NationStates Jolt Archive


Among the Gallows Three (War of the Gahlan Heritage Scrolls)

Camel Eaters
16-06-2005, 06:47
OOC: This is not family oriented material.

It was an outrage! It was ungodly! It was a loogie in the face and a kick in the nuts to every single good hard-working man on the face of this earth. It was a tax on porn and other unsavory savories. Booze! Smut! Pot! Tax it all they said! The government taxed it all. Guns! Pills! Fire Alarms in the shape of naked women! Tax it all they said! The government taxed it all. Man this fuckin sucks fuckin nuts. Those were the words used by the generation hardest hit to summarize it. Those were the words on the lips of every sixteen year old boy who could get a job, pay for porn, pay to get pissed off his ass, and most of all pay for that wonderful, wonderful weed of heaven.

In the small, pathetically small, town of Junta, Mexico, Camel Eaters a man named McPherson stood up one day and put down his overpriced porn. He stood up and he put down his expensive alcohol. He stood up.

He roared and ranted and dropped his kilt to moon the authorities. McPherson was going to make his own porn! He was going to make his own booze! He was gonna grow his own weed and use it to make his own clothes! McPherson got caught. He got caught and executed when he ended up stabbing an officer in the eye with a screwdriver when they started to confiscate his stuff. McPherson's corpse hung in the breeze at the gallows of Daggafjord Abbey in the next town over.

Among the swinging gallows and corpses set some boys. They were regular boys. Able to quote their family history here and there all day but goddamn they just wanted to sit down and play some videogames. They were new. They were original. They were bored.

The green sheen of Haggis's short well-cropped Roman styled hair set against his features as the other boys stayed a bit further from the swinging corpses. They were friends all of them. Known each other for awhile. They'd known McPherson and had come here for his muchly short-lived wake.

A debate was broiling over though........

"Wha should we do?"

With all sincerity and philosophical light Haggis nodded sagely and responded in short order.

"We should blow sumting the fuck up."

The other boys were quick to agree before passing around another whiskey from McPherson's secret stash. MacIntyre stood and staggered a bit forward towards the oldest and by far the most rotted gallow. He swung a small sword he kept on his personage at all times and he struck down that old maggoty noose! He struck it down and he struck it down good. Taking it he raised it towards the hanging body of McPherson, whom Haggis was sitting under, and then plopped down on his own neck in a playful manner.

Johnny Jumped-Up, his real name is Morris and if you tell anyone he's gonna fuckin skin you alive, all bleary-eyed from the tears........or the pot shook his large unwieldy mane and said.

"Even tiv we blow sumting da fuck up," at this juncture he made a loud KABLOOSH!!!! sound and moved his hands all around in quick motions, "we still won't change no fuckin tax laws."

Everyone mulled this over before Jimmy Three-Fists started laughing and stood.

"Yae ken that if we found the Gahlan Scrolls then we'd could yae know find out which'un of us are descended. Then we could solve da fuckin tax laws!"

The boys were quick to agree. This was a fucking wonderful idea. Now all they needed was a name. That's when MacIntyre noticed that McPherson still had a boner. Even after death. He pointed it out and everyone laughed at that. Then Haggis perked up.

"Yae ken that my cousin works over at a hospital in Doolin. She says that they see cadavers with stiffys all da damned time! They call 'em Angel Lusters. I figerrs that'd be a good name for oos."

The boys mulled this over. And that's how the Angel Lusters, the Seekers of the Gahlan Heritage Scrolls, came to walk this Earth......

OOC: More to come later.
Camel Eaters
16-06-2005, 16:39
OOC: Still not family oriented.

"Markus Oleander de Roma. We've found him operating with a clandestine pseudo-militia. We strongly feel that what we have seen from him is nowhere near his full abilities. Recommendation. Let him keep doing what he's doing."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the early morning groans of overworked farmers hit the mountains and reverberated like deep trenches of sound across the plains of Daggafjord and it struck the church bell. Thundering forth with a loud sharp peal of uninterruptable sound.

"OW! Motherfucker! Fuckin ell you goddamned bell! I fuckin kill you!" Johnny-Jumped Up staggered from the bell he'd been sleeping next to and cursed while he did it. The Angel Lusters had come to this church to sleep it off. Most of them were either homeless or their parents had kicked them out and made them go get a job. MacIntyre stood, belched, and then sat back down with his jilted vision from the bell going off with him inside.

Haggis had decided to sleep among the pews. Getting up now his foot slammed into a stack of Bibles. "Ah!" He withdrew his foot and shook his head at the blearyness of waking up. There looked to be something like a reflecting pool at the front of the church. Probably the Baptismal. Ah well. Haggis scratched his scaly shirt and frowned. He needed a bath or something. That's when it hit him. A reflecting pool full of water! After stripping of his garments he lowered himself into the cold cold water. "Well this sucks." He got up and looked around for a heater or soap or something.

Turns out the church had showers. The boys took full advantage of this. They turned the water on full blast and turned up the heat. They used the Baptismal to wash their clothes. Turns out some food and communion wine was found. So the boys ate and drank and showered and even got some cleaner clothes.

"Maybe God daes exist." None of the boys realize who said it but as one they thought. Finally a resounding voice came from all of them.

"Naw."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BOOM! FLASH! FIVEDOLLAMELOVEYOULONGTIME! Those are the sounds that are supposed to accompany a general coming to a land. Instead it was more of a dull whine as the Humvee he was riding in took him to see his cousin, Morris Pax de Roma. He jostled back and forth as it stopped in front of what looked to be a derelict church. Markus Oleander de Roma rose from the vehicle and peered inside for a moment. When he turned the Humvee was surrounded by five boys and what looked to be a slap-hazard of bums and dogs. The driver that had brought Markus here was frightened to near death.

The Markus recognized his cousin. "Morris, leave my man alone." The other boys looked about but Morris grinned sheepishly and walked over to Markus. He got close and whispered all haughty and angry-like.

"These guys know me as Johnny-Jumped Up. Aight?" He walked back over and waved his hands for a moment calling them all off the suddenly more manly driver.

Markus stepped forward and cleared his throat. "Looks to me you boys have started a gang or summit."

The boys shrugged, nodded, and grinned before scratching their heads and looking at Markus.

"So who're eh?"

"Morris's cousin. Oh sorry you know him as Johnny-Jumped Up."

OOC: More to come.