NationStates Jolt Archive


Great N00bish Threads (Humor Thread)

Jenrak
11-08-2005, 03:36
After watching many, many new players blow it by thinking their invincible, I've decided to gather the best information as possible on announcements on being obnoxious and undermined.

Also, my other thread on N00bishness is:
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=413018&highlight=%28humor+thread%29

So, without further ado, let me introduce:

~~OBNOXIOUS ANNOUNCEMENTS AND OTHER THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO BUT DO ANYWAYS~~

"HELLO, i'M MIZTER IDIOT. SE HOW I'M TALKING LIKE THIS? IT'S NOT PERFECT, BUT OON ENOUGH YOU'LL ALL TALK LIKE ME AND YOU'LL BE GETTING *ALOT* OF ATTENTION. REMEMBRE THAT TALKING LIKE ME *COULD...OH WHAT AM I KIDDING...WILL* GET YOU BANNED IF KEEP IT UP!!! L337 HAZX0R!"

Example 1:
"I Nuked J00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahhahaha!!!!"
Oh no, this is wrong. All wrong. The stupid is there, and the exclamation marks, but you want to look professional but you're a n00b, so you can't. So you want something that'll cover it all, but not something of good Role Playing quality. You're a lazy slacker...start acting like one! The real one should be like this:
"I R God and Nuked j00 losers cus I have secret backer supplying me w/ n00ks!! Lol!!!!!! But you don't knwo who it is cus he's a secret.!!!!

Example 2:
"Because Country A is an idiot, I, Country B, will invade his country.
Tsk Tsk Tsk. You can do better. What if they're stronger than you? You're a n00b, and you WANT to drag everyone around you down as well! Here's a better one:
"Country A is a jerk, and I demand all countries to side with me or else I'll invade everyone!"

Example 3:
"I challenge everyone to a one on one battle against me!
What are you thinking? You shouldn't spread such low quality muck around. You have smilies. Use them, or as n00bs who lose say: OOC: Go to Hell!!!!! What you should be focusing on it something like this:
"Anyone who thinks they're remotely close to beating me come on! I'll beat them into the ground!!!! :mp5: :mp5:

Example 4:
"I declare war on the UN!!!!!!"
Hahahahahahaha! No. The UN is a gameplay, not the actual UN. You must know this. Not even a stupid n00b would be able to piss off the UN, which is what you are evidently trying to do. The better, stronger, more improved version (and also sexier sometimes) would be as so:
I DECLARE WAR ON THE LEGIONS CUS THEY'RE A$$HOLES AND THEIR LEADER CALLED ME STUPID ALTHOUGH I CAN'T PROVE IT!!!!!!

Example 5:
"As a formal declaration of War, I have steadfastly mobolized an army against the forces Country A, where naval battallions and troops are preparing to invade enemy territory. Country A has no reason to reject the declaration whatsoever."
Sneaky Godmoding is for smart n00bs. Oh wait, what am I thinking? N00bs aren't smart, or else they would'nt be called n00bs! Well, you see, from the normal person, it looks like it's formal and proper, until you see, 'has no reason to reject', which throws the whole formality out of the window. Why be subtle? There's no point. They'll just call you a liar. You don't want to be a liar, do you? You just wanna be a n00b!
"I have an army out of nowhere without prior moboloization (notice the typo?) RPing and I will invade you and I am on your beach now. your turn!"

Example 6:
"I'm playing the terrorist card by saying that I have spies in yoru country who are causing dissent. Your people are now all under my control and a riot breaks out! I win!"
*gasps* One of the most lethal and rarest N00b threads around. You start an RP in one thread and end it in one, plus it's barely telegram worthy! Why do it then if this one is so badly formed? Try this on for size:
"I WIN! YOU LOSEEEEEEEEEEEE!" (Insert profane stolen smilie from photobucket here)

