NationStates Jolt Archive

Karen and Stephanie Carlton-Legama could feel the tension build with every red light they hit on the streets of Tacoma and Karen winced with each contraction as they seemed to pound oppressively at her inside and out whilst Stephanie drummed the wheel of their car with a mixture of impatience and nervousness.

"God I hope that baby doesn't pop out whilst we sit here at this Godforsaken light," Stephanie muttered.

"Shut up and go!"

"I can't! The light's still red."

Fortunately for the couple, the light turned green at that moment and Stephanie aggressively slammed her right foot onto the accelerator in a brief second of catharsis. The hybrid car sped through the streets on the way to the Tacoma Regional Hospital, where the two women headed up the elevator to the fourth floor, where the maternity ward was.

"Okay, just focus on my finger and when I say push, you push," Stephanie said, gazing lovingly into Karen's eyes. "Okay, push."

Six hours after the two women rushed into the hospital, they were rewarded with a sound that would have been considered a piercing shriek by anyone who wasn't an expectant mother or a trained medical professional: The birth of Calvin Max Carlton-Legama, weighing in at a healthy 3.7 kilograms.

"Congratulations ladies," Doctor Noah Palmer said with a smile on his face. "I have a phone call for you Karen. It's the President."

"What?"

"According to our statistics, Calvin is the three billionth Sarzonian. He would like to congratulate you."

Exhausted, relieved, but also overjoyed, Karen Carlton-Legama cradled the phone next to her ear as she held her pride and joy in her arms and listened to President Mike Sarzo congratulate her as best she could after giving birth at 2:21 a.m. that morning.

Leafanistan is extremely happy for the mother and sends a $100,000 gift to help her raise the 3 billionth citizen.

OOC: That's got to be the best "x-billionth-citizen" thread I've read in my time here.

IC: The Democratic Imperium of Halberdgardia wishes to congratulate its friends at the Incorporated States of Sarzonia for reaching this momentous milestone. We would also like to send our personal congratulations to Karen and Stephanie Carlton-Legama for the birth of their son Calvin. We are also pleased to announce the donation of $1 million to a scholarship fund for Calvin, so that he may be able to pursue a higher education at whichever institution he so pleases.

We are happy for our friend, Sarzonia, for accomplishing this prestigious benchmark. We would like to give the child a $10 million dollar donation and our blessings on behalf of all of Space Union. We hope that he may always succeed in whatever he strides to do.

Signed,
President Harsimran Mann

It is with great happiness that The Armed Democratic Peoples Republic of Mekugi congradulates Karen and Stephanie Carlton-Legama and the Nation of Sarzonia on their momentous accomplishment.

The president and people of Tilsitsin congratulate the great nation and people of Sarzonia for achieving such a fantastic milestone in their nation's history.

As a way of celebrating the achieving of this milestone, we are providing a gift of $500,000 (us) to your country in the name of Calvin for the purpose of a higher education scholarship fund, to be administered how you see fit.

May our nations' relations be strong and prosperous!

The Government of Frigidaria extend their warmest congratulations to Sarzonia, hoping that someday our tiny nation shall reach 3 billion also. As a gift to the child, the traditional present of a knife, with a hand carved handle of antler and curly birch, presented on behalf of our diminuitive population.

Statement

Holy Panooly laughs in amusement, knowing that Holy Panooly, great as it is, has passed the 3.7 billion mark a few days ago. We continue to mock the dictatorial plutocratic Sarzonian government, treat their claims and statements with suspicion, and scornful laughter shall soak every statement we, great as we are, issue whenever we find yourself lying and twisting truth to your own selfish agenda. You may have reached three billion citizens, but you shall never attain the height Holy Panooly has witnessed, even if you live to see our nation rot away and our mighty buildings crumble away to ruins; to which yours still pale when compared. We have seen all your petty attempts to put your citizens - and many other citizens around the world - down with fear and freedom. Fear of us, and our ways to keep defying your "truth", and the freedom to choose the ruling dictatorship of Sarzonia, a cruel and wicked man of notoriously bad disposition under heavy influence of alcoholic beverages and drugs."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/holy_panooly.jpg
- Lord Rampone, Master of the Northern Island Chain

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/msarzo/GreatSeal.jpg
Official Statement, Incorporated Sarzonian Government

We appreciate the congratulations we have received from the various countries that have chosen to do so. On behalf of the family, we extend our thanks to those who have donated monies to the family for the care and education of Calvin.

