NationStates Jolt Archive

A Steel Nightly News (SNN) Report

“Hello, and welcome to SNN. I'm Dick Jones and it is an astonishing night here in the Orion Sector, as Emperor Dave Bivens has just unleashed his "PWND EARTH POLICY" with horrific efficiency. Across the Earth, all seven or so of them actually, massive starships are destroying government facilities, underground secret bases, military stockpiles, and family pets. For more on this, we take you to John Katart, on location. John?”

“Thank you, Dick. I’m standing here on Earth III, where like the other identical planets, massive destruction ensues. The starships, each consisting of equipment that takes up to five posts to fully describe, as is the custom in International Incidents, blanket the Earths from the sun, casting a sort of eternal darkness only lit by the fire of the scorched nations below. We are told by various military personnel that the Emperor himself intends to finish this massacre soon, before the nations he’s attacking have any chance to respond…another tradition in the International Incidents forum.”

“John you talk of this International Incidents forum…would you care to explain to our viewers what it consists of?”

“Frankly Dick, the International Incidents forum is an enigma in itself. It is comprised of many different types of peop…er…nations all fighting amongst each other for a common cause.”

“Wait…John…did you say fighting amongst each other for a common cause?”

“Yes, Dick, I did. There are many types of nations existing within the International Incidents forum. For instance, there are the tech-whores, the people more interested on the diameter of the 3453498th bolt on their carrier than the content of their story. These people often verbally assault those who don’t lay out every aspect of their nation in specific statistical detail. These national leaders are often pale from spending too much time poking at their calculator, and were losers in high school…leaders who think pointless knowledge is the key to excellent storytelling. Next there are the reality nazi’s, nations and leaders who write stories so real, that they have absolutely no value to them and are not interesting in the least. So jealous of they are of those who’s stories aren’t firmly trapped in reality, that they often lash out at anything with a semblance of excitement or originality.”

“It’s a sad day, John. I for one am glad that the Emperor chose this move.”

“As am I, Dick. The third inhabitant of the International Incidents forum is far more horrible than even the previous two. This type of nation speaks in a hideous code known only as 1337, roughly translated as “leet.” Even their name is in code, as they are known across the multi-verse as n00bs. These national leaders often lack the intelligence needed to form complete thoughts and transfer them into words, and as a result, their stories make little sense if they are even attempted. Wait…what is this…it seems we have breaking news! Earth VI has just been destroyed, blown to pieces by the UBER CANNON OF DOOM just thought of, planned out, constructed, and put into service yesterday! I know my tax dollars are going where I want them now!”

“But isn’t there anything good in International Incidents, John?”

“……”

“John?”

“…yes, Dick, there is some good in the unshaved and disease-ridden vagina of NationStates, the International Incidents forum. It is unfortunate really, for these nations almost become guilty by association. Nations such as Automagfreek, for example, firmly in place on Earth I, the last stronghold of the II Army, are unfortunately lobbed together with the others, just because of the forum they chose to take part in. It makes me glad, Dick, that we chose to exist in the NationStates forum. Praise the Emperor for that one!”

“Well, John, with only the original Earth remaining, it appears as if the PWND EARTH POLICY has been completely effective.”

“Yes, Dick, I couldn’t agree more. By the time I’m done rambling on about absolutely nothing is this spoken paragraph, it should be…wait…what is this…oh good. Steel Butterfly just landed 1,000,000,000,000 marines on the planet, massacred it, and then escaped before blowing it to space dust. That’s it for me. I’m John Katart, SNN.”

“…Now lets check in with Bubba for the five-day forecast. Bubba?”

interesting, very

interesting, very

You probably haven't been here long enough to understand...

there are also whiners who nag about other peoples RP's all day and just tend to annoy everyone these people could never possibly leave ns though as that would mean a JOB :eek:

there are also whiners who nag about other peoples RP's all day and just tend to annoy everyone these people could never possibly leave ns though as that would mean a JOB :eek:

lol if you mean me you're unfortunately for you, wrong. A poli-sci/pre-law student, I have an internship at a rather nice-sized law firm, a job selling shoes and athletic apparel at finish line, play baseball still, and I used to play football in HS. On top of that I sing in musicals and have had a few lead roles.

