NationStates Jolt Archive

Welcome to 'How to Properly Be a n00b', a guide on how to become arrogant, idiotic, and be out of realistic proportions! This guide will start your first paths towards idiocy, and the annoyance of others. Read this carefully, and study hard. If you understand, it's quite easy to screw other people's threads over.
Here are some vital tips on being a n00b:

1. N00b and Newbie is different. Newbie is someone new, but not stupid. A n00b is someone new and stupid. Someone who has been around long enough and is annoying is just annoying.

2. Use lots of smilies in content in very serious RPs. This will make it look less important, and therefore make people want to RP with you less. Remember, you're job is to screw people over.

3. Threaten the World over and over again, most perferably the UN, and for best results, do it alone. This will waste bandwidth, and piss the people off when the find out that because of your idiotic rants, they won't be able to go on the forums due to technical errors.

4. Ignore people who don't agree with you. People who don't think like you think rationally, a word you're NOT supposed to be familiar with. Remember, you're a n00b!

5. Godmode all the time! This is really easy. When someone's not looking, bam! Godmode them and call them a skank if they say you're godmoding. You're only supposed to godmode, not admit it.

6. Have armies larger than your population. This lets people know that you're a complete n00b, and make sure you've got things that are entirely out of realism. Is Pizza Delivery your best asset? Then say you're the world's leading Arms Manufacturer and that you have a 1 billion man army!

7. Spell things inkorrectly becuse speling is 4 propr rpers. This way, people will know you have spelling problems, and if you don't, then its not too late!

8. Piss people off for no apparent reason. When they're having an important RP, smack them in the face with a plate full of n00biness. That way, they'll know you mean business.

9. Always use LOL!!1 and make lots of mistakes. Fire nukes all the time and never, ever take a loss!

10. Take over other people's things for them! Say what happened to them, giving them no respond whatsoever, and even better, say your enemy's (or ally's if you want to take it that far) forces are obliterated by an invincible guy!

11. Get there instantly, without any explanation. Who wants to explain when you can just deny their 'logic'?

12. Fuss alot and put anyone who doesn't like your Role Playing on your ignore list forever! That way, yo'll never have to stick up with their realism again.

13. Complain about them cheating. If you lose at something, it's not because they have more 'experience' or is more 'skilled', but it's because they cheat! Call them cheaters!

14. Try and control all the aspects in an RP thread without ever actually setting rules in any of your posts!

15. Remember, making a flame thread is a great way to bother people and to get your ass banned!

16. Remember that in a war, your troops can relocate in only a single post! Only for you, though, because of you're n00bness!

17. Become angry in-content for something someone out of content said to you! Remember you're a n00b, proper etiquette is something you shouldn't be familiar with!

18. Hate Past tech? Hate Star Wars? Then you don't have to play by the rules! If you want to join, then join and play with whatever tech you want! Playing a roman empire rp? Then use giant lasers to kick roman ass! Playing Babylon 5? Then use Jedi! Remember, you're a n00b, so you think rules are for losers!

19. N00bs have a special vision. They see things different on their monitor/tv screen/psychic powers/bathtub. When they 'Closed', they see actually see 'We want you to join and screw us up', the invitation is not a problem! Learn to prefect this vision!

20. Someone selling a storefront? No action, right? That's right! Stir is up by nuking it! It'll get the party going!

Note Some side effects of following these directions may include Getting ganged up on, Getting ignored, Getting Warned by the Moderators, Getting Deleted by the Moderators, Getting spammed telegram-style and getting yelled at!

Remember, you're the n00b, so have fun ruining other people's experience with your lack of equity! Have fun!

Thanks to Laskon for tips 14-16. And imported_illior for tips 19 and 20.

OOC: No doubt this is a Humor thread, and I've gathered the things most godmoders and n00bs would do. If this offends anyone, then I'm sorry. I used to do quite a number on that list as well. If there is anymore I should add-on, then please tell me so I can do so.

Oh man that list just about covers all the bases of the n00b. Great work man. And Also I can say for my self I to did some of those things listed.

omg im so pissd of how coud u insolt mee lik that i will fier 20 billon nooks at u righte noww!!!11!!1!1

Very entertaining. Good job.

Thanks. I was waiting for someone else to write it, but then I got bored and decided to do it myself.

14. Try and control all the aspects in an RP thread without ever actually setting rules in any of your posts!

15. Remember, making a flame thread is a great way to bother people and to get your ass banned!

16. Remember that in a war, your troops can relocate in only a single post! Only for you, though, because of you're n00bness!


Hope that helped, otherwise I might have to B34T J0 4$$! :mp5: :mp5: :mp5:

I wish I had 1 million dollars, because you earned it. This thread is awsome.

j00 sux0r 1 will n00x0r t3h world lololol!!11!1oneoneeleven!1

That is, quite definately, a n00b staple.

