NationStates Jolt Archive

In the interest of the preservation of the Goblin Kingdom, King Krark has authorized the development and subsequent production of a nuclear weapons stockpile. At present things are not going well.
(Video of a team of Goblins hitting a piece of uranium with hammers)
Fourtunatly Goblins are generaly somewhat resistant to radiation, and we were able to keep a few from dying...for now. As it is we have informed the alchemists that nuclear fission is not achieved by hitting the material very hard with a hammer. Stockpiles of explosives have been commandeered and work is beggining on a suffeciently large bomb.
(Video of Goblins swarming over a fairly large pile of lead and iron, beside them is a table stacked high with various types of proximity, contact and barometric fuses)
We estimate that the first test will take place within two or three years, if present funding continues. After that, we will have to work on our delivery system.
(Video of Goblins tinkering with an extremly well aged B-52, which is missing one of its wings. Beside it is a hastily built 'prosthetic'.)
We assure the nations of the world that our nuclear weapons and materials are being kept under the tightest possible security
(Video of Goblin guard picking his nose, on spotting the camera he snaps to attention and attempts to look ferocious, the effect is somewhat degraded by the boogie hanging out of his nose.)
We apologize, that video was not the one we intended to show. Squee! GET IN HERE NO-!
(Image of a Goblin in an Indian headress)

Tagged with all my might...good stuff...

I advice the Blood Moon Goblin nation to halt this nuclear production. Nuclear weapons only bring horror to the war and also put a strain on your economy and budget. You won't be able to spend on anything except nuclear weapons.

President Harsimran Mann
Technocratic Republic of Space Union

While much of this is true, nuclear weapons are needed to protect our national security, you are aware, of course, that many other nations possess these weapons, many of them are not entirly stable. Some of them are downright crazy.
The only thing that can stop these individuals from ordering a nuclear strike on our country in the event of a war is the threat of retaliation by similar means. We realize that this is merely the end of a long chain of nations that say this exact same thing, but we like to think of ourselves as the Good Goblins.

OOC: From the looks of it, he isn't spending much on this. This program is cheap, and very dangerous. So I am sure he can afford it. And who cares if a few goblins die.

IC:
It was another dark and cold day in The Infinite Crucible. A cold hard wind smashed hundreds of dropplets of rain against the large windows of an archaic office in an almost rythmically. The large windows did little to illuminate the room and it was unnaturally dark. Gerald Violet took note of this fact every day. He was a tall pious man with a rough face and receding hairline. Every day he wore the same suit. Black coat, white shirt, black tie, black pants. Black office, black day, black soul. Everything was black. In his hands he was flipping through a large pamphlet. This was the daily intelligence report, and he was the Lord of Forein Affairs.

He looked in disgust at the paper, "Feline catfish this, Feline catfish that, blah blah blah. Some little runt of a nation grabs a few nukes and makes a pathetic maritime claim and the world is up in arms!"

He sighed and continued to look through the report. He suddenly came to a rather small report on a nation of disgusting inhuman degenerates called Goblins. He smiled, and had a plan.

OOC:
Im spending a normal percentage on it, its just that Goblin alchemists think in terms of conventional explosives and dont see how a little ball of metal can do much.
So they really arent taking it too seriously.

OOC: Goblins have a different view on alchemy is a tad different than that of Gnomes.

IC: Watching the Goblins attempt to make a primitive fusion bomb humored the observation crew to no end, so much in fact that they missed a few of the latest developments in their favorite show "Feline Catfish do the Darndest Things".

At present things are not going well.
(Video of a team of Goblins hitting a piece of uranium with hammers)
[i]Fourtunatly Goblins are generaly somewhat resistant to radiation, and we were able to keep a few from dying...for now.
:D :D :D Really funny stuff. Good thing goblins reproduce quickly.

Not seeing the need for Nuclear weapons at present, the Queen Sliver of The Eternal Dominion of Warhaven sends her warmest regards.

The Holy Imperial Empire of Belem is willing to offer to the Goblin Clans small man portable nuclear devices known as suitcase nukes. These weapons are perfect for the small developing nation being easy to maintain and only costing 5 million dollars if you are interested in making a purchase we shall provide you with the technical data.

