NationStates Jolt Archive

So, your sitting at home one day and somebody rings your doorbell.
You get up, walk over, and open the door.
Lo and behold, its your Cousin Floyd, who owes you money, talks long and hard on such subjects as The Art of Toilet Cleaning (he's a plumber), and his family.
Six hours later you wave goodbye to Floyd as he heads off to the Kwik Mart with ten of your dollars to get some chips.
Six weeks later you wave goodbye as Floyd leaves with a few thosand of your dollars for a new buisness scheme.

Now, none of this would have happened if you had a Troll.
http://www.pagiserver.cz/store/ender/Cave%20troll%203.jpg
Trolls are a large semi-sentient species that inhabit the wilds of Blood Moon. They are big (average eight to ten feet tall, and can weight up to a thosand pounds), aggressive and (if properly cared for) insanely loyal to their masters.
There are several sub-varietes suitable for various enviroments, these will be detailed later on.
Be warned, Trolls are a big responsibility. They eat huge amounts of food, can be very dangerous if roused and we wont even go in to what they do if they see a laser dot.
However, what is this in the face of a loving pet who will insnatly crush anybody you tell it to?

Some features common to all Trolls:
High level of intelligence:
Most trolls are about as intelligent as a normal Gorilla. They have some tool using capabilities but dont comprehend machines.
Increadibly Strong:
A troll can lift almost its own body weight with little training. If properly cared for and trained they can lift even more. They can pull very large amounts as well. We wont go into smashing capabillity
Hungry:
Trolls eat quite alot of food. They have a pretty high metabolism in order to maintain their phsyique. They are mostly carniverous but will eat plant matter if nothing else is avalible.
Tough Hide and Strong Bones:
Troll hide is thicker than a Rhinos and twice as strong. Various experiments have shown that anything short of a .5 calibur anti-tank round at close range isnt going to do much other than irritate them. They do have a number of joints and weak points, but in the face of a charging troll these are hard to hit.
Mammels:
All trolls are warm blooded and have hair. They bear live young and all that.

There are four types of trolls native to Blood Moon:
Swamp Trolls:
The smallest and easiest to care for. They require a high level of humidity to remain comfortable though, and smell rather bad. They tend to be from six to seven feet tall and weigh about five hundred pounds.
Relativly intelligent and not very aggressive. Females are poisonous during and just after mating season. Dont ask.
Waste Trolls:
The second largest variety, these are the trolls that inhabit the Wastelands of Blood Moon. They are also (on average) the dumbest and most agressive. They can, if pressed, uproot middling sized trees and throw them some distance. Best to avoid unless your experienced.
Mountain Trolls:
The most famous and largest sort. These are the ten foot tall types that eat small children...well, they eat anything but for some reason theyre famous for eating small children.
They are average aside from their size.
Ice Trolls (Yeti):
Quite possibly the most dangerous type of trolls. They are fairly average in size, but they have a thick coat of fur and VERY sharp teeth. If well trained they make great transport though.
(NOTE: Yeti's will not be sold for the purpose of removing their feet. If you wish to purchase yeti feet a special contract can be arranged for predeseaced yeti-feet.)
Price includes transport and 1 weeks worth of food.

'Raw' Troll: $1,500
Trained Troll: $5,500
Troll Pair: $2,500

(OOC:
more if I think of it)

Prices:

Ah... I... er.... uhm....

:eek:

Greetings from the Sharina Technocracy.

We would be interested in acquiring several trolls for trials, and to determine whether trolls will be productive members of the Sharina Technocracy. If the trolls are deemed efficient or noteworthy creatures, then we would be pleased to order thousands or more.

Currently, we are interested in several pairs of each type of troll if possible. Please inform us how many trolls you would be willing to provide for trials. Thank you.

Live long and prosper.
~President Mina Veristek

Vastiva already has an infestation of polar bears.

We could get some trolls to get rid of the bears...

Who - or what - would get rid of the trolls?

Blood Moon Goblins
Since the trading of live goods does not allow for 'production rights' we wish for a sample of the Ice Trolls DNA.

Concremo

We are interested in purchasing a mixed squad of these trolls to see if they would work as shocktroops. Are they trainable to use large waepons?

What would the cost be for a trained breeding pair?

Vastiva:
Yes?...

Sharina:
As many as you like, although it may take up to two years to fulfill particularly large orderes (IE: +100)


Vastiva:
Provided you dont have a large population of trolls they will die out on their own. They breed rather slowly.

Concremo:
Perhaps. Whats in it for us?

Colorado and Texas:
Trolls dont have much of a concept of military. In combat they tend to attack everything nearby. If you gave them a projectile weapon they would use it as a club.
They CAN be used as beasts of burde though.

Theao:
~$10,000 per pair.

We are interested in purchasing a mixed squad of these trolls to see if they would work as shocktroops. Are they trainable to use large waepons?

