Blood Moon Goblins
05-08-2005, 01:55
(OOC: Celebrating my recent move to the FKC,
King Ironbiter the Fourth was quite old, especialy by Goblin standards. The average life expectancy for a Goblin in perfect health was roughly sixty years, at ninety Ironbiter was definitly feeling his age.
He had not lost the brutal toughness that allowed him to survive, obviously he wouldnt be king for long if he was weak, since most Goblin promotions took place via trial by combat. Ironbiter had managed (barely) to beat off three aspirant kings since he passed sixty, each one had come closer to beating him, the last one nearly had his head, and Ironbiter was only saved by a twinge in his arm that had caused him to lower his scimatar at just the right moment. It had looked good, but Ironbiter knew it was Fate that had saved him.
The thing with Fate is that he doesnt often give assistance to no reason, Ironbiter knew well that something was going to happen. The Goblins had rapidly adjusted to Ironbiters reign, they now knew to avoid the Royal Guards and not to try to bum drinks of them, because if you did your head would be nailed to the Kings throne. Of course, few heads were nailed to the throne anymore, there wasnt much room, but Ironbiter had arranged for a carpenter to build additions in the form of two six foot by six foot sheets of plywood, and these were soon full to capacity.
Ironbiter was not hated though, he was, by Goblin standards, fairly benevolent as malevolent dictators go.
Many said he was the best malevolent dictator the Kingdom had seen so far, a few stated in response that they missed Krark, who hadnt had more than fifty Goblins executed in his reign, but they often werent around long enough to give evidence to back this up.
And thus it was that one night during his ninety first year (he was only three years away from breaking the record as Longest Lived Goblin), King Ironbiter the Fourth died in his sleep when one of the headspikes mounted above his bed fell off the wall and neatly impaled him through the forehead.
This is one of the worst possible ways for a Goblin in office to die. It means that nobody (directly, at least) killed them and thus it is difficult to get the office. Immidiatly every Goblin in Blood Moon was claiming to be descended from Ironbiter, or Krark, or Squee the First (although Squee I had been very popular, and thus had many children. Being descended from Squee I was not rare).
There were fights, blood fueds were formed and assorted people killed each other for flimsy reasons such as might often be assumed.
This had all happened before, and would happen again. Goblins in government services did their best to preserve their offices, the Airport remained open during the entire mini-civil war, in fact, no service of major importance was serverly damanged at all, this would be accounted as a mirracle in most other countries, but Goblins, although often moderatly insane, had a kind of very direct logic.
You didnt attack the power plants, sewage treatment plants (or at least, cesspools), and airfields because the new government would need those, and as ruler of the new government, you didnt want to damage your own property.
Most of the military simply holed up and waited for orders, occasionaly taking potshots at anybody who tried to get too close, but all in all, it was a bloody, horrible civil war with little in the way of collateral damage to anything important. Sure, a few houses were blown up or collapsed (Goblins build with stone, which doesnt burn well), a couple thosand Goblins died, more were crippled or severly wounded, but eventually somebody would take command, and everybody knew it.
Boredom is a powerful motivator, especialy in Goblins who have a short attention span.
Thus it was that Rockcrusher of the Flarg took the throne, after killing most of the Goblin nobility (technically an oxymoron, but it DID exist), having a number of high officials executed and so on and so forth.
It had been a good rise to power, with a number of Goblins sacrificed to a number of Dark Gods who were generaly not worshipped outside of the circles of Goblins that got strong tans and wore bright colours.
Rockcrusher himself was not overly impressive, average height and build, average speech (talkin' like dis), and so forth. He was quite intelligent for a Goblin, and had an un-Goblinlike glimmer in his eye indicative of a real and true to life tyrant who would rip your heart out and eat it just to see the look on your face and have a good laugh.
He had done it twice, so far looks of stunned suprise were common.
(OOC:
Who gets the refrence? Hmmm?
