NationStates Jolt Archive

"My Lady! Lady Eza!"

The harried message runner staggered to a halt at the steps of the massive dais, not so much out of respect for the slender woman seated in the massive gilded throne at the top, but because he desperately needed to recover the oxygen supply he's spent running before he could hope to climb those impossible stairs.

"What word do you bring, Runner? Speak quickly, for your presence before your Lady's eyes in such a state is most displeasing." The woman's frigid voice drifted down from the heights of her throne, accompanied by a snap of the fingers that brought servants heavily armed with big feather fans out of hiding to fan the Runner's odor away.

"I bring news that Our Lady Eza, matriarch of House Waennkar, the most impossibly beautiful woman in the multiverse, who the very vision of blinds the unworthy heretics with her divinity and bestows upon her faithful the most infinite of mercies may be pleased with." The Runner fell to his knees, once more, not out of respect, but due to the shortage of oxygen from all his running and reciting of long titles.

"Does it concern the demands of that heretic Xemu?"

"No, my Lady." The Runner pauses, starting to get some fresh air into his starved lungs. "There has been no response to your missive to the heretic regarding what you would permit him to do with his tax forms, and your most divine order of where he could place them afterward."

"That is strange. Did the message go through?"

The Runner dug a small handheld device out of the depths of his sweat-stained Runner uniform and consulted it for several long moments, the only noise being the Lady Eza tapping her fingers on her throne in tempo with her growing impatience.

"I am sorry, my Lady, but our new communications people are not yet trained-"

"BOLLOCKS!" Lady Eza's voice booms, amplified via strategically located speakers. "Get rid of them, and get people who are COMPETANT!"

The Runner seems to get anxious, fiddling with a piece of stray plantlife that clung to his uniform. "Well... about that... In the war for the Fourth Wall of the Temple of Houses, it seems that there was a problem with the ruins."

Lady Eza makes no remark from her perch, and swallowing nervously the Runner continued. "As the lady knows, the ancient Temple of Houses was the grand center of our world, though all that remained of it was the Holy Fourth Wall. In short, my Lady, we could not give the heretics any chance to regroup, and so persued them. The Holy Fourth Wall fell on them all, and now there is nothing to show for the men and women who died. And all of our trained personel were there."

"KUSO!" The seated lady jumped to her feet at that declaration, a displeased look painted on her face. (Literally, as a terrifying face would sprea greater fear. "What do we have left?"

The Runner found the dirt flaking from his boots to suddenly be immensely intrigueing as he stalled for time to suitably phrase his remarl. "Just.... 2 million young students, and 3 million serivitors capabale of labor.

"So out of a population in the hundreds of thousands, we are down to this?!" Lady Eza booms again, her voice pitched just high enough to cause discomfort.

"It was a very big wall." Knowing he had to act quickly or face a possibly awful demise, the Runner quickly found a silver lining to the wall situation. "But the prophesy has been fulfilled! My lady, if the words spoken last week are true, your power (already great and infinite!) is promised to be twice that now that the heretics have been smited by the most Holy of Walls!"

"Yes.... and the prophesy promised that I would be pleased, guaranteed..." Lady Eza remarked, her voice having changed from frigid tundra to slyly tropical between one thought and the next while rereading the printed missive that had reached the Holy Empire's communication system. "It is time this power was tested! And make certain that this next message is actually SENT!"

Transmision: open band
Recipient: The nations of the galaxy
Sender: Lady Eza Veeg Waennkar, Matriarch of House Waennkar, the most impossibly beautiful woman in the multiverse, who the very vision of blinds the unworthy heretics with her divinity and bestows upon her faithful the most infinite of mercies.

Greetings heretics. I am Lady Eza Waennkar, matriarch of House Waennkar. I have decided to be merciful and give you all good signs so that you may properly revere and honor me. Those who pledge support to House Waennkar shall receive infinite mercy and good standing within the Holy Empre. Those who refuse shall all perish by my will, souls tortured forever by the most hideous of punishments, some quite possibly involving media featuring a popular Earth actor named Tom Cruise.

I look forward to you adoration.

=Lady Eza Veeg Waennkar, Matriarch of House Waennkar, the most impossibly beautiful woman in the multiverse, who the very vision of blinds the unworthy heretics with her divinity and bestows upon her faithful the most infinite of mercies

We find your demands moronic and your ego laughable. Unless you can find a reason we should serve you or proof of your alleged beauty, you shall be put on the list of national leaders we point and laugh at.

I applaud your use of theo word "bollocks" as I am american and don't get to hear it very often.

We find your demands moronic and your ego laughable. Unless you can find a reason we should serve you or proof of your alleged beauty, you shall be put on the list of national leaders we point and laugh at.

And your nation of heretics will be torn asunder, your armies made blind and helpless. And you will grow icky warts, one for each of your laughable attempts at wit. Your list will only serve to damn you beneath the weight of the Most Holy Fourth Wall of the Temple of Houses!

Again, I offer you chance to atone for your sins, to come to the righteous path. I am not often so generous with heretics.


