NationStates Jolt Archive

{OOC: Obviously, this is 100% IC. Moreover, as any educated person would have guessed, the 'research' was utterly fraudulent.}


"After years of grueling, painstaking, meticulous research, my team of top scientists has at last reached an inescapable conclusion: communists are not human beings. Physically, mentally, socially, chemically, spiritually inhuman. Studies have proven that communists' brains are less than 25% the size of human brains. Their malformed brains are incapable of any emotion except for hatred. Communists are born with a hormonal gland next to their thymus which produces 'Marxitonin,' a chemical which has proven to be instantly fatal when injected into humans. In communists, however, it stimulates primeval instincts such as contempt of life, lust for socialism, and preference for totalitarian dictatorship. Removing the gland proves to be fatal to communists; retaining it ensures that they are insane, raving, vicious, dangerous creatures who are a threat to public health and safety. Our studies have also found that:

1.Communists are more than 350 times more likely to commit rape than humans

2.The average communist I.Q. is less than 80

3.The life expectancy of a healthy communist is 30 to 40 years

4.Communists are not human beings created in the image of God, but purely animals, closely related to simians; in fact, it is reported that the DNA of a communist is 99.9999999% identical to the DNA found in a gibbon

5.Everything, from their mating pattern to their child-rearing to their eating habits to their economic and political views, are simian, not human

Conclusion: communists are not human beings at all, and thus should not be treated as such. They are dangerous beasts, who should be killed accordingly."

--Dr. Augusto Debayle--

Once again you push our paitence with your manufactured lies, and fantasticly stupid "scientific facts". Wether or not you like communists matters not to me, and wether or not they care what you say matters even less, but you are pushing these descrimnating fallacies too far.

- Commanding Officer of External Relations,
Admiral Panchito Guanikeyu


OOC: Ah EC, I love RPing a nation that hates yours. This is so much fun.

"What the hell kind of drugs are your scientists on, dawg?"

--Random Governmental Employee, upon reading Dr. Debayle's report

This is another bit of proof that shows us that your government is not worth salvaging and that you keep control of your population through false propaganda.

Separate DNA studies by an independant NGO in Vintovia that the DNA of people of different religions and political beliefs had no differences.

"...and in a not so surprising reaction, there were multiple calls from the Geisenfried Communist Party to nuke El Caudillo off the face of the planet. The Royal Federation is not expected to make any official statement, but rather to just ignore the amazingly idiotic report..."

--Excerpt from a Geisenfried News Network Broadcast, concerning the El Caudillan scientist report

My sceintist highly disagree with you but we must respect your opinion and we are going to recomend you to a shrink.

Official Imperial Response

This research is an insult to primates everywhere! To compare such monsters as communists to poor, innocent monkeys is a travesty!

We have no evidence to support or disprove the research of El Caudillan scientists.

-Dr. Fereydoun Tehrani, Head of Parthian Scientific Union

well if the so called "humans" of El Caudillo are any proof we are we sure that we even want to be human?

--Kadun Scientist--

The Slave Masters do not engage in 'scientific' research. We can not comprehend what sort of voodoo you used to come to your conclusions, but we are sure its wrong and evil. We are totalitarians and facists, we don't care much for communists, but to call them less than humans is an exageration.

-Lobdrorck, Supreme God of the Slave Masters

"After years of grueling, painstaking, meticulous research, my team of top scientists has at last reached an inescapable conclusion: El Caudillo citizens are not human beings. Physically, mentally, socially, chemically, spiritually inhuman. Studies have proven that El Caudillo citizens' brains are less than 15% the size of human brains. Their malformed brains are incapable of any emotion except for hatred. El Caudillo citizens' are born with a hormonal gland next to their thymus which produces 'Anti-Marxitonin,' a chemical which has proven to be instantly fatal when injected into humans. In El Caudillo citizens', however, it stimulates primeval instincts such as contempt of life, lust for killing, and preference for insane dictatorship. Removing the gland proves to be fatal to El Caudillo citizens'; retaining it ensures that they are insane, raving, vicious, dangerous creatures who are a threat to public health and safety. Our studies have also found that:

1.El Caudillo citizens' are more than 400 times more likely to commit rape than humans

2.The average El Caudillo citizen's I.Q. is less than 50

3.The life expectancy of a healthy El Caudillo citizen is 30 to 40 years

4.El Caudillo citizens' are not human beings created in the image of God, but purely animals, closely related to simians; in fact, it is reported that the DNA of a El Caudillo citizen is 99.9999999% identical to the DNA found in a gibbon

5.Everything, from their mating pattern to their child-rearing to their eating habits to their economic and political views, are simian, not human

Conclusion: El Caudillo citizens are not human beings at all, and thus should not be treated as such. They are dangerous beasts, who should be killed accordingly."