Example 7:
"We will purge the universe of all (insert species/fancy spice here) because God is on our side!"
Bringing religion into the group, huh? Well not if I can help it. God probably has better things to then help you in your genocidal rage, which then brings me to the 'comeback' post:
"Well god told me to!!!! Cus I'm so amazing!"
Right. God told you to kill a species that he made himself? He made it just you, and you alone can commit genocide on it? Please. Take something believable at least. Like this:
"We will kill and murder all children of the (insert species/environmentally friendly type car here) because my Cheerios told me too! Man I love Cheerios (some OOC rambling for the authentic effect)"

Example 8:
"World Leaders, we have 1 million nuclear missiles hidden in our country! We will detonate them if you do not take in our demands."
Subtle, but stupid. I love this one. But it shows alot of places for improvements. First of all, Nationstates is home to many countries that could be classified as 'World Leaders' worthy, so if you're willing to wage war against every respectable Role Player here, then do so! But first, get your act together. Do something cooler. Stash your nukes somewhere. Like this:
"All countries over 1 billion population, we have 30000 kajillion supernuclear-mega-defracto-raygar missiles hidden on the moon. We will launch them at the sun and blow up teh (another sneaky typo) sun so you will all starve to death unless you give into our infinite demands!!!! (insert random smilies here)

Courtesy of Leafanistan
Example 9:"I hate your tacatics adn politicaliticsicsics so I'm magically pop out of nowhere and blockade your nation LLOLOLAOAL"
Very smart. Cunning and swift. You want to cripple their nations for an IC reason (or at least you want them to think), but a step better is to get everyone involved. That way you'll get more negative attention. It may be negative, but it's still attention, right?
Yo taktics sux adn yur political freedoms r bad even tho mine r worse so i come out of nowear and blockade yur nation and al yur allies helping yur nations. what the hell. every nation going to you! lolol omg i had a massive |30ner!

Well, that's it for our lesson for today! Know that YOU have the power, to mess up your reputation....forever! Or at least, for 99% of your RPing lives. Have fun pissing off the mods!

Note that Jenrak does not encourage you to piss off the moderators and this disclaimer proves it...sucker.
Leafanistan
11-08-2005, 03:44
Don't forget the "I hate your tacatics adn politicaliticsicsics so I'm magically pop out of nowhere and blockade your nation LLOLOLAOAL :sniper: :mp5: :mp5: :sniper: "

Or the

Repectable player: "I fired 12 Exocets at you, and 16 9" shells"

N00B: "I shoot all the missiles down and take only one shell due to my manuveuring"

"I am also suddenly hundreds of miles away and out of range"

RP: "Not of my Harpoons."

N: "Godmode! Ignoring!"
Chronosia
11-08-2005, 03:46
Anyone in particular in mind?
Jenrak
11-08-2005, 03:46
Good one, but I can improve that...
Leafanistan
11-08-2005, 03:49
Anyone in particular in mind?

FishCaks, that is pretty much what happened when I attacked his frigate. I was so pissed off, I took my battleship, put it at full speed, and ran his frigate over, and snapped it in half.
Jenrak
11-08-2005, 03:54
Ha. Reminds me of my n00bular days.
Der Angst
11-08-2005, 03:56
*Tries to figure out where the 'humour' part is.*

Hrm. Oh, right. Over there. Maybe you missed it?
Chronosia
11-08-2005, 03:58
Of course theres the all to frequent Nazi card that seems to be popping up
Kyanges
11-08-2005, 04:05
FishCaks, that is pretty much what happened when I attacked his frigate. I was so pissed off, I took my battleship, put it at full speed, and ran his frigate over, and snapped it in half.

ROFL.
Kazecistan
11-08-2005, 04:11
I haven't seen this one before, but I just read it.

Nation X will poop on your face

Note that the actuall nation's name was changed to 'nation x'
Jenrak
11-08-2005, 04:11
*Tries to figure out where the 'humour' part is.*

Hrm. Oh, right. Over there. Maybe you missed it?

Well, you see...the thing is actually....*runs off*
Jenrak
11-08-2005, 04:18
Nation X? That's kinda wierd.
Kazecistan
11-08-2005, 04:21
Would you have preferred 'Nation A'?
Kjata Major
11-08-2005, 04:23
FishCaks, that is pretty much what happened when I attacked his frigate. I was so pissed off, I took my battleship, put it at full speed, and ran his frigate over, and snapped it in half.


