NationStates Jolt Archive

Welcome to Gundabad, Capitol of the Blood Moon Tribe, population seven million Goblins. Home of the Goblin Space Program, site of the Battle of Gundabad (No way!), home of King Krark, enlightened ruler of the Goblin Tribes.
Looking closer...
An average sized mall located in what can only be described as the 'Human Quarter', the bit of the mountain with windows and 10' tall tunnels, where Goblins only make up about half the population.
The Mall itself is decorated in Late Bronze Age, lots of rock and pillars. They are very nice and many of them depict Goblin heros doing horrible things to various people that they didnt like. An occasional tasteful fountain has been placed, although the high iron content of the local groundwater dies it red though, and ruins the pleasant effect.
The good thing about Gundabad was this:
No import/export laws.
A number of diverse shops crowd the central plaza, which is open to the air at the top, selling everything from cheese burgers (one of the highest selling industries in Blood Moon) to stores selling assault rifles.
People of all nationalities mix here, and few Goblins are visible, if only because everybody else is taller than them.
And then...

(OOC:
I realize this is II and we dont specilize in charecter RP's here, but this is a nice open ended 'freeform' mall-sort-of-thing, do what you want provided it doesnt involve massive violence.
Fights are fine as long as you keep it contained and dont spray random rifle rounds into crowds and so forth.
You can even have your own shop if you want, chat in the burger joint or something.
I shall return soon :))

...

"'Scuze me, security? Yes, thank you. I need somebody to remove this child from my shop, hes threatening me with a squirt gun and says hes taking over the mall. Yes, I gave him a sweetie and hes calmed down, althought the sugar might take affect any moment. Yeah, Joe's Squirtgun Emporium, Thanks."

With a recent interest by his government, a grunt named Jho was sent in for a stealthy recon of possible weapons threats or underground orginizations. The minor problem with this tactic was that "stealth" by no means meant "to blend in and not be noticed", but to the military meant "wear greyish-black armour and hope nobody notices you".

After a small amount of exploration he decided to removes his helmet, soon shielding his eyes from all light sources with his arm. "Damn," he thought, "I just can't get used to natural light after taking these freaking goggles off!" After a few seconds of being used to the light, Jho then set off for a bite to eat. All the food was very foreign and unique, although the "hamburger" looked very tasty. After eating a couple dozen (Both because it was very delectable compared to the rations, and becuse military life in Nissin leaves you with a big apetite) he then ordered a few more, storing them in his Tactical Item Storage Utility Bag ("Backpack") to show off to his friends later.

Within the time limit of this post, Jho noticed a very large securioty Goblin taking a small child with a squirt gun away, leaving more questions that just shouldn't be answered, so he just continued looking for gun shops with too big of guns.

a seemingly mature adult walks in and starts muttering exitedly under his breath."candy mehehe candy candy mehehehe must have candy with its sweet sweeeet sugar", the insane guy mutters. suddenly he smells something."that smells like...CANDY!!! the scary freak yells. suddenly hes running towrds a piece of chewed gum on the floor.

A vendor with a street cart rolled the cart along the floor while calling out, "Kroutkolash, get your Kroutkolash here."

OOC: Haha, but keep in mind that Goblins ARE a weapons threat...at least according to Samtonia :)
And the store owner was human...Goblinz sound lik dis, kyhzat*?

*lit: Do you understand the meaning of the words which I have just spoken with my mouth to you?

IC:
After a while a Goblin wearing what appeared to be a small cart on its back approached Jho and began attempting to sell him various small arms, including an 'Authentic Goblin Historical Blunderbuss w/automatic loader system'.
Meanwhile, the usual haggling of Goblin shopping takes place around the mall, with only an occasional head flying into the air, which is then quickly mopped up and people who were nearby are told that Goblin blood washes out quite easily if you put salt on it first.

The complete insanity of the random people screaming set something off in Jho.. He quickly grabbed the Blunderbuss and opened fire at the Kroutkolash vendor, taking careful aim as to not hit any other innocent bystanders.

