NationStates Jolt Archive

[OOC: I felt the need to post these]

Somewhere Randomly North of your Capital
Corporal Machinztov hit the dirt while the 20mm cannon sprayed tracer rounds over his head, cutting through the night like a hot knife through butter. He looked to his right where a pair of soldiers, readying an anti tank rifle, dropped dead to the ground, crimson blood staining the white snow to the pocketa pocketa pocketa of a 20mm cannon. Seeing his two friends, who he had served with for nigh on ten years with, cut down by heavy machine gun fire did not affect Machinztov in the least because he knew that at precise coordinates Charlie Yankee One One there was a battery of 1500mm howitzers and they NEVER missed. Behind him friendly tanks roared a counterattack,(which for some reason had not been taken out by the enemy's air support. Wonder why this expensive land ship is travelling alone?) a salvo of discarded SABOT rounds bouncing off the supertanks armour as it lurched over the hillock, crushing trees with impunity. Immediately grabbing his radio and map, Machinztov called to the artillery battalion

"Comrade, incoming vehicle, coordinates Charlie Zulu Six Four. Over."

"Affirmative, we see it. Shot over. Over, Comrade."

And the hidden artillery burst into life, lobbing huge shells through the pitch black, guided only by a damn good guess. The first shell impacted on the supertank detonating it's ERA and penetrating 4250mm of RHA instantly, on the first shot. The next hit the turret and it exploded really bright like, sort of yellow if you know what i mean, and finally the last hit it and boom haha.

"Comrade, target pwnd, over." Machinztov whispered down the radio, and watching his troops advance through the snow, now confident of victory because there were no enemies accompanying the supertank, picked up his FN FAL, working perfectly and with an infinite supply of ammunition, and called forth the advance to be resumed.

40km off my shoreline
The superdreadnaught CHN Warspite lay twoscore kilometres off the shoreline, her gun barrels gleaming in the moonlight, the kilometre long battleship of metal steel penis deathness silent except for the rythmic humming of it's radar and the Pocketa Pocketa Pocketa of the nuclear turbines. Two hundred metres under the sealine, Captain Davey Jones of the HMS Locker, a nuclear attack submarine that could not be heard by any SONAR system on this Earth (this is proven by FAS, comrades!), was creeping slowly at 90 knots towards the Warspite, supported by sixty squadrons of top notch aircraft with BOMBS and TOMAHAWK MISSILES.

"Cap'n, Enemy vessel in sight, bearing 345 degrees at long range."

"Roger that Ensign" the captain said with a grin. "Ready the SUPERCOCKITATING torpedoes!"

"Yessir!" The weapons officer cried. The HMS Locker slowly moved forwards metre by metre (it cut its speed to 0 in like, 1 second lol) and when it was in torp range, the HMS Locker came round to bearing 360, and suddenly the radar officer let a cry of
"HOLY SHIT! They have ESCORTS!"

And as if magic, out of nowhere appeared two dozen destroyers and frigates, each one scanning the surface with INVINCIBLE SONAR. The planes, already on an attack path for the Warspite, turned around and fled with sixty thousand Aster 30s on their tail. The Destroyers, confident of their victory against the aircraft, fired off their ASROC equivalents, (which are ASROCs 1 metre bigger wiht bigger payload faster and cheaper lolololol), blasting the HMS Locker out the sky (Whoever said that phrases had to make sense?)and then everyone called superdeadnaughts unfair and boring and bullshit.

[OOC: Not important ATM. There was a big argument etc but the important thing on this thread is the opening post]

ooc: subscibing for intrenst...

ooc: subscibing for intrenst...

Uh... something tells me that this is not actually a story, but more of a post to make a point. Read closely and you will see many "minor" godmods. Nice though, I got a laugh out of it.

"Target PWND!"
Lol

heh, bump. This is satire, btw, and it's comical...in my own way.

Uh... something tells me that this is not actually a story, but more of a post to make a point. Read closely and you will see many "minor" godmods. Nice though, I got a laugh out of it.

"Target PWND!"
Lol
It reminds me of some of the other things not covered in the godmoding thread.

Such as outrageous weather (i.e. "60003847248263240 hurricanes hit your nation and while you're busy defending your shores I strike!") or coincidences (i.e. "While your men discuss secret plans my spy just happens to be walking down the street outside your window and overhears every single word!"). As a matter of fact, I actually wrote an example of what might happen if you rely too much on coincidences.

"How do we get through to the enemy camp?" the leader of the team of 4 asked, but nobody had any ideas as to how to get into the well-fortified enemy camp.

As they hid behind a bush thinking, four enemy soldiers walked onto the scene and died. In addition, a large book entitled "How To Speak Enemytoungian in 20 Minutes" fell out of the sky and landed right next to them with no noise at all, completely undetected by enemy forces.

