NationStates Jolt Archive

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Noddestan Executes 'Traitors'

This morning at dawn, fifty-seven men, including disgraced ex-president Chamberlain of Noddestan, and fourteen women, all members of the recently deposed democratic government, were put to their deaths. Each was led to the block where the newly appointed executioner waited with a sharpened axe and a black hood over his head.

All Noddestani executions are performed in public, and even when conducted at dawn, still draw large crowds, especially among the 'Untermensch', the down-trodden lowest class of the population.

President Chamberlain, as his head was placed on the block, exclaimed that the stories printed recently in The Citizen national government newspaper, were all false and he'd never been a sexual deviant. He urged the people of Noddestan to realise the mistakes they had made in supporting General Dares in the recent civil war and reconsider their actions. He was cut off mid-sentence as his head was hacked brutally from his body by the inexperienced axeman.

Onlookers enjoyed the spectacle, which covered everything from stoical martyrdom through reserved acceptance and snivelling resistance. This was the largest mass execution in Noddestan since 1850 when seventy philosophers were killed for making libelous accusations.

The execution was followed traditionally by the punishments for more minor crimes, including four floggings, nine brandings and a night in the stocks.

- Randy McCormick, IINN, Noddestan.

_____________________________

General Dares switched off the only TV in Noddestan and got up to stretch. He walked over to the window of his ninth floor office and squinted to get a look at the execution block in the town square. He could almost see the bloodstains. He chuckled to himself, remembering Chamberlain's last words and how he'd just been met by scowls from the crowd. It had been a good idea to sully the man's character before sending him to the block, he reminded himself to congratulate Hart from the propaganda office for that one.

There was a knock at the door.

"Enter," Dares turned to face the man coming in the door - it was Smithski, his aide. He'd expected this.

"Sir, several telegrams reprimanding you for your policies on crime, sir."

"Tough on crime, Smithski, tough on the causes of crime."

"Yes, sir. But some of the other heads of state don't really agree with you, sir."

To: General Dares
From: Taldaan Foreign Office

In light of your recent execution of dissenters, we offer you an ultimatum. You have forced our hand on this issue. Either cease your persecution of innocents, or face destruction. We have several demands which we hope you will find reasonable.

1. You will immediately step down from office
2. Democratic elections will be held under Taldaani observation. You may of course run for these elections, and if it is the will of the people that you lead, we shall not threaten your nation again

In return, as soon as elections are held, Taldaan will give $20 billion to help rebuild Noddestan after the destruction you have caused in you fascist coup.

ooc: Do you have a map of your nation? If not, can you tell me if you have a coastline?

To: General Dares
From: Arizona Mountain Complex

Please desist from your Neo Nazi tactics.

Signed,
Bob

The Imperium of Serapindal will look on the good side, and congradulate you on the humaneness of your executions. Instead of resorting to hideous and cruel methods like the "Electric Chair" (which is banned in the Imperium), you have chosen a painless and more humane method, called beheading.

While we abhor executions in TFR, we will not interfere in way such as Taldaan will. We will keep out of your nation's affairs and ask for Taldaan to do the same, as all nations have the right of sovereignty on matters such as the death penalty.

Official Imperial Response

We would like to take this oppurtunity to congradulate General Dares on his ascension to power. We have also taken note of Taldaan's imperialist stance on this issue. Let it be known now that the Noddestani government has the backing of the Empire in the event of an illegal invasion by Taldaan.

To: General Dares
From: the Grey Ghosts Brigade(Peacekeepers of the New World)

General, in light of recent events, we have decided you have gotten too rash in your desicions. Desist now or our trained group of assassins WILL destroy our selected mark (you).

Signed,

Commander Learus

Official Government Response

Our response is hardly imperialist. We desire nothing of Noddestan for ourselves, we simply take it upon ourselves to remove a criminal from an office that he won through murder and treachery. We even offer aid to help the people who have undoubtedly been left homeless and starving by the General's brutal ascension to power. We feel that Doomingsland, however, wishes only an excuse to stir up conflict by interfering with our actions.

