Trashcanistan
30-08-2005, 04:18
WAR IN THE WEST AFRICAN BAHAMAS
POLPOTGRAD (Rotters Newswire) - Sporadic conflict around the borders of the People’s Republic of Trashcanistan have intensified as the Trashcanistani First Guards Division, “The Iron Livers” have been moved into the North-Central borderlands to engage in anti-partisan operations.
“We will root out these terrorists and will end their reign of terror on the border-dwelling people of our nation,” stated the Trashcanistani Security Minister Vitaly Nikitin, between sips of Khruschevon vodka, the official Trashcanistani drink.
Meanwhile, an alliance of environmental groups, informally known as Greenwar, vowed to bring more resources to bear in the region. “We cannot continue to allow the Trashcanistani to blithely eat whatever animals they come across, or to continually build more factories and more industry at the expense of the environment,” commented Crystal Ashley Summer, the director of media relations for Greenwar.
“They eat dolphins, for spirits’ sake! Surely this is an evil that has to be dealt with!”
Reports of violent clashes have filtered through from the region, with the Trashcanistani First Guards Division and Greenwar often engaging in firefights lasting hours at a time, though inevitably ending in the favor of the Trashcanistanis, who are willing to use fuel-inefficient armored vehicles and weapons that harm trees and local wildlife indiscriminately.
POLPOTGRAD (Rotters Newswire) - Sporadic conflict around the borders of the People’s Republic of Trashcanistan have intensified as the Trashcanistani First Guards Division, “The Iron Livers” have been moved into the North-Central borderlands to engage in anti-partisan operations.
“We will root out these terrorists and will end their reign of terror on the border-dwelling people of our nation,” stated the Trashcanistani Security Minister Vitaly Nikitin, between sips of Khruschevon vodka, the official Trashcanistani drink.
Meanwhile, an alliance of environmental groups, informally known as Greenwar, vowed to bring more resources to bear in the region. “We cannot continue to allow the Trashcanistani to blithely eat whatever animals they come across, or to continually build more factories and more industry at the expense of the environment,” commented Crystal Ashley Summer, the director of media relations for Greenwar.
“They eat dolphins, for spirits’ sake! Surely this is an evil that has to be dealt with!”
Reports of violent clashes have filtered through from the region, with the Trashcanistani First Guards Division and Greenwar often engaging in firefights lasting hours at a time, though inevitably ending in the favor of the Trashcanistanis, who are willing to use fuel-inefficient armored vehicles and weapons that harm trees and local wildlife indiscriminately.