[QUOTE=Steel Butterfly]a job selling shoesQUOTE]

lol how embarrassing and yet you want to be a lawyer wow now you do have something to complain about

lol how embarrassing and yet you want to be a lawyer wow now you do have something to complain about

OOC: Why should he be ashamed of making money?

a job selling shoes

lol how embarrassing and yet you want to be a lawyer wow now you do have something to complain about

You can't even make a quote right...

Anyhow...making money for college is never embarrassing...

Lawyer is just a fancy word that means getting paid big dollars for spouting bullshit in court and get away with it. Talking big about studying to become a lawyer doesn't impress me. And shoesalesman? HAH! What do you want to become? Al Bundy who studied law? Lollers

OOC: Why should he be ashamed of making money?

:confused: he's a shoe salesman

Lawyer is just a fancy word that means getting paid big dollars for spouting bullshit in court and get away with it. Talking big about studying to become a lawyer doesn't impress me. And shoesalesman? HAH! What do you want to become? Al Bundy who studied law? Lollers

Ok...so you're ripping on me for going to be rich someday? Are you serious?

Lawyer is just a fancy word that means getting paid big dollars for spouting bullshit in court and get away with it. Talking big about studying to become a lawyer doesn't impress me. And shoesalesman? HAH! What do you want to become? Al Bundy who studied law? Lollers

OOC: And what do you do for a living Guff?

:confused: he's a shoe salesman

And what do you do for a living Ctp?

:confused: he's a shoe salesman

http://www.finishline.com/

I can think of about a million more things that would be worse that selling shoes. In fact, selling shoes is hardly bad.

:confused: he's a shoe salesman
What do you expect him to get through college with? Magical faeries?

Lol...this is a new one for me...

My parody threads don't normally get me insulted for working in college

Ok...so you're ripping on me for going to be rich someday? Are you serious?I'm ripping at you because you're a law studying shoesalesman. It's plain hilarious. The part about laywers is just added to ridiculize the profession. Who cares about you becoming rich.

Lol...this is a new one for me...

My parody threads don't normally get me insulted for working in college
LOLOL ONLY N00BS SELL SHOEZ LOLS GET REAL JOB.

http://www.finishline.com/

I can think of about a million more things that would be worse that selling shoes. In fact, selling shoes is hardly bad.


I can think of about a million more things that would be than that selling shoes

(I am a fire fighter)

I'm ripping at you because you're a law studying shoesalesman. It's plain hilarious. The part about laywers is just added to ridiculize the profession. Who cares about you becoming rich.

I must be missing something...

How that's funny is beyond me. I'm going to college and working at finishline to help pay for it.

If I can piece together the charred remains of that sentence, CTP...

Uh. Yeah. Jobs aren't for glory. It's called money.

I think it would be sort of difficult for a college student to be a firefighter or something similar.

What do you expect him to get through college with? Magical faeries?

be a waiter the pay is awesome in some restaurants (especially if the tips good)

I can think of about a million more things that would be than that selling shoes

(I am a fire fighter)Working at Wendy's or something whatever. Anyway, the job of selling shoes is just funny. Especially when a man sells women shoes.

If I can piece together the charred remains of that sentence, CTP...

Uh. Yeah. Jobs aren't for glory. It's called money.

I think it would be sort of difficult for a college student to be a firefighter or something similar.

you asked what I do now

jobs are for glory it is most of your life that is at work after all

do you get really overweight women coming in asking for shoes that they won't fit in and then do you have to put them on

OOC: And what do you do for a living Guff?
?

?Some off set printing, managing of digital printers and helping customers. I work in a printing office. It pays well, it's not really dirty work and I'm working with both my hands and my head.

Some off set printing, managing of digital printers and helping customers. I work in a printing office. It pays well, it's not really dirty work and I'm working with both my hands and my head.

I worked in reprographics (same stuff as you're doing, except with construction documents) for a year and a half. I don't ever want to do that again....

bump...and how about the actual point of this thread, please?

The actual point..hmm...I think that you are trying to reignite an old fire and bring up an old issue wich has been dormant for a while (at least on the suface). To many newer players, this is not understood. So, why restart an old dispute? Just my $0.02.