Ahhahah, I remember that one, you fired enough to sink 10 of his ships and then he claimed it was still up. Nice one with the crushing of his puny ship, can't godmod outta that one. blub blub.

I got one of my own to, that I don't like, but found myself just HAVING to correct him. http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=437239 - Sepratist States.

Note how even his name is spelled wrong. Here is the main part of his post:

After many months of studying ancient lost technology the x-9 super wapon is online and ready to attack at a moments notice. The x-9 was built to replace Stonehenge as the supreme super weapon. This weapon uses a shell that destroys all matter and energy it touches. This weapon can destroy entire countries in a single shot.

Specs
Trmatium plated Trimanium armor
Nearly indestructable energy sheilds
Moleculer De-Generation Shell
Range of over 9 Billion miles

There is so many spelling errors...soo many wrong names....so many...noobs....*shudder*
Jenrak
11-08-2005, 04:23
Hey I never said Nation A was plausibly normal either.
McKagan
11-08-2005, 04:30
FishCaks, that is pretty much what happened when I attacked his frigate. I was so pissed off, I took my battleship, put it at full speed, and ran his frigate over, and snapped it in half.

That was great. I'm using my entier fleet of those battleships as "blockade runners" in the future.

From that same RP(er) you have the ever famous:

Noob (out of nowhere and for no reason): I FIR3 S CROOSE MISSLE @U!

Respectable Player: Since it's just one missile, we shoot it down. Now we are sending 3 Helicopters to assault your fleet and while they are on their way we fire 10 155mm shells at your aircraft carrier.

Respectable Players Allies: To support this operation we are sending submarines.

Noob: OMG!11!!!one! I DIDS NT MEEN TO SHUOT THAT CRUUSE MISSILE! THAT DIDN'T COUNT! We are all happy again. U are my ally.
Kazecistan
11-08-2005, 04:32
Well, the nation does exsist, I just modified the name.
Serapindal
11-08-2005, 04:52
Man, this needs to be stickied.
The Transylvania
11-08-2005, 05:25
FishCaks, that is pretty much what happened when I attacked his frigate. I was so pissed off, I took my battleship, put it at full speed, and ran his frigate over, and snapped it in half.

Hell yeah that awesome. You’re the man! But man that is cool.

*Takes my happy pills*

Okay, what was I saying? Oh..yeah, thanks for the laugh.
Serapindal
11-08-2005, 05:28
This is a perfect example of a n00b.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=437239
Kjata Major
11-08-2005, 05:34
This is a perfect example of a n00b.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=437239

I posted that very same thing on the last page.....oh well I am glad I am not the only one who finds it a horrible thread. Such things MUST be closed....but I rather not asked the mods to do anything. Just wish it dies.
Flightopia
11-08-2005, 05:35
The guy who made x-9 project must love Ace Combat 4. Dear god, it's a godomod!! :eek:
Kjata Major
11-08-2005, 05:39
The guy who made x-9 project must love Ace Combat 4. Dear god, it's a godomod!! :eek:

Ya and before that I could have swear he seen an old Jackie Chan cartoon.... Stonehenge is a giant weapon! If I did everything like that, NS would pray for me to be banned. Evangelion = Giant Robots! S-cry-ed = Alter Power! Inuyasha = INUYASHA CLONES! Trigun - Uber guns! Ya... you get the picture.
Otagia
11-08-2005, 05:42
That was great. I'm using my entier fleet of those battleships as "blockade runners" in the future.

From that same RP(er) you have the ever famous:

Noob (out of nowhere and for no reason): I FIR3 S CROOSE MISSLE @U!

Respectable Player: Since it's just one missile, we shoot it down. Now we are sending 3 Helicopters to assault your fleet and while they are on their way we fire 10 155mm shells at your aircraft carrier.

Respectable Players Allies: To support this operation we are sending submarines.

Noob: OMG!11!!!one! I DIDS NT MEEN TO SHUOT THAT CRUUSE MISSILE! THAT DIDN'T COUNT! We are all happy again. U are my ally.


