NationStates Jolt Archive

Imperial Palace, Naboo

The sky was filled with the dark clouds produced by the industry. Radioisotopes, chemical waste, a variety of rather toxic strains of DNA, encapsuled in protein hulls, filled the air.

Millions every day. It would be billions, once the year was over. Emperor Jar Jar Binks looked upon the vast army he had created. His army of Jar Jar clones.

His day was about to come.

Moving his fat, sweating body (Yes, becoming emperor and having servants doing everything for you tends to ruin one's diet) to look upon the clones that had already been finished, knowing that the biogenetic facilities would produce hundreds of thousands of clones, every day, to enter his army, made him happy. Incredibly happy.

He jerked the chain of the poor excuse of a human being next to him. "Mesa say yousa die now!"

The human looked up, scared, as Jar Jar cackled maniacally, pulling the struggling human, a jedi, closer to himself, and, accompanied by the thunderous laughter of his clones, bit the jedi's head off.

Blood dripped from his mouth to the ground, he chuckled. "That's just one of many. Just one..."

In orbit, the ships were waiting. Big, powerful, mighty constructions of death, of despair and utter devastation. Built with the blood and tears of enslaved humans. Created to destroy the menace that was the force-using species.

"MESA FUTURE IS HOURS! RISE, MY CLONES! RISE AND THE GALAXY WILL BE HOURS! Errr... OURS!"

Said it and toppled from his seat. After all, no amount of emotion-effecting chemicals could save the typically horrible limb-coordination of his species.

The clones screamed with pleasure, mimicking Emperor Jar Jar's mistake, the earthquake created by about a hundred million clones tripping over their own feet, falling and, on occasion, suffering rather severe bruises, breaking bones or pulverising skulls downing a nearby town, crushing human slaves under its ruins.

A great crusade was about to begin.

OOC: Funny, and a tad disturbing. Good work so far.

OMFG! What New Dornalia said..... Jar Jar Clones!?! (The universe is ending as George's worst SW creation is cloned into an army!)

OOC: I don't even WANT to imagine who Jar Jar had to sleep with to pull this off....or what he did to make millions of himself.

IC

"We in Tanthan have a saying about such matters, "To not underestimate stupid things in large numbers, even stupid things together can be smart."! For the sake of our minds and purity of our girls....we must DESTROY them! The most annoying thing in the universe has begun replicating itself at an unmatched speed! We must stop the stupidity before it consumes us all!" yells the general, seeing a massive amount of stupid and sensless, not to mention ugly clones coming towards the camera, "Oh dear god....are they all picking their noses and singing, "Mesa gonna die no!" GIVE ME THE DAMN CANNON! I'll do it myself!"

Stupidity appears contagious.....

Naboo

"Mesa Victory!" The hordes stormed forward, their heavy basters ripping through their bodies, the landscape, random buildings and the occasional opponent, splattering internal organs, brains (Tiny ones), tissue & skin through the air and against walls and trees.

Sure, Jar Jar clones weren't particularly efficient soldiers, but the sheer mass of them was more than sufficient to make up for it.

The crusade began.

Space, Naboo Orbit

Emperor Jar Jar Binks entered the bridge of the Gigastardestroyer Mesa Star Strapon, watching the crew engaging in a variety of games ranging from building badly thought-out paper flyers to more adult 'Where's little Jar Jar? Oh, THERE'S litte Jar Jar! Big Jar Jar! Mesa sure be super happy fun time!' games.

"Mesa Emperor! Wanna join mesa fun games? My big Jar Jar is mesa happy to see you!"

"... No. Just get us out of mesa orbit. TO WAR!"

Reluctantly, the crew obeyed, and ramming a nearby Not as Gigastardestroyer (The Mesa Erectile Tissue), leaving a mess of a few million tons of debris in orbit of Naboo to rain down over the next few millenia, the Gigastardestroyer, as well as a good amount of Not as Gigastardestroyers, Only Megastardestroyers and Not even Kilostardestroyers set course to a world of their choosing, losing only a dozen or so vessels due to somewhat phallic collisions (Jar Jar Clones engaged in adult games weren't particularly good pilots), their engines, powered with the force essence of long dead Jedi & Sith, releasing excessive energies to power the ships, burning a few thousand Jar Jar clones trapped in the engines (God alone knew what they had been doing there).

The galaxy would burn.

OOC: TAGGED. This is very disturbing, yet hilarious at the same time.