This little stunt set off a big red light in the country of Nissin, whom in response to the Big Red Light that they worship, had more soldiers sent to the mall, whom currently have a very short ETA.

The vendor staggered but the rounds were absorbed by the BP vest, what if your around goblins and guns you need armour. The vendor grabbed a bottle of Carby cola and a pack of pop-rocks, popped the can, poured in the rocks, then shaked and threw the makeshift grenade. He then went back to the vendor's cry of "Kroutkolash, get your Kroutkolash here."

ooc: grenade is non-explosive, just vastly over carbonated

OOC:
Can we keep this just a LITTLE serious? A bit of random violence is fine, Goblins do it all the time. But pop-rock soda grenades? Please. You could have just thrown the can at him :P

At the end of the mall, their was a small alley shop selling all kinds of weapons. The little halfling standing at the counter was extremely bored, because no one ever came in.

Looking down at the cola bottle, Jho casually kicked it across the floor and back in the direction of the vendor.

At the same time, a squad of 5 oversized Nissian soldiers burst in through random windows, randomly firing into the air to get the attention of the shoppers. They did this with such enthusiasm that it was quite obvious they liked big guns and yelling loud. One of the poor idiots ran right in the path of the cola-grenade and stepped on it, causing it to prematurly explode. The effect of this caused his foot to be torn to shreds and flak from his metal boots be shot into his team mates.

Only one died from the flak, but it caused his arm to waiver and point his rifle at two of the squadmates, putting plenty of holes into them and tearing apart one of their faces. One of the new dead bodies then improperly landed on one of the standard issue pipe bombs, obliterating him and the remaining 2 squadmates. Luckily, their window stunt moved any close passerby out of the field of explosion. Unluckily, within a ten second period a whole squad was wiped out of pure stupidity, which set off a whole lot more of blinking red lights in the Nissian HQ


(OOC I think I destroyed all credibility of seriousness with this post.)

At THIS point a number of very serious Goblins in very serious armour carrying very serious assault rifles run into the Mall and arrest the vendor, Jho and the Halfling in the alley for, respectivly, assault and attempting to set off an explosive device in public, attempted murder, and lingering while being the wrong species.
They also confiscated most of the Halflings weapons stock for 'proper disposal'.

The Kroutkolash vendor wheeled his cart to the entrance of the halfling, before calling into the store, "Care to trade a weapon for a Kroutkolash?"

At THIS point a number of very serious Goblins in very serious armour carrying very serious assault rifles run into the Mall and arrest the vendor, Jho and the Halfling in the alley for, respectivly, assault and attempting to set off an explosive device in public, attempted murder, and lingering while being the wrong species.
They also confiscated most of the Halflings weapons stock for 'proper disposal'.


Jho, being of advanced training and of superior strength, decided the best course of action was to talk his way out with . "I am most sorry Officers. I was merely striken with insanity, mostly because of the drugs that were in the hamburgers I ate here. I really think you should check for contraband inside the hamburger shop!"

To the goblin cops "Could I interest you in a Kroutkolash?"

One of the very serious Goblins glares at Jho through his helmet visor.
"Dats my cousins shop. You 'cusin him 'o somfin?"
One of the other very serious Goblins takes the oppurtunity to "put the foot in" on the Halfling, having read The Hobbit and knowing what it is that Hobbits do to Goblins without any provocation.
A number of other very serious Goblins are glaring around for any signs of floating magical swords or old men in funny hats.

Field Researcher Stevens leaned back in his chair and took another bite out of his hamburger.

"Hmmm.....Callista, are we sure they're all classified as senitient?"

His lab assitant raised an eybrow as she continued to type up the status report of the expeditionary field team sent to determine a possible change in status of the goblins. "Well, the goblins are, but I'm not so sure about those others. Could we classify them as something?"

Stevens shook his head. "No....too much paperwork. Back to observing. And one question my dear. Why would mall security be armed with automatic rifles?"

"To stop the intruders armed with automatic rifles who just killed themselves?"

