NationStates Jolt Archive

Open Missive to Arfus Sealous, Fool King of Joseph Seal

A little over a month ago soldiers from the then Imperial Seal Democracy of Joseph Seal put saboteurs among deportee Elvish Panterans due to be transported to Mordor from the Panteran island of Braavos. These saboteurs attacked and murdered a number of His Lordship’s subjects outside their ships on Panteran soil, leading to a general riot in the docklands which brought down the authorities on the scene and saw the deaths of several Seal nationals, orcs and elves and severe injury inflicted on several Panterans.

In his infinite generosity our Lord let this heinous act go by the wayside in exchange for reparations in the sum of one hundred billion USD. He did not, however, anticipate further treachery on the part of your nation.

Later the following day a score of civilian transports with nothing but a trio of decommissioned aquatic destroyers for escort came under attack from a task force of Seal vessels crudely outfitted to resemble a modern day representation of the "pirates" of yesteryear. In spite of a gallant defence by the men and orcs of our merchant marine a series of massive helicopter-borne boarding actions were successful, His Lordship’s subjects being butchered and many thousands of elves killed in the fracas.

Know that a state of WAR shall come into being between Mordor and the Imperial Seal Confederacy should it fail to meet the following demands:

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#1. The individual(s) responsible for planning this act of piracy shall be turned over to us. Rather than have them drawn, eviscerated and quartered as they deserve they shall, against my better judgement, be entitled to a trial by combat.

#2. Personnel directly involved in the aforementioned operation shall also be turned over for prosecution as war criminals.

#3. The Imperial Seal Confederacy shall pay an annual tribute amounting to one trillion USD and be thankful it is no more than that.

#4. 20% of all fish, gold, grain, iron and timber produced in Joseph Seal every year shall be given in addition to the tribute stipulated in point #3.

#5. The following items of military hardware recently purchased from the nation of Bonstock are to be turned over:

30x Carrier Battlegroup packages
30x Surface Action Group packages
30x Mini Airforces packages
30x Mechanized Infantry Divisions packages

As are these from Hoth Manufacturing:

(5,000,000) sets of Model G armour
(500,000) HM90 Cerberus Main Battle Tanks

And these from Hawdawg:

(90) Ticonderoga Class Guided Missile Cruisers
(80) Oliver H. Perry Class Frigates
(40) Spruance Class Destroyers
(40) Arleigh Burke Class AEIGS Destroyers

They will be scrapped for components and raw materials. Believe it or not you are actually being done a favour; your nation is quite incapable of supporting the absurd armed force you would require to make use of all this war materiel.

#6.

(1999)Imperator Class Star Destroyer Mk I
(1500)Imperator Class Star Destroyer Mk II
(1000)Imperator Class Star Destroyer Mk III

(1998)Victory Class Star Destroyer Mk I
(2000)Victory Class Star Destroyer Mk II

(3800)Acclamator Class Transports

(500) Nebulon B Frigates
(400) Nebulon B2 Frigates

(1000)Assassin Class Corvettes
(990)Corellian Class Corvettes

(45,000)TIE Fighters
(40,000)TIE Interceptors
(50,000)TIE Defenders
(50,000)TIE Advanceds(x1-x3)
(50,000)TIE Phantoms Mk I
(29,000)TIE Bombers
(40,000)TIE Scimitars

(19,900)Lambda Shuttles
(20,000)Sentinel Landing Craft

This painfully generic cardboard armada shall also be turned over to us and scrapped for parts and materials. Again, His Lordship is doing you a favour.

#7a. Joseph Seal’s ridiculous 22,000,000 man standing army is to be dissolved. The only military personnel you may maintain are the 12,000,000 clonetroopers you purchased from Huntraer in your foolish overspending. These men must be reorganised to serve you in the capacity of pilots, sailors, infantrymen, tank drivers, logisticians, officers, everything. Your military must never in the future as these clones deteriorate recruit in excess of this 12,000,000-strong figure. His Lordship hopes that you appreciate just how generous of a concession this is.

