NationStates Jolt Archive

Hansien had been kept in a locked cell about three floors below ground level, with food and water witheld. A tall, stone-faced interrogation official walked back and forth, his boots tapping on the cold stone floor...tap...tap...his right hand was hung over the holster of his Glock .45 as a constant reminder of who was boss.

"Tell me," he snarled.

"Go screw yourself," Hansien snapped back.

"Tell me!" he snarled again.

"Go screw yourself," Hansien said again, and sighed. He leaned back. "Look, guy, we've just repeated that five times in a row. Don't you think you need a new line there or something? Or we could just call it a draw, you know, in chess, if you -"

"Filthy bastard! I'll have your neck wrung! I'll have - "

The veins bulged out of the man's neck as he yelled. He was not quite so stone-faced anymore.

"That's better - "

A new voice cut through the yelling; a somewhat timid voice. "Uh...phone call for Mr. Hansien?"

"Mr.!" the interrogation official snarled and turned to the short, dumpy man who had delivered the message and the phone. "You call this bastard Mister!? Disgrace to the empire! If you ever so much as suggest - "

"Yessir!" the man nodded feverently.

"-Mister! - Don't you dare! - don't ... phone call?" The interrogation official snatched the cellphone from the man's trembling hands, handed it over to Hansien, and yelled into his face again. "Don't you ever dare address this slime by the title of Mister again! You hear me!?"

"Louuuuuud and clear, sir!" and with a squeak, the messenger was off.

The interrogator turned and walked back towards Hansien's cell, fuming. Presently he was calm again and listened to the conversation. Hansien was sitting up and leaning back against his pillow, legs raised up and resting on the other end of the bedstand.

"Hello? Oh, Herr Dumalar? It's a pleasure. Yes, yes, of course. I was just being interrogated by Mr....uh...Mr. Interrogator Guy here. No, no, not relenting, not at all! [chuckles] Well, I'm glad you're enjoying your new office, it looked pretty darn bad after our bombers laid waste to your capital..."

The interrogator looked incredulously at Hansien. The dethroned and detained former president of Zoogiedom - making small talk with the leader of the force that defeated him?

"...yeah. Hey! So how're things going with you and Sophie? Good, good. Now...[chuckle] I know you didn't call me up here just to chat. What's on your mind, old sport?"

The interrogator popped a vein. Old what!?

"What! No kidding! Why of course. Oh, that's nice to hear. No kidding...3 billion...Tommy ol boy, you need to be quicker on the uptake! This new bureau of statsitics of yours could use some revising, don't you think? No problem, no, not at all...oh, would you? I'd be delighted! Of course! Alright, then, see you there. Bye."

Hansien snapped the cell-phone shut and smiled brightly at the bewildered interrogator. "Well, just got a call from the Herr," he said with a giddyness that was wholly inappropriate under the circumstances. "Our population hit 3 billion some time ago - 46 millino people ago, in fact. These people..."small oversight"...oh well, better late than never, don'tcha think?"

The interrogator's muscles tensed, and his eyes were bulging from his head. "What?" he demanded, lips not moving. There was a clanging sound, and six men in uniforms marking them as the Imperial Guard arrived. They had keys.

The interrogator turned and looked at them; then at the keys, and then at them again. His jaw dropped to the floor. He could not believe this crap.

"Ah, ah, Mr. Hansien," said the lead guard cheerfully as he unlocked Hansien's cell. "Please, please, come with us. We'll escort you and take you to your possesions...oh, you don't have any? They were destroyed? Oh...pity, pity. Well, we'll furnish you with new ones then. Come right this way...come on."

Hansien followed them with equal cheerfulness. Their footsteps echoed up the stairwell, down the hall, and away.

The interrogator stared blankly after them. At long last he spoke, to nobody in particular. "Double-you. Tee. Eff!"


Hear ye, hear ye,

We regret to announce that our population hit 3 billion without our noticing. This was due to a most unfortunate error in record-keeping, one that will be remedied, rest assured, in no time. We guarantee, this shall not happen again.