"Right. Love these goblin areas."

The halfling, being very nimble, slipped out of the policeman's grip and ran into the crowed.

OOC:
Goblins dont differentiate between Mall Security and High Level Govornment Super Special Forces Monarch Security, no half measures here ;)

IC:
"What da freak 'za Kroutkolash?" The Goblin sniffs at the vendors cart and wrinkles his nose, "Dont answer dat. Really."
The guard, being nimble as well, picks up an unexploded soda can and, with astonishing accuracy, hurls it at the halflings head.

Jho, in a bright flash of intellegence, pointed directly at a black wall and shouted "Hey look, there a blank wall!" Taking that moment, in either case of the goblins looking or not, to run the opposite direction as fast as humanly possible.

All the way over in the Goblin Area of the mall, another squad was crawling it's way through the tiny passageway, all yelling profanity because of HQ's failing to understand the importance of giving the correct area of where trouble is.

his droid, a robo spider 698, came out of his shop and rondevoued with his master. They slipped into an air vent and ran away, just as planned.

Unfourtunatly for Jho, this entailed running throug the Kroutkolash cart which was currently being (rather hesitantly) inspected by one of the security officers.
Meanwhile the aformentioned weapons vendor sildes up to the researchers from Samtonia and begins attempting to sell them things.

as he crawled through the vent, a sudden burst of flames totaly burned him and his ronot alive
ooc: g2g bye

that insane guy after biting into the gum and licking the floor spotted a candy store. he walks in but realizes he has no money he decides to rob the place. he then drew a pistol and pointed it at the shop keeper."give me your money,you gummy worms, all the sour candy you got, maybe a lollipop or 2, and 5 gallons, no 10 gallons of cherry cola, and dont forget a few peppermint sticks".

Stevens was simply ignoring the vendor, but the younger members of the team were nowhere near that level of sophistication.

"I say Jim, look at this! It's a blunderbuss with automatic firing!"

"Right! I personally like the flechette launcher concealed inside the umbrella."

"How about te artillery piece he's made into his cart? That's functional."

Field Researcher Stevens decided enough was certainly enough for the time being, however. "All right boys, buy it or leave it. It's work time."

Purchases were quickly enacted- and the Samtonians were one automatic blunderbuss richer.

Jho, being in fairly heavy armour, crushed the cart by falling on it. In respect for his country, he put on his helmet. He attempted getting up, but it was far too arkward because of the aformentiong cart being wrapped around him.

The shopkeeper in question, a middle-aged female Goblin (although male and female Goblins look and sound exactly alike to anybody observing them in public) retrieved a blunderbuss from beneath the counter and pointed it at the mans face.
"How 'bout joo back outta here very slowly? Dat might be a good move, and l give joo a peppermint if ya do it quicklike."

The vendor smilied happily as he counted out the money the Samtonians had givin him, he then sidled (as always) up to the insane man currently standing off with the candy store owner and attempted to sell him some heavier weapons.

Jhos efforts to stand were further encumbered by a six Goblin security team dogpiling him and attempting to bite his gflrkh*.

*lit: Left index finger

The vendor seeing his cart crumple, pressed a button causing it to spring back into shape, sending Jho flying back, "So's you want some Kroutkolash?"

after a successful hold up that insane wierdo was munching on sour dead goblins he heard kroutkolash. jumping he sped towards the sound."me want kroutkolash",the guy shouted.

OOC:
Bedtime for me, got school tommorow.
Feel free to RP the Goblins, but dont kill too many and dont blow anything irriplacable up.

As Jho ws flying back, the second Assault team finally made its way into the "Warzone". One of them looked as he saw a giant peice of metal flying at high velocity at them. Or was it their team mate? In the end, it didn't matter, because the whole team was knocked unconcious. The Nissin HQ then invented 56 new shades of red.

Jho took the opportunity to hide among the unconcious bodies, in hope that with their legendary short attention span the goblins would overlook him.