#7b. Attempts to circumvent #7a through means of vast armed police forces, employment of robotic or other AI combat units etc. will be dealt with harshly. All surplus military hardware down to the last bullet after the fulfilment of #7a will be handed over to His Lordship.

#8. Private ownership of firearms in Joseph Seal is to be outlawed.

#9. All Seal space assets and offworld holdings with the sole exception of non-military satellites are to be surrendered.

#10. His Lordship’s subjects shall be permitted to travel as they wish through Joseph Seal’s territorial waters, orbital space and economic exclusion zone.

#11. We shall be allowed to construct airstrips and missile bases in Joseph Seal at a time of His Lordship's choosing.

#12. Five million universal dollars' worth of "Wedding of Lady Sirithil and Mephet’ran Commemorative Plates" are to be shipped to Mordor every month. If the Imperial Seal Confederacy does not produce these at present,start.

#13. Finally, the emperor of Joseph Seal is required to offer, televised, a full and unreserved apology to His Lordship whilst balancing a ball on the end of his nose.

Joseph Seal may, however, keep the elves that survived the violent proceedings surrounding their kidnapping. Congratulations! It looks like your underhanded methods paid off; you're the big winners here, citizens of Joseph Seal!
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Failure to comply with this document shall, in plain terms, result in the Imperial Seal Confederacy being levelled. You will not be required to offer any apology, but you will be roasted on a spit and thrown to the wargs. Everything we have demanded here and more will simply be taken by force.

I urge you strongly to put aside the foolish pride that got you into this mess in the first place, Arfus, and take it as much “like a man” as your biology permits. Unless you think your ego is worth the lives of more than a billion of your people.

~The Voice

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OOC: None of this should effect your nation so far as Earth NA is concerned. Unfortunately. :p

Message from the Kalessin Ministry of Peace to Lord Sauron and Arfus Sealous :

"The Empire wishes to offer its support to Lord Sauron in this matter, and would be delighted should a refusal on the part of the Young-Kingdomer fool Arfus Sealous to obey Lord Sauron's very lenient and, in the opinion of this Ministry, overly kindly demands, provide a legitimate excuse to take military action in aid of its loyal ally - military action which might well result in the population of the Empire being supplemented by the population of the weak and insignificant Young Kingdom of Joseph Seal."

Official Imperial Reply

The nation of Joseph Seal is absolutely shocked by these demands the nation of Mordor is making. The Imperial Seal Confederacy labels these demands as "unrealistic" and "absolutely unfair". The nation refuses to comply with these demands. We urge you to consider this: all these demands are absolutely ridiculous when compared to the damge our nation's millitary has done to you. We ARE willing to pay 5 trillion through loans to Mordor for the damage done, but that is it. Every other demand is outragous and will not be complied with.

And to other nations, we beg you to help us in this dark hour. We realize we cannot fight the forces of Mordor alone, and we will need any assistance. We thank you...

The Senate of Joseph Seal

*The Imperial Seal Confederacy Nation*

The nation was in panic and chaos. Thousands upon thousands of people were fleeing from their homes to waiting passenger boats and airplanes, ready to flee to friendly neighboring countries. The military and police force were doing the best they could to control the panicked crowds, while military leaders drew up defensive plans.

All were grim-faced. This was going to be extremely hard... already they were evacuating citizens that wanted to flee the country, mostly women, children and seniors, but many also stayed. They were going to fight, and the military was giving as much training as it could to these brave men and women that would stand their ground.

Messages to other nations, asking for help, were sent out hastily, while government leaders evacuated the government buildings. The emperor himself felt weak, cowardly, as he was urged to leave. He wanted to fight with his people, but he wasn't designed for that... curse his luck... curse everything... the emperor waddled away to his helicopter.

Meanwhile, almost empty cities were now being filled with hidden equipment and soldiers. They were going to have to resort to guerilla fighting for this... there was no possible way they could win either way against the armies of Mordor and her allies... except for the nuclear subs they had recently purchased(OOC: I apologize if you think this is a godmodd, but I DID buy 1,000 nuclear submarines from Imported iZron or whatever his name is, so it's legal)... but those would not be used unless they had no other choice.