Though it was a hilarious post. ;)

"Sir, they're bombarding our government facilities! We're gonna lose!"

"Oh no! I don't want to lose, Lieutenant! This f*ckin' sucks!"

"What should we do?"

"I say we send out our uber armies with exactly 1,389,593,932,003,343,105 evil clone warriors with our uber M-4692942 rifles to go out and kill each one of them!"

"Sir, how are we gonna get 1,389,593,932,003,343,105 evil clone warriors up there? And how are we gonna resupply them?"

"They don't need to be resupplied. They're cloned so that they don't need food, and their guns have unlimited ammo. And they can teleport wherever we want them. It's not like we're gonna have to launch a bunch of support ships and shit."

"But sir, isn't that godmodding? That's grounds to get ignored!"

"Then we'll whine and flame until they admit that they lose!"

"What if they whine and flame back?"

"Then we'll ignore them!"

"Sir, what if we just RPed well, sent up a reasonable fleet with ships that don't need to be described with 5 long posts of technical data, and engaged them, took losses, resupplied them, lose if we have to, and above all make it a good and memorable story that will set an example for all to follow, so that RP in the II forum gets better, little by little?"

"Lieutenant, I'm ignoring you." He took out an ignore pistol, and shot the Lieutenant in the head.

There we go bonstock! That's more like it!

As for Yafor 2, you claim it's an old issue? Look around, my friend. I'm not just making this stuff up.

As for Yafor 2, you claim it's an old issue? Look around, my friend. I'm not just making this stuff up.

Actually I claim it's an issue that many of the newer generation don't know about so it is an old issue..on the surface. I'm a pacifist; let the older generation battle it out, while the newer don't know. Newer II, that is.

Of course, I just like to argue for no reason. So that might just be the explanation for this. No need to make a thread as funny as this so serious, eh?

Actually I claim it's an issue that many of the newer generation don't know about so it is an old issue..on the surface. I'm a pacifist; let the older generation battle it out, while the newer don't know. Newer II, that is.

Of course, I just like to argue for no reason. So that might just be the explanation for this. No need to make a thread as funny as this so serious, eh?

Lol...someone else made it serious when they made fun of me for working at finish line...jk

All parody is rooted in truth, regardless of how funny it is. There is no "battle" really, what's considered good RP doesn't change from one site to the next, or even one forum to the next. There is only truth.

My nation seems to be doing pretty fine for a place that was utterly annhiliated. Anywho, I understand what you are getting at, and well, reality ain't perfect.

(OOC: gyaaah all the really funny stuff has already been done, oki i'll try)

"Captain where are you?"
"I'm invisible!"
"oh, and what about the ar-"
"there also invisible!"
"err and the-"
"invisible!"
"even-"
"yep, in-frikkin-vissible!"
"so where's our nation?"
"oh that's also invisible!"
"and the planet?"
"yeah that too!"
"so, umm anywho, there's an enemy on the way!"
"oh, that's ok were invisible!"
"but sir just cos were-"
"ah ah ah, invisible!"

(OOC: i'm done)

(OOC: gyaaah all the really funny stuff has already been done, oki i'll try)

That's what I originally wanted here...so far only two people have done this

That's what I originally wanted here...so far only two people have done this

three people, including myself

My nation seems to be doing pretty fine for a place that was utterly annhiliated.

nuh uh! All your base belong to us! I PWND j00!

;)

Pretty funny, but comes off as a bit OMG I R T3H PROVOKE U and self-superior.

lol if you mean me you're unfortunately for you, wrong. A poli-sci/pre-law student, I have an internship at a rather nice-sized law firm, a job selling shoes and athletic apparel at finish line, play baseball still, and I used to play football in HS. On top of that I sing in musicals and have had a few lead roles.

I mean that's just unbearably smug, right there.

nuh uh! All your base belong to us! I PWND j00!

;)

Well you forgot, I'm not a Earth only nation! OMGOMGOGMOGM! I HAVE 4000 HOJILLION PLANETS (a order of magnitude above a slutillion) UNDER M CONTROL WITH LIAKE 400 DEATHSTSRA PROTECTIONG each! H!

