NationStates Jolt Archive

In a stunning move today, the four man ruling party of the United Cuban Territories of Communist Rule announced that the Peoples' Army of Cuba will be undergoing a complete rennovation.

The Politburo, after deciding on several ways in which to complete the overhaul of the Peoples' Army, has decided to call upon the aid of their close ally, Soviet Bloc. A project this massive and intensive can only be trusted to our most loyal ally. The Politburo has called upon Dat' Pizdy Arms Corporation and its subsidiaries to thrust the Peoples' Army into the future in a hope that they may someday better defend the People they represent and liberate those oppressed in the world today.

The Politburo has called upon its financial contingency in the International Bank of Nationstates and is withdrawing 35.7 trillion USD. Defense Minister Nikita Eduardovich Zhukov had this to say during a state-offered press conference:

Today is the dawn of a new era. With our young men currently flying over the vast Atlantic Ocean in preparation for defense of freedom; and the future farmers, craftsmen, and artists manning their stations on our great coastal fortresses, it has been decided that Cuba needs a greater punch. As of today we have allocated 35.7 trillion dollars to upgrade the Peoples' Army. Our armies, always a source of pride, will be tsource of victory and myth. I will now introduce to you Chief Executive Mikhail Kutuzov of the Dat' Pizdy Arms Corporation who will be heading the project. Mikhail?

Chief Executive Officer Mikhail Kutuzov of the Dat' Pizdy Arms Corporation conglomerate lightly coughed as he nodded in confirmation, quickly taking his cue. "Thank you my good friend Nikita Eduardovich." He scanned the audience of journalists, government officials, and corporate executives before speaking, "Dat' Pizdy Arms Corporation and the United Cuban Territories of Communist Rule have a long and storied past that we share; a past of flawless performance by our equipment. The United Cuban Territories are our most faithful customer, not because of relations between them and the Armed Republic, but because of the quality of the products of which we produce. Nothing but a forgotten foot-note in history is the massive rout which took place as Nano Softian air forces converged to annihilate the then young Communist Rule. Dat' Pizdy designed and produced DP-21 interceptors stood in their path and perpetrated a mighty victory. Dozens of Nano Softian aircraft fell to the torrents of fire released from our aircraft, yet not a single DP-21 was forced to even change their path. Since that point, we have been an integral portion of the military of the United Cuban Territories, and they have become an integral part of our corporate entity."


He paused to refresh himself with a glass of crystal water. Straightening his broad shoulders and with a broad smile he continued, "And today, we have agreed upon a truly staggering arms production and procurement deal. Today, we have agreed to completely refit the People's Army of Cuba with a vast array of state-of-the-art equipment and technology. In fact, I brought along a slide displaying the estimated numbers of equipment provided to the People's Army." Mikhail nodded towards an audio-visual technician who quickly dimmed the lights. Light emitted from a projector filled the screen behind him and to his left with a bulleted list, each entry escorted by a photograph of the item.


Mikhail let the audience absorb the slide before he let his deep voice continue, "Initially, we have agreed to completely renovate the People's Army of Cuba's infantry forces courtesy of a fifteen trillion United States Dollar face-lift." He placed a heavy emphasis on the 'fifteen trillion'. On invisible cue, the slide moved to a photograph of an Armed Republic infantryman. His dark loose uniform hidden among the armor and the SR-90A1 assault rifle which hung across his chest. The most notable feature was the helmet, a visor which produced twin blue orbs. "Dat' Pizdy Arms Corporation has agreed to sell one hundred and fifty million VEPR Next Generation Infantry Combat Systems to the United Cuban Territories. The system will be paired with, for each infantryman, an SR-90A1 dual-stage assault rifle of twin caliber design, and a single side-arm, the SP-45A pistol. Auxiliary equipment will be included with the deal and it is estimated that over one hundred thousand United States Dollars will be spent on the single infantryman, alone."