The men and women staying in Joseph Seal were absolutely frightened, terrified, but they silently promised each other, that none would surrender. That they would fight to the last man or woman. And that they would only let the armies of Mordor take the nation, when all were killed in battle.

OOC: Oh deary dear... my first war and already I'm probably going to lose. Note to self: Never piss off bigger, more powerful nations. :p

The Faceless Lord idly taps a slender fingertip against the soft leather uphostery of his favorite chair. "I suppose they are at least spirits of the same mold. So to speak," he muses, ignoring the sickly giggling of the obviously mad sycophant huddled in one corner. He lifts the lid of an ornate wooden box carved with scenes of torment and despair to retrieve a sheet of supple vellum and a quill. He had always had a flair for the primitive. Something about the barbaric style of a nib scraping across heavily processed paper or leather appealed to his tastes.

He composes a message in blood-based ink upon vellum cured from human skin, to be hand delivered by some tormented courrier directly to those who speak for the Lord Sauron, reading in it's entirety thusly:

Great Lord Sauron;

Though relations between your servants and my people were established by the hated matriach Mieka, the latest antics regarding a certain mon-keigh nation amuse me. Your terms were satisfyingly harsh, and I must say I am impressed with the ruthlessness evident in such measures; indeed, the entire document is obviously meant to grind out whatever meaningless freedom the brutes think they enjoy.

Toward this end, I offer you whatever support my Kabal and Wyches may give in this matter. Additionally, my haemonculi stand ready to begin providing... encouragement to the recalcitrant filth. All that they require is a suitable supply of nationals from whatever blighted hole it is which has taken into its head to defy you.

Regards,
An Ally

-- A message from the Menelmacari Imperial Subprefecture of Migration --

While the Eternal Noldorin Empire of Menelmacar refuses on principle to militarily defend any nation claiming to field over ten thousand carboard mockups in the general shape of Star Destroyers, we will be opening our borders to any Elves within the nation of Joseph Seal who don't particularly wish to be present for the coming orgy of Fallen-Maiariffic destruction within that nation. The Vingilot-class gravitic superfreighter MV Irregular Apocalypse will be visiting Seal ports; any Elves who wish to emigrate as refugees are welcome to meet the ship when she arrives.

Earth Orbit, 0104 hours

High over the Black Sea a little group of satellites begin quite out of no-where to de-orbit.

A slow cold boost would be the first sign that something was up; anyone capable of achieving some sort of visual contact on the fast-moving sats would be able to see them discharging...something, too fast for the eye to follow. Immediately afterwards they fell to pieces, torn apart by G-forces and scattering through the stratosphere in a jumble of blazing metallic components.

However, the something that they had discharged--inconspicous metal spears christened "garros" by fleet technicians--were not nearly so harmless as this molten debris.

Almost invisible to begin with, the fearsome kinetic projectiles de-orbiting into the artificial island of Sealtropolis at varying angles of approach were suddenly the most eye-catching objects in the night sky as they tore through the troposphere, white-hot arrows blazing down upon the people of Joseph Seal like so many infernal comets, thunderbolts from out of the Heavens directed by a cruel and angry God.

The least of these garros had enough kinetic energy behind them to punch through a Nimitz suppercarrier and into the ocean beneath, and although their accuracy was hardly pinpoint their sheer destructiveness made targetting irrelevant so long as they came down in the general vicinty of their intended victims.

Uninterceptable by conventional means due to their speed and lack of volatility, the Hammer of the Enemy was in this case the following high speed white-hot objects:

70 tungsten garross of 20 kg mass ~ kinetic energy of around 300 pounds of TNT.

110 tungsten garros of 46 kg mas ~ kinetic energy equivalent to 1000 pounds of TNT.

40 tungsten garros of 180 kg mass ~ kinetic energy about equal to two tons of TNT (metric or standard are close enough for the accuracy of most analysis attempts of the strike).