We thank Belem for its kind offer. We would be most pleased to obtain a device such as this for study.
Can they simply be up-sized into larger weapons, or are there differnces?

The principle for all nuclear devices is basically the same a larger bomb would have generally the same requirements but would most likely differ in some ways to accomadate the added payload. For eight million dollars we would be willing to sell you a Hiroshima sized bomb which would be more conductive for research purposes then a suitcase nuke.

Rain continued to patter at the window. The sun was pushing towards noon, but the day was only growing darker as the storm thickened. Soon the terrible dark was being broken by shattering lightning and filled with rolling thunder. This was the average day in this nation. Dr. Violet, however, payed no attention to the weather and was busy writing out an official message that was to be sent to Blood Moon Goblins. His large ashen greay fountain pen produced large and wonderful letters. Years of practice had got him this talent. After a few drafts and revisions he was done. He produced a dry smile and looked over the message one last time.

To whom it may Concern
The Great Nation of Blood Moon Goblins

It seems that you are taking the right course of action and are pursuing the development of nuclear weapons. These creations are the only hope that we superior nations have of putting our servant states in their rightful place. We feel that you are a truly grand nation and wish to aid you in the developement of these weapons. We will be willing give you some of our older nuclear weapons for free for the purpose of research. Along with this we will also be willing to have your alchemists become students of some of our nations leading nuclear scientists. However, we do wish to have the right to guard our nuclear secrets when they are within your nation. While we believe your guard force is completely capable of handling such a task, when push comes to shove it helps to have a superpower behind that small guard detachment. Should you accept your offer we will make plans to transport the nuclear arms to your nation and a guard detachment. We can also make plans to bring Alchemists to our nation. We sincerely hope that in the future we can work towards our common goals.

Lord of Xeno Affairs,
Dr. Violet

He buzzed his secretary and soon a tall but humble man entered the room and removed the notice from Dr. Violet's care. It would soon find its way to the nation of Blood Moon Goblins.

Dr. Violet stood up and walked to the window, and said under his breath, "Pathetic creatures."

Test Site #1

Already having copied Belems bomb and erected a large tower, the Alchemists were now busy at work doing what they apparently do best...fiddling.
Six were visible, no doubt more are around.
One Alchemists shirt bears the logo:
"Actually, I am a rocket alchemist"
Goblins are not renowned for their good taste.

The large tower-like structure creaks ominiously in the wind, which is always strong out here. Dust streaks by in an almost continuos stream, piling up against the feet of anybody who stands still for more than a few seconds.
The Alchemists pile into an old car and speed off into the distance.
As they arrive at the bunker system a few miles away there is a hasty arguement as to who gets to "Push the button", after which it is handed over to the Chief Alchemists son, who is the only one standing and capable of pushing a button.

The bomb explodes.

The initial flash burns the pattern of the viewing grill onto the faces of any Goblin not currently on the floor, or looking away. Thus four Goblins immidiarty drop to the floor and start screaming. Those that are not currently feeling what its like to be a waffle pick themselves up off the floor and stare out at the new-born mushroom cloud rising a number of miles away.
The Chief Alchemist stands up and scratches his head...
"Damn, dats good. I fink we coulda dun better with a couple kegs 'o gunpowder though."

OCC: My god man you have to be the funniest nation on NS that is actualy trying to be funny and not n00bish! Keep up the great work.

OOC: I applaud you! This is some great new stuff, and a real change of pace. Keep it up, BMG!
Yes, I decided to grant you your "acronym" nickname. On a cool note, it's the same as Browning Machine Gun!

ooc:OCC: My god man you have to be the funniest nation on NS that is actualy trying to be funny and not n00bish! Keep up the great work.

Wholeheartedly agreed! Keep it up!

IC:
The nation of No Endorse congradulates the nation of BMG on their acquisition of nuclear weapons, and we wish to send you some of our surplus uranium. The uranium will be sent in seperatly packaged hemispheres. These hempspheres are capable of being pressed together, with explosive results. Please do not press these together in a laboratory setting, please press them together using a remote, while you stand several hundred miles away. The material is 99.99% pure Uranium 238, and we certify it to, well, go nuclear when you need it to.

The total ammount is three pairs of hemispheres. We repeat, please do not put them together unless you're quite far away and wearing some sunglasses. They can and will glass you if you hold them together with your bare hands.

