Roach-Busters
07-05-2005, 01:36
Your Guide to Roach-Busters 2005
Introduction
A trip to Roach-Busters is like a voyage to heaven. Pristine, sun-soaked beaches, lush rainforests of immeasurable beauty, restaurants serving the epitome of culinary perfection, prestigious museums, some of the world's largest shopping malls, ancient architecture, and more, all await those who travel to our beautiful country. Although the country is quite safe, visitors should observe a few guidelines:
1)Do not wear flashy jewelry or carry large sums of money with you
2)After midnight, travel in groups of 3 or greater (especially if you are a woman)
3)Children should not be left unattended in public places
4)Leave your credit cards and all other valuables in a hotel safe (if you do indeed decide to stay in one of our lovely hotels)
5)While tourists enjoy the privilege of free speech, they are advised to refrain from publicly speaking ill of the government, as Roach-Busterians are extremely patriotic and react with much hostility towards those who do not speak favorably of the government
6)Waving communist flags, wearing communist or pro-communist apparel, and/or carrying or distributing booklets, videos, leaflets, manuals, etc. that promote leftist, subversive, or excessively progressive thought is prohibited, and foreigners who violate this may be subject to heavy fines and/or possible deportation
7)Women are advised to never travel alone after dark; although RB's rape rate is virtually non-existent, the old phrase "better safe than sorry," should be kept in mind
8)'Homelands' are forbidden to visitors due to safety issues. Homelands are reservations where those who subscribe to leftist views are required to live. The denizens of these homelands suffer extreme poverty, and crime of all sorts is rampant.
Safety Evaluation by Area
Roach-Busters Homeland - Considered completely safe to visit. Crime is unheard of, roads are in excellent condition, and the weather is favorable most of the year. However, because earthquakes, monsoons, typhoons, and tsunamis occur occasionally, please be wary of weather conditions (which vary by season) and schedule your trip accordingly.
RB Africa - Thanks to the deployment of tens of thousands of police officers and military personnel, RB Africa is remarkably safe. Poverty is at an all-time low, due to the implemenation of free-market reforms. 99% of the people are vaccinated, over 95% of the people have a college-level education, and unemployment and the homeless rate are low. Most people are genuinely friendly and hospitable to travelers. There is an abundance of doctors and medicine, so on the rare occasions that one is infected with a tropical illness, a swift recovery is virtually guaranteed. However, we advise visitors not to travel to Botswana and Rhodesia, due to an ongoing insurgency led by the ultra-rightist, fundamentalist, white supremacist terrorist organization White Knights for the Liberation of Africa. Until the WKLA is completely eliminated, it is recommended that traveling to the aforesaid areas be avoid. Travel to Cote d'Ivoire is safe, though it is recommended that some rural areas be avoided, due to a low number of police and occasional muggings. Otherwise, travel to RB Africa is very safe.
RB Antarctica - As of yet, not open to tourists.
RB Asia - RB Asia's tropical climate, rich beauty, and friendly people attract millions annually. Like in RB Africa, tropical illnesses should be of no concern to you. With the exception of monsoon season, RB Asia is quite safe all year round, though you should check your weather station often, as tsunamis occur occasionally. A few warnings: Travel to Myanmar should be done only in large groups, accompanied by tour guides, and travel to the countryside should be avoided, due to drug and sex traffickers that have yet to be completely defeated by police. Travel to East Timor is safe, though one should always be wary: on rare occasions, Muslim extremists launch attacks across the Indonesian border, even against tourists.
RB Australia - Considered completely safe.
RB Europe - Considered completely safe.
RB Central America - Travel to RB Central America (Nicaragua) is relatively safe. Other than the occasional earthquake (earthquakes of great magnitude occur very rarely, once every several decades) and the occasional attack by surviving Sandinistas in the countryside (99.9% of them have been killed or apprehended), there are no dangers to worry of, and, if you are mindful of the aforesaid cautions, you should have absolutely no trouble enjoying a worry-free, safe vacation.
RB Minnesota - Considered almost completely safe. Rarely, there are blizzards in the winter, so exercise caution when traveling there during the winter months. Due to the occasional mugging, traveling alone at night is not recommended.
RB Paraguay - Considered almost completely safe. Exercise caution in rural areas: some roads are in poor condition, and may lead to injuries.
This brochure is published by the Roach-Busters Ministry of Tourism, May 6, 2005
Copyright 2005 Roach-Busters Ministry of Tourism
All rights reserved.
