NationStates Jolt Archive

“Hello, and welcome back to FNN, the news service more Fatus Maxians would trust than any other news service, if there were any others. Tonight’s major headline, of course, is Abbot Tub Portly’s announcement that the nation’s only Keepers Monastery will be sending missionaries out to other nation to introduce the Keeper way of life to them.

“In a public statement, he said that Fatus Maximus has benefited immensely from being introduced to the path of the Keepers, and that to keep it to ourselves and not spread the wisdom of the Lists to others would be selfish and morally wrong. Big Friendly Fat Guy, former Abbot of the Keepers Monastery below Mt. Obeseus and the man responsible for introducing the way of the Keepers to Fatus Maximus before he was appointed Ambassador to the world, gave the missionaries his blessing and said that the Lists would lead other nations to prosperity the way they led Fatus Maximus.

“The monks departed Fatus Maximus this morning, after a ceremony outside the Monastery in which both the Abbot and Ambassador BFFG said a few words. They were seen heading west, towards the border Fatus Maximus shares with The Republic of Randomness. The Republic, who is also a nation whose citizens have embraced the path of the Keepers, has granted them safe passage, until they reach their first destination, the bordering region of the Juniper Tree. There they will preach to the first nation they arrive in, and invite the masses to experience the way of the Keeper.”

Stout Lardson pulled his hood up, shivering. His brown robe was soaked with the rain, and his breath turned to fog in the air. The water battered him and his companions as they continued onward. He hadn’t realized being a missionary required so much walking. In his long robe sleeves, he cradled the scroll he had been entrusted with by the Abbot. Each of his eleven fellow monks had been given one, to read to those who they had come to teach. Lightning flashed and thunder rolled. One of the monks behind him muttered about cats and dogs. This began a lengthy debate over which was a better pet. Stout found himself on the cat side, which a true Fatus Maxian could relate to. The debate continued good-naturedly for some time, serving to keep the monks’ minds of the dismal weather. Up ahead there was a road sign. As he passed by it, he read, “Welcome to the Commonwealth of Modern States, pop. 222 million” In the front of the line, the senior Keeper fumbled with a map that was getting soaked worse with every passing second. “All righty, then” Brother Bulbous said, attempting to fold the damp map back up, with little success. “Just a little further on this road and we should come to one of their major cities,” he told the rest of them. “Just how much is a ‘little further’”? Stout asked. “Oh, about two hundred miles,” Brother Bulbous replied cheerfully. The remaining monks groaned out load, then attempted to use their non-existent telekinetic powers to do Brother Bulbous grievous bodily harm. When that failed, as was expected, they continued their trek onward, silently vowing to check out books on psychic powers from the library when they got back home.