NationStates Jolt Archive

Zero-One Monocorporation presents:

The Alcohol Tree

While other people waste their talents on making supersoldiers and biological weapons, we here at 01MC work to turn a profit on our years of experience in tinkering with nature. The Alcohol Tree (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Alcohol_Tree) is the realization of a dream held by generations the world over; simply water and provide sunlight, and the Alcohol Tree will keep your mind well off the difficulties and problems of everyday life.

Please, drink responsibly.

We have several varieties of Alcohol Trees available for purchase both in seed and seedlings; simply call in an order and 01MC will deliver appropriately. New or more specific varieties will be introduced as requested and as the technology develops. Pricing information is below:

Pricing Information:
Bacchanalis candidus (white wine) ... [arbitrary amount of money]
Bacchanalis sanguineus (red wine) ... [arbitrary amount of money]
Bacchanalis humulus (beer) ... [arbitrary amount of money]
Bacchanalis tuberosum (vodka) ... [arbitrary amount of money]

Order yours today and enjoy the new facet of your gardening!

"We wish to purchase 100 Bacchanalis candidus, 75 Bacchanalis sanguineus for celebration purposes, and 500 Bacchanalis tuberosum for Lady Destra nos Thiendrel herself, because let's face it, being head of a nation is difficult, and she needs to vent her anger in some sort of manner. Vodka will get her there much quicker."

We would like you to design a tree capable of producing Jack Daniels Whiskey, or a form opf Brandy.

We would like to request a tree that produces absinthe.

Prank call from Assistant SubSecratary of Jim Kreaz, Minister of Finance of the Candrian Empire:

"Hey... This the beer guys?" -banging, giggling in the background- 'Shut up guys, you'll blow my cover.' "Yeah, um, we want one of everything. You guys take creditcards?"

Zero-One,

We, the collective alliance known as The Coalition for a Free World, are very interested in consuming all the alcohol you can afford to give us. My nation, The People's Republic of Ukalaelia, would like to purchase 200 alcohol trees. My close ally (and only known accomplice) in the Federation of Sobri is interested as well. Both of us aim to kill ourselves before the night is out. We hope for a reply.

Sincerely, Darth Vader of Ukalaelia

<Return Communications>
{
"We wish to purchase 100 Bacchanalis candidus, 75 Bacchanalis sanguineus for celebration purposes, and 500 Bacchanalis tuberosum for Lady Destra nos Thiendrel herself, because let's face it, being head of a nation is difficult, and she needs to vent her anger in some sort of manner. Vodka will get her there much quicker."
>> Would you like those as seed or as saplings?

We would like you to design a tree capable of producing Jack Daniels Whiskey, or a form opf Brandy.
>> Bacchanalis bourboni lynchburgis and Bacchanalis brandewijnis have both been considered. Unlike our current 'no-name-brand' trees, however, such things tend to have delicate and highly complex flavors due to the kinds of vats used, how long they stay in the vats, forms of production, additives, and such. We here at 01MC have analyzed samples of both beverages mentioned (of several different varieties in the latter) and we are now tinkering alongside S.H.O.D.A.N. to come up with a suitable analog.

>> We will let you and everyone else know how it goes. Perhaps something to tide you over until we accomplish it?

We would like to request a tree that produces absinthe.
[message quite similar to the above...]

>> Do you have a particular brand you prefer so we can analyze it and come up with an appropriate match?

Zero-One,

We, the collective alliance known as The Coalition for a Free World, are very interested in consuming all the alcohol you can afford to give us. My nation, The People's Republic of Ukalaelia, would like to purchase 200 alcohol trees. My close ally (and only known accomplice) in the Federation of Sobri is interested as well. Both of us aim to kill ourselves before the night is out. We hope for a reply.

Sincerely, Darth Vader of Ukalaelia
>> We will ship upon confirmation of payment. As we see your order is time-sensitive, we will ship some of our available fruiting supply from our test groves to assist in making sure you are nicely hammered before tomorrow morning.
}

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/zero-one/andysig.gif
R-Kelly 79B2A9
Customer Relations Branch : 01MC

"It would be greatly appreciated if saplings were sent to our nation. Lady Destra is looking forward to the arrival of such... exquisite plants. We are willing to pay any sort of extra money necessary to do so. Many thanks."

<Return Communications>


>> Bacchanalis bourboni lynchburgis and Bacchanalis brandewijnis have both been considered. Unlike our current 'no-name-brand' trees, however, such things tend to have delicate and highly complex flavors due to the kinds of vats used, how long they stay in the vats, forms of production, additives, and such. We here at 01MC have analyzed samples of both beverages mentioned (of several different varieties in the latter) and we are now tinkering alongside S.H.O.D.A.N. to come up with a suitable analog.

>> We will let you and everyone else know how it goes. Perhaps something to tide you over until we accomplish it?




We will wait. Regretably, the current selection is inadequate, although if you can add OJ to the Tuberosum, we might consider buying that.

OCC: I intended for the plants to actually be purchased and shipped, and "mysteriously" dissapear to the garden of Admiral Hailey (The drunky). If the UIFC credit card could be accepted, the account number is #1234 5678 9101 1121.