OOC: As a Something Awful Forum Goon, I have experience in replicating the worst of the worst n00b threads.

Pretty funny, but comes off as a bit OMG I R T3H PROVOKE U and self-superior.

I mean that's just unbearably smug, right there.

Superiority isn't always imagined...

and that second part wasn't meant to be smug. the guy called me a loser and implied that I do nothing except nationstates. I showed how I do ALOT of things other than NationStates.

Captain: "i'm bored, johnson go send the army to the nearest BIG enemy!"
Johnson: "but sir, don't you remember, we're all trapped in Limbo!"
Captain: "no we're not we'r- OMFG we ARE in limbo, Johnson when did this happen?
Johnson: "last week, when we declared war on the world!"
Captain: "oh! Crap!"
Johnson: "yep"
Captain: "well declare war on the biggest country anyway, hey we might just win!"

Noob: YOUR INSANE! I DECLARE WAR ON YOU!
Vivi: Huh?! You sure you want to do that?
Noob: My money will build me an army bigger then yours and I will smash you!
Vivi: I have assassins.....i can use them
Noob: OMFG GODMODDING ASSASSINS! IGNORE IGNORE! I TELEPORT AWAY!
Vivi: Uhm...ok..abandoning your planet?
Noob: Ya....I don't need it, the people were pawns!
Vivi: OK *re-terra-forms it*, Thanks!
Noob: OMFG! MONSTER! INSANE! VAMPIRE! He blew up my planet!
Noob #2: OMG! Meanie! I declare war on you! I'ma tell my l33t buds now!
Noob: Our power level combined might be enough to overpower him!
Vivi: Wha...DBZ?
Noob 3: OMG GODMODDER! GODMODDER! He has a weapon bigger then my ego!
Noob: OMG lets kill him!
Noob 2: My ninjas of death are killing you now!
Vivi: Oh **** this....I am out of here...
Noob: We win! Our power level was higher!
Noob 2: Girlie man! We win, what now huh?
Noob 3: Ya! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Vivi: Whatever....I'd win so easily it'd be call noobacide...
Noob: Ha! Sure!
(Noobs continue to praise and inflate ego's until they explode....)

Some n00bs can be talked into being (relatively) reasonable. Case in point: http://s11.invisionfree.com/NS_World_Wars/index.php?

I've managed to avoid 01048080293812-man armies in the first war. The OMG SPACEFLEETS in the (just starting) second one have at least some sort of explanation behind them. And gigantic, overblown battles, while not necessarily good RP, are still fun- a number of games and movies have made their money based on that fact. As long as there's a little realism enforced, and people don't IGNORE right and left, it works. It's not high art, but it's fun.

Still, that was very, very funny. A nice thing to see when I log on. ;)

Still, that was very, very funny. A nice thing to see when I log on. ;)

Thank you :D

Captain: *stretches*
Johnson: "so err..."
Captain: "yep"
Johnson: "erm do we even have an army?"
Captain: "good question, lemme check the n00bt0p14 1337 f4c7800k!"
Johnson: "so..."
Captain: "huh, turn's out we don't even have a factbook, or a map, or a country!"
Johnson: "you're shitting me right?"
Captain: "no shit! Ah well, we can still declare war!"

I worked in reprographics (same stuff as you're doing, except with construction documents) for a year and a half. I don't ever want to do that again....Well, when my printers are constantly jamming and the paper flow is obstructed by a tiny snippet it can piss me off, but overall it's a great thing to fill my days. I have nice colleagues, we make anti-feminist jokes all the time and so on. Typical all-male branch.

Woo, I can see the headlines now.

OMG IMMORTAL UBAR DBZ GOD-NINJA-PIRATE-CYBORG DECLARES WAR ON UN!

Typical NSer. You wonder why the stereotype goes about NSers being elitists... :rolleyes:

Because we are?

Okay, in all seriousness this is how many NSers veiw II. I agree that it might be a little distasteful in its presentation, and a tad harsh, but guess what, it's SATIRE.

