NationStates Jolt Archive

Welcome to the Intergalactic Ship Wash!

Is your ship dirty? Does the grit and grime weigh more than the ship itself? Is that AI stil bugging you about it? Come to the ISW!

We do our best to make sure your ships, from fighters to Uber OMGZor worldships of Death!!111!!! are kept sparkling. A clean ship, is an happy ship... no more nagging AI units!

And, for our opening offer, on all ships 3 KM and over, the first KM is free!



The first stage in the cleaning process is:
Demagnetization - Get rid of all the magnetic particles your ship has attracted, and have been slowing you down during reentry!

The second Step is:
Power Plasma Wash - We mend the scratches and bumps caused by everyday battles and intergalactic civil wars!

Third:
Alternating beam rinse - Polarized beams destroy any matter still left on your vessel!

Fourth and final!:
Superstructure Stress Wash - Dissapate the annoying groans of aging metals and decaying alloys.



Don't forget to take home Siesatia's Spray on Armor, useful for all your everyday energy dissapation needs!

Umm, wouldnt removing all the matter on your ship be a BAD thing? Ya know, check me if im wrong, but I think ships are made of matter, lol.

Yes, I have an entire wing of my fleet, 40 ships ready to be washed and cleaned from all the debris left over from the war against the Suchae. Dont forget to change the oil and the window wipers while cleaning them.

No problem, your designated wash site is in orbit around sol, estimated time to completion: 3 hours.

Price: 1.7 million

From: Carl Tanner, Managing Director of BMM Ore Mining Division
To: Siesatian Intergalactic Ship Washing Company
Re: Inquiry Regarding Ship Washing Services

To whomever it may concern,

Here at Bretonia Mining and Manufacturing PLC, we maintain a stringent health and safety regime for all of our staff, regardless of what any recent investigations may have stated. As a Crown company, we like to think that we are a shining beacon for all other companies in Bretonia to follow.

Our uranium mining and hazardous materials research operations in the Leeds system mostly take place in the asteroid belts of that system, which are highly radioactive and filled with various toxic substances which can pose serious risks to their pilots once they have landed.
Indeed, our legal department is constantly crippled by claims that workers literally watched their entire arm dissolve just from touching the hull of their cargo movers after landing. We have attempted to rectify the situation with cleaning procedures of our own, though they are not as comprehensive as yours, and we are now receiving even more legal cases based on workers nearly killing themselves with the cleaning equipment we have provided.

It is with this in mind that I am inquiring on behalf of BMM PLC as to the possibility of you setting up a branch in the Leeds system for frequent use by BMM shipping, and what the terms of such an agreement might be.

I look forward to your, hopefully positive, response.

Sincerely,

Carl Tanner

Managing Director of BMM Ore Mining Division,
Bretonia Mining & Manufacturing PLC

Dying Camels has a large number of ships in need of such cleaning.
One 15 KM ship
Eight 5 KM ships
Twenty 2 KM ships
Eighty 1 KM ships
One hundred and sixty 0.5 KM ships
Two thousand, eight hundred 20 meter ships

Is there some sort of group rate we could work out?

Dear Carwash Dude:

Hello, This is Admiral Willing, I have a 12km battleship that is a bit slimy from fighting organic warships. I wish to have it cleaned. How much will this cost me?

From: Carl Tanner, Managing Director of BMM Ore Mining Division
To: Siesatian Intergalactic Ship Washing Company
Re: Inquiry Regarding Ship Washing Services

To whomever it may concern,

Here at Bretonia Mining and Manufacturing PLC, we maintain a stringent health and safety regime for all of our staff, regardless of what any recent investigations may have stated. As a Crown company, we like to think that we are a shining beacon for all other companies in Bretonia to follow.

Our uranium mining and hazardous materials research operations in the Leeds system mostly take place in the asteroid belts of that system, which are highly radioactive and filled with various toxic substances which can pose serious risks to their pilots once they have landed.
Indeed, our legal department is constantly crippled by claims that workers literally watched their entire arm dissolve just from touching the hull of their cargo movers after landing. We have attempted to rectify the situation with cleaning procedures of our own, though they are not as comprehensive as yours, and we are now receiving even more legal cases based on workers nearly killing themselves with the cleaning equipment we have provided.

It is with this in mind that I am inquiring on behalf of BMM PLC as to the possibility of you setting up a branch in the Leeds system for frequent use by BMM shipping, and what the terms of such an agreement might be.

I look forward to your, hopefully positive, response.

Sincerely,

Carl Tanner

Managing Director of BMM Ore Mining Division,
Bretonia Mining & Manufacturing PLC


To Bretonia Mining
From: Shipwash Inc

We would be glad to offer our assistance at a comparable low cost and high efficiency. Radiation would take an hour per KM of ship to dissapate. How many ships would need the treatment, and on what intervals?

Our price will be determined on the severity of radiation, and size of ship.

Dying Camels has a large number of ships in need of such cleaning.
One 15 KM ship
Eight 5 KM ships
Twenty 2 KM ships
Eighty 1 KM ships
One hundred and sixty 0.5 KM ships
Two thousand, eight hundred 20 meter ships

Is there some sort of group rate we could work out?

For many ships, we can charge 1 million per 1KM + and 200,000 per -1KM

Dear Carwash Dude:

Hello, This is Admiral Willing, I have a 12km battleship that is a bit slimy from fighting organic warships. I wish to have it cleaned. How much will this cost me?
Dear Space Captain Dude:

Our price for organic residue removal would be 3 million, including the stain remover.

