NationStates Jolt Archive

It was a sunny day on the farm land the cattle grazed and all the farmers were busy at there work. the was one farmer on the outer rim of the farm lands, as he was finishing cutting the corn he looked up and saw millions and millions of white soldiers marching straight for him. the farmer got up and ran straight for his house. As the clone solders marched through the fields on the far side of the farming fields was thousands of rebel soldiers and mercs (mercenaries) and warriors rams (specialize tank).As the rebel army was perparing for battle a missle came flying in and hit the center of the rebel camp. thousands of bodies filled the land and as the remaning rebels regrouped millions of clone soldier came rushing at them. the rebels were being slaugthed.Only 20 or 30 rebels made it out of the battle alive.As the battle ended the clones were still on the march to wipe out the remaning rebel and any other force that was in there path.

What did u think? PLEASE REPLY and tell me if it was good or not? And if I need to fix anything.

Emperor Aaron the 1st of Aaronice

OCC: Very Good. You a good thread starter. A few problems: Why is the history of the nation, why rebels rebelled, motivations.

((It needs work... good first try at a post, at least it is longer then most normal posts by those who dont like putting a lot of detail in them. I would slow the action down a lot more, describe the situation leading up to, during, and the fallout of the battle.))

((Also: run spell check.))