Seriously, NS is quite exclusive, and we need to tone it down a couple notches. I think what many NSers are afraid of is that the IIers who post things like "I DECLARE WAR ON WORLD (angryface)" will swamp the Character Centered RPs. I will say that posting it in II maybe wasn't the brightest idea you've ever had Steel. And it does really edge on flame/flamebait. But it's really a compendium of all the crap that every one says about every one else over IRC/MSN/AOL, and says in the heated debate of RPs gone wrong. It's no worse than going to Flamewarriors and remarking "You are like...."

If you don't like it, grow a skin. If you are feeling affected by what Steel is saying, it's probably true. You probably are a realism wanker, or a one googleplex army owner, or a OMG I BLAST WORLD player, and ya know what, changing might be a good thing. People are probably saying this behind your back anyways in TGs or in chat channels (I should know!) and you just don't hear it.

So, my final reveiw (Out of ten)

Taste: 2
Honnesty: 10
Accuracy: No comment
Tact: 0
Overall: 3

Oh, and Steel, please keep it to one forum. I now get to repost this in NS too.

Taste: 2
Honnesty: 10
Accuracy: No comment
Tact: 0
Overall: 3Spelling: 0.

Go back to NS. Fast.

Woo, I can see the headlines now.

OMG IMMORTAL UBAR DBZ GOD-NINJA-PIRATE-CYBORG DECLARES WAR ON UN!

Oh god not again!? I got told by a 5 mil nation to that my army is weak and small...when counting droids to his MT nation....my droids are twice as numerous and DEFINATELY smarter then the entire government.

Oh ya...this was a nation on his first post to...

Originally Posted by Lucasovakia
A Lucas Periodical article excerpt from earlier today
--
Chancellor Lucas to Help 'End Communism'
--
"There shall be no red left standing" was Chancellor Lucas's opening statement at the press meeting held at The International Briefing Center (TIBC) in the center of Lentura City today. The Chancellor also noted "Any enemy of freedom shall fall". Public Relation Committee advised the Chancellor to not speak on the war to end communism, and Lucas had silently agreed to do so. At the very moment, however, is when the Chancellor was briefed on the current situation involving the execution of several diplomats from Lucasovakia in a Neo-Communist group in the South Pacific, saying to "Cleans the Democratic way by letting their blood run free into the ocean." The Chancellor made no comment about this issue. Instead, he made sure anyone wearing a red shirt and looked like Stalin was taken out back and executed...(SP)
--


OOC: OK this is uncalled for really. A user who has 0 power and no known RP talent or anything KNOWN about the topic at hand decides the first post is to End Communism, thus hijacking a thread and distracting a key arguement by posting conflicting types of government and creating a hypocracy!

1. You cannot declare a war for OOC reasons or have the tie to it, there is nothing to have a reason for it. Its like declaring a war on everyone 30+ or who lives in a certain area! Governments may conflict, but the first thing is diplomacy and not WAR THIS and BITCH THAT or NUKE THIS!

2. You have nothing to fight a war with or any way to supply this. Unless you just magically pull an army out of your countries people with no training or research.

3. Your ending of communism infact CREATES the traits of a communist government!
__________________

Btw...his response to number 2 was:
--------------
Lucasovakia is internationally known for its magicians. We can pull anything out of my hat. Didn't you do any back checking? What are you going to do? Virtually crush my nation?

Seriously, If you think I'm that stupid, disregard my messege completely. Doesn't take long to be mature.
------------

Omg ROFLAMOLMAOMMNHAJAJJAJAJFJHAJHJHAHAHHAHAH AHHAHHAHHKDHEOIEHHIUWHUIH! *cough* HAHAHAHAHAHHA!

edit: Oh ya...he started to be reasonable for his third post...whatever works I guess.

Spelling: 0.

Go back to NS. Fast.

So sue me for not using a spell check. Too lazy to open up Winword on a computer that doesn't even /have/ Winword to begin with. And usualy, attacking spelling is considered a sign that you have run out of intelligent arguments and are forced to resort to attacks against character to try and prove your argument.

Now, if this were a cross exam, an attack against character might help you. But seeing as this is not a cross ex, nor is this even a trial, so sue me.

(...)

Oh. My. God.