The kroutkolash vendor slid back the cover reached in and pulled a massive meat stick out. "This kroutkolash, one dollar." The vendor said as he held out his hand for the money.

In the authors need to leave to eat dinner, Jho eventually crawled out a window and into the original squads dropship, flying back to the Nissian Islands and informing the HQ that a small cola and pop rocks began the whole problem which ended in 4 KIAs and 6 MIAs.

The government soon banned cola and pop rocks out of national security, and later began teaching the soldiers on how to defend yourself from and how to disarm bombs made from such material.

"me not 1 stick of kroutkolash, me want moore",the guy says and promplty pulls out 300 dollars.

The vendor takes the money and pulls out the kroutkolashes, "Here's you'se kroutkolash."

the guy opens up wide and eats in a blur of meaty colour. in half a second even yhe sticks are gone. then he starts poking the vender and passes out for no apparent reason.

tag

Three Slivers enter the mall. Three diffrent breeds, one synapse, for intelligence, one Plated, for defensive purposes, and one Reactor, to enhace the other two's abilities. They Slither around looking for a weapons dealer. They look at the mess going on, and shake their heads collectively in disapointment. The Synapse spotted the Goblin Vendor trying to sell weapons to everybody. It was then and there that the Slivers discovered that Goblins looked delicious. Not wanting to start an incident though, they slithered over to the vendor, licked their scaly reptilian lips while they surrounded him, and hissed:
"What'cha got?"

ooc: you talking to my vendor?

OOC: No, your selling Kaukolash. I'm intrested in weapons.

after waking upo the insane freak after eating so much sugar went seriously insane."free guns", the wierd idiot shouted. then he threw rocket launchers, pistold, shotguns, and many other kinds of weapons at random. where they came from no one will ever know. i doubt that insane guy would remember either what with all the chocolate liquers he ate. sugar is sugar. he abids by that rule strictly. none of the guns had their safety of so many went off and shot people in the legs.

It had begun with a small idea and a small budget.

The storefront itself was at the far end of the mall - in the low rent part of the food court.

This sort of idea would never have flown in Vastiva - not with its food preferences, not with the subtle snobbery, not with the "refined tastes"...

You see, Joe liked to make cheeseburgers. He was very good at it - very, very good at it to hear his friends talk. His wife was a decent waitress by Vastivan standards - not a "great" waitress, but a passable one.

They had applied for a loan to build, not a restaurant, just a greasy spoon, a little hole in the wall to call their own and mop out nightly.

The bank manager had to be removed from the premises by EMTs – he’d laughed himself sick. Literally.

Still, they persevered - and for three years, got nowhere, managed nothing. But then, by quirk of fate and a crust of errant bread, the leadership of their nation changed, new rules appeared...

Daring – just barely brave enough to risk it all once again on what was there a pipe dream, they had applied for a business loan almost at the feet of the Sultan.

Amazingly enough, they'd gotten it. In full. Cash.

Joe was at the airport in nine hours flat, everything he'd owned sold or given away, his wife in tow, three in-laws waving at the plane and wondering if they’d ever see their niece again – their money they’d already written off.

But Joe, Joe was a persistent sort. Joe was a determined sort. Joe was the sort of man who woke up and made himself a cheeseburger and washed it down with an ice cold Fizzypop and went off to make cheeseburgers all day before returning home, making himself a nice hot cheeseburger for dinner and eating it with his wife in front of the telly, watching the Goblinball games and cuddling with his wife.

In short, Joe was one can short of a six-pack.

But he loved his wife. And every night, he dreamed of that little hole in the wall greasy spoon they could call their own…

Three nations turned their back. Almost out of money, almost out of their dreams – and definitely out of their minds – they took plane tickets to Blood Moon Goblins as part of the food crew, meant to feed the builders making the new arenas for Goblinball.

Two months later, Joe had walked into the office of the Gundabad Mall, plopped down a considerable sum, and walked out with a set of keys and a smile.