10 large steel garros (softened somewhat by de-orbit in spite of a composite ablative shielding) of 1000 kg mass ~ kinetic energy equivalent to approximately 10 tons of TNT

3 large multilayered garros (composition about 10% titanium alloy, 10% ablative shieding, 70% steel, and 10% other) 60 feet long, masses of 100 metric tons, able to strike with a kinetic energy yield of around 1 kiloton each, more or less.

Most come down more or less where they are supposed to--amidst the once bustling commercial districts and downtowns of Joseph Seal. Some, due to the very nature of orbital barrages, are of course way off, but the Dark Lord is seldom concerned by collateral damage (perhaps unsurprisingly). A dozen tungsten garros come down somewhere on suburban resedential areas. One dosen't even achieve succesful de-orbit, having never boosted as intended out of its mother satellite. Still another 46 kg tungsten rod plunges more or less harmlessly into the water, whilst one of the steel ones has the fortune to be headed, if no where near its intended target, towards a suspension bridge.

The first blood was being spilled.

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22 Minutes Later

Final Communiqué to the Office of Arfus Sealous, Fool King of Joseph Seal

One chance. You are offered one last chance to submit, Arfus. All year long you have thrown money in its trillions at this that or the other nation; the seal coin must be all but worthless. We spit upon your offer of loans. Loans, that you would have us pay you back in time!

His Lordship offers you two concessions: you need not bother with the commemorative plates and you may make your grovelling apology without the ball. Every other demand will be fulfilled in its entirety or we will bury you. You believe our demands are unreasonable? If you force our hand that this war breaks out in full we shall take everything from you, down to the last child. We will grind your nation underheel. Does the price of appeasement really seem so high that for an alternative?

Think hard on your reply, Arfus. This is it.

~The Voice

Great Lord Sauron;

Though relations between your servants and my people were established by the hated matriach Mieka, the latest antics regarding a certain mon-keigh nation amuse me. Your terms were satisfyingly harsh, and I must say I am impressed with the ruthlessness evident in such measures; indeed, the entire document is obviously meant to grind out whatever meaningless freedom the brutes think they enjoy.

Toward this end, I offer you whatever support my Kabal and Wyches may give in this matter. Additionally, my haemonculi stand ready to begin providing... encouragement to the recalcitrant filth. All that they require is a suitable supply of nationals from whatever blighted hole it is which has taken into its head to defy you.

Regards,
An Ally

The courier is sent back with a similarly, as the dark ones would see it, decadent scroll, and the gift of four men, battered and terrified, to guide back with it through the Webway to its master.

Our Lord is most pleased that the true keigh wish to aid us in this edeavour; rest assured that your warriors shall be given carte blanche do with what they will with our trangressors.

I send with your courier these men as an appetizer--they were the only Seal saboteurs to make it back to Mordor with such of our ships as escaped their craven attack. It is my fervent hope that you will make their suffering public.

Send the world a message.

Yours,
Bursuq Saud, first speaker for Khamûl

Message from Jason Green, CEO of Einhauser:

The Incorporated Firms of Einhauser finds the nation of Mordor's demands to be outrageous, and the threat of violence against the sovereign nation of Joseph Seal to be unwarranted, perverse, and really fun to watch. Carry on.

OOC: Oh perfect... ok, here's the deal. I'm going to go on a vacation very shortly, and I'm not going to be able to post for awhile. Therefore, I have decreed that my nation and military, will be ahnilitated by Lord Sauron Reborn. The nation's people that escaped will be nomads now, wandering about from nation to nation, and there is a SMALL possibility that they may make a new nation in the NS RP, but it's not likely. Once I return, I'll only be posting with my Earth NA nation and maybe my FT version nation, but that's it.

I apologize for the inconvienence caused. Call this godmodding, cowardice, anything you want. But it doesn't matter. Adieu.

P.S. No, this is not because I'm going to get my butt whooped, again, I'm going on vacation, and that's that.

OOC: And Siri's offer to the elves?

OOC: Hilarity. You earn a Cruelty Coin from me!

OOC: Well, shoot. I was going to see if I could nab some elves from Joseph Seal but I guess this rp is over.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=9322040#post9322040

The conclusion.