ROTFL. That is some messed up stuff.

Oh. My. God.

ROTFL. That is some messed up stuff.

Do a user search, you can see for yourself that he has only 3 posts and its exactly the same as I listed. A wonderful way to begin a NS career, huh?

"A Lucas Periodical article excerpt from earlier today", this was in his first post....and unless post 0 counts as a post, it doesn't exist, and doesn't show in the listings :P

bump

bumpIs it absolutely necessary to bump this garbage?

Maybe we could keep this to mocking bad RPers in general, not making fun of specific people? :/

Captain: "hey Johnson look at this!"
Johnson: "yessir?"
Captain: "do you like it? It's called the 1337 M3g4 PwN2 C4nN0n!"
Johnson: "wow, how much did it cost?"
Captain: "Cost?!"
Johnson: "it cost nothing?"
Captain: "what the hell is cost?"
Johnson: *sighs* "nevermind!"

Is it absolutely necessary to bump this garbage?

Is it necessary to troll my threads?

Yes I bumped this thread. I've done nothing wrong, why keep it hidden? Besides, Fris said knock off the bickering.

Maybe we could keep this to mocking bad RPers in general, not making fun of specific people? :/

Do whatever makes you happy.

OOC: I'll join in, but I'm not very experienced. I played D&D a few times, if that helps...

"We're being bombed."
"Oh, really? And?"
"Well, I thought you might be interested."
"Oh, believe me, I am."
"So why are you still playing Counter-Strike?"
*hits F10 and closes game* "I'm not."
"Oh-kay... so what should we do?"
"Let's hide a few million people in the bomb shelter."
"About that... it's being bombed, too."
"Really? I thought it was supposed to be impervious to bombs."
"Sorry."
"Well, tell everyone to get duct tape and hide under their desks while I make up some more bull."
"Yes, sir."

Fred: I need my newspaper. Where's the stupid dog? Lassie? Go get the paper you bitch.
*Lassie is lying on floor, zapped by a giant super-uber laser beam*
Fred: Damnit, the bitch is dead. Where's the other bitch? Johny!
Johny: Yeah dad?
Fred: Go get the paper.
*Johny gets the paper, which is on fire*
*Johny brings the newspaper to Fred and burns and dies*
Fred: Must be a hot headline. Where's my coffee. Laura?
*Laura, Fred's wife, is dead on the floor, head blown off by an antimatter cannon*
Fred: God damnit, the only thing that pulls its own weight around here is my god-damned truck.
*Watches as his pickup is incinerated by phaser fire*
Fred: It figures.

I'd like to display for the sake of the mods how this works. It works well. Don't strike me down because a few people can't take a joke.

Grey House, Dowland City
Grand Republic of Skinny87

President Martin had been going through yet another pile of reports when he heard a faint rumbling. Presuming it to be a storm, he ignored it, and began reading a rather dry report on Agriculture figures for the Republic and its Colonies overseas. It was only when the rumbling began to grow ever-louder and faint screams could be heard through the thick glass windows that Xavier looked up from the report, turned his armour-plated chair around and stared through the window.

The entire city was in flames; people were running, screaming in masses throughout the streets and past the Grey House whilst impossibly large spaceships fired randomly at buildings and concentrations of people, turning them into a tiny, fine grey dust.

Xavier sighed lightly. AnotherN00b attack upon the city. He tapped his feet patiently until an aide came running in from the Outer Offices. Xavier held up a hand. 'Begin Operation Apocalypse. At once.' The aide nodded, and turned back to the offices to relay the command.


Above the Republic, several hundred miles above, to be exact, in the airless and cold arena of space, the operation was unfolded. Huge Laser arrays, codenamed I.G.N.O.R.E cannons, or Impossibly Giant Nuclear Origami Reaction Emitters, powered up, unfolded, and targeted the spacevessels bombarding the Republic. Firing a concentrated beam of light from each emitter, shaped like various Origami figures, the vessels simply...disappeared. They had been IGNORE'd.

Omfg, this is so funny, i'm literally pissing my pants with laughter. But, SB, you missed those people that write really well and are flawless, perfect in everyway, the best roleplayer and writer combined, such as yourself; your technical prowess and your writing skills are sheerly amazing and I am disgusted at those making fun of you.