OOC: Oh no attack of the Jar Jar clones.. the end of the galaxy has come...
TAG

FINE, I'll tag it already!

*goes back to sipping beer*

((OC- Um... tag... *off somewhere busting a gut* ))

Now this is the most disturbing and just plain disgusting thing I have seen on these forums so far. I love it. TAG.

~ Romandeos.

O.O my lord...its like a train wreck...you wanna look away but you cant...the poor people...Soo scary im gunna have nightmares now AAHHHHHH..oh and tag

.Tag.

Haha, I love it!...more to come hopefully?

OOC: Oh COME ON! You didn't need to give them guns!

The best way to employ them is just to unleash them unarmed into a population. Then they would have made the heads of 99.9% of their opponents implode with sheer stupidity.

Still, very disturbing.

OOC: Tag O_o

"MESA VICTORY!"

The Gigastardestroyers, Not as Gigastardestroyers, Only Megastardestroyers and Not even Kilosardestroyers exited hyperspace. Most of them had arrived, only a few Not even Kilostardestroyers had been lost as they crashed into novoe and other such nuisances during the transition.

But now they were here.

'Here'. It was a good question. Nobody had any idea where 'here' was, and the astrometric cartograph was busy with his 'Litte Jar Jar? BIG JAR JAR!' game, so information was hard to get.

"MESA SHIT! Mesa wanna know where we are!" growled, screamed Emperor Jar Jar Binks. The Jar Jars around him erupted in laughter. "Mesa wanna know where we are! Mesa we are! Mesaare! Mesare!"

They where at the edge of the system. Not a single Jar Jar clone (Much less Emperor Jar Jar Binks) got the idea to check for EM radiation that could hint at possible civilisation, enemies, targets, ships, whatever. None searched for ions, nor for anything else.

"MESATTACK!" Screamed Emperor Jar Jar Binks.

"MESATTACK!" Screamed his clones.

And the ships moved closer.

Naboo

The Jar Jar clone saw the camera team and waved, unfortunately holding his plasma torch next to the spacesuit of one of his fellow co-workers, burning a hole through it.

Said (Unlucky) second clone turned around, watching a small trait of blood freezing in front of his eyes while the momentum forced him around the station, waving helplessly, vanishing in the depths of space.

The station, or rather, shipyard, was fantastic to look at. Millions upon millions of Jar Jar clones working on the station, thousands upon thousands of kilometres of sheer Mesaness.

Something big was about to be prepared. Of course, given the Jar Jar Clone's general level of ineptitude, it would most likely take a while to finish it...

Back on board of the Gigastardestroyer Mesa Star Strapon, Emperor Jar Jar Binks proved that the name Star Strapon had a reason, which his frontclone proved with his constant 'MESA!' screams.

Soon, he would scream for a few other reasons, too.

(OOC: Tahahahahahagged)

In orbit over Naboo

http://www.kingwoodclc.net/home/showcaseoldfiles/londonoratory/star%20wars/links_files/death%20star%203.jpg

"Grand Moff Tarkin, sir, we've moved out of light speed and our targetting systems are now fixed on the planet Naboo."

"Very well. Captain, you may fire when ready."

Suddenly, Darth Vader entered the room. "Stop what you are doing. This is the Emperor's homeworld."

"Lord Vader, the Gungans are mobilizing under a crazed clone of Jar Jar Binks. We don't want their scum running about the galaxy now... eh..." Tarkin put his hand over his throat, and opened his mouth wide, as if choking.

Vader stood nearby. "We will not test this battlestation on Naboo. Set a course for Aldaraan."

Tarkin stopped choking, and gasped for air. He breathed heavily, and was barely able to make out, "Yes, Lord Vader."

An Imperial officer walked up. "Lord Vader, an ambassador has come from the Gungans. He seeks an audiance with you."

The Gungan, following the officer, said, "Hello Dartha Vader! Mesa Bar Bar Jinks, and mesa de ambassador for Emperor Jar Jar Binks. Mesa gonna yackidy yack yack to you til you decide not to blow up Na... Help! Mesa... choking..." He put his hand over his throat, and tried to gasp for air, but to no avail. He was dead on the floor within seconds.

Lord Vader turned to an Imperial Navy officer. "That was quite possibly the most annoying creature I have ever seen. I want that planet Naboo blown to bits in five minutes."

"But, Lord Vader, the fleet has moved into hyperspace bound for Aldar... argh..." He fell to the floor dead in an instant.