Haha, awesome, Jenrak. I loved it. :)

Another thing to remember is to declare war on someone, nuke them and when they ignore you ignore their ignore! Gets 'em every time.

Very entertaining.

But you forgot to add:

Get angry IC for OOC activity

How many times have we read some poorly-spelled post about how some n00b is attacking (fill in any other nation name here) because of an OOC post made on another forum (or IRC)?


TEO

bump

bump

It's... It's beautiful

Now... You forgot using "all-tech" and "Post-Future Tech"
Having cyborgs with lasers fighting alongside men with crossbows is a staple of the n00b.
And always be farther along technologically then your opponent.

:) This thread is so freaking awsome :) i mean nation states is cool to because of the smiles :sniper: come on you know thats awsome....btw....Steam sucks and you should all quit...and i declare war on all of you...i have a population of 1 trillion so shove it...i can kill every single one of you with my super sonic time ditlated laser beam acid eating mobile fortress planet destoryer...so OHHH


(( And yes...im not serious ))

bump

Learn from Commando, he is our number one n00b, his reputation was so bad that no forum wants him especially jolt's.

*Writes this stuff down for future reference.*

Failed parody.

Why? Because this just proves all the stereotypes currently floating around in International Incidents. You know, this thread is so bad I can write volumes about it in some horrible blog nobody reads so I'll do it here, and I'll summarize why this thread's so bad.

First of all, the stereotype n00b you have described isn't a typical n00b. Most of these accounts are gimmicks by old players who left or banned players to annoy us. A real n00b just writes bad threads with lots of godmodding. Hell, it doesn't take a scientific analysis to figure out that this:
Example post #1
:sniper: :sniper: :sniper: DIE FUCKAZ!!!111
Is obviously fake. Fake I say? Yes, because these people aren't roleplayers. They're just provoking a reaction, and a reaction is what they get by starting such a thread like this. They crave attention, and I bet they wet their pants whenever we get a "DONT FEED THE NOOBS" thread posting by some angry II user. I understand people dislike them, but vote a thread 0 and move on. Threads like this parody or satire are not parody, comedy or satire. This is drama.

But what makes this thread so damn bad?

Simple questions demand simple answers. The image created by our esteemed satirist who wrote this thread doesn't know what a true n00b is. Examples are legion, but in case you don't know, let me give you a truly obnoxious one.
Example post #2
n00b 1: we declare war on nation A. hes in our region and we hate him thats why we attack him.
Example post #3
Player 1: Why attack him? (in a nice diplomatic outfit)
Example post #4
n00b 1: becuz hes an idiot and we hate him he violated our waters. ooc he kicked me at school lol im being bullied by him daily :(
Example post #5
Player 1: OOC: You cannt declare war because of OOC reasons because blah blah blah
Example post #5
n00b 1: stfu i can post whatever i want k im fighting ic i bomb his capital.And now you are asking, what is exactly the difference? The difference between this n00b and the randomly spamming gimmick is that number two has a clear intention of starting a roleplay, regardless of the (unwritten) rules of NationStates. The first doesn't have it, merely anger us and to spam the boards. Being a n00b doesn't mean you've registered in 2005. I know plenty of players from 2003, 2004 and even 2002 who know nothing when it comes to roleplaying.

Don't follow the obvious stereotypes, and boycott threads like these the attention seeking n00bs love to see.

good thread,does this belong in international incidents

Holy Panooly, you have a point, but you don't seem to realise that even deliberate bad RPing to gain a response is still RPing. Sure, it will never get very far, and it will probably be ignored by just about every decent RPer who reads it, but it is by definition RPing. In the same way, a fake Rolex watch (par exemple) is still a watch, even if it is not actually of the quality manufacturer it claims to be made by.

But I have to agree that while an entertaining read, this thread may well be glamourising n00bishness for the n00bs who read it.

another good one... join in threads that say closed or don't involve you... declare war in a storefront... and say you have some weapon from a storefront that you never bought....

Holy Panooly, this is for fun. Like RPing. If you're gonna complain about my apporach to texted (I doubt that's a word, and if it is, don't prove me wrong) comedy, why waste your talking about how unfunny it is and actually use your infinite wisdom by helping New Role Players get better. Yes, some will find this amusing, some won't, but not everyone is the same. Or else we'd all be seeing 'I genocide thes guys!' threads everyone.

Oh wait, we already do. Never mind.

Tips on how to be a complete and utter ass I think they call it a N00B:

1. Say shit randomly that makes no sense in the RP. Example: Ancient RP thread Romans versus Celts your Romans. "My Flying unicorn prances in the meadow while crazy little elves run around crying and screaming over who gets to fuck Sleeping Beauty when she bites the apple." Remember your a n00b anything goes.