--Dr. Brench Uilas--

Go Figure ;)

"...And it looks like we have some breaking news here. This just in-Dr. Augusto Debayle's weiner is as big as a thimble!"

--Bob Mackleby, Sunshine Network News Anchor, during his coffee break.

well if the so called "humans" of El Caudillo are any proof we are we sure that we even want to be human?

--Kadun Scientist--

Hear, Hear!

"After years of grueling, painstaking, meticulous research, my team of top scientists has at last reached an inescapable conclusion: El Caudillo citizens are not human beings. Physically, mentally, socially, chemically, spiritually inhuman. Studies have proven that El Caudillo citizens' brains are less than 15% the size of human brains. Their malformed brains are incapable of any emotion except for hatred. El Caudillo citizens' are born with a hormonal gland next to their thymus which produces 'Anti-Marxitonin,' a chemical which has proven to be instantly fatal when injected into humans. In El Caudillo citizens', however, it stimulates primeval instincts such as contempt of life, lust for killing, and preference for insane dictatorship. Removing the gland proves to be fatal to El Caudillo citizens'; retaining it ensures that they are insane, raving, vicious, dangerous creatures who are a threat to public health and safety. Our studies have also found that:

1.El Caudillo citizens' are more than 400 times more likely to commit rape than humans

2.The average communist I.Q. is less than 50

3.The life expectancy of a healthy communist is 30 to 40 years

4.El Caudillo citizens' are not human beings created in the image of God, but purely animals, closely related to simians; in fact, it is reported that the DNA of a El Caudillo citizen is 99.9999999% identical to the DNA found in a gibbon

5.Everything, from their mating pattern to their child-rearing to their eating habits to their economic and political views, are simian, not human

Conclusion: El Caudillo citizens are not human beings at all, and thus should not be treated as such. They are dangerous beasts, who should be killed accordingly."

--Dr. Brench Uilas--

Go Figure ;)
Official Imperial Response

We fully agree with statements two and three.

We hope the government of El Caudillo has gone into hiding because of the worlds contempt for them and their kind.

(OOC:Im gonna be out for a bit, It'll be fun to see what I created when I come back)

Well the Family are all for faked scientific reports to get our own way, but ours resemble some basis of possible fact. This one just puts serious doubts on your sanity. Serious doubts indeed.
Paulo Von Gerrit Vespeterium III, Chairman of the Family Vespeterium and owner of Vespeterium Minor.

Official Imperial Response

We fully agree with statements two and three.

A Minor error in the Report. It has been fixed. A spy changed the word El Caudillo citizen to communist.

--Dr. Brench--

Official Dominion Response

Whatever!!!

I find it, somewhat disturbing, that what the nation of El Caudillo has just internationally published, is being called science. If it is anything, it is falsified, El Caudillan science at most. Perhaps the unintelligent 'scientists' of El Caudilla have a different title than ours do; such as Propaganda Minister?

But, enough chanting and ranting. The CCCP condemns this vile, facade of intelligence the 'intellectual' community of El Caudillo has put forth to try and bad-mouth the international communist movement. If anything is scientificly proven different between political preferences, it is the personality of those who uphold it.

Sincerely,
Premier Vladimir Troskin

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/62/Soviet_coat_of_arms.png

OOC: It's "Caudillo", Facist Confederacy.

The Medellinan Govenment has been under fire from the Communist Underground for several years, now. We have no choice but to agree with the findings of this report.

OOC: It's "Caudillo", Facist Confederacy.

The Medellinan Govenment has been under fire from the Communist Underground for several years, now. We have no choice but to agree with the findings of this report.