Introduction
A trip to Roach-Busters is like a voyage to heaven. Pristine, sun-soaked beaches, lush rainforests of immeasurable beauty, restaurants serving the epitome of culinary perfection, prestigious museums, some of the world's largest shopping malls, ancient architecture, and more, all await those who travel to our beautiful country. Although the country is quite safe, visitors should observe a few guidelines:
1)Do not wear flashy jewelry or carry large sums of money with you
2)After midnight, travel in groups of 3 or greater (especially if you are a woman)
3)Children should not be left unattended in public places
4)Leave your credit cards and all other valuables in a hotel safe (if you do indeed decide to stay in one of our lovely hotels)
5)While tourists enjoy the privilege of free speech, they are advised to refrain from publicly speaking ill of the government, as Roach-Busterians are extremely patriotic and react with much hostility towards those who do not speak favorably of the government
6)Waving communist flags, wearing communist or pro-communist apparel, and/or carrying or distributing booklets, videos, leaflets, manuals, etc. that promote leftist, subversive, or excessively progressive thought is prohibited, and foreigners who violate this may be subject to heavy fines and/or possible deportation
7)Women are advised to never travel alone after dark; although RB's rape rate is virtually non-existent, the old phrase "better safe than sorry," should be kept in mind
8)'Homelands' are forbidden to visitors due to safety issues. Homelands are reservations where those who subscribe to leftist views are required to live. The denizens of these homelands suffer extreme poverty, and crime of all sorts is rampant.
Safety Evaluation by Area
Roach-Busters Homeland - Considered completely safe to visit. Crime is unheard of, roads are in excellent condition, and the weather is favorable most of the year. However, because earthquakes, monsoons, typhoons, and tsunamis occur occasionally, please be wary of weather conditions (which vary by season) and schedule your trip accordingly.
RB Africa - Thanks to the deployment of tens of thousands of police officers and military personnel, RB Africa is remarkably safe. Poverty is at an all-time low, due to the implemenation of free-market reforms. 99% of the people are vaccinated, over 95% of the people have a college-level education, and unemployment and the homeless rate are low. Most people are genuinely friendly and hospitable to travelers. There is an abundance of doctors and medicine, so on the rare occasions that one is infected with a tropical illness, a swift recovery is virtually guaranteed. However, we advise visitors not to travel to Botswana and Rhodesia, due to an ongoing insurgency led by the ultra-rightist, fundamentalist, white supremacist terrorist organization White Knights for the Liberation of Africa. Until the WKLA is completely eliminated, it is recommended that traveling to the aforesaid areas be avoid. Travel to Cote d'Ivoire is safe, though it is recommended that some rural areas be avoided, due to a low number of police and occasional muggings. Otherwise, travel to RB Africa is very safe.
RB Antarctica - As of yet, not open to tourists.
RB Asia - RB Asia's tropical climate, rich beauty, and friendly people attract millions annually. Like in RB Africa, tropical illnesses should be of no concern to you. With the exception of monsoon season, RB Asia is quite safe all year round, though you should check your weather station often, as tsunamis occur occasionally. A few warnings: Travel to Myanmar should be done only in large groups, accompanied by tour guides, and travel to the countryside should be avoided, due to drug and sex traffickers that have yet to be completely defeated by police. Travel to East Timor is safe, though one should always be wary: on rare occasions, Muslim extremists launch attacks across the Indonesian border, even against tourists.
RB Australia - Considered completely safe.
RB Europe - Considered completely safe.
RB Central America - Travel to RB Central America (Nicaragua) is relatively safe. Other than the occasional earthquake (earthquakes of great magnitude occur very rarely, once every several decades) and the occasional attack by surviving Sandinistas in the countryside (99.9% of them have been killed or apprehended), there are no dangers to worry of, and, if you are mindful of the aforesaid cautions, you should have absolutely no trouble enjoying a worry-free, safe vacation.
RB Minnesota - Considered almost completely safe. Rarely, there are blizzards in the winter, so exercise caution when traveling there during the winter months. Due to the occasional mugging, traveling alone at night is not recommended.
RB Paraguay - Considered almost completely safe. Exercise caution in rural areas: some roads are in poor condition, and may lead to injuries.
This brochure is published by the Roach-Busters Ministry of Tourism, May 6, 2005
Copyright 2005 Roach-Busters Ministry of Tourism
All rights reserved.