Two days later, the heavy, heavenly scent of cheeseburgers roiled through the mall, a small army of goblins began to show up to stuff themselves silly, and Joe’s voice echoed through the halls:

Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, fizzypop, fizzypop, fizzypop, you want fries with that? Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, extra onions – no problem, you want pickles? Chilli on your cheeseburger, we can do, just for you, tips in the jar thank you sir.

Cheeseburger, cheeseburger – only the best, thank you sir here’s one on the house, tips in the jar spit in the spittoons, cheeseburger cheeseburger fizzypop fizzypop and no we don’t serve Kroutkolash sorry, tips in the jar and I mop out nightly…

OOC:
Very good, but the way things are your shop is going to be outsold by the Krowhatever guy, ravaged by soda and destroyed by inept special agents.
Blah :P

The Slivers had no idea what in the hell a cheeseburger was. They slithered on down to the burgershop and asked:
"What is a Cheeseburger?"

OOC:
Very good, but the way things are your shop is going to be outsold by the Krowhatever guy, ravaged by soda and destroyed by inept special agents.
Blah :P

OOC: Eh.


The Slivers had no idea what in the hell a cheeseburger was. They slithered on down to the burgershop and asked:
"What is a Cheeseburger?"

"Cheeseburger? Yes, sir, here ya go." And one greasy meat and bread meal appeared on a paper plate. "You want onions? You want pickle?"

The cheeseburger seemed to divide itself into three even sections. Each Sliver tried a section. It was delicious.

"That, was, marvelous. We'll take 100,000,000,000 more to take back to Riptide and Mirroden. That, or the recipe." The synapse hissed.

The cheeseburger seemed to divide itself into three even sections. Each Sliver tried a section. It was delicious.

"That, was, marvelous. We'll take 100,000,000,000 more to take back to Riptide and Mirroden. That, or the recipe." The synapse hissed.

Joe mostly stared.

"One hundred billion?!?"

Then his brain engaged.

"Pay in advance?"

"From our bank account to yours, give us the numbers and we'll deposit the full sum of money." The Sliver hissed. Slivers never spoke regularly. Being closely related to snakes they hissed instead of spoke. A cheese burger was a delicious new concept to them. They must figure out how to make more.

"From our bank account to yours, give us the numbers and we'll deposit the full sum of money." The Sliver hissed. Slivers never spoke regularly. Being closely related to snakes they hissed instead of spoke. A cheese burger was a delicious new concept to them. They must figure out how to make more.

*shrugs, writes down a bank account number - and the sum of fifty billion USD*

"Did you want those with pickles? Or we can train a few of your people, deliver the meat, and you can have all the cheeseburgers - sorry, here you are sir, tips in the jar thank you you want fries with that? - you want." He gives another shrug. "Costs the same either way."

*Within Five seconds, 50 Billion Dollars hits the bank account, with an extra billion floating in for a Tip.*

We would most appreciate the training. And no, we do not want pickles.

OOC: I think offically, this is the biggest purchase made in the entire mall thread. Seriously though, Slivers never heard of Cheeseburgers. Their used to consuming their food raw and freshly killed.

OOC: Ever seen a grown man cry?

IC: "You got it, sir, customer is always right." He gives a bowing smile. "Close of business, we should have your meat arriving... where are we going? Sorry, sir, extra cheese extra onions, you want pickle? No, we don't have any kroutkolash, sorry, there you are sir, enjoy thank you come again..."

"You will be going to the world of Riptide. *Writes down the coordinates* We await with anticipation. Do you perhaps, need any help bringing the meat?" The synapse sliver asked. The Reactor sliver had contacted the ancestor spirits, and all of Warhaven knew what was coming. The Queen Sliver herself wondered how they were going to make one big enough for her.


OOC: Joe's that happy now, huh?

"I think I'll have to hire a ship..." :D

OOC: Second largest purchase I've ever made, and it was for cheeseburgers...

IC: We'll help you. within the hour, four of our ships will be here to transport the meat.

OOC:
Bump, cause this was moderatly entertaining :P
Ill post something ICly later. Working on me space program now ^_^