NationStates Jolt Archive

To: All Nations
From: The Holy Empire of New South Serbia

Part the First:

As one of the newest and most moderately-growing nations in NationStates, The Holy Empire of New South Serbia would be willing to exchange ambassadors with any foreign power, especially if they are in any way friendly, with the following stipulations:

Our staff:
1. We may send as many unarmed hairdressers as we desire.
2. Somewhere between 30-50 dental hygenists, armed with those little pointy tooth-cleaner things.
3. Up to 100 of those guys who stand around on streetcorners with the sandwich boards that say "SALE: GOING OUT OF BUSINESS, EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!"
4. The Royal fleet of 12 Purple and Green 1984 Dodge Omni hatchbacks.
5. 12 hamsters, with cages.
6. Our esteemed Lord High Ambassador, and his entourage, which consists mostly of his enormous collection of empty vodka bottles and some "Mentos".

Your Embassy Staff:
1. Spies are welcome, as long as they register with our "Internal Ministry of Espionage, Industrial Theft and General Thuggery"
2. Assassins, Thieves, etc are welcome as well, but must be fingerprinted and cataloged by our "Ministry of Thieves, Knaves and Cut-throats, Division of Assassins. This is located on the 3rd floor of the Grand Poobah Building. Also, they are allowed only 7 weapons apiece, to be carried on their person at all times.
3. Your ambassador, and his immediate staff. Each of whom will be required to submit, weekly, in writing, a one-sentence report on the topic" "Why I like Aardvarks"

We see no reason why these terms should not be immediately agreed to, and so we are looking forward to a long relationship of mutual respect and some Aardvarks.

Part the Second:


It has come to our recent attention that the economy of The Holy Empire of New South Serbia consists almost solely of... well... woodchips.

Recognizing that fact, and wishing to do something about it, we hereby offer that any nation state with whom we exchange ambassadors will also be graciously allowed (some might say "tearfully begged") to exchange our woodchips for some commodity produced by your nation provided that it meets the following requirement:

1. It is NOT more stinkin' stupid woodchips!

Any questions should be forwarded to our Most Holy and Exalted Minister of All things Beginning with "W"

The Democratic Republic of Fatus Maximus agrees to your terms! We'll participate in an embassy exchange program and would like to become allies with your nation as well. Our only requests regarding the embassy in your country are modest- one Ambassador, three or four assistants, two inept unarmed guards, and garage space for a 1987 Oldsmobile. Our Ambassador also requests that his office contain a mini-bar and that the embassy itself be located within walking distance of an International House of Pancakes.

We are more than pleased and in fact eager to meet your proposed requests for an Embassy. We shall locate your embassy in the capitol city at the corner of Embassy Street and IHOP Avenue. This location should suit you well, as it is sandwiched in between an International House of Pancakes and an Intercontinental House of Waffles.

In addition to your fine Embassy, we will happily add on a one-car garage built out of our very own, highly prized Woodchips!

Thank you and we look forward to a Long and Pancake-filled relationship.

PS Will you please pass the coffee?

Please note, for anyone who wishes to establish an Embassy, we will gladly bring in a corporation of your choice to be your next door neighbor. Also, I will assign you a location in our capital city, with prescedence given solely based on the order in which your Embassy was established. As of now, you are going to be in a really really swanky neighborhood, rest assured!

Since we are the only other nation to join your region, I suppose that we should have an embassy in your capital city too!

Our embassy Must be a happy place, a veritable garden paradise, filled with flowing streams, towering trees, abundant wildlife, and be close to a cool record store.

For our embassy staff, we request the following:

~2 Ambassadors (in case one gets tired)

~1 Assistant Ambassador (in case both Ambassadors get tired)

~at least 10 secretaries, so that none of them will have to work all that hard.

~a full compliment of TREK 1200 bikes, as we believe in saving resources, but
still like to look cool while getting around.

~a fully stocked hydroponic setup in the cellar.. cuz.. you know.. we like to um.. grow stuff...

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b371/Askira/Templates/01.jpg
Department of Foreign Affairs

"In a renewed effort to improve our diplomatic relations with the outside world, The Askiran Imperial Republic has opened its borders for international entities to establish diplomatic centers." - Chancellor Shakaar Edon

"Hello fellow nation of the world. I speak to you now on behalf of the Askiran people, I address their fervent wishes to open a diplomatic dialogue between our two nations. Please follow the link provided to begin the exchange process. [ADI] - Askiran Diplomacy Initiative (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=412587)
Again I do so desire that we will soon embark on our shared interest to expand our world relations. Until then.
Yours, " - Secretary Halsey

[B]Claire Halsey,

The leadership of Ankhmet hereby refuses to recognize the sovereignty of this nation, in accordance with the New doctrine of Ankhmet, otherwise known as Executive Order 23342 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=442796).

The Empire of Mattosia would be delighted if it could have an embassy in New South Serbia. My embassy staff will include:

3 ambassadors
30 non diplomatic staff
5 spies
5 counter intelligence agents
20 Mattosian Imperial Guard

We would also like a never ending supply of Cadbury's chocolate and a really big television.
Emperor Matt

To all nations who read this, greetings and Welcome! We have generously decided to accept all of the following Embassies within our hallowed borders, and will, in exchange, present an Ambassador and his staff at your court, with a coterie as stipulated in our initial message.

Democratic Republic of Fatus Maximus
We are more than pleased and in fact eager to meet your proposed requests for an Embassy. We shall locate your embassy in the capitol city at the corner of Embassy Street and IHOP Avenue. This location should suit you well, as it is sandwiched in between an International House of Pancakes and an Intercontinental House of Waffles.

Emirate of Western Kshatraps
We are elated and overjoyed to allow your embassy to flourish in our great Capitol city! We already feel the love flowing out of your ambassadorial residence.... or is that the "wacky smokes" you guys brought with you?

Askiran Imperial Republic
We would be ever so pleased to exchange ambassadors with your lovely land! Especially if you think that it will improve your diplomatic relations with the outside world, that's what we're all about you know!
In addition, we hope that you will see fit to join us in our shared interest to expand our Hamster per capita ratio.

Holy Imperium and WNI Province of Ankhmet

The Imperium of Ankhmet will treat all nations smaller than Ankhmet as Provinces of the Imperium, wether or not they accept it.We don't see any sort of a problem with this. We like to do things Unilaterally all the time. Why just the other day, The Holy Empire of New South Serbia unilaterally decided to enact a permanent ban on all TV advertisements in France.As such, the Ankhmeti Imperium reserves the right to send troops into any such nation, in an effort to keep the peace in the Provinces of the imperium.
This might present a problem, as The Holy Empire of New South Serbia officially only recognizes Coast Guards, and not any other branch of the military. So if you would like to invade us with your Coast Guard, then that is fine. They can start by manning our Lighthouses, which are a pain in the behind.The Imperium of Ankhmet reserves the right to demand tribute from any Province of the Imperium up to $1Bn.Will you accept this amount paid in irradiated woodchips?The Imperium of Ankhmet reserves the right to make the laws in any Province of the Imperium, and the right to invade any Province which refuses to put these laws into effect. (This clause can only be used upon an executive order)
This, too, is fine by us, provided that we do not actually have to listen to any of them.

Empire of Mattosia
We would be delighted to welcome the Empire of Mattosia and its Ambassadorial staff! We will gladly provide you with a 60" HDTV (our biggest model), and a 32lb Cadbury's chocolate bar (also our biggest model). When the chocolate runs out, just go to the nearest BP station and ask for another one, our treat!

This hereby concludes our welcome message!
Salute!