However, we view the comments from the dictatorial cesspool known as Holy Panooly with the scorn they deserve. We advise all Sarzonians and all free peoples the world over to take any bile that spews forth from their mouths with a grain of salt. They have demonstrated themselves to be a poor excuse for a government or a people and we don't trouble ourselves with reaching any "heights" they claim to have attained, especially since we passed their permanent residence in a shack down in the depths of despair.

Mike Sarzo
President

Nicole Lewis
Lieutenant President
Incorporated States of Sarzonia

The Cows of the Holy Republic of Cowbreed are happy to congratulate the happy parents, knowing of the joy that will come into their lives. They congratulate the great nation of Sarzonia alike - may They lead us to the same strength that Sarzonia has come to reach.

The Calf that was born in the Holy Cowshed the very same night as the young boy shall be what help we can offer him mastering the winding and narrow path of life. As soon as She becomes old enough to walk, our best Herdsman Priest will escort Her to Sarzonia so that She may accompany the small Calvin on the big journey that lays before him, showing him the way and seeing to it that he gets enough healthy milk. She shall give enough of it to make his bones and his mind alike strong enough for all the challenges he will have to pass.

She will like fresh grass and water in the summer, while in the winter she will be happily eating hay and drinking water. Every day, She will need to walk a little. We are confident that Calvin and his parents will understand Her needs, as well as She will understand their needs.

The Kingdom of Lesser Ribena and it's people would like to extend it's congratulations to our good friends in Sarzonia. It is truely great to see such a fine example of a nation reach such greatness as to number 3 billion. As a token of our goodwill and continuing friendship I have dispatched one (1) bowl of assorted fruit to the hospital, one (1) bunch of our finest red roses and a card containing a message of hope for the child and a bankers draft for $1,000,000 to be put towards a trust fund for the child's future.

Though we would like to make it clear that we do not see any one child in a nation as more important and more eligable for a grant than another and so would like to put forwards $10,000,000,000 (ten billion dollars) to begin a educational scholarship program between our two nations whereby 50 students from each nation each year are chosen on basis of achievement and effort to be scooled in our best universities. This should, I hope, bring greater equality to all our peoples and would serve as a reminder of the day that Sarzonia became a 3 billion citizen nation.

King Charles I
Reigning Monarch, Kingdom of Lesser Ribena.

Sgramu Karen and Stephanie Carlton-Legama:

It makes us very, very happy to hear of this wonderful news that has come from Sarzonia. With Sarzonia's prosperity it seems that three billion won't be a stopping point, but for now, let us be the first Pacitalians to officially congratulate you on being the couple to share in this wonderful milestone and congratulate you for having a successful birth. May both you and your new bundle of joy have many excellent years ahead.

As a celebration of this milestone, the Pacitalian government will be constructing a beautiful, inviting and spacious park complete with a stone fountain at a location of your choice (in Sarzonia or in Pacitalia), all commemorating the birth of the three billionth Sarzonian, from the nation containing our greatest friends in this world.

In addition to that, in a similar move to Lesser Ribena, we will be not starting, but expanding our Sarzonian HeadStart trust fund for post-secondary education from SZ$166.22bn to SZ$333.33bn.

Again, we congratulate you!