Seeing trolls would shock the hell out of me.... particularly trolls with bodyarmor and large clubs.

We wish to purchase a breeding pair, one pair of each type. Upon confermation of the order 20,000$ will be send. When we receive the trolls we shall send the remaining 20,000$ We would also be interested in purchasing/hiring a number of trainers.

Can these things be transported by being held in a concealed area on a destroyer?

If so, the RMV Bradley will be by to pick up 10 yetis...

Can these things be transported by being held in a concealed area on a destroyer?

If so, the RMV Stryker will be by to pick up 10 yetis...

"Captain, SONAR reports tens of thousands of bangs.... three hundred nautical miles out..."
"Ah. Someone has a breeding pair of yetis on a tin can."


:D

We would be intrested in five mated pairs of each breed. Thank you.

:p

I honestly don't know what we'll do if they get out of hand... the only thing we have onboard that could deal with them would be a main battle tank...

If they get out of hand, we'll have to airdrop them into the ocean and take then out with the 5in. guns!

We would like to purchase five males and one female of the swamp type.

Theao, McKagan, Warhaven and C&T, your orders are confirmed.

McKagan...no. Trolls do not come in stealth.

you will get you funds when our ship arives to take our shipment.

Our destroyer, RMV Bradley is just off your coast now. Will it harm them if we use traniulizers on them for the transport? Also, will a Seahawk helicopter be able to life a yeti?

Warhaven's trolls disappeared with a green glow, thanks to telepotation technology. In their place, one million$ appeared. Enough to cover the bill and leave a tip.

How much will the trainers cost to buy/hire?

Vastiva:
Yes?...

Sharina:
As many as you like, although it may take up to two years to fulfill particularly large orderes (IE: +100)


Vastiva:
Provided you dont have a large population of trolls they will die out on their own. They breed rather slowly.

Concremo:
Perhaps. Whats in it for us?

Colorado and Texas:
Trolls dont have much of a concept of military. In combat they tend to attack everything nearby. If you gave them a projectile weapon they would use it as a club.
They CAN be used as beasts of burde though.

Theao:
~$10,000 per pair.

OOC: BMG, you know trolls throw axes, it's part of what they do, assuming your based on warcraft or any of the other various RTS games.

Theao, McKagan, Warhaven and C&T, your orders are confirmed.

McKagan...no. Trolls do not come in stealth.

Troll.... Stealth....

To a troll, "stealthy" means not killing everything enroute... just most of it.

*the UCT Kobald a modified transport ship said steadly towards land*
"what are we picking up that requires these troops capin?"asked the first mate
"no clue shush for they here ya speak"

the parliment of gelfland has authorised the purchase of six mountain trolls to test the feasibility of including such creature in our military, money to be wired upon confirmation.

C&T: The ships should arrive in a few days, were going to have to charge you extra since you arent picking them up.

McKagan:
Trolls have a similar phsyiology to Goblins, so if you have something that works on Goblins it should work on trolls.
However, we think that large iron chains work best, its sort of traditional.

Vastiva:
Trolls have no concept of the world 'stealth', or the word 'concept' for that matter.

Gelfland:
Very well, but as we said, dont try using them for anything but close-in fighting, and dont give them projectile weapons.

OOC:
Mini, why would I use a picture of a Tolkienesque troll if I wanted to base them on Warcraft troll?
Anyway, like I said, theyre not sentient beings. They have a few mental faculties that enable them to do things like uproot trees and use them as clubs, but not much beyond that. If you gave one an ax, it would hit things with it, and wouldnt bother using the bit with the blade on it.

C&T: The ships should arrive in a few days, were going to have to charge you extra since you arent picking them up.

McKagan:
Trolls have a similar phsyiology to Goblins, so if you have something that works on Goblins it should work on trolls.
However, we think that large iron chains work best, its sort of traditional.

Vastiva:
Trolls have no concept of the world 'stealth', or the word 'concept' for that matter.

Gelfland:
Very well, but as we said, dont try using them for anything but close-in fighting, and dont give them projectile weapons.

OOC:
Mini, why would I use a picture of a Tolkienesque troll if I wanted to base them on Warcraft troll?
Anyway, like I said, theyre not sentient beings. They have a few mental faculties that enable them to do things like uproot trees and use them as clubs, but not much beyond that. If you gave one an ax, it would hit things with it, and wouldnt bother using the bit with the blade on it.

OOC: I couldn't get the picture to load, which is why I asked.

We would like 10 pairs of mountain trolls please. And could you train them to mate more often? If not then the regular trained will do. Money will be handed over when we pick up the trolls. One of our ships will come and take them.

1 trained swamp troll. Will pay when it arrives if it doesnt arrive then: :sniper: :mp5: :upyours:

Sadly trolls will not mate outside the set 'season' which differs for each species (rather annoying).
The trolls are ready for pickup.