The package is en route to your location via a camel train. It will ride on a cruise ship part of the way, (even camels like luxury) and travel the rest on foot.

-John Amner, Minister of Foreign Relations, No Endorse

Why waste money on outdated nuclear weapons and establish an Orbital Ion Cannon to eliminate any possible threat to your nation, from a tank to a rival nation? The Dominion of the Draconis Federation supports your aims in protecting your nation but recommend that you invest in a less eccological destructive means.

(Open correct?)

OOC:
Thanks all :)
Im thinking about bringing my space program topic back up if I can write something up for it.

IC:
Thank you, No Endorse, we gladly accept this material. We are quite capable of providing our own, mineral rich mountains you see.
Assuredly, we know not to mess with radioative materials at this juncture, at least barhanded and without protection.
And finnaly our alchemists have begun to take the nuclear program seriously, we are hoping for some major progress in the area, which, in conjunction with our space program, may soon lead to ballistic missile capabilities.

Naturaly, the nations of the world have nothing to fear, these missiles will only be launched in defence. Most Goblins need special training in order to push the correct buttons, and are easily confused by many flashing lights. Thus accidental or intentional nuclear launches are nearly impossible.

We thank Draconis Federation as well, but must reject this offer. We have already spend a large amount of money on our nuclear and space programs in an attempt to catch up with the rest of the world. Purchasing even one of your satilites would most likely bankrupt us.

I advice the Blood Moon Goblin nation to halt this nuclear production. Nuclear weapons only bring horror to the war and also put a strain on your economy and budget. You won't be able to spend on anything except nuclear weapons.

President Harsimran Mann
Technocratic Republic of Space Union

Dude chill, they're goblins, they blow things up, it's what they do. You're not gonna be able to convince them not to, they're goblins, by definition they're mildly insane, at the minimum.

OOC: I applaud you! This is some great new stuff, and a real change of pace. Keep it up, BMG!
Yes, I decided to grant you your "acronym" nickname. On a cool note, it's the same as Browning Machine Gun!

OOC: BMG! BMG! BMG! Yay for the browning machine gun... oh and that goblin guy too, whatshisname...

Not seeing the need for Nuclear weapons at present, the Queen Sliver of The Eternal Dominion of Warhaven sends her warmest regards.

Why not a nuclear sliver, kinda messy but it'd work.

Hey this is Lt. Dimitri Rovsky I'm known as the Merchant of Menace. I work for the Leafanistan Protection Forces. I heard about this and want to sell you some info on how to make bigger bangs for your buck.

Right here I have a demonstration Thermonuclear Weapon called the "Flame of God" I believe or something like that. A working model vaporized a whole ****-load of **** ****ily. It is used to teach nuclear scientists how to build such weapons. I've also got some heavy water here for use and study. I'm not sure how all this works out but who cares? All you care about is that it makes a Hiroshima like weapon look like a Pop Rock. If you want real devastation get one of these. Lets get the dealings straight.

I'll accept cash or gold, $500,000 US or 200 lbs of gold or the equivalent. Just call up and I can have it sent via parachute from some of my pilot friends who were doing a flyover to another country. Just talk back and we'll get this deal started eh?

Why not a nuclear sliver, kinda messy but it'd work.
Actually, I do have a breed like that. Instead of uping my tech, I'm expanding my breeds. I have gone beyond the origanal M:TG Slivers. The first one off the line is known as a Reactor Sliver. A reactor Sliver holds a lot of energy in its body, up to 40 gigatons. It can be of any energy type. It can convert any one enrgy type to another within its body, providing it has stored both types for at least a week. Their favored energy store is Æther. Æther is highly radioavtive, and persists naturally on the worlds of Riptide and Mirroden, which my slivers control, as a result, they are immune to Radioactivity. When you shoot a Reactor Sliver, it doesn't die, it blows up, with the force of however much energy it has in its body. Reactor Slivers Glow with the energy stored in their bodies. The other breeds use the energy inn a Reactor Sliver to use more abilities, or at the very least, extend or heighten their original.