The spies looked at this turn of events with glee, but one squeamish operative said, "Eewww! We have to take off their uniforms? I don't want to have to look at the naked body of one of my enemies!"

At that moment, a very strong wind...

And so on, and so forth.

HAHA, that frikkin' halarious Czadas. But yeah, hog, your humor is totaly lost on me....

it's all based on sarcasm, pretty much.

" "Ready the SUPERCOCKITATING torpedoes!""

For example that is based on the IIer's love of supercavs.

""HOLY SHIT! They have ESCORTS!""
That is in accordance w/ the fact pretty much everyone thinks that SDs are *never* accompanied by escorts,

"working perfectly and with an infinite supply of ammunition"
Noone ever RPs how ammunition is low, or gun jams, etc etc.

I know a few people understand.

HAHA, that frikkin' halarious Czadas. But yeah, hog, your humor is totaly lost on me....
Thank you. I hope that clarifies what I feel every single time I read a godmode in what we hope to be a serious forum. ^_^

"Comrade, target pwnd, over."

I almost DIED when I read that.

lol, glad to see some find it amusing-.- Still, the thread has a purpose.

it's all based on sarcasm, pretty much.

" "Ready the SUPERCOCKITATING torpedoes!""

For example that is based on the IIer's love of supercavs.

""HOLY SHIT! They have ESCORTS!""
That is in accordance w/ the fact pretty much everyone thinks that SDs are *never* accompanied by escorts,

"working perfectly and with an infinite supply of ammunition"
Noone ever RPs how ammunition is low, or gun jams, etc etc.

I know a few people understand.
I found it extremely amusing, especially because of its subtlety.

Plus there is the rampant statwanking.

"At that point, the aircraft fired 1280 AIMX-749E Missile Interceptors. The aim of every single pilot was perfect, and all of the missiles worked perfectly. In addition, the planes' radar systems worked optimally, detecting every single enemy plane, missile, and system in general."

I'm counterattacking your GODMODDED PLANES with chaff, which although used in WW2, is still effective against weapons from 2010 and it blows all ur missiels up cos countemeasures r really really REALLY good like all point defence.

you lose give me your password pls


I dont RP, I annex.

:D
I just had to say, BRILLIANT thread guys ;) Really, really funny

Bisons is a great roleplayer, you don't even know what you're talking about:

Me: There's a huge forest in the way.
Him: I'll just roll over it.

Consequent post:

Seventy thousand T-1298 move to Estonia. They kill stuff. Thank you. Die.


----

But, no really, of what I've seen, he's gotten better, although I see he decided to stick with Earth 20.

Better as in
"My RPG men reload. You got shot big time. You lose.

OCC: I used an adjective!!"

"Er, no you didn't?"

"Big is an adjective."

I'm counterattacking your GODMODDED PLANES with chaff, which although used in WW2, is still effective against weapons from 2010 and it blows all ur missiels up cos countemeasures r really really REALLY good like all point defence.

you lose give me your password pls

LOL WTF... u sed i godmoded wich is a flaem. fgt.

turns out the radar was able to pic up the flies in your nations dumps and using supiror aim, they fed them a laser-guided chemical bomb from mid air, that compleatly kills a bunch of your citizens, right?

I'm counterattacking your GODMODDED PLANES with chaff, which although used in WW2, is still effective against weapons from 2010 and it blows all ur missiels up cos countemeasures r really really REALLY good like all point defence.
Oh yeah? Well now we can bring in our OMG SEKR1T WEAPON—thousands of 30mm A-97E semithermonuclear laser ionizer cannons mounted atop a large flock of birds! These weapons are invincible to anything you throw at us, even nukes, and have infallible aim! Plus the birds are mechanical and RADAR, LADAR, and IR-guided on engines the size of a regular plane so they can fly at Mach 382.75! ;)

you forgot that the birds have force fields! don't forget about those becuase what ever touches them flies right back at the enamy becuase it re calibrate the electronic gyro-mechinisms.

Oh yeah, I keep forgetting about that! Thanks for reminding me. Not only do they have personal forcefields, but they're completely undetectable by even the most advanced RADAR, LADAR, IR, or vision systems because of a special particle made up of a molecule of ununbium bonded covalently with seaborgium that is located in each of the birds' eyes! :D

Post your casualties.
I find that this line above is the most annoying line in all RP. Any RPer who says that in a serious RP deserves to be nuked repeatedly or IGNOREd. What makes you think we will necessarily take casualties? We might block all of your missiles, soldiers, tanks, ships, guns, whatever with our own! I mean, please! [/rant]

And as they multiply they kamakazie YOUR nation, YOUR People die, alot of YOUR people die. Post Lots of YOUR casualties and make it bloody, there is lots of blood as YOUR people die.

((OOC: Mind if I join in on the fun?))

