Pokeball Prisons
16-09-2005, 10:00
[As usual, the thrilling movie stops right before the final scene where everything is revealed starts, replaced with the all-to-common commercial break. Toilets start flushing, food is brought in, and every now and then, some viewers might actually notice a somewhat different commercial in all the uninspired boredom]
Pokeball Prisons!
[The screen shows a prison. Dirty, loads of prisoners everywhere, drugs are traded, guards beaten, screams and the sounds of Bubba in the shower can be heard]
This is a typical prison in YOUR nation! Filth everywhere, criminals run free, escaping daily!
[The image changes appropriately, showing a tunnel through which perhaps a dozen heavily armed prisoners escape, heading for a nearby, peaceful village]
Crime is overflowing, the threat is EVERYWHERE! The solution? More police, sure. More prisons, certainly.
But they cost tax money! Money that would be better invested in tanks, planes, ships, no? Guns for money, not prisons for money!
Alas, the alternative...
[The image now shows the peaceful village, overrun by the escaping criminals, screams, fire everywhere. Corpses of old men and women are lying on the streets, lustful moaning and painful cries can be heard]
Rape and pillage! But a single prison costs many millions, and the guards cost even more millions, and still they cannot hold the filth that are the criminals!
This doesn't have to be!
[The screen goes black for a moment, then a bright light apears, through which a young, enthusiastic man appears, coming closer and closer, until his face fills almost the entire screen, his smile almost frighteningly white]
http://www.xasa.com/postales/comic/pokemon/char_ash.gif
"We at Pokeball Prisons offer you a solution! Take THIS pokeball:
[The pokeball fills the screen, looking cute and menacing at the same time]
http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/studentssite/pokemon/catch/pokeball.gif
[The image changes back to the close-up of Ash]
"Our technology has enabled us to develop hyperdimensional space within this unbreakable pokeballs, allowing us to safely store YOUR prisoners within our pokeballs! Let me demonstrate!"
[The image changes, now showing a girl next to Ash, held by two individuals with very silly hairdos and a big 'R' on their chests. In the case of the second female, a very impressive chest]
"No! No, Ash, please, NO! I promise, next time I'll do everything you ask for! I'll even swall-"
[Ash grins]
"Too late, Misty! Take THIS!"
[Misty is sucked into the pokeball]
"Once you can suck as good as this ball, you may get free- Whoops, did I say that aloud? Nevermind. Anyway..."
[Another close-up to Ash, who points skywards, 'To the future!'-esque]
http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/ash05.jpg
"THIS is the solution to YOUR problem! For a minimal fee, we will imprison YOUR criminals in OUR airtight pokeballs, allowing YOU to SAVE money to spend on guns and stuff. Or healthcare, if you choose to waste taxes.
"Just call 0800 POKEBALL or email us, PokeballPrisons@PokeballPrisons.pp . I'm sure a sufficiently neat deal can be made, allowing YOU to SAVE MONEY and INVEST it, safely, in things more important than prisons."
[The image fades, making place for yet another UNICEF commercial]
Pokeball Prisons!
[The screen shows a prison. Dirty, loads of prisoners everywhere, drugs are traded, guards beaten, screams and the sounds of Bubba in the shower can be heard]
This is a typical prison in YOUR nation! Filth everywhere, criminals run free, escaping daily!
[The image changes appropriately, showing a tunnel through which perhaps a dozen heavily armed prisoners escape, heading for a nearby, peaceful village]
Crime is overflowing, the threat is EVERYWHERE! The solution? More police, sure. More prisons, certainly.
But they cost tax money! Money that would be better invested in tanks, planes, ships, no? Guns for money, not prisons for money!
Alas, the alternative...
[The image now shows the peaceful village, overrun by the escaping criminals, screams, fire everywhere. Corpses of old men and women are lying on the streets, lustful moaning and painful cries can be heard]
Rape and pillage! But a single prison costs many millions, and the guards cost even more millions, and still they cannot hold the filth that are the criminals!
This doesn't have to be!
[The screen goes black for a moment, then a bright light apears, through which a young, enthusiastic man appears, coming closer and closer, until his face fills almost the entire screen, his smile almost frighteningly white]
http://www.xasa.com/postales/comic/pokemon/char_ash.gif
"We at Pokeball Prisons offer you a solution! Take THIS pokeball:
[The pokeball fills the screen, looking cute and menacing at the same time]
http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/studentssite/pokemon/catch/pokeball.gif
[The image changes back to the close-up of Ash]
"Our technology has enabled us to develop hyperdimensional space within this unbreakable pokeballs, allowing us to safely store YOUR prisoners within our pokeballs! Let me demonstrate!"
[The image changes, now showing a girl next to Ash, held by two individuals with very silly hairdos and a big 'R' on their chests. In the case of the second female, a very impressive chest]
"No! No, Ash, please, NO! I promise, next time I'll do everything you ask for! I'll even swall-"
[Ash grins]
"Too late, Misty! Take THIS!"
[Misty is sucked into the pokeball]
"Once you can suck as good as this ball, you may get free- Whoops, did I say that aloud? Nevermind. Anyway..."
[Another close-up to Ash, who points skywards, 'To the future!'-esque]
http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/ash05.jpg
"THIS is the solution to YOUR problem! For a minimal fee, we will imprison YOUR criminals in OUR airtight pokeballs, allowing YOU to SAVE money to spend on guns and stuff. Or healthcare, if you choose to waste taxes.
"Just call 0800 POKEBALL or email us, PokeballPrisons@PokeballPrisons.pp . I'm sure a sufficiently neat deal can be made, allowing YOU to SAVE MONEY and INVEST it, safely, in things more important than prisons."
[The image fades, making place for yet another UNICEF commercial]