NationStates Jolt Archive

we are immigrans from mars who were outcast by our conservative redneck leaders from south mars.we come with an extened hand of friendship to all nations but be warned we are armed with weapons beyond your compirhension and not afraid to uyse them.We would just like to be welcomed as any other nation would we are open to trade and wish you good will. :)

Message from a Random Burocrat:

The Holy empire does not care about your technology. We only want peace throughout the NS Earth.

always the same with foriegners..............

we are immigrans from mars who were outcast by our conservative redneck leaders from south mars.we come with an extened hand of friendship to all nations but be warned we are armed with weapons beyond your compirhension and not afraid to uyse them.We would just like to be welcomed as any other nation would we are open to trade and wish you good will. :)

Out of character (meaning I am talking as myself, not as my nation): Welcome to Nation States.

First off, what are these weapons? How did you make/get them? You really have to be more specific on that point; and frankly, a threat to deploy WMDs in a message of goodwill ruins the message.

Second of all, try to use proper grammar. I cannot emphasize this enough.

Third, well......are you a Modern Tech (20th Century to nowadays) or Future Tech (like Star Wars, Robotech, Gundam, Star Trek) nation?

ooc: this is actually not a bad stab at a quality post, but to improve consider the following;
-no threats
-no claims of superiority
-more detail (as in how you got here, were you suffering on Mars etc)
-set it out like a letter
-either re-read it or paste the thing into Word for a spelling/grammar check

i like it because;
-brief background
-inventive story
-you attempt peace
-no war declaring
-no text/number/1337 speak
-no use of excessive smilies

but overall other nations are too big and/or busy to pay attention to you.
i would also advise RPing your martians deciding to set off for earth, and then flying here.

importantly, you cannot simply appear on earth. almost every nation has extensive space capabilities, and the chance of anything making it through undetected is slim to nothing.

overall, fantasic by newb standards but still severely lacking.