For many ships, we can charge 1 million per 1KM + and 200,000 per -1KM
There are 351 KM there.
That's 351 million? In what form would you like the money?
We can pay in Uranium, any precious stones, and any basic terran metal. We could also pay in credits or terran "dollars"
~ The Camelhand

There are 351 KM there.
That's 351 million? In what form would you like the money?
We can pay in Uranium, any precious stones, and any basic terran metal. We could also pay in credits or terran "dollars"
~ The Camelhand

Hard assets are always accepted, we would accept precious stones in the equivilent of 351 million Terran dollars.

To Bretonia Mining
From: Shipwash Inc

We would be glad to offer our assistance at a comparable low cost and high efficiency. Radiation would take an hour per KM of ship to dissapate. How many ships would need the treatment, and on what intervals?

Our price will be determined on the severity of radiation, and size of ship.

Thank you for your prompt response.

Shipping schedules change from week to week to accomodate fluctuating demand for our products. On average you would be servicing five heavy cargo trains four times per day, and twenty ore mining vessels twice per day. Ore miners vary in size from 120 metres to 350 metres, whilst BMM's current generation of heavy cargo trains are 1.2 kilometres long.

Sincerely,

Carl Tanner

Managing Director of BMM Ore Mining Division,
Bretonia Mining & Manufacturing PLC

Hard assets are always accepted, we would accept precious stones in the equivilent of 351 million Terran dollars.
How about rubies? Would those be acceptable?
If so, each ship will be carrying the appropriate number of rubies, and they will be transferred off as they are cleaned.

If these ships should begin to malfunction immediately after, or we detect any foreign objects...
Let's just say you don't want to do that.

~The Camelhand

Thank you for your prompt response.

Shipping schedules change from week to week to accomodate fluctuating demand for our products. On average you would be servicing five heavy cargo trains four times per day, and twenty ore mining vessels twice per day. Ore miners vary in size from 120 metres to 350 metres, whilst BMM's current generation of heavy cargo trains are 1.2 kilometres long.

Sincerely,

Carl Tanner

Managing Director of BMM Ore Mining Division,
Bretonia Mining & Manufacturing PLC
These terms are acceptable, we will move a cleansing station into the appropriate area along this route to expidite this process.

How about rubies? Would those be acceptable?
If so, each ship will be carrying the appropriate number of rubies, and they will be transferred off as they are cleaned.

If these ships should begin to malfunction immediately after, or we detect any foreign objects...
Let's just say you don't want to do that.

~The Camelhand


We are a legitamate buissiness, any complaints can be handled through the Siesatian Intergalactic Consumer Board.

Rubies are acceptable, they will be weighed, and studied for purity upon excange.

As it stands the PSN Hell's Fury the largeest ship in the Phalanix Space Forces has recently begun to build up a large amount of organic matter and other planetary remains after several firings of it's Hell Fire Cannon. As the ship is 18.5km long and has built up several meters work of "crap" Where and how much would the cleaning be?

These terms are acceptable, we will move a cleansing station into the appropriate area along this route to expidite this process.

Excellent! I have attached coordinates on this message as to the most efficient location; although there are multiple shipping routes, most cross over a central point which would be ideal.

As to the cost, a form of direct debit would likely be more efficient than a pay-by-ship system; simply take your monthly (or weekly, however you prefer) charges from our bank, as will be arranged by our accounts department.

If have any need for assistance to set up your station, do not hesitate to call upon the Manufacturing Division of BMM, who will assist free-of-charge, after I have told them to do so anyway.

It has been a pleasure doing business with you, and I hope that our companies can continue to do business for the foreseeable future.

Sincerely,

Carl Tanner

Managing Director of BMM Ore Mining Division,
Bretonia Mining & Manufacturing PLC

As it stands the PSN Hell's Fury the largeest ship in the Phalanix Space Forces has recently begun to build up a large amount of organic matter and other planetary remains after several firings of it's Hell Fire Cannon. As the ship is 18.5km long and has built up several meters work of "crap" Where and how much would the cleaning be?

Several metres would require extensive plasma blasting. Which would need time to cool. It would take a day or so, to finish that, at a cost of 36 million.

We are a legitamate buissiness, any complaints can be handled through the Siesatian Intergalactic Consumer Board.

Rubies are acceptable, they will be weighed, and studied for purity upon excange.
Thank you. Though it is my job to be mistrusting and threatening, I do not enjoy it.
Where shall our ships be sent for cleaning?

The price sounds fair enough. Please state the location of the cleaning station and posibly after each of our rebelion crushing campaigns we may hve to arange a visit to your cleaning centers.

We have a station in orbit around Earth, and a station around Mars, pick whichever is easyer, or we can supply the coords for another one outside the Sol System

We would prefer one outside of Sol due to the fact that to preform a space fold to the Sol system the cost numbers in the low billions. The closer to her home port of Epsilion Eridian the better.

We could send a Crew over to accomplish the task at your system, with only a small surcharge. We don't have a station in the epsilon area, although it may be a good place to set one up.

Though the crew would have to go through extreme security checks (Yes we are that paranoid about our military HQ) to enter the system we don't see a problem. Though once they have passed the security checks they can enter the system up to the 5th planet on a regular basis. Please state when you wil arive so that we may lower the FLTi feilds around the outer planets for you.