2. RP that an unbeatable flying skeleton with skin walked 7 miles to eat and apple that would make him powerful enough to fly. > This made no sense what-so-ever but that's exactly the point don't listen to the rules.

3. Your a n00b so repeatedly curse out the moderators and make threads on how gay they are untill u get deleted. After your deleted just to be an ass create a new country with a different e-mail address and curse them out again untill they declare war and kik your ass. Hey your a n00b.

4. on a serious RP repetively make OOC posts like "Dude i just layed a wet fart." YOUR A n00B.

5. Be such an ass that you RP in a closed RP that your no even in.

6. Say the Hulk,Spider-Man,Captain America,Batman,All of the freaky ass X-Men.and the WWE are in your army just so you can kick ass. And hey to spice it up throw in the Fantastic 4 because "It's Clobberin Time!!!!!"

7. Repetively make bullshit threads such as an all-time classic. WAR!1111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thread where you declare war on everyone.

8. Continuously make one-line posts that ticks everyone off.

9. Make a thread on "How To Be A N00b."

10. Scream constently I'M NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE BITCH. just because you know how to type it.

11. Say that Piper,Preu,Paige,and Phoebe the 4 Charmed witches from CHARMED did a spell from the book of shadows to make you invincible.

12. Type randomly dumb letters and numbers like this: dosuigfasvuioyrq89t7g3589567bnrenhhyunioybl ,jkdkhkgjybilgyufndl.

13. Make a Finding Nemo RP.


This concludes my list. 689b6990u890bnb dtlhnvfxl

13. Make a Finding Nemo RP

omg..i could have SWORN I seen that very same thread on here. I don't know when exactly, but I am almost POSITIVE it exists/ed.

"9. Make a thread on "How To Be A N00b."

That's kinda a burn. Its basically telling us what not to do and having fun over people that never changed. It's just harmless fun.

13. Make a Finding Nemo RP

omg..i could have SWORN I seen that very same thread on here. I don't know when exactly, but I am almost POSITIVE it exists/ed.

"9. Make a thread on "How To Be A N00b."

That's kinda a burn. Its basically telling us what not to do and having fun over people that never changed. It's just harmless fun.

hahahahahaha and no I meant an actual thread telling people to act like a noob this is humor what i meant wa non humor

Hehe this is priceless. Nice one Jenrak.

hahahahahaha and no I meant an actual thread telling people to act like a noob this is humor what i meant wa non humor


Come to think of it I have had a kinda a few n00b ideas of myself that I want to do, but it seems unlikely to have the right music for it.

Since Kjata is evil and all, the people are desperate, mad, crazy, and all other things. One of my general concept ideas, was basically a punk rocker type. Dressed in black and had spiked collar and jacket. My original idea was to call him General 'Blitz' Krieg. His standard forces were totally psychological warfare equipped. Blasting death metal and other chaotic songs.

Very fast and tons of ammo equipped speedy cars and tanks. With loud speakers blasting the music all across the battlefield. It would whip his troops into a frenzy and drown out commands of the enemy, not to mention confusing the heck out of them when they are encircled.

Was kinda a n00b idea, but I am still working the kinks out of it. You need to do this kinda thing on IRC. Have a midi or something streaming across so you can play with a little more fun.

Now no one should go out and create a group of crazy generals or one's that like blasting death metal or an anthem for a main thing...it's just kinda stupid unless there is no doubt you WILL win. :P

9. Make a thread on "How To Be A N00b."

14. Aid in that thread despite the fact that you obviously know that such a person is a n00b to have made that thread. Burn!

lol just kidding...

...and thx Ageaol.

15. Have an army of Robotic Flying Monkeys with Giant Schlongs

15. Have an army of Robotic Flying Monkeys with Giant Schlongs

...that shoot Lightsabers.

Damn Straight Jenrak they shoot lightsabers and give birth to Stormtroopers.

I'm gunna wip out sumthin n00bish and no it's not the giant robotic monkey schlong it's a link to an RP i made and I'm not getting any one except Vietnamexico and Jenrak your a saint to sign up so check it and either sign up or leave a comment please http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=437017&page=1&pp=15

Okay I'll comment in it.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=437121
Greatest Zelda Thread Ever!! (OOC Sign up)

Noob thread AGAIN! Oh man....does this count as #15. Making noob Zelda threads?

I don't get it.

Hey I made that thread. I threw in the greatest and exclamation marks to attract attention, and if I could start it off It would be quite good.

Hey I made that thread. I threw in the greatest and exclamation marks to attract attention, and if I could start it off It would be quite good.


I still doubt that you, alone will beat everything, kill everyone and make them wait their turn to fight you and LOSE, is anything above n00bness. Now if you could do something like rape Zelda, and produce evil Gannon/Zelda magic monsters and rip the flesh from Link's bones and then destroy the land and become the evil overlord...ok! Though since you put that you WILL win and how you have asked for things not to be complex so you could do it faster....well....it means you will have all the fun and the rest will watch on their butts.