I applaud your use of theo word "bollocks" as I am american and don't get to hear it very often.

Your praise has been noted, and you shall be among the blessed in the light of my infinite mercy, while the heretics shall be forced to suffer the most gruesome of torments, among which they will cry out in pain as they are forced to watch the Pokemon movies without reprieve, in the company of many small and obnoxious children! And then I will make them watch Battlefield Earth, just to make them suffer further for their sins!

=Lady Eza Veeg Waennkar, Matriarch of House Waennkar, the most impossibly beautiful woman in the multiverse, who the very vision of blinds the unworthy heretics with her divinity and bestows upon her faithful the most infinite of mercies

We have been called Heretic by many and still stand. Your threats are idle, your promises empty, and your wrath pitiful. We shall not deviate from this alleged path along the road of heresy without a valid reason or proof of your beauty.

"Sir, we are ready to fire the n00b cannon." reported an officer in the mobile weapons platform.

The Admiral replied to the man dressed as a clown, "Right, fire at will! We'll teach these people who the heretics are!"


(OOC: Welcome to NS, now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to point my finger at you and scream "n00b!" as I roll around on the ground laughing. :p )

We have been called Heretic by many and still stand. Your threats are idle, your promises empty, and your wrath pitiful. We shall not deviate from this alleged path along the road of heresy without a valid reason or proof of your beauty.

Words in your language fail to do my beauty justice. As a being of such power, your superficial heretic concepts of beauty pale. If you find blondes beautiful, you behold a blonde. It you find size 34DDDs a major turn on, you shall behold size 34DDDs, perfectly shaped. My beauty is that divine, such that cameras can only capture the most inadequete glimmers, that the heretics weep blood, cursed to never see beauty again, and the faithful bask in my blessings, for they are many, and I treat those loyal to me as well as they deserve.

=Lady Eza Veeg Waennkar, Matriarch of House Waennkar, the most impossibly beautiful woman in the multiverse, who the very vision of blinds the unworthy heretics with her divinity and bestows upon her faithful the most infinite of mercies

"Sir, we are ready to fire the n00b cannon." reported an officer in the mobile weapons platform.

The Admiral replied to the man dressed as a clown, "Right, fire at will! We'll teach these people who the heretics are!"


(OOC: Welcome to NS, now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to point my finger at you and scream "n00b!" as I roll around on the ground laughing. :p )

Your paltry heretic weapons are laughable in the face of my beauty and my mercy! I do however see that you have grand potential, if you but only renounce your heretic ways and come to the light of my mercy!

=Lady Eza Veeg Waennkar, Matriarch of House Waennkar, the most impossibly beautiful woman in the multiverse, who the very vision of blinds the unworthy heretics with her divinity and bestows upon her faithful the most infinite of mercies

(OOC: I aim to entertain! :p If I make someone laugh, I can count this nation as a success!)

My dear, any woman that has to declare that she is the most beautiful woman in the universe...tisk, tisk...and also, your ego is showing, might want to wear something cut a little more modestly, rather than letting it all 'hang out'. It never looks good on a woman of your age.

Michiko Jones, Emperess, Tanara

We have a different view of the matter than the picture you attempt to paint. Cameras break, not from your beauty, but to avoid being pointed at your visage. The 'heretics' weep blood, not from your lovelyness, but at the pain they are forced to endure at the sight of you. Your faithful, are either in need of corrective lenses, or have been so cowed by your repulsive nature that they grovel at your feet to avoid your gorgon gaze.

My dear, any woman that has to declare that she is the most beautiful woman in the universe...tisk, tisk...and also, your ego is showing, might want to wear something cut a little more modestly, rather than letting it all 'hang out'. It never looks good on a woman of your age.

Michiko Jones, Emperess, Tanara

You're just jealous that mine are bigger.

My offer to all to renounce the heretic ways still stands, and my powers are vast and my blessing upon the faithful many.


We have a different view of the matter than the picture you attempt to paint. Cameras break, not from your beauty, but to avoid being pointed at your visage. The 'heretics' weep blood, not from your lovelyness, but at the pain they are forced to endure at the sight of you. Your faithful, are either in need of corrective lenses, or have been so cowed by your repulsive nature that they grovel at your feet to avoid your gorgon gaze.

I did not say cameras break. They are merely not attuned to the twelve-dimensional nature of my being, and so the paltry three dimensions such devices capture fail to do my beauty justice. And the faithful obviously see well enough to recognize my wealth of power and majesty, as I have been privy to many a heartfelt confession that my unparalleled beauty swayed them to depart the heretic path and come to the light.

Gorgon gaze.... perhaps I will use a trickle of power to use such primitive magics to further punish the heretics. You have my thanks for such a fine idea!

=Lady Eza Veeg Waennkar, Matriarch of House Waennkar, the most impossibly beautiful woman in the multiverse, who the very vision of blinds the unworthy heretics with her divinity and bestows upon her faithful the most infinite of mercies

Since you claim to have these powers, why do we poor misguided heretics not get a demonstration, so we may be converted to the alleged True Way.