Official Imperial Response

We assure you, imposing the filth known as democracy on a sovereign nation is quite imperialistic in our eyes. However, we must applaud your effort to assist any victims of the civil war. Keep in mind, if you intend to deal with the new leadership of Noddestan militaristically, we shall respond as nessessary.

The Imperium of Serapindal HIGHLY doubts your motive, and will back the Empire if you try to invade.

Dear

[ ] President of the Republic of (blank)
[X] Manical Dictator of Noddestan
[ ] Reasonable Leader (blank)
[X] Twit with guns
[ ] Commie Bastard of (blank)

Congratulations on your

[ ] Nuclear proliferation
[ ] other WMD proliferation
[ ] First satellite launch
[X] Nazi Copying
[X] Prelude to Ethnic Cleansing Attempt
[ ] Finally tying your shoelaces
[ ] Horrendous Godmoding

We wish we could protest more but

[X] Ours is bigger than yours
[ ] We've done worse
[X] You are a tiny nation with no influence
[X] You have insulted other nations who wll do the job for us
[ ] Your a silly bunchkins
[ ] Teen Titans is on
[ ] We could most likely wipe the floor with your bum anyday of the week
[ ] Your mom is gay

So instead we have decided to

[ ] Declare War
[ ] Place Land Mines at your doorstep
[X] Declare you a noobie boobie
[ ] Offer to buy your nukes at $1 million per kiloton
[ ] Send a special operations fruit basket
[X] Spam you with penis enlargement pill ads

In closing we

[ ] Hope you have a nice day
[ ] Hope to see you later (on a pike)
[X] Hope you trip down a flight of stairs
[ ] Hope you burn in the firey depths of hell
[X] Hope you choke on a pretzel
[ ] Wish you would keep this to yourself
[ ] All your base are belong to us

Dear

[ ] President of the Republic of (blank)
[X] Manical Dictator of Noddestan
[ ] Reasonable Leader (blank)
[X] Twit with guns
[ ] Commie Bastard of (blank)

Congratulations on your

[ ] Nuclear proliferation
[ ] other WMD proliferation
[ ] First satellite launch
[X] Nazi Copying
[X] Prelude to Ethnic Cleansing Attempt
[ ] Finally tying your shoelaces
[ ] Horrendous Godmoding

We wish we could protest more but

[X] Ours is bigger than yours
[ ] We've done worse
[X] You are a tiny nation with no influence
[X] You have insulted other nations who wll do the job for us
[ ] Your a silly bunchkins
[ ] Teen Titans is on
[ ] We could most likely wipe the floor with your bum anyday of the week
[ ] Your mom is gay

So instead we have decided to

[ ] Declare War
[ ] Place Land Mines at your doorstep
[X] Declare you a noobie boobie
[ ] Offer to buy your nukes at $1 million per kiloton
[ ] Send a special operations fruit basket
[X] Spam you with penis enlargement pill ads

In closing we

[ ] Hope you have a nice day
[ ] Hope to see you later (on a pike)
[X] Hope you trip down a flight of stairs
[ ] Hope you burn in the firey depths of hell
[X] Hope you choke on a pretzel
[ ] Wish you would keep this to yourself
[ ] All your base are belong to us

OOC: This is probably the funniest thing I've read...NOT!

OOC: This is probably the funniest thing I've read...NOT!

He does that to me all the time to, when I was trying to purchase goods.

OOC: Mind if I use that format?

Dear

[ ] President of the Republic of (blank)
[x] Manical Dictator of Noddestan
[ ] Reasonable Leader (blank)
[ ] Twit with guns
[ ] Commie Bastard of (blank)

Congratulations on your

[ ] Nuclear proliferation
[ ] other WMD proliferation
[ ] First satellite launch
[x] Nazi Copying
[ ] Prelude to Ethnic Cleansing Attempt
[ ] Finally tying your shoelaces
[ ] Horrendous Godmoding

We wish we could protest more but

[ ] Ours is bigger than yours
[ ] We've done worse
[ ] You are a tiny nation with no influence
[ ] You have insulted other nations who wll do the job for us
[ ] Your a silly bunchkins
[x] Teen Titans is on
[x] We could most likely wipe the floor with your bum anyday of the week
[ ] Your mom is gay