Fo' sure.

For shame. Even Bzarkdale's post was better than yours.

I stopped reading halfway through page 4.

1. It's not only boring, but also sickening to see this kind of ego-beating go on for 60 posts.

2. I mainly play in II, but on my occasional forays into NS, I really can't see any difference in roleplaying ability. Don't bother telling me I'd have to see it over a longer course of time. I'm pretty sure if I did that I'd run into the same elitism I'm seeing here. Frankly this is bad for roleplaying.

3. The original post was funny. However, since you were motivated by hate and elitism, this thread just produced more of it. Good job.

A Steel Nightly News (SNN) Report

“Hello, and welcome to SNN. I'm Dick Jones and it is an astonishing night here in the Orion Sector, as Emperor Dave Bivens has just unleashed his "PWND EARTH POLICY" with horrific efficiency. Across the Earth, all seven or so of them actually, massive starships are destroying government facilities, underground secret bases, military stockpiles, and family pets. For more on this, we take you to John Katart, on location. John?”

“Thank you, Dick. I’m standing here on Earth III, where like the other identical planets, massive destruction ensues. The starships, each consisting of equipment that takes up to five posts to fully describe, as is the custom in International Incidents, blanket the Earths from the sun, casting a sort of eternal darkness only lit by the fire of the scorched nations below. We are told by various military personnel that the Emperor himself intends to finish this massacre soon, before the nations he’s attacking have any chance to respond…another tradition in the International Incidents forum.”

“John you talk of this International Incidents forum…would you care to explain to our viewers what it consists of?”

“Frankly Dick, the International Incidents forum is an enigma in itself. It is comprised of many different types of peop…er…nations all fighting amongst each other for a common cause.”

“Wait…John…did you say fighting amongst each other for a common cause?”

“Yes, Dick, I did. There are many types of nations existing within the International Incidents forum. For instance, there are the tech-whores, the people more interested on the diameter of the 3453498th bolt on their carrier than the content of their story. These people often verbally assault those who don’t lay out every aspect of their nation in specific statistical detail. These national leaders are often pale from spending too much time poking at their calculator, and were losers in high school…leaders who think pointless knowledge is the key to excellent storytelling. Next there are the reality nazi’s, nations and leaders who write stories so real, that they have absolutely no value to them and are not interesting in the least. So jealous of they are of those who’s stories aren’t firmly trapped in reality, that they often lash out at anything with a semblance of excitement or originality.”

“It’s a sad day, John. I for one am glad that the Emperor chose this move.”

“As am I, Dick. The third inhabitant of the International Incidents forum is far more horrible than even the previous two. This type of nation speaks in a hideous code known only as 1337, roughly translated as “leet.” Even their name is in code, as they are known across the multi-verse as n00bs. These national leaders often lack the intelligence needed to form complete thoughts and transfer them into words, and as a result, their stories make little sense if they are even attempted. Wait…what is this…it seems we have breaking news! Earth VI has just been destroyed, blown to pieces by the UBER CANNON OF DOOM just thought of, planned out, constructed, and put into service yesterday! I know my tax dollars are going where I want them now!”

“But isn’t there anything good in International Incidents, John?”

“……”

“John?”

“…yes, Dick, there is some good in the unshaved and disease-ridden vagina of NationStates, the International Incidents forum. It is unfortunate really, for these nations almost become guilty by association. Nations such as Automagfreek, for example, firmly in place on Earth I, the last stronghold of the II Army, are unfortunately lobbed together with the others, just because of the forum they chose to take part in. It makes me glad, Dick, that we chose to exist in the NationStates forum. Praise the Emperor for that one!”

“Well, John, with only the original Earth remaining, it appears as if the PWND EARTH POLICY has been completely effective.”

“Yes, Dick, I couldn’t agree more. By the time I’m done rambling on about absolutely nothing is this spoken paragraph, it should be…wait…what is this…oh good. Steel Butterfly just landed 1,000,000,000,000 marines on the planet, massacred it, and then escaped before blowing it to space dust. That’s it for me. I’m John Katart, SNN.”

