NationStates Jolt Archive

Phallistate - Size enhancing Pill for National Leaders!

17-10-2005, 06:20
From the Company that brought the world the Self-Destructing Fire Extinguisher!

[Commercial opens with badly-dressed, unshaven National Leader, walking amongst his peers, only ankle-high]

Feeling small at the National Leader's ball?

[The National Leader sheds a tear as beautiful women point and laugh at him]

Do YOUR people see you as Napoleon's little Brother?
Do you blush and shyly walk away when people speak about small Nations?
Does your wardrobe have more Platform Shoes than Sneakers?

If YOU answered YES to one, OR NONE of these questions, then Phallistate is the non-FDA-Approved over-the-street-corner drug for YOU!

Taking ONE Phallistate Pill will change your life around! Tired of feeling small compared to your couterparts!? No problem! This drug will make you feel 1 billion citizens BIGGER than your rival! Wish you could be seen as the leader of a HUGE Civilization that could topple even the bigger regime?! No problem! With this pill, you can conscript millions of your citizens and come out a HERO!

[the starring national Leader now booms above all the others, with a big, annoying smile. The other male National Leaders stand around holding phallic objects in dismay - whilest female National Leaders flock to him]

So come on! Feel BIGGER! Feel TALLER! Feel 1 BILLION Citizens LARGER!

Call for your free sample today! 1-900-555-GETBIG, 2.95 per minute, 15 minute on-the-line waiting period.

One Month Supply (Thirty Pills): $1,000, plus tax, shipping and handling, legal fees. Final Total: $5,000 per bottle.

Disclaimer: Phallistate WILL NOT make your Nation 1 Billion Citizens larger, and it is not recommended that you conscript a million Citizens whilest having this belief. Do not Operate, stand near, look at, or hear stories of; motor Vehicles, Invading Militaries, Rival Nations, Cute Interns, or particularly furry bunnies. Can cause Heart Disease in some small mammals, namely Humans, as well as Anal Leakage, Drowsiness, Coma, Anerexia, HerpesyphillitusAIDs. Some people have been known to choke.
17-10-2005, 06:23
ooc: quite funny... :D
17-10-2005, 06:30
*shakes head*
17-10-2005, 06:36
ooc: quite funny... :D

You should've seen the Self-Destructing Fire Extinguisher. It exploded ten seconds after pulling the pin. Needless to say - firefighters loved it. Gave them plenty of business.

*shakes head*

What do you expect from a largely unregulated, corporate-ran Nation? Droves of short, balding men are in some sort of powerful job in the C.C.E., all of whom have Napoleon-Complexes, in more ways than one.
17-10-2005, 06:44
While Kahanistan detests the abomination of unrestrained capitalism in all of its nefarious and barbarous forms, we will order 40 million crates of this Phallistate.
17-10-2005, 07:08
While Kahanistan detests the abomination of unrestrained capitalism in all of its nefarious and barbarous forms, we will order 40 million crates of this Phallistate.

OOC: I'm going to assume you mean bottles, if this is wrong, tell me. Unrestrained Medical Markets are a pain in the bum, yes.

IC: We are glad you could look past our economic differences, and we will look past our social ones in kind. 40,000,000 Bottles (as they are sold) is a quite large order, and will take at the very least - two NS months to arrive at your door.

The Total comes to: 5,000x40,000,000 = $200,000,000,000