Sincerely in good faith,
Timothy Ell
Prime Minister of Pacitalia

Dr. Adrian Copilul-Minune
Senior Deputy Prime Minister of Pacitalia

To: Karen and Stephanie Carlton-Legama, Tacoma, Sarzonia
From: Henry V, His Majesty the King, Isling, Isselmere, UKIN
Subject: Congratulations

Cherished mothers,

It gives us inestimable joy to learn that your son has become the third-billionth member of the illustrious Incorporated States of Sarzonia. We shall consequently assist you to provide for your child the sort of atmosphere in which you should wish him to flourish and shall offer you the very best in post-natal home care services including such things as cribs, prams, and other necessities as well as an educational fund for your child that shall permit him to attend the schools of choice within his lifetime. You shall receive a fund to permit you to travel to further broaden both your and your son's perspectives of your glorious nation and perhaps elsewhere.

Best wishes on your new arrival!

Sincerely,

Henry V
His Majesty the King
Wentworth Palace
Isling, Isselmere, UKIN

I congratulate you on reaching 3 billion people and I would like to send you $2(US) for every citizen you have($6 blillion).

To: Prime Minister Timothy Ell
From: Mike Sarzo
President, Incorporated States of Sarzonia
Subject: Thank you

On behalf of the Carlton-Legama family and young Calvin, I am delighted to thank you for the generous gift you have given to the family and to the Sarzonian people. We would be greatly honoured to accept and we share the enthusiasm of the family for the outpouring of affection they have received.

We cherish the deep friendship between the Sarzonian and Pacitalian peoples and hope those bonds last for all time!

-------

To: HRH King Henry V
United Kingdom of Isselmere-Nieland
From: President Mike Sarzo
Incorporated States of Sarzonia
Subject: Thanks

I am deeply touched by the generous donation and congratulations you have conferred upon the Carlton-Legama family. The mothers tell me they would be greatly appreciative of the opportunity to travel and would gladly take their son to give him the opportunity to expand his horizons. In fact, they tell me they would like to plan their first trip to Daurmont within two months!

------

To: King Charles I
Reigning Monarch, Kingdom of Lesser Ribena
From: President Mike Sarzo
Incorporated States of Sarzonia
Subject: Thanks

We are deeply honoured by the friendship you have shown our nation and the generosity you have shown the Carlton-Legama family. We believe your gifts to both the family and to the people of Sarzonia are a positive expression of the great kinship between our lands and I hope that kinship forever endures!

------

To: Holy Republic of Cowbreed
From: President Mike Sarzo
Incorporated States of Sarzonia
Subject: Thanks

We are touched by the gift of the young calf and I have signed an executive order exempting the Carlton-Legamas from any prohibitions against keeping it or animals similar to it to allow the calf to aid in the development of Calvin and the family's pursuit of happiness. We will never forget the act of generosity you and your nation have bestowed upon us. May your country remain ever firm in the light!

------

To: Hitler The Nazi
From: President Mike Sarzo
Incorporated States of Sarzonia
Subject: Our thanks

We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for the generous donation you have given to our nation on the momentus occasion of the birth of our 3 billionth citizen. We will endeavour to ensure that our nation looks upon this act favourably in the years ahead and wish you and your country Godspeed.

I remember my 3 billionth person. it was a great day. As of now I am a hop skip and a jump away from 5 billion. congrats

To: President Mike Sarzo of Sarzonia
From: Lady Destra of Arcadia, Euroslavia

We send you our congratulations on growing to the population of three billion, and we wish the best of luck to your nation as it continues to grow. This sort of accomplishment deserves celebration, which I'm sure will be taken care of.

Our two nations have stood as allies for quite some time now, supporting each other through the roughest of times, and celebrating with each other when great moments occur. We can only hope that our nations will continue with this sort of relationship when Sarzonia reaches six billion citizens.

Lady Destra nos Thiendrel,
Free Dictator of Euroslavia

Channel 36 News

…And today Sarzonia enjoys the birth of its three billionth citizen. Although the government has given no official congratulations to the Sarzonian government, President Grey did say this during a press conference.

JOURNALIST: Mr Grey, have heard the news that there are now over three billion Sarzonians.

PRESIDENT GREY: No, and I’d rather you hadn’t said. Bunch of <beep> sodomites that nation nothing more. They can go to hell for all I care; one is too many.