My Sats unleash The ALL-MIGHTY Super Banana Bomb and an Indian Nuclear Test on you. I win automaticly.

i jump in system with my 450,000 piledriver planetbusters and destroy earth.
You all die.
Passwords now or i call modz on u.

you die becuase i cant believe how retarded this thread was...

My specopzersteam KIDNAPPED some hilarious addage for my sig, which resulted in an Überboost of my army morale, and I won.

And seriously guys, stop godmodding! You're ruining this RP.

In case you all Missed it here's a heads up:

This Topic = Joke.

Madnestan, in case you were wondering that last quote in your Sig was Bisons.

Madnestan, in case you were wondering that last quote in your Sig was Bisons.
No, I put it this way on purpose. Thanks anyways.

My specopzersteam KIDNAPPED some hilarious addage for my sig, which resulted in an Überboost of my army morale, and I won.

And seriously guys, stop godmodding! You're ruining this RP.
hahaha

any missles that get shot at me, i blow out of the sky with small arms fire.

I've decided to do a detailed breakdown of this thread to make sure no-one else will take it seriously by mistake.

" Seeing his two friends, who he had served with for nigh on ten years with, cut down by heavy machine gun fire did not affect Machinztov in the least " -- This is counter to the normal rules of morale; many IIers RP huge numbers of troops dying with no adverse effects on the morale of other soldiers.

" he knew that at precise coordinates Charlie Yankee One One there was a battery of 1500mm howitzers and they NEVER missed " --
A) exaggeration of ridiculously large field guns used by many nations
B) no-one ever RPs things missing and the like

" which for some reason had not been taken out by the enemy's air support. Wonder why this expensive land ship is travelling alone? " -- People always think massive tanks and the like will travel without escorts.

" And the hidden artillery burst into life, lobbing huge shells through the pitch black, guided only by a damn good guess. " -- All the people who stick RADAR, LADAR, and the like on their shells

" The first shell impacted on the supertank detonating it's ERA and penetrating 4250mm of RHA instantly, on the first shot. " -- Due to the tendency to overarm tanks with dozens of kinds of armour

" The next hit the turret and it exploded really bright like, sort of yellow if you know what i mean, and finally the last hit it and boom haha. " -- From all of those people who don't know how to describe things properly.

" "Comrade, target pwnd, over." " -- Yeah. 'Cause military officers are likely to use chatspeak in the middle of a battle.

" picked up his FN FAL, working perfectly and with an infinite supply of ammunition, and called forth the advance to be resumed. " -- No-one ever RPs weapons jamming or running out of ammunition, etc.

" a nuclear attack submarine that could not be heard by any SONAR system on this Earth (this is proven by FAS, comrades!) " -- How many IIers statwank and then call in assorted "resources" to prove them?

" was creeping slowly at 90 knots towards the Warspite " -- Which just happens to be thrice the speed of the fastest submarine ever built.

" "Ready the SUPERCOCKITATING torpedoes!" " -- Remember the "supercavitating torpedo" fad?

" "HOLY SHIT! They have ESCORTS!" " -- Everyone seems to assume SDNs will travel alone...

" out of nowhere appeared two dozen destroyers and frigates, each one scanning the surface with INVINCIBLE SONAR. " -- How many times have you seen someone RP a sonar system failing to work? Or any other for that matter?

" The Destroyers, confident of their victory against the aircraft, fired off their ASROC equivalents, (which are ASROCs 1 metre bigger wiht bigger payload faster and cheaper lolololol), blasting the HMS Locker out the sky (Whoever said that phrases had to make sense?) " -- All the wanked "refits" of RL equipment...

" and then everyone called superdeadnaughts unfair and boring and bullshit " -- Self explanatory.

Ok, I'm done.

OOC: Genius!
IC(up to a point): Your birds are no match for my infantry, who are genetically modified and trained from birth to be immune to any small arms, have psychic abilities to detect the enemies plans, and can do precisley what their general wants on pure initiative!
And wait till you see the FT scene...

:upyours: :mad: :mp5: I FIND YOU Poseys! Go eat your brothers/sisters <glares and mutters stupid hermaphroditic Space Aliens>
You know what the funny part is? That last post of his...it wasn't kidding. His Posleen Hordes are actually faithfully modeled on a fictional species! Hell, it even went around to getting printed...SEVERAL times. Here is a free e-book of Ringo's on the Baen E-Library. I love the crazy people there, When I get some money I'm Buying from them!

http://www.webscription.net/10.1125/Baen/0671319760/0671319760.htm

I think you may have posted in the wrong thread, but yes, I do have an FT puppet based on John Ringo's posleen. And yes, I am crazy and cannibalistic. Stop looking at me like that.

OOPS SORRY EVERY BODY! Wrong Reality...must have taken a wrong turn around Washington...<muttering and cursing>

<slowly back pedals to the door still glaring at the Posleen Lover>

Lol. Yea, but if a newb had posted this to be funny--people'd start pulling out the IGNORE Cannons.