10 trained mountain trolls, 5 male 5 female. Will pay when it arrives if it doesnt arrive then: :sniper: :mp5: :upyours:

10 trained mountain trolls, 5 male 5 female. Will pay when it arrives if it doesnt arrive then: :sniper: :mp5: :upyours:

OOC: BMG, I found one of your exports... :rolleyes:

Blood Goblin, I represent a large corporation that would be interested in purchasing the Blood Moon itself, (to add to our collection of 23 other planets that turn out around 87 billion a year through mining, weapons production e.t.c.). The Vespeterium Corporation is prepared to offer 100 billion dollars for the moon, though we will be prepared to higher our bid if need be.

Now that the trolls are aboard the Bradley, I can talk of our intentions.

Y'see, we have a base, somewhat like Area 51. People that go there and brave the extreme cold to take pictures usually don't come back. As of late, our troops aren't as fond of going out in the snow, as they would rather stay inside and play the PS2. Well... now we have another security force.

Blood Goblin, I represent a large corporation that would be interested in purchasing the Blood Moon itself, (to add to our collection of 23 other planets that turn out around 87 billion a year through mining, weapons production e.t.c.). The Vespeterium Corporation is prepared to offer 100 billion dollars for the moon, though we will be prepared to higher our bid if need be.

OOC: wow, you cannot possibly afford that, I have a thriving economy and I don't have 100 billion lying around like that, even your size wouldn't make up that 100 billion, maybe 2 or 3 but not 100.

Now that the trolls are aboard the Bradley, I can talk of our intentions.

Y'see, we have a base, somewhat like Area 51. People that go there and brave the extreme cold to take pictures usually don't come back. As of late, our troops aren't as fond of going out in the snow, as they would rather stay inside and play the PS2. Well... now we have another security force.

*waits for the trolls to eat the bottom of the ship*

Blood Goblin, I represent a large corporation that would be interested in purchasing the Blood Moon itself, (to add to our collection of 23 other planets that turn out around 87 billion a year through mining, weapons production e.t.c.). The Vespeterium Corporation is prepared to offer 100 billion dollars for the moon, though we will be prepared to higher our bid if need be.
1. Blood Moon is on Earth. The moon refrenced by Blood Moon is Earths moon, which once every fifty years turns completly blood red for one full night due to interesting atmosphereic effects.
The final battle to drive a bunch of nasty human slavers from the area took place on such a night.
2. You might be able to afford that much, but I doubt it.
3. No.
4. Earths Moon is already owned by about 1,000,000 other nations. Good luck.

OOC: So, um, BMG, you want your troll back or can I keep him?

Greetings once again.

We would like to place an order for 10 breeding pairs per each species, which comes up to 40 total trolls. We shall pay approximately $2 million, consider it as a generous payment for these promising troll specimen.

Please let us know when your trolls will be ready for delivery, and we shall pick them up.

Live well and prosper.
~President Mina Veristek

1. Blood Moon is on Earth. The moon refrenced by Blood Moon is Earths moon, which once every fifty years turns completly blood red for one full night due to interesting atmosphereic effects.
The final battle to drive a bunch of nasty human slavers from the area took place on such a night.
2. You might be able to afford that much, but I doubt it.
3. No.
4. Earths Moon is already owned by about 1,000,000 other nations. Good luck.

You seem to misunderstand about the Vespeterium corporation. Its owned by the exeedingly wealthy Lady Vespeterium and her three husbands. Its actually richer than the nation that it is based within. Believe me we wouldn't offer money if we couldn't afford it (yes it would put a serious dent in the income, but that would be evened out over time). Then again, if you don't actually own the Blood Moon then I'm wasting your time.
Question. If the moon is owned by around 1,000,000 other nations, then it must be held in a shareholder fashion? Is that correct? If so who are the majority shareholders (the nations with most shares in the planet, therefore the most powerful) and how much do they make out of your Troll selling business, since they must have rights to some of the income? And how much tax do they pay (if any) to the legal owners of the moon?
Also, what other good qualities does the Blood Moon have (is it spacious? You have no idea how much money the corporation makes through taxation of nations wanting to station their troops here, or build something there, or through immigrants wanting to start a new soceity).
I await your reply.
Sincerley PJY, Vice Chairman of the Vespeterium Corporation.

Sharina, your trolls are ready.

Vespeterium, you dont seem to understand.
Blood Moon refrences EARTHS moon.
Earths moon is held by FT nations, and most definitly NOT in any buisness fashion. I beleive there is almost constant fighting. Go talk to them.

Yes I was aware that it was Earth's moon, after being told the first time. However, if it isn't held in any stable business sense, rather in a colonial or military sense, then we have very little interest in this. It can only lead to one thing, a massive war.
Sincerely PJY, Vice chairman of the Vespeterium Corporation.