So instead we have decided to

[ ] Declare War
[ ] Place Land Mines at your doorstep
[x] Declare you a noobie boobie
[ ] Offer to buy your nukes at $1 million per kiloton
[x] Send a special operations fruit basket
[x] Spam you with penis enlargement pill ads

In closing we

[ ] Hope you have a nice day
[ ] Hope to see you later (on a pike)
[x] Hope you trip down a flight of stairs
[ ] Hope you burn in the firey depths of hell
[x] Hope you choke on a pretzel
[x] Wish you would keep this to yourself
[ ] All your base are belong to us

OOC: This is probably the funniest thing I've read...NOT!

OOC: Ouch, that really hurts...not.

SkyCapt: Sure, just use it sparingly.

stop these executions at once

We laugh at our pitiful efforts of execution, when forced labour is much more effective for the economy. Think about the good of nation better next time. If they're going to die, then make them die from overworking on something that will strengthen your power even more.
-Arcarum Dreskisk

We laugh at our pitiful efforts of execution, when forced labour is much more effective for the economy. Think about the good of nation better next time. If they're going to die, then make them die from overworking on something that will strengthen your power even more.
-Arcarum Dreskisk

The Imperium adds that they have a good idea there...

ooc: im not sure how i managed to forget about this thread...

ic:

Official Communique To All Nations

The government of Noddestan reserves the right to carry out capital punishment on criminals who have been convicted under Noddestani law of crimes which are inexcusable. These "men" were executed under war crimes legislation brought about by this government which has been mediated and ratified by the required proportion of parliament.

Do you think that we, a civilised nation, would execute or otherwise punish our own citizens for anything less than detestable crimes? These are people who have killed themselves with great savagery, often using innocent men as pawns in their evil games - as weapons with which to carve a slice of this brave and prosperous land all for themselves. It is a triumph that we have risen victorious over the democratic armies that wish to stifle our dreams and crush everything we hold dear.

I am not a despot. Far from it - I am a most benevolent ruler of my people and I ask nothing of them but hard work and piety, so that we all may live in a more wonderful environment that continues to get better as every day passes.

Governor Huwbert Dares
The Phoenixian Province of Noddestan

ooc: Taldaan, my country does have a coastline. In fact, it's an island off the coast of Newvaria, (I like to be specific).
ic:

Communique to Serapindal and Doomingsland

The government of Noddestan thanks you for your support in this matter. It is not often that messages of congratulations are delivered from such enlightened nations as those which you yourselves hail from.

Should you wish any discussions regarding trade or alliance, one of our representatives would be glad to meet with his opposite number in your country.

Governor Huwbert Dares
The Phoenixian Province of Noddestan

______________________

Communique to Taldaan, McKagan, The Cleansed Ones, Velkya, SkyCapt and Thekalu

Greetings from Noddestan.

It has come to our attention that your country has a problem with the way we deal with troublemakers around here. We would suggest that you keep your nose out of other people's business.

Regards

Gabor Yung, MP
Foreign Affairs
The Phoenixian Province of Noddestan

Message to all agressive parties towards Noddestan

We wish you to stop your blatent warmongering in regards to our province, Noddestan. If you feel that there is sufficent cause for alarm in regards to the actions of the ruling group of Noddestan, then a written request for an internal investigation is required. Whereupon we shall investigate any behaviour you deem unnecessary/horrific.

Thank you

High Councillor Ellias Aubec
Ruler of Phoenixius

Vortanian government acts.

Vortania congratulates you on the recent execution and sends you a gift basket containing several million gallons of wood cleanser to clean the block with.

Communique to Vortania

The government of Noddestan thanks you for the gift but regrets that it has no use for wood cleaner. It is deemed much more effective for the block to retain the blood stains of its former 'residents' as it inspires fear in the populace and encourages good behaviour.

Many thanks anyway.

Governor Huwbert Dares
Phoenixian Province of Noddestan