Anyways, what of those who desire the company of men?

Since you claim to have these powers, why do we poor misguided heretics not get a demonstration, so we may be converted to the alleged True Way.

Anyways, what of those who desire the company of men?

The time for gratuitous displays of power has not come. Such things should not be thrown around like the nuclear weapons I hear so much about. Heretic weapons, those.

As for your question.... it is most difficult to find a compatible twelve-dimensional partner, so House Waennkar only has a matriarch. Those who crave manbooty will have to wait, but they too will be rewarded for their faith!

=Lady Eza Veeg Waennkar, Matriarch of House Waennkar, the most impossibly beautiful woman in the multiverse, who the very vision of blinds the unworthy heretics with her divinity and bestows upon her faithful the most infinite of mercies

What an odd thread for I.I, seriously, never seen a wierder thread than this. You guys are actually bickering over nothing, which is pretty funny in my book :rolleyes:

Yours are bigger...yes, I'd have to say that your ego is certainly a plus size model....but then again I've never needed 'vast tracts of land' to attract a man.

Jealous? Please don't delude yourself, you wouldn't want your therapy to take any longer than it already will.

Michiko Jones, Empress, Tanara

So you claim to be powerful and beautiful, yet you refuse to preform on demand? What kind of slipshod service is that? The people demand demonstrations, they demand proof, they demand cheese and beer.

ooc: that's the point

Nathaniel Ekkiekki-Ekkii-P'kang-Zoop boing! Goodem-zoo-owli Mcmanus von Larson, Keeper of the sacred tomes of knowledge and enlightenment, Grand Inquisitor of Non-standard perambulation, whose-dirty-socks-are-worshiped-by-millions. finds your proposal interesting.

Taking leave from bantering words with the heretics, Lady Eza surveyed the blasted lands, scorched and cratered plains. Really good postcard "Wish you were here" material if one was into that sort of thing. The few million faithful needed her guidance, and in her eyes, the cries of the faithful were far more important than the blithering of the heretics.

With a slight warp of reality, Lady Eza left her gilded throne, reappearing as if she had simply strolled down the street over the blackened remains of the Temple of Houses, the Most Holy Fourth Wall lying shattered. All around the ruined ruin, the faithful milled, listless. The long war with the heretics within their lands was over, but at great cost.

"Lady Eza! Please help us!"

"Matriarch Waennkar, we who have bled for you beg for your aid!"

"Great Mage Waennkar, in your mercy we entrust ourselves!"

Getting a case of the warm fuzzies at the pleas of the faithful, the twelve-dimensional Lady Eza marshals a wee fraction of her power, the very energies of the universe bending to her will in flagrant violation of one or more laws of physics. To a chorus of first startled yelps, the smashed stone of the Temple lifts into the air, the broken masonry fitting back together like some massive jigsaw puzzle, a gleam stolen from the stars in the heavens lending a brilliant glimmer to the ordinary stone. The yelps of the crowd change to awestruck ooohing and aaahing, and finally thunderous applause when Lady Eza levitates a large boulder and sends it smashing square into a remaining stature of the heretics.

"Gather 'round, faithful ones, for I bring you good news. The heretics that have long plagued this land have been banished to darkness, and with the fall of the Most Holy Fourth Wall, I have granted a new icon. Gone is the Temple of Houses, a relic of the heretics surrounding the Fourth Wall. In its place I have made the Temple of..." She paused, thinking of a suitable name for the new structure. "The Temple of Baroudi!"

"Baroudi?"

"Sounds strange, but it's better than a Temple of Houses!"

"AHEM." Lady Eza cleared her throat, a brief crack of thunder helping get the crowd's attention once more. "Enter ye faithful, and through the power I have placed her, be cleansed in mind, body and soul. Your sorrows shall be lifted, you wounds cleansed, and your souls blessed."

"Does it have a hot tub?"

"What about a minibar?"

With a bemused smile, Lady Eza gestured at the structure offhandedly. "It does now. Rest and be rewarded for your service, for the reprieve must needs be brief. The heretics who have long defiled our lands are gone, but there are heretics beyond our borders, godless minions who may one day seek to come here, and seek to stain our lands. We must recover from the war with the heretics, as quickly as can be."

"TOGA PARTY!"

Lady Eza Veeg Waennkar was nearly knocked off her feet by her jubulant faithful as they rushed to behold what she thought was a fairly minor work of power. But they were happy, she was happy, and the prospects of House Waennkar seemed bright despite the threat of more heretics looming just off the horizon.

But what of our cheese and beer?

But what of our cheese and beer?

You're not one of the faithful, so no blessed cheese and beer for you! Or the divine cocktail weiners! None of those, either! You can go get your own inferior non-mystical cheese and beer!

Unless you are willing to renounce your heretic ways, of course.....

=Lady Eza Veeg Waennkar, Matriarch of House Waennkar, the most impossibly beautiful woman in the multiverse, who the very vision of blinds the unworthy heretics with her divinity and bestows upon her faithful the most infinite of mercies

OOC: TAG, heretics must be dealt with...