular forces.

An endless sea filled with endless diatoms glistened and sparkled like the stars in the sky. The diatoms looked at the stars, and the stars looked at the diatoms...

and the stars were jealous.

"Sir, it's over. We've won."

"We did? Ah, well. Send in the teams and get our soldiers back here."

"Yes sir."

Three days later
Rawr and seventeen other polar bears, along with fifty cougars had survived the war, and now teams of Norwegian zoo keepers came and tranqualized every single one of them before dragging them back onto the C-130s. Seven hours and five human lives later, everyone was back aboard the planes, and the Norwegians set a course for home. The involvement would be classified and never spoken of again. At least that was the plan.

Rawr didn't know, and therefore woke up early. Taking the Norwegians by surprise, he tumbled into the cockpit, ate the pilots and flew the plane himself down to a piece of rock somewhere in the South Atlantic. The Norwegian colony of Rawria was founded, and there were seals there! Happy days!

OOC The end.

Antarctic Base #10

What happened here in Antarctica was to remain hidden from the public. That’s what the officers of the Hellenistic garrison on Antarctica agreed too.

“Well we won the war” said an officer when he was rudely interrupted by a penguin.

“Sorry about that. The penguins have won the war and the Bjornoyan government agreed to give up its claims in Antarctica peaceful to dodge another embarrassing conflict.”

Soldiers and penguins were cheering for there victory and for the new found peace between the Seal and Penguin population. That night there was a big feast of fish which the penguins ate all of and the Greek soldiers slept hungry that night.

A few miles away the Citadel

James had a campfire going (who knows how he did it) and was cooking the fish he just caught. It was another day with a job well done. He began singing to himself while eating his fish under the night sky lightened up by glowing stars.

The End

General Ik led the last of the nematode population away. It was humiliating. Despite all their technological advancement, all their training and their superior armament, the resolve and courage of every single microscopic worm, they had been utterly defeated... By single-celled organisms. She remembered with regret her duel with Warlord Symmetry. One was terrible enough, but soon the warlord had split up into billions upon billions of identical clones, each of them utterly unstoppable. The rest of the nematodes had led a futile defense of Nematodia, but all was lost from the start. The diatoms had ruthlessly and mercilessly slaughtered the nematodes, killing their children, taking their women, looting their precious metals to incorporate into their shells. It was all too much for the remaining nematodes to bear. The few survivors were led by General Ik, as the entire Leadership Council had been slain by Warlord Symmetry's clones. Into exile in a tiny subterranean puddle where the diatoms had not yet come went the nematodes, all of them praying that someday evolution would grant them some biological powers capable of avenging their fallen comrades...

*bump for nostalgic lol*