True Communists wouldn't engage in such terrorist actions!

"Leafanistan once again mocks El Caudillo and all it stands for. Many government officials toppled over laughing and then all went out for a drink.

In other news, small kittens are so adorable. Can they kill? Tonight...."

We have no evidence to support or disprove the research of El Caudillan scientists.

-Dr. Fereydoun Tehrani, Head of Parthian Scientific UnionTranslation: "We had not thought to waste time 'studying' such a matter, but would prefer not to speak ill of an ally." ;)

Translation: "We had not thought to waste time 'studying' such a matter, but would prefer not to speak ill of an ally." ;)

OOC: Caught me red handed. :D

(OOC: *Points at Totaltarian Class Command Dreadnaugh, points at trashcan. Draws an arrow between the two then points at Parthia* You make the connection. XD)

Blatant lies. Only a lunatic would believe such utter crap.

The Commissariat of Diplomacy
The Federated Workers State of Hallad

It has come to my attention, that the state of El Caudillo has become 'to big for its pants'. It appears, that the El Caudillan junta, has it out for intellectual society and the international communist movement. Thus, as the director of the Комите́т Госуда́рственной Безопа́сности (Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti; KGB; Committe For State Security), Konstantin Bolvanin, wish to make it known, that the rogue nation of El Caudillo is now formally an enemy of the proletariat, and thus, an enemy of the CCCP.

We encourage the people of El Caudillo not to allow you to become the next victims of the El Caudillan dictatorship. We also encourage our remaining comrades to fight the El Caudillan establishment and force it to a democracy.

Sincerely,
Konstantin Bolvanin, Director Of The Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti

http://www.fas.org/irp/world/russia/kgb/kgb.gif

"In a move that incidentallly proves El Caudillo right, Scientists today found that humans share 99.9999999% of their DNA with gibbons."

"Hrydonia has begun classified research into whether this alleged 'Marxtonin really exists, in addition to kiling lots of people suspected of - " BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP The television signal is then replaced by what appears to be a propaganda film, replete with soldiers and tanks and battleships, which is then replaced by a PG-13 movie, which after about 15 seconds switches off....

OOC: Caught me red handed. :DOOC: Hey, the President of Allemande may not like the Shah (although his opponent in the coming election does, interestingly enough), and I may think you're over the top, but I have to admire your swagger and brains.

(Actually, I like El Caudillo, too. Not IC'ly, mind you, but - as my puppet [The King of the Red Temple] likes to say, he keeps life interesting. And boy, does he rattle people's chains!!!)

OOC: He wears rouge?!?!?
R-O-G-U-E
R-O-G-U-E
R-O-G-U-E
R-O-G-U-E
R-O-G-U-E
R-O-G-U-E
R-O-G-U-E
R-O-G-U-E
R-O-G-U-E
R-O-G-U-E
EEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

(OOC: You could have simply alerted me of a typohraphical error. In this case, you decide to bait. Now please delete the baiting post, or I will be forced to report it to the moderation team. Thank you.)

OOC: Hey, the President of Allemande may not like the Shah (although his opponent in the coming election does, interestingly enough), and I may think you're over the top, but I have to admire your swagger and brains.

(Actually, I like El Caudillo, too. Not IC'ly, mind you, but - as my puppet [The King of the Red Temple] likes to say, he keeps life interesting. And boy, does he rattle people's chains!!!)

OOC: Thank you. I think you have some of the best writing I have seen in II, but the fact you aren't a large nation seems to mean people don't easily recognize that. Sure, Parthia doesn't like Democracy and brainwashes people to believe its just dictatorship of people who kill their predacessor and then takes their place, but we always IClyrespect those who respect us.

What should I change to make myself less over the top.

OOC: Thank you. I think you have some of the best writing I have seen in II, but the fact you aren't a large nation seems to mean people don't easily recognize that. Sure, Parthia doesn't like Democracy and brainwashes people to believe its just dictatorship of people who kill their predacessor and then takes their place, but we always IClyrespect those who respect us.

What should I change to make myself less over the top.Nada, meu amigo! It is the essence of your charm! ;)

OOC: Oops, that was (one of) my evil twin(s) talking ... :D