The President has been fined 40,000 harens for using God’s name in vain. In the heat of an election campaign, this slip may be an expensive mistake, in more ways than one. Alfred Zimia, head of the Socialist Block has slammed President Grey’s violation of the law and called for his resignation. The opposition leader and Liberal Block leader, James Palmer took a lighter note, pointing out in a parliamentary debate, that if all Sarzonians were sodomites, there certainly wouldn’t be three billion of them.

President Grey has not apologized or amended his comment…

To: President Mike Sarzo, Incorporated States of Sarzonia
From:Princess Anne, Duchess of Harrkona; MRC; Acting Minister of State for OMP Affairs; President of the Reginald Leopold Foundation
Subject: Congratulations

On behalf of the entire Hamptonian Government and all Hamptonians everywhere, we extend our warmest wishes to the Carlton-Legama as well as all Sarzonians. This is a momentous occasion to be marked with celebration, song but also reflection. The birth of the three billionth Sarzonian, while important, is not the real reason to celebrate. We shall all celebrate the continued good fortune of the Incorporated States of Sarzonia and we must rejoice in the fact that the Sarzonian nation will continue to grace this world for centuries to come.

As the current head of the House of Pyotr-Hampton and Lady Executor of the Royal Court it is my pleasure to announce the fulfillment of one of Grand Duke Reginald Leopold the Great's final wishes. The late Grand Duke was a tireless advocate of closer and stronger Hampto-Sarzonian Relations. Without hesitation he committed the Royal Armed Forces to the efforts to restore President Sarzo to power when he was temporarily overthrown by rebel officers. He continued his efforts to strengthen both our nations through increased cooperation until his dying days. It is in that spirit that he called for the creation of a scholarship program.

The Reginald Leopold Foundation, newly created by the Royal Senate and funded by the personal estate of the House of Pyotr-Hampton, will provide full scholarships, fellowships and internships to highly qualified and motivated Sarzonian students wishing to attend Hamptonian and Hamptonian League academic institutions. The RLF will also fund the construction, maintenance and operation of dozens, and what will become eventually hundreds, of elementary and secondary schools within Sarzonia itself. The Foundation's seven hundred billion kroner endowment will ensure that generations of future Sarzonian political, cultural, and business leaders will receive a truly world-class education.

To celebrate the birth Calvin Carlton-Legama the Reginald Leopold Foundation will provide the youth, when the time comes, with a full scholarship to the school(s) of his choice, no matter the location of the institution.


In Friendship and Admiration,
[Signed] Her Royal Highness Princess Anne, Duchess of Harrkona
Acting Minister of State for OMP Affairs
Member of the Royal Congress
President of the Reginald Leopold Foundation
Grand Duchy of Hamptonshire

To: President Mike Sarzo, Incorporated States of Sarzonia
From: Premier Xerco Longbottom, The Voltarum
Subject: Congratulations!

The whole of the Voltaru people expresses congratulations to our Woodstock Pact allies. On behalf of myself and my country, we wish the Carlton-Legamas health, long life, and prosperity.

In recognition of this momentous occasion, one of the many generically named peaks in our central mountain range will undergo a name change. From now on, peak HJ113, the 7th highest within our borders, will be named Mt. Calvin.

Should he ever wish to see it in person, we will be more than accommodating. Just bring a nice warm jacket.

With Great Respect,
Premier Lord Xerco Longbottom

The Democratic Republic of Fatus Maximus, realizing it is in danger being eclipsed by the fabulous gifts being lavished upon the child, has opted to give your 3rd billionth citizen a unique opportunity- an all expenses-paid vacation to Fatus Maximus for him and his parents, to be collected sometime in the next 18 years. He can visit our capital of Fatopia, marvel at the worlds largest tower of Oreo cookies in Downtown Mmmopolis, swim in the radiant Gulf of Gelatin, and best of all, upon meeting with the Prime Minister, he will recieve a coupon entitling him to a lifetime's supply of deep fried twinkies.