“…Now lets check in with Bubba for the five-day forecast. Bubba?”
Classic, hilarious, and slightly odd.

“…yes, Dick, there is some good in the unshaved and disease-ridden vagina of NationStates, the International Incidents forum.”
Ah that has to be the best line to describe the state of II. This si why I opperate on both NS and II.
Anyways SB you are one funny bastard. Please do something like this again soon

In A.D 2101 war was the beginning....

Captain: What happen?
Mechanic: Someone set us up the bomb!
Operator: We get signal!
Captain: What?
Operator: Main screen turn on.
Captain: Its you!
Cats: How are you gentlemen?
Cats: All your base are belong to us!
Cats: You are on the way to destruction.
Captain: What you say!
Cats: You have no chance to survive, make your time.
Cats: HA HA HA HA.....

((Reminds of the bad spelling, godmodding people.))

In all out seriousness this thread made my day. Glad the n00bs disappear after 2 threads.

So let me get this straight..SB makes a witty and accurate thread about what is WRONG with International Incidents and a bunch of n00blits come on and 'OMFGLOL i am so not lik taht ur a n0b SB i wil pwn u haha lawyer 4' etc flame him. You're only proving him right and butchering my beloved language! DOES THIS NOT OCCUR TO YOU? [/rawr]

Yes I am guilty of spending a majority of my time in International I, but still, SB has alot of good points.

In A.D 2101 war was the beginning....

Captain: What happen?
Mechanic: Someone set us up the bomb!
Operator: We get signal!
Captain: What?
Operator: Main screen turn on.
Captain: Its you!
Cats: How are you gentlemen?
Cats: All your base are belong to us!
Cats: You are on the way to destruction.
Captain: What you say!
Cats: You have no chance to survive, make your time.
Cats: HA HA HA HA.....

((Reminds of the bad spelling, godmodding people.))

On a related note, what the HELL does an old Zwing quote have to do with this? O___o

On a related note, what the HELL does an old Zwing quote have to do with this? O___o

Essentially....nothing.....I thought it might be interesting to put in there, and see if anyone knew what it was.

Essentially....nothing.....I thought it might be interesting to put in there, and see if anyone knew what it was.

How can anyone miss such a classic line? It was really popular in the 90s to for awhile, its kinda hard TO miss. :P

The Executive Office

"Mr. President!" Said some random person guy.

"Ja." Said Mr. Hattensberg, who is the President and isn't Sergei Ilyanov.

"Some random space Empire is attacking II."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Oooh... well luckily most of our assets are on the NS forum so we're good."

"Most, Mr. President?"

"Sergei's plush collection."

"Oh dear..."

AHAHAHAHH

"NUUUUU! Meh PLUSHIES!" he screams! "I R da l33t PRES! YO! I s3nd Meh ROFLMAOLOMOFO BOMBERS! Your gonna burn in my nuclear hell noob! I R UBER!"
------------

A SDI system blows up all the nukes and planes that the noob thought was real...and even if they were real, there is only a .6% chance of one hitting the ground through the advanced SDI grid of Space to Ground Defensive Network.

"AHAHHAh...GODMODDER! MY NUKES EXPLODE AND KILL YOU NOW!"

... do you realize who Sergei is?!

... do you realize who Sergei is?!
X_X Yes I know who sergei is, from your factbook. Was just trying to be funny. Sorry if you got mad. :(

1 53ND 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
nl_lK35 47 Y0l_l! 1 4M T3H 8357! 1 PWN3d 4LL 0F Y0l_l! 1 4M Yl_l R M4S73R! U R D34D!

:sniper: :mp5: :sniper: :mp5: :cool: :cool: :gundge:

Attacks all nations with 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 Ub3r soldiers 4rm3d with UB3r 5p00ns 0f d3ath! 3very0n3 di3s! I PW3ND all of l_l!

OOC: HAHA! God, Steel, that's hilarious.

THen again, it's true.... :(

X_X Yes I know who sergei is, from your factbook. Was just trying to be funny. Sorry if you got mad. :(

Oh you actually read the factbook? I should give you something... anyway, no worries. I just don't like it when people control my own characters, something of a pet peeve.