Reminds me of TFU's last MT RP. Something about his nation being glassed. Now only if it wasn't for his IGNORE on the whole incident...
Serapindal
11-08-2005, 05:51
Anyways, am I considered a noob? I'm sorta new and all...

I think I have my most recent topic around here...ah, found it.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=436982

Or am I just a terrible writer?
Sharina
11-08-2005, 06:18
Anyways, am I considered a noob? I'm sorta new and all...

I think I have my most recent topic around here...ah, found it.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=436982

Or am I just a terrible writer?

Actually your writing is pretty decent compared to some of I.I. writers. In addition, there are two kinds of new players.

n00b = cheater, poor player, godmodder, bad sportsmanship, etc.

newbie = new player who is willing to improve, learn, and increase his / her skill. Open to feedback and criticism, actually uses feedback / criticism to improve.

You're categorized as a newbie, or "advanced newbie" owing to your above-average newbie writing skills.
Nianacio
11-08-2005, 06:36
What's wrong with #7? It may sound stupid, but it's certainly realistic...

(not a response to the OP):
Also, Exocets, Harpoons, artillery shells, and helicopters (What's a helicopter going to do to a major surface combatant, anyway?) are very easy for a fleet to shoot down or just stay out of range of. Successfully and safely ramming a ship, OTOH, would be very difficult...If someone tried using those weapons against me, their whole fleet would likely be underwater before they got within range.
Jenrak
11-08-2005, 20:13
Harpoons are good for close ranged boarding. Then you can RP commandeering.
Serapindal
11-08-2005, 20:20
What's wrong with #7? It may sound stupid, but it's certainly realistic...

(not a response to the OP):
Also, Exocets, Harpoons, artillery shells, and helicopters (What's a helicopter going to do to a major surface combatant, anyway?) are very easy for a fleet to shoot down or just stay out of range of. Successfully and safely ramming a ship, OTOH, would be very difficult...If someone tried using those weapons against me, their whole fleet would likely be underwater before they got within range.

Because they were playing MT and not FT?
Kjata Major
11-08-2005, 20:23
What's wrong with #7? It may sound stupid, but it's certainly realistic...

(not a response to the OP):
Also, Exocets, Harpoons, artillery shells, and helicopters (What's a helicopter going to do to a major surface combatant, anyway?) are very easy for a fleet to shoot down or just stay out of range of. Successfully and safely ramming a ship, OTOH, would be very difficult...If someone tried using those weapons against me, their whole fleet would likely be underwater before they got within range.

Yes, but the accuracy of his weapons is much higher and he's shooting a frigate. To not even be hit in thirty shots is just crazy. Artillery shelling can also be very accurate, not good at ship to ship combat, but with computers it is far beyond the days of using tables and taking a long time to get an accurate shot in. Since frigates are also pretty large and move rather slowly, a computer could easily figure out where it will be and when is the best time to fire. Sure I can see a few missing, but not THIRTY. Though if you can run into a ship with YOUR battleship and crack it in half to sink, that boat must be going pretty slow and be pretty long.
Nianacio
11-08-2005, 21:01
Because they were playing MT and not FT?In #7, or in one of the missile things?
Yes, but the accuracy of his weapons is much higher and he's shooting a frigate. To not even be hit in thirty shots is just crazy. Artillery shelling can also be very accurate, not good at ship to ship combat, but with computers it is far beyond the days of using tables and taking a long time to get an accurate shot in.I'm not talking about accuracy. Artillery shells, Exocets, and Harpoons are all fairly easy to shoot down, and Exocets and Harpoons are probably also relatively easy to trick with countermeasures. You should never even get close enough to use any of those, however, as fleets should be staying 1,000+km apart, and modern missiles are faster, longer-ranged, and harder to trick into going for countermeasures instead of the ship.
Though if you can run into a ship with YOUR battleship and crack it in half to sink, that boat must be going pretty slow and be pretty long.Frigates aren't very big, nor do they have to be helpless against battleships, nor will one be sitting still with a battleship trying to ram it (unless the owner of the frigate wanted it to be rammed).

Back to the scheduled thread...
Jenrak
11-08-2005, 21:01
Or your ship is of titanium ice breaker quality and his ship was made in World War II.