I never said once that Link would beat every one for certain, and I was looking for comments. Anything can happen in it, as far as I am concerned.

well there are limited characters, if you can think of other tell me. Also Im willling to let Link die at one stage (Because, If you know Zelda then you know that some how he failed/did not appear because the gods flooded the land)

I dont mind what happens. I want anything possible.

K sure.

Heh heh. With a little modification, those rules could be applied to RP message boards and MUXes everywhere. And maybe even to Fanfiction.net, come to think of it...

I dont mind what happens. I want anything possible.


Then you don't want me to be a boss, I'd fix Link permanently. Though....talking to me about being evil is like talking to the devil on how to be bad. You just have a knack for it. Since this is not the how to be a proper villian thread, I guess I'll stop.

I suppose you could be a boss, kill Link, and then rebell against Gannon, and fight a 3 way war against the Hyrule king too....

What is going on?

Great... now you are encouraging this behavior.

Yeah that happens sometimes.

post on me thread please http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread...17&page=1&pp=15

what?

what?

I want people to sign up on my RP the link is up there

The only problem i find here is the part about wasting bandwidth we experienced rpers don’t like the fact that we have to wait hours for the damn forum to clear up because people are posting stupid n00b play threads.

I frankly don’t like the fact that semi experienced players are running around posting stupidity to waste bandwidth that max berry has to pay for. That’s my 2 cents..

TFU that's ironic because I have just found 4 cents in my pocket

The only problem i find here is the part about wasting bandwidth we experienced rpers don’t like the fact that we have to wait hours for the damn forum to clear up because people are posting stupid n00b play threads.

I frankly don’t like the fact that semi experienced players are running around posting stupidity to waste bandwidth that max berry has to pay for. That’s my 2 cents..
Aww, you're just annoyed that several of these methods apply to you... ;)

Zactarn Prime might wanna change that link.

Aww, you're just annoyed that several of these methods apply to you... ;)

Burn big time ouch. hahahahhaha :D hehehehe die die die die :gundge:

MWUHAHAHAHA I'm bored. http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=437017&page=1

Are there enough star wars fan to fill those roles? In the WORLD!?

Otagia .. that was un called for i will not respond to such an insult with another insult so if your excepting me to take your flame bait, you have failed.

He was only kidding man.....

Are there enough star wars fan to fill those roles? In the WORLD!?

1 everyone can pick 2 people.

2 not all the characters have to be filled just most.

3 yes SW episode 3 sold sumthin like 127 Million at the box office on it's first week

id like him to say that to me thank you ...

Joke Zactarn Prime, a joke.

I am going to find this forum to be very amusing!

Joke Zactarn Prime, a joke.

dude I no I'm not TFU

Sorry I didn't quite do all those before I actually grew up. I shall have to create a new nation just to go through the checklist again.

Have fun Syawla.

god i'm bored and no one posted on my thread

Its hard to gain people for character RP's.

Its hard to gain people for character RP's.

yes and it bites ass to

Have a catchy name. Works all the time.

Rule Pi: When caught at one of the othere, spam the number one in an MSN conversation and insult your accuser.


Also, joke of the day:

It has just been mathematically proven that no matter what the circumstances, the distance between your mother and any given person is 50 cents.

Have a catchy name. Works all the time.

I have a catchy name it's basically recreating star wars and everyone is gunna jump in well at least they should it'sa good idea.

I plan on making an RP called Star Tours based in a parody of the Star Wars universe.

I plan on making an RP called Star Tours based in a parody of the Star Wars universe.
kewl mine is Star Wars Alternate History

kewl mine is Star Wars Alternate History

Saw it, looked at it, got bored, ignored it. No offense, but that's a massive character list, I don't have the patience for that.

Saw it, looked at it, got bored, ignored it. No offense, but that's a massive character list, I don't have the patience for that.

NOT ALL THE CHARACTERS HAVE TO BE FILED I'M SAYING LIKE 5 DONT HAVE TO BE RP'ED.

NOT ALL THE CHARACTERS HAVE TO BE FILED I'M SAYING LIKE 5 DONT HAVE TO BE RP'ED.


Dude, chill, I still don't have the patience for that, get much over 5 people and I just wander off.

another good one... join in threads that say closed or don't involve you... declare war in a storefront... and say you have some weapon from a storefront that you never bought....
you forgot me!

Want your stuff? Fine I'll post it....argh...you do make a good point though.

H3Y!!!!!!111oneoneoneshiftone 1'm d4 p3rf3ct n00b!

I have another sign up thread but this one is almost filled. http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=9425057#post9425057