He motioned for the next slide. A collage of infantry vehicles and tanks appeared. "An army is nothing without its infantry, but what it needs for raw power of which an army is widely known for are these: the armor and the carriers. We have agreed to provide the United Cuban Territories with a set amount of our infantry vehicles. The initial vehicle to be provided is the LV-08A Light Truck/Armored Patrol vehicle, coupled with the M-09D reconaissance platform. Along with this, we have provided them with a package of infantry fighting vehicles and armored personnel carriers; the SIV-25A/G Infantry Fighting Vehicle in various modifications for seperate roles, the SIV-21H modified armored personnel carrier, and the M-71B Poloz Infantry Fighting Vehicle. These vehicles are insured to carry the People's Army of Cuba's soldiers well into this new age.


"However, we cannot forget nor underestimate the sheer power and psychological effect of the ever dreaded main battle tank and its subsidiaries. We have provided the People's Army with four seperate tank systems. First and foremost is the ST-37K1 Mekhev next generation battle tank, a true world-class and world-dominating battle tank which has yet to face sizeable opposition in its role. A military cannot rely but on one tank, and requires an array of support tanks to fill each niche needed: the FCT-17G amphibious tank, the ST-05A airborne/light tank, and the ST-04A5 Laska infantry support tank."


The slides shifted with each different unit as Kutuzov spoke to explain the basics of each vehicle, keeping each description short enough to maintain interest yet long enough to provide a decent amount of information to the consumer. Immediately upon finishing the armor section, he dove into the next...

"And finally, we have completely refitted their helicopter fleet, replacing such old and outdated aircraft as our original SAH-04 with new blood, the extremely potent SAH-27A Peregrine attack helicopter. Alongside the SAH-27A, we've provided the SAH-17 heavy gunship. And one more thing. They've received the MV-87C Coba light turbofan VTOL transport and gunship, a marvelous and ferocious bird which has proven to dominate the battlefield." He abruptly ended there. Whether it was time constraints or running out of things to say, no one knew, or maybe it was the fact that the Chief Executive Officer of Dat' Pizdy Arms Corporation wasn't the greatest of orators. His true skills weren't at the helm of a podium armed with a microphone but at the head of a table of executives armed with a vision.


Upon quickly completing his thoughts, he began to close out his lengthy oration. "Once again, with the addition of over thirty-seven trillion United States Dollars of Dat' Pizdy designed, engineered, and produced equipment, the People's Army of Cuba will undoubtedly lead their military into a new generation of lethality, superiority, and victory, rivaled only by their counterparts in the Armed Republic. We will start production of their purchased equipment immediately at industrial centers at home, and abroad, and we aim for a total force refit within ten years." He flashed a generous smile and let his head nod in support of his final statement, his jaw noticeably jutting out in silent confidence of this deal. Flashbulbs erupted to catch the apparant swagger of a successful businessman, the $37 Trillion USD arms deal going down in history in the Armed Republic as the largest business deal to have ever occured. The next day everyone in the Armed Republic would see that confident face, framed amidst a collage of Armed Republic produced armaments and flags, underneath the headlines: "$37 TRILLION BUSINESS DEAL".

Glancing towards his counterpart, Nikita Eduardovich Zhukov, Kutozov grinned and spoke, "Mr. Zhukov, is there anything you'd like to add?"

"Mr. Zhukov, is there anything you'd like to add?"

Nikita Eduardovich Zhukov, great grandson of the man for which his surname was known, returned to the podium accepting a nod from Mikhail Kutuzov.

I would like to thank you and the Dat' Pizdy Arms Corporation, on behalf of the People of Cuba. In months to come our Armies will crush those who seek to ruin our dream of Peace, Harmony, and Love. Soon we will have the power to push forth from our beautiful island abode to liberate those who are oppressed. The People thank you, Mr. Zhukov. Please send our regards to your heads of state.

The Defense Minister turned to the cameras once more.

That is all. Good night and farewell.