We thank Draconis Federation as well, but must reject this offer. We have already spend a large amount of money on our nuclear and space programs in an attempt to catch up with the rest of the world. Purchasing even one of your satilites would most likely bankrupt us.
That is not entirely true, our satilites are affordable and easily mantained, but we still understand that you have invested much in your own productions, should you ever decide that Nuclear isn't enough for the Great Nation of Blood Moon Goblins, then get in contact with us and we will work out an agreement. Because after all a Satilite system capable of destroying a single moving target the size of a tank, is extremely Tactical.

We will consider your offer in a few years, since we now wont have to contribute quite so much to our nuclear program.
Keep us in mind.

Actually, I do have a breed like that. Instead of uping my tech, I'm expanding my breeds. I have gone beyond the origanal M:TG Slivers. The first one off the line is known as a Reactor Sliver. A reactor Sliver holds a lot of energy in its body, up to 40 gigatons. It can be of any energy type. It can convert any one enrgy type to another within its body, providing it has stored both types for at least a week. Their favored energy store is Æther. Æther is highly radioavtive, and persists naturally on the worlds of Riptide and Mirroden, which my slivers control, as a result, they are immune to Radioactivity. When you shoot a Reactor Sliver, it doesn't die, it blows up, with the force of however much energy it has in its body. Reactor Slivers Glow with the energy stored in their bodies. The other breeds use the energy inn a Reactor Sliver to use more abilities, or at the very least, extend or heighten their original.

OOC: I'm gonna go with that. You don't mind if I have a crosbreeding program with your queen so I can get them, or something along those lines to explain it IC. I finally got tired of humans, and slivers seemed like a good idea so I said to myself "I'm gonna have me some slivers"(yes I actually said that.). I think that slivers are a great idea, we should team up, we're natural al;lies and our troops would make each other stronger, it'd rock. Sorry about jackin your thread BMG, after this I'll deal with it somewhere else.

Telegram me, I'll see what I can do. I have Slivers modified for NS. The Rent a Sliver link in my Sig explains the breeds I took from M:TG. I have to update it to include the elemental Slivers. Plus, mine worship an IC god I created out of wholecloth based on a book I'm writing.

OOC:
Would you please go somewhere else to talk about slivers...please?

OOC:
Would you please go somewhere else to talk about slivers...please?

OOC: I told you I would, and I have, we're discussing this through tg now.

Dr. Violet was reading through the intelligence briefing on yet another terrible heart draining day. Suddenly he came upon more information about Blood Moon Goblins. "Damnit," he thought to himself. They had managed to set off a nuclear weapon without any aid, they still needed rockets though. Well there was still a chance. A new message was to be sent out in the same long flowing handwriting.

To Blood Moon Golbins
To Whom it May Concern

We would like to congratulate you on a successful nuclear weapons test. This is an incredible feat and shows that you are truly a great nation. However, it seems you still lack propulsion systems that would be used to get these wonderful weapons to the places where they can do the most damage. This is where we can help you. We are willing to give you a few surplus engines for use in tests and research. Along with this we are willing to train your alchemists in more advanced nuclear science. We are willing to do all of this for free, in the hopes of creating a stronger bond between our nations. However, we would need to send in our own guards to help safeguard our assets in the area. They would of course be willing to guard your facilities also. We hope that we can work towards a better future.

Sincerely
Dr. Violet

We would be happy to accept your offer of aid, but we assure you that our weapons sites are quite well guarded, at least against anybody that will attempt to attack them.
Your sciensists and engines are very welcome though, we can provide housing in the Waste near a town where you can obtain anything you might need.

From the Desk of Leet Alexander Squeebog. Minister of Weapons

HEYO! You moonies wouldn't wanna run off on a nuke program and leave us out of the helping mix.....oh my is that a chicken? Nevermind. Any which way we've decided to go ahead and help your small greenish selves out. We can give you a few scientists and several thousand Asiatic chickens. The chickens being as big as you I figger you could train them to press the right buttons are some old thing. And the scientists could help you blow everything to hell.......in tests of course. Man that chicken is scary. Oh and we'll let you have a camel to help drag small warheads with. That was a good camel ta. PORN! Sorry I need to stop looking at things while typing this up. Oh dear lord. How did she get her legs behind her head? Sorry. Rightio........have fun with all this and the like that we'll be sending you and don't kill too many people. Aight Squees? Gut. Bye.

Sincerely,
Bollocks I forgot my name.

OOC: Assuming you're still up and about oh small Bloody one.