Responses welcome, feel free to have an embassy or news reporter or something nearby to see all of this :P)
King Ironbiter the Fourth was quite old, especialy by Goblin standards. The average life expectancy for a Goblin in perfect health was roughly sixty years, at ninety Ironbiter was definitly feeling his age.
He had not lost the brutal toughness that allowed him to survive, obviously he wouldnt be king for long if he was weak, since most Goblin promotions took place via trial by combat. Ironbiter had managed (barely) to beat off three aspirant kings since he passed sixty, each one had come closer to beating him, the last one nearly had his head, and Ironbiter was only saved by a twinge in his arm that had caused him to lower his scimatar at just the right moment. It had looked good, but Ironbiter knew it was Fate that had saved him.
The thing with Fate is that he doesnt often give assistance to no reason, Ironbiter knew well that something was going to happen. The Goblins had rapidly adjusted to Ironbiters reign, they now knew to avoid the Royal Guards and not to try to bum drinks of them, because if you did your head would be nailed to the Kings throne. Of course, few heads were nailed to the throne anymore, there wasnt much room, but Ironbiter had arranged for a carpenter to build additions in the form of two six foot by six foot sheets of plywood, and these were soon full to capacity.
Ironbiter was not hated though, he was, by Goblin standards, fairly benevolent as malevolent dictators go.
Many said he was the best malevolent dictator the Kingdom had seen so far, a few stated in response that they missed Krark, who hadnt had more than fifty Goblins executed in his reign, but they often werent around long enough to give evidence to back this up.
And thus it was that one night during his ninety first year (he was only three years away from breaking the record as Longest Lived Goblin), King Ironbiter the Fourth died in his sleep when one of the headspikes mounted above his bed fell off the wall and neatly impaled him through the forehead.
This is one of the worst possible ways for a Goblin in office to die. It means that nobody (directly, at least) killed them and thus it is difficult to get the office. Immidiatly every Goblin in Blood Moon was claiming to be descended from Ironbiter, or Krark, or Squee the First (although Squee I had been very popular, and thus had many children. Being descended from Squee I was not rare).
There were fights, blood fueds were formed and assorted people killed each other for flimsy reasons such as might often be assumed.
This had all happened before, and would happen again. Goblins in government services did their best to preserve their offices, the Airport remained open during the entire mini-civil war, in fact, no service of major importance was serverly damanged at all, this would be accounted as a mirracle in most other countries, but Goblins, although often moderatly insane, had a kind of very direct logic.
You didnt attack the power plants, sewage treatment plants (or at least, cesspools), and airfields because the new government would need those, and as ruler of the new government, you didnt want to damage your own property.
Most of the military simply holed up and waited for orders, occasionaly taking potshots at anybody who tried to get too close, but all in all, it was a bloody, horrible civil war with little in the way of collateral damage to anything important. Sure, a few houses were blown up or collapsed (Goblins build with stone, which doesnt burn well), a couple thosand Goblins died, more were crippled or severly wounded, but eventually somebody would take command, and everybody knew it.
Boredom is a powerful motivator, especialy in Goblins who have a short attention span.
Thus it was that Rockcrusher of the Flarg took the throne, after killing most of the Goblin nobility (technically an oxymoron, but it DID exist), having a number of high officials executed and so on and so forth.
It had been a good rise to power, with a number of Goblins sacrificed to a number of Dark Gods who were generaly not worshipped outside of the circles of Goblins that got strong tans and wore bright colours.
Rockcrusher himself was not overly impressive, average height and build, average speech (talkin' like dis), and so forth. He was quite intelligent for a Goblin, and had an un-Goblinlike glimmer in his eye indicative of a real and true to life tyrant who would rip your heart out and eat it just to see the look on your face and have a good laugh.
He had done it twice, so far looks of stunned suprise were common.
(OOC:
Who gets the refrence? Hmmm?
Responses welcome, feel free to have an embassy or news reporter or something nearby to see all of this :P)