As some of you know, the former President Michael Hansien has been deposed and a new Empire spawned, and that there is considerable civil war, bloodspill, you know...all that. Well, this is a notice saying that hostilities have temporarily ceased. Mr. Hansien and I are delighted to announce that a cease-fire has been instated in observance of these holidays.

A grand feast is being repared in Jaganda as we speak, in respect of the old capital and our kinsmanship. There the guests of honor will be former President Hansien, former secretary of state George Dailey, former defense secretary Brian Dredon, and former...uh...former creepy guy in the corner, what's his name? Smith. Yeah. I myself will be attending with my cabinet, and celebrations are to be held all across Zoogiedom.

So have fun, frolic, and get drunk out of your minds! We've hit three billion! W00t!

Sincerely, the undersigned
Herr Dumalar, Emperor
(signature)
Michael Hansien
(signature)



Old chaps and buddies alike,

Do come join me here in Zoogiedom for a lengthy celebration of our new population milestone. As you know, I've been in capitivity for a while and haven't had the chance to talk to you guys...miss y'all bunches. So come down and let's paaaa-aaarty!

Yours truly,
Michael Hansien

PS- Yes. Dailey WILL be there. ;)


(OOC - if you can't read between the lines...party rp!! :D)

hcgcn bvbfgdgrtedkuhkhgsdatr

It must say tag in there somewhere

Tag!

Five six seven eight!

The doors swung open with a bang at the same time the grand concert hall erupted in the jazz music from the opening scenes of Chicago. Statue-like imperial guards stood at attention, while Hansien and Dumalar walked swiftly forward to enter the scene, followed by a possy of dignified men and women.

The camera quickly shifted from this view to the even more fast-paced party scene below. Jazz band members threw themselves around flamboyantly as they played, and scantily clad, gyrating ladies walked among throes of eagerly seeking gentlemen.

And the band played on.

The camera swung back towards Hansien and Dumalar, now stopped and leaning over a balcony, level with the chandelier, peering down at the party scene twenty feet below.

"Grand, isn't it, old sport?" said Dumalar heartily, without turning.

"Oh? Yes," said Hansien, turning back from the balcony and walking slowly around, listening to the music in the background. "But it's missing...a certain...special...something."

He spun around quickly, hands inside the pockets of his gray flannel suit.

"What, old sport?"

"Well, I'll tell you," said Hansien, and broke into song. He stepped back, and stepped forth. Stepped back. Stepped forth. He started tapping his right food, and swivelling on his left. He took his right hand from his suit pocket and began snapping it to a rhythm set about by a new music from some unknown source.

"Doo do do dooooo....Doo do do doooo..." An entourage of crooning women fluttered in the background, singing idly.

A bald, black gentleman stepped forth, holding a top hat above his head and sporting a catchy smile. "Ladies and gentlemen," he boomed over the croud, speaking to the tune of a jazzy piano intro being played in the background. "We are now proud to present you...Zoogiedom's finest...Zoogiedom's own! Michael Hansien! in 'exhortation of more insanity.'"

Then - wham! - the spotlight snapped itself to Hansien, who whirled around in his position and froze in the middle of a dance pose. He started dancing and singing in a lovely voice he never had before.

"O-o-o godzilla....
O-o-o godzillaa....
[OOC: I'd make up more heeeere]
[OOC: But I don't know howwww]
O-o-o- godzilla...
Why won't you [OOC: Something something...]"

Then the music changed, and picked up suddenly. Hansien leapt into the air, struck a pose, and then jumped onto the chandelier, singing a faster tune. He jumped down to the party below and started engaging the guests, quickly moving 'cross the dance floor, dancing and singing.

(I just finished watching Chicago in Lit. class. You need that movie fresh in your mind to visualize this scene ;))

Dailey turned to Dredon and whispered, "Well, THAT was freaky."

But then a disco ball appeared in the background, and a spotlight cast down on Dredon. Dailey yelped and ran off.