NationStates Jolt Archive


An Ambassador responds to letter from Krioval

Sidestreamer
28-04-2005, 11:43
(OOC: This was originally intended as a response to a thread in the UN forum but since it has been locked for extraneous reasons (namely, the resolution being discussed was illegal), I'm starting it here instead.)

Welsh, while I can empathize with the difficulty that is inherent in being a self-loathing closet homosexual, as evidenced by your constant applications to lead a 'diplomatic delegation' to Torokara, I cannot forsake honor and truth by allowing myself to be manipulated into such a relationship with you. I already have enough men who would willingly give themselves to me at a moment's notice as it is. And please stop calling. The time difference between Sidestreamer and Krioval is eight hours, and I cannot keep taking time out of my busy day to listen to you cry yourself to sleep every night. Just admit that you like guys, and get on with life.

Lord Raijin Dekker, the Light
Commander and High Paladin of Krioval
-----------------
"Oops," Raijin said, looking down at the communications console. "Looks like I hit 'send to all'. Well, the media should be getting this in about twenty seconds. For the best, probably." Considering his options, the Commander then brought up a file, hit 'attach', and sent a big-head caricature of Welsh with a speech bubble containing a rather explicit 'love letter' to the Kriovalian.

"Hey, Raijin, what's going on up here?"

"Ah, High Priest Koro. I just committed an evil act." The Commander showed his handiwork to the younger man.

"All can be forgiven," Koro said in mock-seriousness before dissolving into a fit of giggles.

Upon catching the communication on a radio broadcast from the Altogether, Welsh, livid in embarrassment, contacts Emperor Maximus IV to express his frustrations, requesting a meeting. Maximus IV accepts. 10 minutes later, at the Emperor's Office in the Shrine of the Altogether:

Welsh: Emperor I have an important matter to discuss with you.
Maximus IV: Ah yes Welsh, I've been expecting you. How's your... significant other (chuckles)
Welsh: (visibly agitated) Emperor, I don't consider this a humorous matter.
Maximus IV: Well I'll say the situation is a tad... QUEER! (laughing)
Welsh: Do you think it is funny when your diplomats are slandered?
Maximus IV: I must say Welsh, that was pretty... BWAHAHAH... Funny! Must say I got my laughs today!
Welsh: I don't have time for this!
Maximus IV: Oh lighten up, Welsh! These accusations don't stick, you know?
Welsh: I would rather be called a rapist! Nothing I can imagine is more insulting than to be called a deviant! We need to set Raijin straight and let him and others like him know that we will not tolerate these slanders!
Maximus IV: (frowns in thought... snickers and grins after a moment) Where's that intern who who we caught photo-mocking all that dog crap on the Virgin Mary at the archive room the other day? You know who I'm talking about?
Welsh: No.
Maximus IV: Could have been Phiniculus... either way, I'm sure he can do wonders with a photo of an aroused horse and Raijin's shrew of a wife... (snickers). It would be rather childish and sinful, yes, but SIM's propaganda division has been rather bored lately. If you insist--
Welsh: (Startled.) What kind of perverted fool would try that?
Maximus IV: You're the one here saying we need to do something about this! I'm just thinking...
Welsh: (passionately) What I want is Raijin's head and heart on a platter, shredded and fed to the paupers! I want a declaration of war! No one insults my honor and lives!
Maximus IV: (Shakes head)... That's enough. I'm rather busy.
Welsh: How would you like it if someone fabricated "evidence" against you making you look like a deviant?
Maximus IV: I'd smooch yooou pootie pie!
Welsh: (visibly angered, Welsh walks away.)

Office aide Langhimas enters after listing over

Maximus IV: That guy has some kind of problem, I tell you. He forgets how easy he can dismiss such claims...
Langimas: Excuse me?
Maximus IV: I said Welsh has problems. I assume you were listening in on this?
Langimas: Actually I was just wanting to tell you that we came across this photo of some guy doing some rather... innapropriate actions on a box turtle.
Maximus IV: And why should I be--(Langimas shows photo)...(Maximus IV grunts, faces scowls) Is that Raijin?
Krioval
28-04-2005, 18:31
OOC: Tag - let's keep this within the bounds of civility, though - or at least try. :D